Chapter 9: Jennifer, Pete, and Melanie

July 1980, Milford, Ohio

I was happy when Stephanie joined me to swim laps and eat breakfast on Friday morning. When she hadn’t done those things with me, it had made me feel incomplete. I didn’t understand how the connection between us worked, but I knew that I didn’t want to be without her.

“Steve,” Stephanie said while we were at breakfast, “don’t do anything stupid today.”

“I have no plans to do anything stupid.”

“You’re a boy. Boys always do dumb things without thinking or planning.”

“I’ll do my best to not be a dumb boy today!” I chuckled.

“You should do whatever Jennifer wants for the next two weeks.”

“Yes, your most benevolent majesty!” I said theatrically, bowing my head, “Your wish is my command!”

Stephanie laughed.

“That’s just advice. I can’t make you do anything. Remember, I don’t control you, I just push or pull you along, like you push and pull me along.”

“When do I do that?”

“All the time,” she said softly. “You just don’t realize it, Big Brother.”

That was an interesting revelation, because I certainly hadn’t seen it.

“What’s going to happen to us?” I asked.

“Don’t think that far ahead. There are too many important things to do before we worry about that.”

After breakfast, I went to brush my teeth and freshen up. I had just sat down on the sofa when Jennifer arrived. As soon as I saw her car, I grabbed my overnight bag and walked out the door, and stood at the edge of the driveway. As soon as she stopped, I got into the car.

“Morning, Jennifer,” I said, leaning towards her, but she put the car in reverse and pulled out of the driveway.

“No kiss?” I asked.

“Not yet. We have a lot to talk about.”

“That sounds ominous again,” I sighed.

“It’s not,” she said, looking straight ahead as she drove. “You ignored me for a week, screwed every girl you could get your hands on and told Melanie you would fuck her until she begged you to stop, which made Pete angry enough to get physical with you! Now you expect everything to be OK with a brief phone call? Do you really think it works that way?”

“I guess I thought so last night. Obviously I was wrong.”

“Yes, you were.”

We rode the rest of the way in silence. When we got to Jennifer’s house, we went inside and she offered me some tea. We sat at the kitchen table to drink it.

We sat, looking at each other. Well, I couldn’t look at her directly, but I felt her eyes on me. I wished we still had our connection and that I could have an idea of what was going through her mind. But I didn’t trust myself to be the first one to talk.

“What happened?” she finally asked.

“When we made love, that last time and I didn’t feel the connection, I kind of freaked out, I guess.”

“It scared me as well! I told you that when we finished making love. I was afraid that if we lost the connection, that would be the end of us!”

“I know,” I sighed. “That’s why I left.”

“You did. You ran away! You left me there, alone! Was that the right way to handle it? Was not talking to me for a week the right thing to do? Was fucking every girl you could lay your hands on helpful? Was trashing your relationship with Pete and Melanie necessary?” she asked angrily.

“No, Jennifer,” I said softly, “it wasn’t. You left out having a huge fight with Stephanie and telling her to leave me alone. And then telling her I’d never make love with her.”

“She told me. Do you know how freaked out she was by that? Do you know what she almost did?”

“No. She didn’t tell me. In fact, she doesn’t tell me about much that she does.”

“You need to talk with her more. And don’t ever threaten her like you did. She came damn close to deciding to have sex with someone, anyone. All because you were being a fucking idiot.”

“She what?! No!”

“Yes, you damn fool! You can’t mess with people’s lives the way you do when you have your tantrums.”

“Tantrum? I was calm the entire time!”

“Stop it! You were throwing a tantrum. You just kept your temper under control by fucking every girl who made herself available to you. When Stephanie came to you last night, it was her last-ditch attempt to save your relationship. If you had blown her off, both your lives would have gone right to hell, Steve. It was that damn close.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize what I was doing to her, or to you.”

“No, you didn’t. I think you created bigger problems than you might realize. Think about what you told all those girls. I don’t know for sure, but I bet you told them you were interested in them. Every one of them would drop their panties in a second if you said that! How many of them did you say something like that to?”

“All of them,” I said quietly. “Even to Joyce and Elyse, and they wouldn’t have sex with me.”

