Chapter 6: A Tale of Three Cities, Part III

July 1979 — Falkenberg, Sweden

On Friday, when I got back from my run, Pam was in her bra and panties again. I whistled at her, she giggled, then finished dressing. I showered, and we went to breakfast and finished up our last day. Once class was done, we were pretty much free. On Saturday, we’d have several optional activities and then on Sunday we’d head back to our host families.

After dinner on Friday, I took Pam’s hand and we walked towards the river. It was quiet and peaceful, and neither of us said anything for the first twenty minutes of the walk. Then I decided to ask a question that had been bouncing around in my head all day.

“This morning, did you purposefully wait for me to come back before getting dressed?”

She didn’t answer, but she blushed a deep crimson. She had! She wanted me to see her again. The question was, what would I do about it. We walked a few more steps, and I stopped, turned, pulled her towards me and kissed her softly but briefly. She just stared at me, expressionless, not moving. I was concerned I had badly misinterpreted the situation.

“Why did you do that?” she asked quietly.

“It just seemed like the right thing to do, I guess. I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize,” Pam said quickly. “It just was out of the blue.”

“You asked me to be myself and treat you like I normally would treat a girl,” I said. “When you blushed at my question, I read that as an admission that you had indeed wanted me to see you in your underwear. You also held my hand when we walked yesterday and today. So, that kiss was me being normal, doing what I would normally do. And, honestly, I liked what I saw.”

“There isn’t really that much to see,” she sighed.

I suppressed a chuckle and didn’t say that it seemed like guys and dick sizes, something Melanie had given me grief about long ago.

“What is it with girls and their concern about breast size? Why do you think you’re inadequate?”

“Because guys are always drooling over girls with big boobs!”

“Not me, frankly. Most of the girls I’ve dated have been on the smaller side. If you’re really that concerned, I can take a look, do a thorough, complete examination, and let you know!”

She blushed even redder, but she also laughed.

My next move was risky, but I’d make sure she had a chance to object. I stepped around behind her and put my hands on her hips and gently slid my hands up her sides. When she didn’t object, I slid both hands over her breasts and cupped them gently for a second. They weren’t quite a handful, a bit smaller than Melanie’s but larger than Becky’s, and much smaller than Pia’s. Pam didn’t move or breathe.

“I was right,” I said lightly. “They’re perfect!”

I dropped my hands from her breasts, took her hand in mine, and gave a gentle tug. We started walking again.

“Why did you do that?” she asked, her voice just above a whisper.

I stopped, turned and looked her in the eye and said, “Because you wanted me to.”

She just stared at me. I continued.

“Just as you wanted me to see you in your bra and panties this morning. Just like you were thinking about having just your panties on tomorrow when I come back from my run.”

She gasped and covered her mouth and turned bright red. I knew I was right. The ball was in her court now.

We walked back to the dorm side-by-side, neither of us saying anything. We went to the rec room to watch some TV. I played pool with a couple of the other guys and Pam sat with some of the girls. After a few games of pool, I told Pam I was going to write in my journal and then read. She didn’t follow immediately, but came up about twenty minutes later.

“Tomorrow there are a bunch of activities available,” I said. “I want to do the canoe trip down the river. Are you game for that?”

“Sure,” she said.

A bit later, I went to brush my teeth and change and then got into bed, said goodnight, and was asleep fairly quickly. Pam was still sitting at her desk when I dozed off.

I woke like I usually did and went out for my run. I thought about the impending phone call with the van Hoeks. I hoped to be able to talk to Becky alone, but wasn’t sure that would be possible. I hoped she answered the phone, or that after we finished talking to her parents, I could talk to her.

After the call, I’d know if I was going home or not, and I’d have to decide what to tell Stephanie. I’d have to call on a Thursday night, probably, to avoid any issues with my parents. That would mean calling very late at night Swedish time, but I figured I’d have no issues doing that from the Anderbergs.

I thought of Birgit and wondered what she would have said and done. Would she have accepted it the way Jennifer had? Would that have been the end of things between us? I would like to think she would have accepted the situation and dealt with it like Jennifer had, but I would never know. I certainly could use Birgit’s advice right now, but I had no way to get it.

I finished my run and walked back into the dorm and up the stairs. I wasn’t sure what to expect after the conversation last night. She might be fully dressed, in which case I wouldn’t need to say or do anything. She might be in her bra and panties, in which case I could simply chuckle and smile at her. She might also be bra-less. That last option would create something of a dilemma.

In my mind I heard two distinct messages, Joyce telling me to find one girl and stick to her for the year, and Jennifer, Stephanie, and Birgit, telling me to have fun. Actually, Stephanie’s advice was to have as much sex on the side as Jennifer would allow, and that was pretty much unlimited, at least while I was here. I knew Joyce had a good point. I knew exactly what she was getting at.

