Chapter 45: Dumb Boy, Part II

January 1981, Cincinnati, Ohio

Becky took my hand, led me from the dance floor, and walked us silently to the elevator. She pressed the button for the ninth floor and the doors closed. Alone in the elevator, Becky crushed her body against mine and we kissed hard, our tongues engaged in a duel for supremacy, our hands roaming over each other’s backs and butts.

The bell rang, and the door opened on the ninth floor and we barely disengaged to walk down to my room. I unlocked the door and pulled Becky inside. The door had barely clicked shut behind me before we were pawing at each other’s clothing, unbuttoning, unzipping, and unhooking until we were naked. I had just enough clarity of thought to take my rubbers from my pocket.

I yanked down the bedspread, blanket, and sheet in one motion and pushed Becky onto the bed. I took a second to admire the changes to her body, her larger breasts, her wider hips and the thicker black pubic hair. She was no longer just cute, but pretty and sexy. She spread her legs, and I saw that she hadn’t been kidding about being dripping wet. I ripped open the condom package and rolled the rubber onto my rock-hard dick. I got between Becky’s legs, positioned myself, and slammed into her with every ounce of strength I had.

Becky groaned at the force of the thrust and the impact of our pubic bones. She wrapped her legs around my back and we pounded each other furiously, with her demanding I fuck her harder with almost every thrust. It didn’t take long for her orgasm to make her growl and I felt her nails dig into my shoulders and her legs squeeze me tight while her nipples were trying to bore holes in my chest.

We continued frantically thrusting against each other. Our breathing was labored, and I was getting close. Becky groaned loudly as her second orgasm hit her and the spasms of her tight pussy pushed me over the edge, causing me to fill the rubber with cum. I lay still on top of her, trying to catch my breath.

“That was just what I needed,” she gasped. “And just how I remembered.”

I grasped the rubber and pulled out of her. I stripped the rubber off, wrapped it in tissue and dropped it in the trash. I got back into bed with her, next to her, but not cuddling. After about twenty minutes, Becky moved into a 69 position and we licked and sucked each other to orgasms. The rest of the night was frantic couplings followed by recovery periods until we collapsed in a sweaty heap around 4:00am.

I awoke with a start when the phone rang. It was Joe calling to tell me I was missing breakfast. I looked at the clock to see that it was just after 8:00am and if I didn’t get downstairs soon, I’d miss it completely. I jumped into the shower and quickly dressed. Becky dressed and went back to her room to shower and change clothes.

In the shower, the full impact of what I had just done had hit me. Not only had I had sex with Becky, but I’d betrayed Kara. I’d also crossed a line that Stephanie had drawn quite clearly. I’d really made a mess of things just when they were going well. I should have simply pushed Becky away when she first came up to me. I was indeed a dumb boy; a complete and total fucking idiot.

Stephanie had told Kara that when I was dumb, I could be really dumb. And I’d just proven her right beyond any shadow of doubt. I had no idea what do to, but I’d have another day to think about it. Less than fifteen minutes after the phone call, I sat down with a heavy heart to a plate of bacon, eggs, and a bagel.

“Aren’t you usually up early, Steve?” Joe asked.

“Yeah, but I didn’t sleep too well last night. Maybe it was the strange hotel room.”

He gave me a quizzical look, but didn’t press the issue. It dawned on me that he probably knew Becky hadn’t come to breakfast until I did, although she was a few minutes later than me in coming to the room.

Saturday went by in a blur. I managed to carry my share of the work for the group I was assigned to, but I was distracted by my own stupid actions. Becky didn’t say anything to me until the break for lunch. She pulled me aside.

“Last night was awesome! Are you OK?”

I sighed, “No, I’m not. I betrayed Kara. I’ve made a total mess of a relationship that I had hoped would last.”

“You don’t have to tell her! I’m not asking you to break up with her or anything at all like that. I told you, no strings, no commitments.”

“I promised her. I told her I wouldn’t do anything like this.”

She touched my arm softly, “I know, but it happened. Don’t ruin your relationship with her the way you did with Jennifer. Just don’t tell her. It’s a secret between you and me, and nobody else needs to know.”

