Chapter 19: Real Problems

September 1980, Milford, Ohio

At school on Monday, Erin came to find me at my locker.

“You didn’t ask me out, Steve!”

“I’m sorry,” I said, closing my locker. “I’ve been really busy. But we could go out for dinner and ice cream on Tuesday or Thursday?”

“Thursday is fine! I do have to be home by 9:00pm.”

“I’ll pick you up around 5:00pm.”

In Miss Barkhurst’s class, we had our first dissection — earthworms. I got a kick out of who had problems with handling them and who didn’t. The funniest ones were the guys who let their female lab partners do most of the work, because they didn’t want to touch the worms. I spent a good amount of time helping two girls, Michelle Bateman and Tracey Jones, who seemed to have serious problems holding the scalpel and making a straight-line cut. In the end, on the third worm, they got it. I didn’t mind, given Michelle was cute and flirted quite a bit. Her lab partner, Tracey, seemed shy and could best be described as plain.

At lunch, I got the same question from Kathy as I had from Erin. We agreed to have lunch on Saturday. We agreed that I’d pick her up around 11:00am, have lunch, and then spend a couple of hours just hanging out. After she walked away happy, I tracked down Lars Johanson, the Swedish exchange student.

Lars was about 6’2” with blond hair and blue eyes. It took about two minutes to detect and confirm that he had the typical Poängsamling attitude that many Swedish guys had. We talked for a few more minutes and I realized he wouldn’t end up being a friend. Maybe he’d learn something about being here, but I doubted it. Even so, I politely told him he could look me up if he had any questions.

After school, Bethany and I drove to Doctor Mercer’s office, stopping on the way to get a couple of Cokes from the deli. Doctor Mercer was surprised to see Bethany, but I quickly explained that she was there to support me. Doctor Mercer invited us both into her office.

Bethany started right out, “Doctor Mercer, I told Steve I needed to be here. He’s having real problems adjusting to the fact that his friend Jennifer moved away, and it’s causing problems for our relationship.”

“Relationship? I thought you two were just friends, Bethany.” Doctor Mercer said.

Bethany and I explained the situation and answered Doctor Mercer’s questions. I handed her the pages from my journal about my reaction to Jennifer leaving. That led to some very serious questioning from Doctor Mercer about my use of sex to try to solve emotional problems, and of course, she expressed concern about Bethany.

“Doctor Mercer, it’s Bethany who is taking the lead in this relationship, in fact, she’s adamant about moving it on. I’ve tried to slow things down.”

“It’s true, Doctor Mercer. He’s actually taking things slowly with all the girls in his life at the moment.”

That, of course, led to questions about other girls that I answered truthfully.

“Just so I’m clear, these are all girls you’ve been intimate with, but not since you’ve come back from Sweden?”

“Yes, Doctor Mercer. Except for one friend who is someone who just wants to have fun with no commitment, the only person I’m intimate with is my friend Katt who lives in Colorado, and I won’t see her for at least a couple of months.”

“What about Bethany?” Doctor Mercer asked.

“We’ve had sex since I came back, but we aren’t now. Not until we sort out our relationship,” I said firmly.

Doctor Mercer and I briefly discussed my reaction to Jennifer leaving, but she said she wanted to read my journals. She did strongly caution us to be very careful and take things slowly. When my appointment was over, Doctor Mercer asked Bethany to stay for a few minutes and talk. I waited in the waiting room for her to come out.

We walked out into the hallway outside Doctor Mercer’s office.

“Don’t worry, Steve. She was just making sure I understood what I was potentially getting myself into. She knows your history and was concerned that I might be expecting something you can’t provide.”

“That makes two of us, Bethany!”

“I know. And I told her the same thing I told you. It’s up to me to decide what I want and what I need. I have no illusions. I just sat and listened to you talk about Jennifer and about all the girls you are seeing. If I wasn’t fully aware of what was going on before, I sure am now. And I haven’t changed my mind. I told you that I know what will happen. And I’m OK with it, because in the end, you will be able to provide what I want. Joyce thinks so, too. So does Elyse. So does Jennifer. And so does Karin. If you’re OK with them, then what’s the problem with me?

“And don’t you dare pull out that rape victim shit, either, Steve Adams! I’ve managed to deal with it like you dealt with Birgit’s death. It’s something that I have to live with for the rest of my life, but it’s not controlling me any more than Birgit is controlling you. Hell, it bothers you more than it bothers me at this point.” She lowered her voice to a whisper, “And you still want to kill Josh.”

I nodded with a grimace, “I do.”

“Do you see my point? You still treat me with kid gloves and pretend that I don’t know what’s best for me. That might have been true four years ago when I was raped. It might even have been true two years ago when I met you. It’s sure as heck not true now. And don’t tell me you think I’m acting like a slut because of the rape, either. Yes, some girls do that, thinking that once they’ve been raped, they are worthless. Do you think that I have that attitude, Steve Adams?”

“No, I most certainly do not.”