I also knew I was on a quest to find people I connected with. I was still searching. If Birgit’s death had taught me anything, it was that Fate was a cruel mistress. I certainly had a hand in my own actions, but I realized that anyone could die at any time. Anyone could disappear from my life at any time. Melanie almost had. Jennifer almost had, not by death, but because we were both foolish.

I decided that the best course of action was that if she did what I predicted, I’d acknowledge it by pronouncing them very nice, and then go shower. That might seem a bit cold, but as innocent as she seemed, I wanted to talk to her fully clothed about what she wanted. We’d be able to do that at some point during the day, for sure. Then I could decide what I wanted to do. That wasn’t quite right. I knew what I wanted to do. I’d have to decide what I SHOULD do.

I opened the door to the room and was not surprised to see Pam in just her panties, her small, firm, round breasts on display.

“I was right. They’re perfect!” I said, mimicking the comment from the night before.

I grabbed my stuff and went to shower. When I came back, Pam was dressed and sitting in a chair staring at me, with arms crossed.

“Let’s get some breakfast!” I said. “There will be plenty of time to talk later.”

She followed me down to breakfast and we ate with Trevor and Maria. They were going to hang out together for the day, not participate in any of the activities. We would see them at the party that was planned for Saturday evening. All of us would depart on Sunday morning between 9:00am and 11:00am, depending on where we were headed.

Pam and I went with two of the YFU counselors and four other exchange students to get canoes. The plan was to paddle about 20 kilometers downriver, where we’d have something to eat, then get a ride back from the canoe rental place. It turned out that Pam had gone to Summer camp for several years in Wisconsin that was similar to camp Marydale and was pretty good with a canoe. I had a bit less experience because I’d focused on horsemanship, but still could handle myself OK.

We both donned life vests, and I thought again about Birgit’s death. How this simple orange vest might have saved her life and let me be with her.

“I’m totally confused,” Pam said once we had pushed away from the river bank and were out in front of everyone else.

Fortunately, we were able to separate ourselves enough from the three other canoes that we could talk privately.

“About what?” I asked.

“You. I don’t get it. Yesterday, you grabbed my boobs through my t-shirt. Today I showed them to you, all you did was say they were ‘perfect’ and walk out. It makes no sense!”

“You’ve sent all kinds of signals, but I’m not sure it’s the right time, the right place, or that I’m the right guy to receive those signals. It was probably a mistake to feel you up and kiss you.”

“A mistake? Why?” She sounded totally confused.

“Because I’m getting mixed messages. Signals that I should do something with you and warning signs that I shouldn’t. I had some assumptions about you that I confirmed when I decided to ask you the question about how much experience you had with guys and you preempted me by telling me you were a virgin. That confirmed the warning signs. I took that as a fairly clear red flag.

“But then I got new positive signals when you purposefully made sure I saw you in your underwear the second time. The first might have been by accident, but the second sure wasn’t. So there I was, with mixed signals. Then, this morning, when I came back from my run, you were topless. That was a loud signal that I should do something with you, but to be honest, your virginity statement was a louder warning siren.

“It dawned on me that I probably had pushed things too far. I have a lot of experience, I mean a lot. I’m probably not the right guy for you. I should have simply let the hints go and just been nice to you, instead of encouraging you. I’m sorry about that.”

“I did what I did because I wanted to,” Pam said firmly. “I told you I saw something that I liked on the plane, and I’ve seen glimpses of that guy here from time to time. Everything you said is true. The first day in my underwear wasn’t exactly on purpose but I did kind of delay. Yesterday was on purpose, like you said. I did want you to touch me the way you did. I did want you to kiss me.

“You were completely right about what I planned this morning. I couldn’t believe you knew what I was going to do this morning. And I wasn’t sure how you would react. I almost didn’t do it because of what you said, but I figured you were OK with it. Then you basically said they looked nice and walked out. I was confused and hurt. I still don’t get it.”

“If I had touched you, what would have happened?”

“I don’t know. I’m not sure.”

“Sorry, let me ask differently, what did you want to happen?”

“I’m not sure,” she said quietly.

“That’s what I thought. And that’s why I acted the way I did. I know exactly how to touch you to make you excited, to make you horny, if you’ll pardon the expression. And I didn’t think that was right. I could have had you in my bed in minutes. And you might have done something you would regret.”

“You’re pretty darn sure of yourself!”

“Yeah, I guess I am. But what I’m saying is, you’re playing with fire. I don’t want you to get burned. I’m really sorry if I hurt your feelings this morning.”