“I’ll feel so guilty that she’ll know something happened! I’m a terrible liar.”

“That’s a good thing. But in this case, just don’t say anything. Act normal and everything will be fine.”

“No, actually, it won’t,” I sighed, turning away and walking towards the banquet hall for lunch.

I barely ate anything, my actions and thoughts causing my stomach to turn. What was I going to say to Kara? What was I going to say to Stephanie? I could ask the same questions about Jennifer and Bethany. All four of them would be angry and I’d look like the cad I actually was. They all thought I had been making real progress, learning how to be a faithful partner. I’d thrown it all away for a night of mindless, meaningless fucking.

Everything I had worked for, everything I had accomplished, was shot to hell by my inability to control myself with Becky. I had no idea what it was with her that made me act like an idiot, truly a fucking idiot. I’d done it when I’d had sex with her in May before I left for Sweden. I’d done it when I saw her at the chess meet in Milford. I’d done it again yesterday and last night. I was, as Stephanie would certainly tell me, the epitome of a dumb boy.

During the afternoon presentations, I stewed in my own thoughts. I managed to pull myself together for our group presentation, which I gave. Fortunately, my teammates answered the questions from the panel we were presenting to and we seemed to have pleased them. Mr. Yockey nodded his approval after we finished, and I went back to sit down to listen to the remaining few presentations.

Dinner, as it had the night before, had assigned seating. I didn’t know anyone at the table except one guy from Moeller High School who had been on my team earlier in the day. The conversation at the table was limited, and the girls there weren’t flirting. I was happy to be able to simply eat in relative peace, though internally I was in turmoil.

I wondered if Becky might be right. Maybe I could hide what had happened from Kara, Stephanie, and the rest. I knew I was a lousy liar, but if I put on a good outward face, I didn’t see how they could ever know. The problem with that was that the guilt would probably eat me up and over time, I’d start acting stupidly. Of course, once I confessed, everything would be thrown into total turmoil. I was basically screwed, no matter what I did.

After dinner, I decided to just head back to my room and read beacuse I didn’t feel like having company. I stretched out on the bed with All the King’s Men and my notebook and started reading. I had a hard time concentrating because my mind kept going back to what had happened and the ramifications. I had probably lost Kara and Jennifer both, and Bethany would certainly never agree to get back together. Stephanie had told me that doing this would mean she’d never make love with me. And yet, I’d done it. I tossed the book aside and simply lay on the bed, my mental anguish tearing me up inside.

There was a knock at the door and I went to open it.

“Hi, Steve,” Becky said.

“Becky, I’m not going to be good company now. Just go, please.”

“Shh. Your life isn’t over. I told you, just don’t tell anyone.”

“It’s over. My relationships with Kara, Jennifer, and Bethany are ruined,” I said.

She pushed past me into the room. I stood for a moment and shut the door, then leaned against it.

“Didn’t you tell me that if you believed something, it made it true?” Becky asked. “You’re going to convince yourself that they’re ruined when they don’t have to be.”

I walked into the room and sat on the edge of the bed.

“This has nothing to do with what I believe. I betrayed them. It’s over.”

She sat next to me and put her arm around me.

“It’ll be OK. It really will,” she said softly.

“No, it won’t,” I said, hanging my head. “It just doesn’t matter anymore.”

Becky got off the bed and stood in front of me.

“Stand up,” she said, pulling on my hands.

My resistance crushed, I stood up in total surrender. I didn’t protest when Becky removed my clothes and then hers. She pushed me onto the bed and got on top of me. She kissed me softly, grinding her body gently into mine. I was quickly erect, and Becky grabbed her purse and pulled out a box of condoms. She opened the box, tore open a packet, and rolled the latex sheath onto my dick.

“Love me, please,” she said, rolling onto her back and urging me on top of her.

I entered her, and we made slow, passionate love. Our orgasms were huge, and we repeated the motions a few more times until we were both completely spent. I fell asleep in Becky’s arms. I knew she got up at some point because I was half awake, but I fell back asleep. I awoke to the alarm that Becky must have set when she got up during the night.

