Chapter 33: Confusion and a Clinic

November 1980, Milford, Ohio

Sunday was typical, with my phone calls, working with Beth, and my play date with Debbie. What came out of the blue, just after Beth left, was a call from Joyce. She told me that her mom had wondered why we weren’t seeing each other except at her grandfather’s house. Joyce was afraid that would get back to her grandfather and might cause problems. She wondered if I would come to dinner at their house on Saturday. That was the day before I was planning to see Don Joseph again, so I thought it made sense, but I was a bit concerned.

“Joyce, why all the effort at putting up a false front?”

“It’s just easier. And it’s not such a false front, really.”

“No? Your grandfather thinks we’re a couple. I’m pretty sure he thinks we’re intimate, too.”

“Oh, he does. He made an offhand comment about that to my mom. It’s not a problem, though it does in his mind kind of make us a couple.”

“Kind of? And by couple, you mean marriage, kids, and a picket fence, don’t you?”

She sighed, “That’s certainly what he would expect.”

“This is a dangerous game. At some point, you’re going to have to tell him. And I’m likely to get caught in the cross-fire, so to speak, if not literally!”

“Only if you make me mad!” she giggled. “And I don’t think you’ll do that. Just come to dinner. It’s all part of working things out.”

“I guess,” I agreed reluctantly, “but I really wish you would be honest with your grandfather.”

“Come to dinner. If you’re a good boy, I’ll take you somewhere and fuck your brains out as a reward!” she giggled.

“Joyce Abbadelli, you know I’d love that, but remember, I’m supposed to ask you. That was what you said.”

“I know that! Will you just fucking ask me already, you idiot?” she giggled.

I sighed, “I’ll come to dinner. We’ll talk, OK?”

“Yes, that’s OK. See you Saturday at 5:00pm at my house.”

I hung up. I was even more confused about the situation with Joyce now. The sex part was easy — she was horny. It was all the complications that came with it, as well as the complications with her family, that I was worried about.

I did call Melanie to check on how getting a diaphragm worked. She told me that a girl just needed to make an appointment at the clinic and they would check the size needed, then provide a prescription and a diaphragm that same day. I asked about the need for a prescription for a piece of rubber and Melanie laughed, telling me that I shouldn’t be surprised when a bunch of old men made stupid laws about sex. She reminded me that my mom probably agreed with those laws. She did try to find out who I was asking for, but I gently deflected the questions by telling her it was for a friend.

On Monday, in chemistry, Kara asked if I would take her for ice cream.

“Kara, remember what we talked about!”

“I know. I’m not asking for a kiss. But my parents are wondering when we’re going out again.”

“Why do you want to go out with me? I don’t get it.”

“You goofball, I like you. And you know darn well that on December 1st I’m going to ask you to kiss me. There’s never been any doubt in your mind about that.”

She was right. I was absolutely convinced that she was going to ask. And I was just as sure that eventually her hormones would drive her to do the very thing she had sworn she was never going to do. But this wasn’t the time to debate it with her.

“Let’s talk when we go out. How about tomorrow evening? I’ll pick you up at 7:00pm.”

“Great!” she said.

When I went to Biology class, I waited for both Tracey and Michelle to come in. Tracey was like a completely different person just in the way she carried herself. Instead of more or less shuffling in with her head down, she was almost bouncing into class with a big smile on her face. I went over to the table.

“Hi, Tracey!” I said.

“Hi, Steve!” she said with a huge smile.

I lowered my voice so only she and Michelle could hear and said, “Tracey, you are a fantastic lover. I’d do it with you again any time!”

She smiled and said, “You too, Steve. I can’t believe you could do it for so long, so many times!”

The look on Michelle’s face was priceless.

“You can guess what you missed, Michelle Bateman!” I smirked.

“Yeah, his amazing dick was in my tight pussy! Seven times!” Tracey whispered to Michelle.

Tracey was loving this to no end, and Michelle was green with envy. I winked at Tracey and went to my spot at the front of the class just as the bell rang.

At lunch I pulled Mary aside and thanked her for once again, making sure that a girl was well prepared for an encounter with me.

“You still owe me, Steve Adams!” Mary declared. “Someday I’m going to collect! But really, I was making sure that Tracey knew what she was getting into. I was surprised when she told me that she planned to have sex with you and, that in fact, she had asked you. You just have them begging for it! That includes me, but you keep turning me down!”