“Well, at least there were two smart girls! Damn it! How the hell could you tell them all that you were interested in them? You can’t have a harem, you fucking idiot. It’s one thing to have a dalliance or deflowering, but it’s a whole different thing to promise a relationship! You were so careful before you went to Sweden about making sure you weren’t leading anyone on. You’re back for a week and if Stephanie is accurate, you’ve made promises to Beth, Bethany, Debbie V, Erin, Elyse, Joyce, and Anna! Of course, Mary is a major problem because of Ben. And that doesn’t even take into account whatever promises you made to Katt or what you said to Donna to get her to have sex with you.”

“No, not Donna,” I sighed, “Donna offered. I didn’t accept it the first time. The second time, she insisted saying that I needed comforting. It was like what Mary did for me when Birgit died. And she was clear about understanding that I could not be with her.”

“OK, so that one probably wasn’t a fuck up. But the rest? How do you plan to solve the problem?”

“It’s worse than you think. I told Beth that I had dropped my rule about no sex with people who were in committed relationships, had sex with her, and encouraged her to get back with Brent, with a promise of sex in the future. She’s supposed to be my business partner.”

“I still don’t get it! Why did you think that a one-time thing with Sofia, which was probably the right thing to do at the time, meant that the rule could be thrown away? Sometimes you have to break rules for good reasons. You didn’t do it lightly with Sofia. You really have to quit seeing everything in black and white. It’s a good rule. Stick to it, but understand that every rule ever made might need to be broken sometime in the right circumstance.”

“I’m beginning to realize that.”

“So,” she said, leaning back, “how do you plan to deal with all of this?”

“I talked to Joyce on Sunday and she told me that she wasn’t going to put up with, and I quote, ‘my bullshit’ and she said she didn’t know why you did.”

Jennifer laughed, “For Joyce, your ‘bullshit’, as she calls it, is simply who you are. I know you. So does Stephanie. Joyce has this idealistic image of you being who she wants you to be at some point in the future. But didn’t she admit she was afraid you couldn’t be who she wanted you to be?”

“Yes, that’s true,” I admitted.

“Well, you can’t be who she wants you to be. Didn’t you spend an entire year in Sweden trying to figure out who you were? Did you do all the soul-searching just to try to be someone you aren’t to please a girl who can’t accept you for who you are, problems and all?”

“But what she wants lines up with who I want to be.”

“Do you mean that it lines up with who you think you want to be, or maybe with what the world has told you that you should be? The thing is, if you aren’t true to yourself, then you’re pretty much no good to anyone, and that includes Stephanie and me. What did you tell Joyce?”

“That I wanted to explore our relationship. But honestly, I think that was because I thought I had lost you. In fact, everything that I did this past week was because I thought I lost you.”

“Aaaargh!” Jennifer screamed. “You fucking idiot! You clueless fucking idiot! You never lost me! YOU walked out on me. YOU didn’t call me. YOU treated me like a piece of dirt to be swept out of your life. Did you even TALK to me? No, you didn’t! You made this entire mess yourself, Steve. Now you have to fix it. And to fix it, you have to want to fix it. Do you?”

“You sound like Doctor Mercer. I saw her on Tuesday and she sent me away because she said I didn’t really want to fix my problems.”

“Now it’s Friday. Have you changed your mind? If not, I’ll take you home and we really will be done, Steve Adams. And you can explain THAT to your little sister and I hope you have your will and funeral arrangements in order because she WILL kill you.”

“That sounds like I don’t have a choice.”

“Sure you do. You can either decide you want to fix the mess or you can try to fuck your way out of it. That won’t end well at all.”

“That’s the same thing my dad said.”

“Listen to yourself! Every person you care about, every person you trust, every person you used to listen to, is telling you something. Are you that fucking dense?”

“No, I’m not. I screwed up, royally!” My voice was breaking, I was breaking! I took a deep breath and finally realized it myself, “I want to fix it.”

“Good,” she said. She looked me over for a second or so, nodded, and continued, “Is everything OK with Stephanie now?”

“Yes, though she made the point that I shouldn’t do anything dumb today right before I left.”

“She’s right, you know? You have a nasty habit of doing dumb things. You get these notions in your head and you’re like a dog with a bone. You need to quit obsessing over stuff.”

“I know,” I sighed. “Stephanie and I had a good talk, and I got just a hint of what things with her will be like. She kissed me on the cheek and it was like I was hit with a strong electric current, stronger than anything I’ve felt with anyone else.”

“That makes sense. Whatever this connection is, it stems from your relationship with your sister. I have to guess that it’s some emotional, psychological, physical thing where you two are in perfect tune.”

“It could be. Do you know what she told me last night?”

