Chapter 22: An Old Flame

September 1980, Milford, Ohio

Monday morning after we swam and dressed, Stephanie grabbed my arm and pulled me back into my room instead of heading to breakfast.

“So?” she smirked.

“She’s happy. I’m happy. We’re good friends. We might do it again sometime.”

“Of course she’s happy, Big Brother. Have you ever left anyone unsatisfied?”

“Just her when she started talking relationship before I went to Sweden!”

“That was a special case. You always satisfy them. I bet she begged for another time, too.”

“She didn’t beg, but I won’t tell her no if she asks.”

“Did you talk to Jennifer last night?”

“Yes, Squirt. Why did you have to say something about Karin to her? That wasn’t smart.”

“We were talking and it just kind of came out,” she said apologetically.

“You have Jennifer worried needlessly, Steph. That doesn’t help your cause.”

“She’s really worried?”

“It sounds like it to me. I know you two talk and I’m sure you talk a lot about me, and that’s fine, but you have to think about how things you say are going to affect her, because we’re apart. If you told her that and she’d been here with me, it wouldn’t have bothered her as much.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, clearly chastised.

I pulled her gently into a hug and kissed her forehead, feeling that little something between us.

“I love you, Squirt. Just be careful,” I whispered.

“I will,” she said, squeezing me back.

We went to breakfast and then headed to school. When Debbie V got in the car, she had news for us.

“Debbie C had a baby girl. 7 pounds, 8 ounces, and she named her Alexa Hope.”

“Cool!” Stephanie said. “We should get her a gift, Steve.”

“We can go after dinner, Squirt.”

“Will you take me, too?” Debbie asked.

“Maybe...” I teased, pausing for effect, “Of course I will!”

In chemistry class, I continued my teasing of Kara and in Biology Michelle flirted with me when I helped her and Tracey with their dissection. After school, I met with Doctor Mercer and then headed home for dinner. Stephanie let Dad know that we’d be going to buy a present for Debbie C. I wasn’t surprised when Mom objected.

“I can’t believe you are rewarding that girl for having a baby! She’s only fifteen!”

“Mom, nothing you can say or do will change the fact that our friend had a baby and we want to be nice to her. She made a mistake, and she has to live with it. She doesn’t believe in abortion any more than you do and she’s going to marry the baby’s father as soon as they both turn eighteen. I’m giving her a gift. Period. I didn’t ask your permission and I don’t need it, nor do I want it.”

“Do not speak to me that way, young man. I’m not surprised that you would condone this, but I don’t want Stephanie around that girl!”

“Let she who is without sin cast the first stone,” I said simply.

“This is different!”

“I don’t see it. You had sex before you met Dad. Now you’re condemning Debbie C for doing the same thing.”

“Judy, leave it alone,” Dad said. “Stephanie is not going to be corrupted by having a friend with a baby.”

That was my cue to walk away, which I did, pulling Stephanie with me. I’d let them talk it out. As soon as we were out of earshot, Stephanie laughed.

“Corrupting me? If they only knew!”

“We’d both be dead, Squirt.”

We headed out to pick up Debbie V and then went to Eastgate Mall. When we got out of the car at the mall, Debbie slipped her arm around me. A few seconds later, Stephanie did the same thing.

“Cool threesome, Big Brother,” Stephanie whispered.

I winced, hoping that Debbie hadn’t heard her. We walked around the mall and I let Debbie and Stephanie do the shopping and I paid for the gifts Stephanie picked out. Debbie selected a couple of cute one-piece outfits and Stephanie picked out a cute dress and a couple of small toys. We had the clerk wrap up the gifts for us and headed home. I figured it was early enough to drop off the gifts, so we went straight to Debbie C’s house. I decided to just park the car in our driveway and walk across the street.

She was excited to see us and let us in. Alexa was sleeping, so we just looked at her in her crib. Stephanie took my hand and squeezed it, and we exchanged a look. This could have been my baby. I felt a tear start to form in my eye, but I blinked it away, and the moment passed.

Debbie C was really thankful for the gifts, hugging both girls and giving me a quick peck on the lips as well. She winked at me when she released me from the hug. I chuckled, knowing that she was just flirting innocently.

We chatted quietly back in the living room, away from the baby. Debbie C told us about the labor and the delivery, taking pleasure in making me wince at the details.

“Do any of the three of you know Donna’s new address?” I asked the girls just before we left.

“I have it,” Debbie C said.

“Would you give it to me? I’d love to be able to take her some gifts when she has the baby. Will she tell you?”