“Then what the fuck is your problem?” she accused.

“I’m a fucking idiot, according to Stephanie, Katt, Jennifer, you, and a host of others.”

“And who can fix that?”

“Me.”

“Then fix it. Isn’t that what you’re here for? Get your head out of your butt and deal with your damned problems so you can be my friend and lover. And that means accepting me for who I am and believing what I tell you. Got it?”

“Yes, Bethany. I got it loud and clear.”

“Why the fuck do I have to beat you over the head with this stuff that’s so damned obvious? I know Jennifer had to as well. And I’m sure Stephanie does.”

“And Katt. And Melanie. And Joyce.”

“Jesus, Steve! Now I know how much they love you! You are just a walking disaster area. It’s a good thing you’re sweet and the best friend anyone could have. It doesn’t hurt that you have a reputation for being the best lover a girl could ask for. Because if you weren’t all those things, nobody would touch you with a ten-foot pole. You have more drama than an entire season of Dallas!

“Now it’s time to get your shit together. Jennifer tolerated a lot more than I will. She let you get away with murder. I’m not talking about sex. You can fuck anyone you want as much as you want, and I just don’t care right now. I’m talking about all the emotional swings. They have to stop. And they have to stop now.”

“Am I really that bad, Bethany?”

“Go home and ask your little sister,” she said.

I grabbed her hand, and we walked out to the car and we drove to my house. We found Stephanie in her room and I asked her to come out for a walk. She got up with a worried look, her eyes darting from Bethany’s serious expression to my troubled face.

“What’s wrong?” she asked in a whisper of concern.

“He needs to ask you something, don’t worry,” Bethany replied, touching her shoulder, “It’ll be all right.”

“Sure,” she answered as I let them go through the door.

We walked in silence to the clearing where I had taken Stephanie and Jennifer before she’d gone, and sat on the grass in a rough circle, so we were each facing the other two.

I looked at Bethany, and she nodded towards Stephanie.

I took a deep breath, “Stephanie, Bethany really got on my case about my attitude. She said I have more drama than an entire season of Dallas and she thinks I obsess over stuff.”

“She’s right, Big Brother. I love you more than any person on earth. I want to be your lover. But when things don’t go your way, you are worse than a twelve-year-old girl who’s just been dumped by her first boyfriend. It really does need to stop. Don’t take this the wrong way, Big Brother, but Jennifer enabled you to be this way by putting up with it most of the time. She should have put a stop to it a long time ago.

“You didn’t use to be like this, Steve. It started when you fell in love with Becky. Before then, you were just having a good time with Melanie and her cousins. Even when you and Jennifer made love the first time, you were fine. But I watched you change. Think about this, Big Brother. Bethany was raped, got pregnant, and had an abortion. Melanie tried to kill herself. Debbie C and Donna are pregnant at fifteen. Those are REAL problems, Steve. Serious problems. And you act like a spoiled little kid just because your girlfriend moved to Seattle? It’s pathetic, Big Brother! You know how much I love Jennifer, and how much I love you, but get over yourself!”

“I got it. Now, let me take Bethany home before dinner.”

“Before you do that, do you know what confuses me?”

“No, Squirt.”

“How you could do such a good job helping your friends when they had serious problems but can’t deal with something simple yourself? It makes no sense. It makes no sense at all.”

She got up, and we all walked back towards the house. Bethany and I went to my car, and I drove Bethany home in silence and I walked Bethany to the door of her house.

“You OK?” She asked.

“Yeah, I am. I guess I needed to hear that.”

“Yes, you did,” Bethany said. “Now, go have dinner with your family. I’ll see you in school tomorrow.”

Thankfully, Tuesday was a normal day at school. After school, I walked down the access road to the Junior High. I hadn’t been in the building since the last day of 9th grade, but not much had changed. I went to Mr. Neimeyer’s room where the computer classes were being held. I noticed that in addition to the TRS-80s and Apple ][s there was a Commodore PET. I took a seat in the back of the room and waited as the students filed in.

There were nine of them, six guys and three girls. I didn’t recognize any of them. Once they were seated, Mr. Herbers went over the syllabus for the class and had everyone introduce themselves, including me. My role was to help with programming exercises, which would start the next class. I sat and listened to the same introduction that I had listened to three years ago, remembering how it was when I first sat down at the keyboard. I figured I’d be able to tell almost right away which of the kids would get it and which of them wouldn’t.

At the end of class, Mr. Herbers asked if I would be available to work in the Junior High lab on Thursdays because he had a commitment. I’d be responsible for answering questions, then locking up when everyone was done. The lab opened when school was out and closed at 5:00pm. I told him I would be glad to do it. I would have to tell Erin that I’d pick her up at 5:15pm instead, but I didn’t think she’d mind.

Wednesday and Thursday were nice, normal days. I ate lunch with my friends, went to class and helped Miss Barkhurst. After school on Thursday, I walked down to the Junior High and watched over the computer lab. Most of the kids who were there were Freshmen who had taken the classes last year, though one of the guys from Tuesday’s class was there. I answered questions and helped debug programs. I made sure everyone knew that I was leaving at exactly 5:00pm because I had a date so that nobody was surprised.