“That she wants a threesome with you and me?”

“God damn it, Jennifer!”

“You know better! I’ve said it to you several times already! You knew it. You just didn’t want to admit it to yourself. She actually asked me if I was willing and I said yes. Just like our friend Sarah. Of course,” she smiled, “it’s going to be tricky to arrange it because I’ll be in Seattle.”

“Where are we now?” I asked apprehensively.

“Well, you admitted you were wrong, you admitted you acted like a fucking idiot, and you agreed that you needed to fix it. That’s a start. What are you going to do about all the girls?”

“Narrow it down to a couple. The more I think about it, the less I think Joyce is a viable option. You’re right that she can’t accept me for who I am. Beth is off the table, though there will be fallout. Debbie V will be OK, I think, with the occasional dalliance visit. The rest I have to just tell the truth to, I guess.”

“That’s a start. Bethany is going to be the most difficult, Steve. She’s had her eye on you since the turnabout dance Freshman year. She wants you, totally and completely, and like Becky, she wants you all to herself. Unlike Becky, she’ll take whatever crumbs fall off the table now in the hopes that someday she can have you. That’s a recipe for disaster. You HAVE to talk to her. The rest, I think you can simply ease out from the relationships, though I think you do need someone to keep you stable.”

“Elyse.”

“That would be the one I would pick if I had to pick for you. Talk to her. See if she’ll accept the situation between you and me, as well as your occasional dalliances and random deflowerings. If she won’t, then she’s not the right person.”

“You think there will be random deflowerings like before?”

“I’m sure of it, Steve. You’ll see once you get back to school! But you have to be like you were before — make it absolutely clear that you aren’t looking for a relationship.”

“What about Kathy Will?”

“That’s a tougher one. She’s actually the one girl in all of them who I would consider a threat. Well, leaving aside Karin for the moment.”

“I’ve called Kathy a couple of times, but she never called me back. I think I need to talk with her.”

“You do. She’s like Becky in that sense, but I don’t mean with all the other drama! You need to find out for sure. I can handle it. I’ve been through so much with you that I know how to deal with this. I’ll be fine as long as you’re honest with me, like you were before.”

“You mentioned Karin, too.”

“Of course I did! That one won’t be resolved until you see her again. That’s after our Freshman year in college. You’ll see her, and then we’ll see where we are. It’s pretty much the same as it was with Birgit, though you aren’t over the Moon for Karin, which makes me feel a lot better.”

“Why do you put up with me, Jennifer?”

“Because I love you.”

“Is it that simple?”

“Do you think I’d put up with your bullshit if I didn’t?”

“No, of course not. I have a question for you now.”

“Go ahead and ask me why it was OK for me to not talk to you for a couple of months, but not OK for you to not talk to me for a week,” she said with a knowing grin.

“God damn it, Jennifer!”

“The connection is back. It’s stronger, too. You’ll see if I decide to let you kiss me.”

“If?”

She giggled, “If. Anyway, when I wasn’t talking to you, it was after I told you that we needed time apart. I sat at the lunch table because I wasn’t going to give up the rest of my friends just because we were taking a time-out. I was also cordial to you and would talk to you about anything other than us. You knew I was OK and could see me every day at school. That’s way different from walking out of my room and disappearing from my life without a word.”

“I see your point.” I sighed, “I really was an idiot!”

“Yes, a fucking idiot, I agree, but it seems you’re on the mend now!” she said, smiling as she stood up from the table. “It’s time to take you over to Melanie’s house. Remember, don’t do anything stupid!”

“I promise to try not to. Though I told Stephanie I had a way to reconcile!” I smirked.

“There is no way in hell you would ever do that, Steve!” she said, alarmed.

“Don’t be so sure, Jennifer.”

“Well, because Pete will never go for it, it’s not a risk,” she shrugged.

“You’re sure about that?” I said with an arched eyebrow.

“God, you have changed. Do what you have to do! But you HAVE to tell me about it if that happens!”

“Of course!” I smirked.

“Just out of curiosity, I thought you were using an, uhm, expanded vocabulary. What happened?”

“Stephanie asked me to stop. She thought it wasn’t me.”

“Interesting. I’ll have to think about that one.”

We walked out to the car and Jennifer drove me to Melanie’s house. I saw Pete’s car in the driveway. I wondered if he was staying here for the Summer, but that really wasn’t any of my business. I got out of the car and said goodbye to Jennifer.