“Mary, you know my rule. But you keep that IOU safe, don’t lose it. You never know what might happen in the future.”

“You can be sure of that!” she said with a smile, putting an imaginary piece of paper down the front of her blouse and patting it safe.

I pulled Tracey aside after lunch and told her what Melanie had said. I asked if she needed a ride and she told me she would make the appointment and let me know.

I had my usual counseling session with Doctor Mercer, who suggested that she thought I was doing well enough to simply end our sessions, though I could continue to come if I still wanted to. I told her I’d like to stop, but that I would call her if anything changed or I needed help.

On Tuesday, Tracey asked me if I could take her to the clinic on Wednesday after school. There wasn’t a chess meet, so I let her know that I could. I also offered to take her to dinner if she wanted.

“That’s not what I want!” she giggled. “Dinner is fine, of course. I do have to be home by 10:00pm, but we should have enough time.”

After dinner, I headed over to Kara’s house to pick her up. Her dad answered the door, but didn’t ask me in. He simply greeted me and Kara came out to see me. She greeted me, kissed me on the cheek, and then we walked to the car.

“I assume that kiss was for your dad’s sake?” I asked.

“Yeah, I guess. But also for me. And for you.”

I pulled out of the driveway and headed for Graeter’s.

We rode in silence for a couple of minutes.

“Kara, why do you want to go out with me?” I asked.

“I told you. You’re nice, sweet, kind, and smart. Everybody who gets to know you really likes you. Your silly dating questionnaire said we’re compatible.”

“It did do that, yes. As for those other things, well, you’ve said them before.”

“Don’t you like me?” she asked softly.

“I do. I started teasing you because of the way you reacted to me being your lab partner. But then I found out that you’re sweet and nice yourself, not to mention drop-dead gorgeous. But I’m not sure that matters. This whole situation is very confusing.”

I pulled into the parking lot. We got out and walked into Graeter’s. We both ordered sundaes and sat down.

“Do you remember I told you where this would end if you kissed me again?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said shyly.

“And you kissed me anyway. Then when I dropped you at home, you told me I was right. What did you mean by that?”

She was quiet for a minute, then she picked up her spoon and scooped up her cherry and put it in my cup.

“Kara?” I whispered.

“You told me that’s where it was going to end up. You might be right. I think you probably are.”

“I can’t take your cherry, it just wouldn’t be right.”

“You didn’t take it. I just gave it to you. Well, the one from my sundae, anyway,” She said with a nervous giggle.

“No! You’re letting your hormones drive you to do something you’re going to regret. I can’t be your boyfriend. There is no chance of us going steady, getting married, or any of those other things that you need.”

“And why do you say that? Can you predict the future?”

“No, I can’t, but there are other girls involved here. Several of them, in fact. But one of them is most likely who I’ll end up with. She’s in Seattle now, but we’re planning to go to college together. Don’t you want to wait for the guy you’re going to marry? That’s your reputation, and I’ve heard you say it, too.”

I was eating my ice cream, but I left both cherries at the side of the cup.

“I’m just as confused as you are. And it’s not just because of you. It’s far more complicated. I guess the thing to say is that you showed up at the right time. Why don’t you come to our youth group on Sunday night? I think you might understand me a little better.”

“What is that going to prove?”

“That most of the kids in our youth group are just like all the other kids at school. We talk about sex and drugs, some of us listen to rock music and some of the kids go to movies and dance. About a quarter of the kids aren’t virgins any more. Discussing the Bible with you just pushed me to question things I hadn’t questioned before. Heck, you act more Christian than most of the adults in my church. Well, minus the sex. Our youth pastor is 24 and his wife is 23. They understand us. Of course, they’re trying to keep us on the straight and narrow, but as I said, most of the kids are just normal kids.”

“But you aren’t.”

“No, I’m not. But maybe I want to be.”

“You don’t have to have sex with me to be a normal kid! Don’t let your body trick you into doing something you don’t want to do. I’ve seen that first hand and it’s not pretty. And even if you decide it is something you really want to do, you probably want a different guy.”

“Steve Adams, why are you trying so hard NOT to have sex with me?”

“Because I think it would be a sin,” I said, sighing.

“What? You have sex with more than thirty girls, and that’s all fine and dandy. But having sex with me is a sin? That makes no sense!”

“Yes, it does. You think it’s a sin, and that makes it one.”