“OK,” she sighed.

We paddled for a while in silence. Before I asked the question that was clearly hanging over that entire conversation, I’d have to decide what I should do. I absolutely wanted Pam; I wouldn’t have played along otherwise. In the end, it was a question of whose advice to trust, and I decided to trust the only person who hadn’t yet steered me wrong.

“My answer to your question is ‘yes’,” I said.

“How do you even know what my question is?”

“Experience. The ball is in your court now. Decide if that’s what you really want and tell me at the party tonight, not before.”

She was silent for quite some time. When she spoke, we talked about our families, our schools back in the States, our friends, and what we’d be doing for the rest of the Summer. We paddled up to the dock at the rental company and climbed out of the canoe. We were the first of the group to make it by a long shot. We sat on the dock and waited for the others, the last ones arrived about twenty minutes after we got there.

We walked to a small food stand across the road and bought lunch. After we ate, we piled into a mini-bus for the ride back upriver to the campus. When we got there, we went back to the room and I grabbed my book and went to sit outside to read until dinner. I wasn’t sure where Pam went, but I knew I’d see her at dinner and the party.

I took a brief nap under a large oak tree, leaning against the trunk with my book on my chest. When I woke up, it was only a few minutes before dinner, so I went back to the room to return my book and then went to dinner. Pam was already there with Trevor and Maria. I got my meal and sat down next to Pam. Trevor and Maria seemed lost in each other, but after one more night they’d be at almost opposite ends of the country; she was going to be living in Malmö and he was going to be living in Luleå.

When dinner was finished, we went to the rec room for the party. The furniture, except for the pool table, had been pushed against the walls to make room for dancing. I asked Pam if she danced and she said yes. When the music started, we started dancing. The first song was Dancing Queen by ABBA, then You Make Me Feel Like Dancing by Leo Sayer. After those, there were a couple more fast songs.

The first slow song was Nobody Does it Better by Carly Simon, from the James Bond movie, The Spy Who Loved Me. Pam and I danced with my hands on her waist and her hands on my shoulders. The song selection was a mix of fast and slow songs, all of them danceable. When they played Swaying to the Music by Johnny Rivers, I pulled Pam closer to me, and she put her head on my chest as we danced. When the song finished, we grabbed a couple of Cokes.

It was around 10:00pm and people were drifting off. Pam hadn’t said anything, so I assumed she had decided against it.

“I’m ready to head upstairs,” I said.

“OK,” she replied, her voice just above a whisper.

We walked upstairs, and we saw there was only one bathroom open, so I let her grab her stuff and use it first. When she came back in her long sleep shirt, I went to brush my teeth and get dressed for bed. When I came back to the room, Pam was sitting in an easy chair in just her panties.

“They’re still perfect!” I grinned.

She giggled and went and got into my bed and pulled the duvet over her. I turned off all the lights except the desk light on her side of the room and turned on the clock radio for some music. Next, I took my rubbers out of my carry-on and put them on the table next to the bed. Finally, I took off my t-shirt and shorts and climbed into bed with her.

“Three rubbers?” she asked.

“I have more, if that’s not enough!” I chuckled.

“Is that a promise?” she giggled.

“That might be a bit much for your first time, but I’m game if you are!”

Pam wriggled a bit and tossed her panties onto the floor.

“I’ve been ready for a long time to do this!”

“How much have to you done?”

“My next-door neighbor and I started playing doctor when we were eight. We didn’t stop when we became teenagers. We kissed, of course, we touched a lot and once he kissed my boobs and between my legs and once I kissed his thing. A couple of times we used our hands to bring each other off.”

“Was there a reason you didn’t do it?”

“We got caught about a year ago and weren’t allowed to see each other.”

I knew all about that! Of course, my mom hadn’t been successful in keeping me away from Mary or Becky, or anyone else for that matter.

“So you want to play doctor with me then?” I chuckled.

“No, I want to feel you in me. I’ve been ready for sex for a year!”

I pulled her to me and kissed her softly and cupped her butt in my hand. She kissed me back, parting her lips and pushing her tongue into my mouth. I ran my hand up and down her back and over her butt several times, then gently pushed her onto her back. I pulled the duvet off of her so I could see her.

Her small firm breasts were topped by hard pink nipples surrounded by pale areola. She had a flat stomach, a very small tuft of brown pubic hair, plump labia, and strong, muscular legs.

“The rest of you is as nice as your breasts!”

I lowered my head to her left breast and gently sucked the nipple into my mouth, released it and did the same for the other one. I moved back and forth between them and gently ran my right hand down her stomach, across the small patch of hair and between her legs. I gently ran my finger along her already wet labia and she shuddered slightly.