Once I locked up the lab, I quickly walked to my car and drove to Erin’s house to pick her up. She’d been waiting for me on the front porch and as soon as she saw me pull up, she ran down to the car and hopped into the passenger seat.

“Steve, you should have the T-Tops off!” she squealed.

“Well hello to you, too, Erin!” I said with a smile. “They can be a pain to get back on, so I just leave them on when I drive to school. I didn’t have time to take them off without being late. We can do it now, but that will cut into your time, because I need to put them on when we get to Frisch’s.”

“True. You have to take me for a long drive with the T-tops off sometime.”

I put the car in gear and pulled out of her driveway. As we headed to Frisch’s, we chatted about the first week of school. When we got there, we went in and were seated in a booth.

Erin went right to her point.

“So, is this a dinner, ice cream, and take me home date, or is this a dinner, ice cream, and make-me-scream-sex date?”

“You don’t waste time, do you?” I smirked.

“No, I just want to know if I should eat fast so we have more time to fool around! Remember, I did promise to show you how good I was!”

“Oh yes, I remember, I know how good you are! You don’t have to convince me. Right now, though, I’m taking things slowly with everyone I’m seeing. I need to get my act together, basically, and that means not rushing into anything. Jennifer leaving really upset me and I don’t want anyone to be a rebound and have things go badly because of that. So I’m taking things slowly, getting to know people and seeing where things lead.”

“But I’m not asking you for a relationship!”

“I know that. But shouldn’t you date guys that could be your boyfriend? There’s a whole High School full of them!”

“You’re not going to have sex with me, are you?”

“No, I don’t think I am. At least not today. Even if it’s just sex, I want to take things slowly and make sure I’m doing things for the right reasons.”

“It’s Bethany, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but not in the way you mean. She and I are not a couple. She did, on the other hand, really get on my case about the way I’ve been acting. She even got my little sister to gang up on me with her and kick my butt about being an idiot. They were right, of course. So yes, Bethany is responsible, but not because she and I are together. I’m not making any promises, but if you’re to have a chance at what you clearly want, you’ll need to be patient and let me work through my issues.”

Our food arrived, and we ate while talking about the chess club and the upcoming meets. She told me she had thought about using the strip chess offer if she had a good-looking guy opponent to gain an advantage. I laughed and told her that she should only do that if she would really go through with it.

After we finished our meal, we walked over to Graeter’s for ice cream and when we had finished, I drove Erin home. I walked her to the door, and we hugged and exchanged a quick peck on the lips. She said goodnight and went inside and I drove home.

Friday after school, I joined the German Club on a field trip to the Cincinnati International Folk Festival. I got on the bus and sat behind two very cute girls that I didn’t recognize. Larry got on the bus a few minutes later, which surprised me because he was taking Latin, not German. He sat down beside me.

“Hey, Larry! I didn’t know the Latin Club was joining us.”

“Yeah. I didn’t know you were going on this field trip, either. It never came up at lunch.”

“True. That explains why I didn’t recognize some people,” I said.

Larry tapped one of the girls in front of him on the shoulder and said, “Hi, Dona!”

Dona had flowing light brown hair and an infectious smile.

“Hi, Larry!”

“Dona, this is my friend Steve who is also a Senior. Steve, Dona is a Sophomore.”

“Hey, Dona,” I said.

“Hi, Steve. Guys, this is my older sister, Karen. She graduated last year but wanted to go.”

“Hi, Karen,” Larry and I both said.

We chatted on the bus ride and then, when we reached the Convention Center, we decided to hang out together. We went around looking at the various displays and sampling food. I got to show off by speaking Swedish to the contingent in the Swedish booth.

“How did you learn to speak Swedish?” Dona marveled.

“I was an exchange student in Sweden last year.”

“Oh, so you’re THAT Steve Adams! Jeff is your brother, right?” Dona asked apprehensively.

“Yes, unfortunately, I’m sorry to say!” I replied with a look of pained sorrow.

Both girls laughed at that.

“He invited me and my friend Shelly to go swimming, but we told him we weren’t interested,” Dona said.

Just before we were about to head back to the bus, an older guy came up and started hitting on Dona and Karen. He looked to me to be at least 30. Both girls seemed very uncomfortable, so I took Dona’s hand and Larry took Karen’s and we walked away as if we were couples. That didn’t seem to deter the guy who made some crude comments, so we found Mr. Grathwohl and went to stand by him. That seemed to do the trick, though the guy seemed to still be watching us.

“That dude gives me the creeps,” Dona whispered to me.

“I can see that,” I whispered back, squeezing her hand to calm her.

We continued holding hands as the group gathered around the teachers and we headed back to the bus. The creepy guy followed as far as the exit and then seemed to give up. Dona didn’t drop my hand as we got onto the bus and she had me sit next to her.