Chapter 5

I went through the window and opened the door. I told Dad about the Liberty. "Son, she must have been more angry or hurt than we had imagined. Let's go at least to the top of the valley road. Cut everything off."

I turned off the burners on the stove and hustled out to my Liberty. Dad was in the drivers' seat and had the engine running. We hightailed it up to the top of the valley. Pat was there trying to get through. Dad said, "You go to her and talk."

I ran up to her. "Pat, stop this. Please, let's talk."

"Why? You just think I only feel gratitude or am afraid of being lonely. I won't give myself for gratitude and I'm not afraid of being lonely." She looked at me angrily.

"That's true. You don't need to do anything out of gratitude and I know you're not afraid of being lonely. I had hoped we were starting to build something valuable between us.

"Obviously, it was only a pipe dream on my part. Get back in your car. I'll pull the bushes away so you can get away from someone you seem to detest."

She looked at me while I began to quietly move the tree to open the road for her. She didn't move toward the Liberty. I finished and the road was clear for her but she hadn't moved toward her Liberty. She was standing in front of it sobbing.

"Mark, I'm not being fair to you or me. You're right. We should talk. Will you listen?"

I moved to about five feet away and nodded. I was puffing a bit from hurriedly pulling away the barrier. I looked at her. "Go ahead. I'm listening."

She said, "You made me feel cheap. I've liked you since high school. I told you that you were the guy I compared others against in college. Then you tell me that you thought I was coming on to you out of gratitude or because you were all that's left in the world."

"I'm sorry you heard what I said that way. That was not the way I meant it. I want you to care for me just because I am 'me.' That's the way I care for you. However, I understand how you felt and have not and will not stand in your way. Entering a relationship is important and I don't do that casually and wanted to be sure that you weren't either.

"I'm sorry that we don't seem to be able to understand each other without such sudden adverse reactions. Pat, I had to cover my emotions with Cathy because everything was construed in a manner adverse to me. When I saw you, I had hopes. It seems that was a pipe dream like I said. The way is clear for you to drive out of my life. I will not stop you though I'm not happy that you're leaving. However, I will not beg to be understood.

"Have a good life seeing things the way you want to see them." I stepped back from the roadway.

"You're sending me away?"

"No but you have the option to leave with no strings attached. I have no intention of forcing you to do anything including understanding my point of view. Pat, you have to decide what you will do and how you will listen to people. You pushed away from me. I didn't let go of you. I'm going back into the valley and eat supper. You will have to make your own decisions." I started walking down the slight hill to the other Liberty and Dad. I knew he would be disappointed but her failure to hear what I said and her overboard reaction to her interpretation dismayed me.

"Mark, ride back with me. Please. I overreacted badly. Please, Mark."

I nodded. I walked back up and replaced the barrier. I walked to her Liberty and stood at the passenger door waiting for her to get in and unlock it. She did and I sat in the passenger seat and fastened my seat belt. She cranked the car and backed down to a point where she could turn around safely. I noticed that Dad had left me there at some point. I kept my mouth shut. I was still angry but didn't want to set her off again. I was so shocked by her reaction that I wanted to understand her better before there could be any relationship.

We returned to the house and Dad was busily reheating supper when we walked in. Pat was still upset and I was very defensive. Things were a long way from being right or like they had been earlier in the day.

Dad served the plates and asked a blessing. We ate in silence. Once finished, I washed the dishes while Pat and Dad went into the living room. When I finished, I went in there and said, "I'm tired and going to bed." I immediately headed for the bedroom, stripped to my boxers, and got in bed under the sheet with the light out. I had closed the door but hadn't locked it.

Later, there was a soft knock on the door. I said, "I'm awake." Pat opened the door and entered. There was a lamp on the night stand and I switched it on.

She came to the bed and sat down. She turned to face me. "Mark, I was very, very wrong. Please forgive me. Even more, please rekindle that caring you have evidenced toward me. Your dad and I talked. He heard what we said and you must have given him a recap of what happened earlier. I treated you unfairly. I have since high school. I put you on a pedestal without really knowing you. You have been my great hope. I meant it when I said that I compared my dates in college to you. It was an unfair comparison to you and to them.

"I created this person in my mind with your name and face. Your dad helped me realize that creation was not you. I also realized that you weren't the unfeeling oaf that I made you to be this afternoon. You're a guy and I need to see and feel the real you and not the idealized fake I created in high school and college or the oaf I created this afternoon. Please be patient with me. I'm not stupid but I made a stupid mistake. Let's get beyond that as real people establishing a real relationship. Deal?"

"Deal."

"Thank you, Mark. I'll see you in the morning. Good night."

"Good night, Pat." She left pulling the door almost closed. I turned off the light and went to sleep. I was in a better frame of mind.

I woke early rested. I pulled on shorts, a tee shirt, and sneakers. In the kitchen, I started the coffee and went on the porch to watch the dawn while the coffee made. A little while later, Pat came out bearing two cups of coffee. She grinned. "You can sit with me on the swing or I will sit in your lap."

I grinned. "You look heavy. I better sit in the swing."

She grinned back. "Rat!" We sat in the swing together. I cradled my cup with both hands. I knew it to be an intentional move on my part. I didn't trust her reactions yet. I gazed out over the fields and thought about Pat. I decided that her emotions were mercurial, a word I had always liked but rarely had the chance to use even in my mind. I sipped my coffee and continued to gaze. After a few minutes, Pat said, "What are the plans for today, Mark?"

"I'm not sure, Pat. We will probably need to do some decorating and straightening here in the house. We will need to inspect the barn. Dad has the project with the Liberty which will involve a hike. I found a map of the area. I think we should look at it and get a better idea of how the local roads are related. I don't have much anything personally. What about you?"

She looked at me for a long moment. "I want to just be part of you two while I straighten out my head. I want me to be the real me and that means my emotions need to be under control better.

"I have felt out of control for a while. First, we went through the Day. Then, my parents were killed in front of me and I was repeatedly raped. Then, I was saved by my high school crush and his dad. Finally last afternoon, I made a complete and utter fool of myself." She put her cup down and twisted to face me as much as possible.