“Good morning,” Becky said brightly, propping herself up on her elbow, her hand on my chest.

She was happy. I was doomed.

“No, it’s anything but good,” I said, resigned to my fate.

“I told you what to do. Just don’t say anything. Friday night, you fucked my brains out. Last night we made love all night. It was beautiful and fun. Just let it be. Everything will be fine.”

“No, it won’t. I’m not you. I can’t lie or deceive others so casually as you seem to be able to,” I said spitefully.

“Don’t get angry now. We’ve always been so good at doing this together.”

“Yes, and every time it’s ended up creating a mess in my life. This one will be worse than before. I screwed up big time. And now I have to pay the price.”

“No, you don’t!” Becky declared. “Do it my way and you’ll be fine!”

“No, I won’t,” I said with resignation. “Can you please just leave and let me be? I have to deal with this my way.”

“I’ll go, but remember, I’m always here for you if you need me,” she said lovingly and with the smile of someone who had won a fight, touching her hand to my cheek. “Always.”

“Just go, please.”

She got out of bed, got dressed, and left. I went and stood under the hot spray of a shower for a long time, scrubbing myself hard, but the guilt wouldn’t wash away. I had no idea what I was going to do, but I knew the first thing I had to do was to face my little sister. I’d reap the whirlwind of her fury, but it would be well deserved. When she calmed down, I hoped she’d help me with doing whatever I could to make things right.

I went down to breakfast and sat with Ralph and Joe. They confirmed what I already knew, that there was no way I could ever hide what happened.

“Steve,” Joe said, “what’s going on with you and that girl, Becky?”

“Nothing good, Joe, nothing good. It’s something I have to deal with and I will. Just do me a favor and don’t say anything about seeing her to any of our friends until I can talk to them. You too, Ralph. Please.”

“Sure,” Joe said, and Ralph nodded his agreement.

When the conference ended, I contemplated just going straight home rather than going to Don Joseph’s house, but decided instead that I really did need to see him because I hadn’t seen him in December. There really was no problem with Joyce about Becky, other than it falling into the general category of ‘bullshit’ that she objected to. I didn’t feel I needed to say anything to her, and if I decided to, it would be best to do it when she cooked dinner for me on Friday. By then, I’d have paid the piper for my transgressions.

As I drove to Don Joseph’s house, I did my best to get myself into a good enough mood so as not to seem out of sorts or upset. I decided that I would tell Larry tonight because I might well need some support from someone who wasn’t directly affected by my stupidity with regard to Becky. By the time I parked in the driveway, I had gotten myself to a point where I was able to act more or less normally.

“Steve, «figlio mio»!” Don Joseph greeted me.

“Hello, Don Joseph,” I said with a smile that I hoped was convincing.

“Sadly, it’s too cold to play bocce today, but please, join us in my study until that beautiful and disrespectful granddaughter of mine arrives and monopolizes your attention!” Don Joseph said with a hearty laugh.

I sat with Don Joseph and his friends, sipping Sambuca and listening to stories about the old country. Don Joseph did ask me about how the business was going and I told him about the sale we had made and the potential sales we were looking to get. He seemed happy. He reminded me that I should let him know if I needed help with college tuition.

When we heard the Abbadellis arrive, Don Joseph told me to go spend time with Joyce. I thanked him and walked out to see her. She greeted me with a tight hug and a soft kiss.

“Hi, Steve!” she said happily.

“Hi, Joyce! How are you?”

“Good, but I missed you last month. I’m glad we’re starting to have dinner again. I think it’s a good sign.”

“I want to make clear that I’m not making any assumptions about sex,” I said gently. “In fact, I’d prefer just to have dinner this Friday. We need to get reacquainted, basically. I’ve changed a lot and we have a lot to talk about.”

She laughed, “That’s fine. One step at a time is fine with me.”

Right before dinner, I pulled Larry aside and explained to him what had happened.

“Boy, when you screw up, you really actually fuck up!” Larry said angrily, shaking his head.

I winced at Larry’s rebuke, because I couldn’t remember him using ‘fuck’ in the years I’d known him.