“Yeah, she’ll call me for sure. I’ll let you know,” Debbie C said.

We said our goodbyes and headed out. Stephanie walked straight home, but I offered to walk Debbie V home. She accepted, and we walked down the street with our arms around each other.

“I really enjoy my time with you,” Debbie said. “You’re kind of like a Big Brother to me. Well, a Big Brother that I fuck!” she giggled.

I chuckled, “Wishing you had a Big Brother to do that with, Debbie?”

“Well, no, but I see how your sister looks at you and acts around you,” she said quietly.

Which gave me pause. Who else might see that? Obviously Melanie and Jennifer had, and Joyce might have. Now Debbie was saying something.

“She and I are pretty close. We have been for years.”

“You’re not doing anything with her, are you?”

That was a question I could easily answer truthfully.

“No, I am not. Did you think we were?”

“I thought you might be, but it’s not really my business. Forget I said anything. Anyway, I do like the way you treat me and I love the fun we have together. I’m just worried about one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“That if I find a boyfriend, you’ll stop doing this with me.”

“That is my rule. Well, at least if you are going steady or are a couple.”

“So if I just date, it’s not a problem?”

“No problem at all. In fact, I’d be surprised if you didn’t. You should find someone to go to the dances with and stuff like that because I can’t take you and we’re not trying to be a couple.”

“Would you be upset if I did stuff with guys?” Debbie asked.

“Nope. Not at all. You aren’t upset when I do stuff with other girls. Got somebody in mind?” I asked with a grin.

“No, but I do want to go to Homecoming, so I need to find a date.”

“You should have no trouble!”

We stopped on her porch saying our good nights with a hug and a kiss. She went inside, and I walked home to find Stephanie, Mom, and Dad involved in a discussion and Jeff sitting in the living room watching TV. I went down the hall to my room and found a phone message. I picked up the phone and dialed the number.

“Hi, Pam!” I said when she answered.

“Hi, Steve! I just called to see how you were doing and if you had come up with your list of schools yet.”

“Not yet. I’m meeting my counselor later in the week. I’ll schedule the ACT and SAT tests once I talk to her. Where are you going?”

“Most likely UW Madison. I get in-state tuition and I should be able to get some scholarships as well. You should apply there! We could have a lot of fun!”

“Oh, I’m sure! How are things going with your next-door neighbor?”

She whispered, “He’s not as good as you, but he’s getting better.”

We talked for a few more minutes and she said she’d call again in the future.

Stephanie hadn’t come down the hall yet, so I read some letters that had arrived in the day’s mail. I was happy to see letters from Pia and Sofia. I realized that I missed both of them, but there wasn’t much I could do about it and I had resolved not to obsess over things I couldn’t change. I would be happy to see them when I went back to Sweden, and wondered if we might reconnect my way, when I did. I sat down and wrote letters to them.

I was interrupted when Stephanie came into my room.

“Mom was upset, but Dad kept saying that being nice was the right thing to do.”

“Good. Dad is really helping keep things from spiraling out of control. Are you sure that he’ll let you stay home at Spring Break?”

“Yeah, the Wicked Witch won’t like it, but Dad knows I don’t want to be around Jeff any more than you do. And he knows that you are following Mom’s rules about the house, so it should be OK. They let me stay with Vickie last year.”

“Wicked Witch?” I chuckled.

“I watched the Wizard of Oz. It just fit!” she giggled.

“Careful you don’t use that where she or Dad could ever hear you!”

She smiled and left, and I finished my letters and went to bed.

Tuesday and Wednesday at school were normal days, though as the end of Wednesday approached, I became more and more apprehensive. The day’s chess meet was against Indian Hill and I was worried about seeing Becky. Something bothered me about seeing her again, and I wasn’t sure what it was. I remembered that Anna had been nice and had even hugged me, so maybe I was worrying too much.

I was sitting with Larry when I saw her walk in the door with her team. Her mouth formed an ‘O’ and she inhaled sharply. I felt a surge of emotion that I couldn’t describe and stood up. Larry grabbed my arm and held me back.

“Be careful,” he whispered. “Don’t make a scene.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t think she’ll try to cause any trouble, and I sure won’t.”

We walked towards each other and met in the center of the room.

“Hi, Steve,” she said shyly.

“Hi, Becky,” I answered softly.

We stood there looking at each other, neither moving nor speaking. I noticed that she was a bit shapelier than she had been, with slightly larger breasts and slightly wider hips. She was just as cute as I remembered, but now she was bordering on beautiful. Becky stared intently into my eyes and then took a half-step forward and gave me a quick hug, then went to check on her pairing. I was frozen in place, just watching her walk over to the table.