She just stared at me. I felt I had finally gotten my point across to her. I finished my ice cream, leaving the two cherries in the cup. Kara finished her sundae as well. We sat silently for a couple of minutes, then Kara reached her spoon into my cup and got both cherries on it. She put the spoon to my lips. I let out a long breath and ate both of them.

Kara smiled.

We sat there for several more minutes before we left and I took her home. I walked her to the door, and she kissed me on the cheek and went inside. I went back to the car and sat for a moment. I was still confused, and right there I decided I needed to talk to Bethany, so I put the car in gear and headed to Bethany’s house. I rang the bell and her mom opened the door.

“Hi, Steve! Let me get Bethany. Is she expecting you?”

“No, I just thought I’d drop by and to take her for a walk.”

“That’s so sweet! Come on in, she’s up in her room doing homework.”

I walked upstairs, knocked on Bethany’s door, and went in when she answered the knock. She didn’t look up from her book.

“Hey, Sweetheart,” I said.

She jumped up with a squeal and into my arms, “Hey, Steve! What’s going on?”

“Let’s take a walk,” I asked.

“Is something wrong?” she asked.

“No, not like you think. I just need to talk to you.”

She grabbed her windbreaker, and we headed out for a walk.

“Remember the first walk we took? How hard it was for me to hold your hand and how scared I was to have you hug me?”

“I do. That seems like ancient history now, though. So much has happened since then.”

“Yes, I got better. In fact, you fucked me back to normal, Steve Adams. And you’re doing a good job of keeping me normal with regular fucking!” she giggled.

“I was glad to help!”

“And you enjoyed every second of it, despite me having to more or less drag you into bed a few times to get us to this point!”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“I thought you said nothing was wrong,” she said, sounding worried.

“There is nothing wrong with us. It’s Kara Blanchard. She pretty much asked me to screw her today.”

“No way!” Bethany exclaimed. “I mean, there is no way on this earth that can be the case. Yeah, I’m sure her panties were wet when you kissed her, but I cannot see that girl asking you to fuck her. I just can’t.”

“Bethany, we went for ice cream and she put her cherry in my cup. And she was clear about what she meant by it. When I didn’t eat either cherry, she put them both on her spoon and held it to my mouth for me to eat them. I’m telling you, she wants to have sex with me.”

“And what are you going to do? You know what this could do to her.”

“I told her that myself. I argued with her. She wanted to know why I was trying so hard not to have sex with her. Nothing I said could change her mind. I mean, obviously, I can refuse. But I think she’s determined to do it. I remember what happened with Annie, and to a lesser extent, with Dona. But in this case, there’s no question of consent and no question about not knowing the situation.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. She can’t even ask for a kiss until December 1st. But I know for sure if I do kiss her, it will end with us screwing. She knows it, too. It might not happen right away, but it will. That’s really the decision point. If I’m going to turn her down, that’s when I have to do it.”

“I think you’re right on that one. I can’t tell you what to do, but tread lightly on this one. It has the potential to explode in your face.”

“Tell me about it,” I sighed.

We walked silently, hand-in-hand for a few minutes.

“Tracey asked me to take her to the clinic in Batavia to get fitted for a diaphragm. And she wants me to help her try it out!”

“She asked me if it was OK. I’m fine with it. You know you don’t need my approval.”

“It’s once more. But did you see the change in her attitude?”

“I did. It was an amazing transformation! Almost like with me.”

“No, you were already transformed. Having sex just confirmed it. In Tracey’s case, it gave her the self-esteem she desperately needed.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Well, of course! Anything.”

“Tell me with complete honesty, did you do this out of pity? Or did you really want to do it with her?”

“It was definitely NOT out of pity,” I answered, shaking my head. “She’s a sweet girl who had a bad self-image. She’s not bad looking, though compared to you and most of the girls at our lunch table, she’s rather plain, I guess is the right way to say it. Although she’s a bit on the chunky side, she’s not fat. The problem was that she was in the shadow of girls like Michelle and she let that shadow block out her entire social life. Once she thought nobody would want her, nobody did. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think you’re not desirable, you’ll act like it. And guys will notice.

“I’ll bet you anything she has no trouble finding a boyfriend. And she was enthusiastic and fun. Any guy would be lucky to have a girl like that to make love with. She wants to please, she wants to be pleased, she has nice breasts, she was nice and tight, and she gave me an amazing blowjob. So no, it was not pity.”