Mary came up to me and took my arm, and led me to the far corner of the room.

“Stephanie told me to tell you something as soon as you saw Becky. She said to tell you not to be a fucking idiot and remember that she’s the flame to your moth.”

“Yes, Mary. I hear you,” I said, slightly exasperated. “Don’t worry.”

“I’m not worried, it’s your little sister who’s worried.”

“Yeah, I know. But it’s fine. I’ll be fine.”

“You looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a car! Be careful with your emotions. I can see something is going on between the two of you.”

“You know there’s a ton of history there. And more stuff than even you know about. It’s fine. Go play. I’ll be just fine.”

I met the team official for Indian Hill and we checked the boards, pairings and clocks and let the coaches know everything was in order. The matches started, and we walked around, watching the games. Milford won again, with Larry, Cindy, Erin, Ralph and Mary all winning their games. After we verified the score sheets and recorded the results, I went to get a Coke and some cookies. Becky walked over to me.

“Are you OK with talking with me?” she asked. “I’ll leave you alone if you aren’t.”

“Yes,” I said. “It’s OK to talk.”

“Do you mind taking a walk so we can have some privacy?”

“No, I don’t mind.”

We walked out into the hall and then out the door of the school and walked towards the Junior High.

“How are you doing? You look good,” Becky said, flashing me a big smile.

“I’m fine. You look pretty good, too. How are you?”

“I’m doing OK, I guess. It’s been hard. I still cry sometimes over our baby.”

“I cried a lot too. I ended up writing a letter to him and leaving it at Birgit’s grave along with the letter I wrote her.”

“Him?”

“I decided it was a boy in my mind. I wrote a goodbye letter to Birgit that I left at her grave in July. After you told me about the abortion, I wrote a goodbye letter to our baby and had no idea what to do with it because he doesn’t have a gravestone anywhere. I decided to leave it with Birgit, because that had helped me come to terms with her death. It helped a lot.”

“Did you keep a copy of the letter? Do you think that I could I see it?”

“I do have a copy. I guess I could send you a copy. It’s pretty depressing, though.”

“I’d like to see it. Maybe I’ll do something like that.”

I felt her small hand touch mine, and she slipped it around and held my hand as we walked. A flood of emotion washed over me from that contact and Stephanie’s warning, relayed through Mary, rang in my ears. I struggled to contain my feelings as we walked, but I didn’t drop Becky’s hand. We reached the Junior High and turned around to walk back because she would have to get on the bus to go home.

“My parents would like to see you. They told me that after the abortion, and I’m sure they still do. I guess Daddy wants to talk to you.”

“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. We said goodbye before and it was supposed to be goodbye.”

I saw a tear run down her cheek, so I stopped, pulled her to me and hugged her tight.

“I miss you,” she whispered as I held her, and she pressed her body tightly against me.

“Becky, I can’t. There’s just too much that has happened to ever fix it. How could I ever trust you again?”

“I know. I’m so sorry. I ruined any chance that we might get back together in the future by being stupid and selfish. I’d do anything I could to change that,” she sobbed, resting her head on my chest.

“I know,” I said. “But it’s too late for that.”

She turned her face up to me and looked into my eyes and slowly moved her lips to touch mine. I lost my resolve at the contact and kissed her back, our lips parting and our tongues tangling. Becky hugged me tightly, grinding into me, causing a reaction I didn’t want. It took a moment, but I regained control and broke the kiss and let her go.

“Becky, no!” I said softly.

“You say ‘no’, but your body says ‘yes’, and so do your eyes.”

“I can’t,” I croaked.

“You got hard instantly, and you made me so wet my panties are soaked!”

I started walking back towards the High School, Becky walking quickly to catch up.

“Will you come see my parents and have dinner with us?”

“I really can’t,” I said, but my voice betrayed me.

“I’ll call you!” she said.

We reached the High School, and she hugged me and kissed me on the cheek and got on the bus to head home. I was giving Cindy and Mary a ride home, I found them and we walked to the parking lot. I stopped short as we turned the corner. Leaning against my car was a very angry cheerleader. She had her arms crossed and a frown on her face.

I told Mary and Cindy that I needed a few minutes and walked over to the car and asked Bethany to walk with me.

“What the fuck, Steve?” she growled angrily. “I saw you with Becky. Why? What the fuck is going on?”

I was rocked back by the angry response. It was obvious that when Becky and I had walked past the field where the cheerleaders had been practicing, Bethany had seen us hug and kiss.