Chapter 4: A Tale of Three Cities, Part I

July 1979 — Helsingborg, Sweden

“I hear from Mary and Kathy you made a friend last night,” Rolf said, smiling.

“Yes, Putte’s sister Pia. If it’s OK, I’m going to call her and get together with her.”

“Of course. And, if you want, it’s OK for her to stay overnight here.”

“Thanks,” I said. “We’ll see what happens.”

I called Pia, and she suggested we go to the movies. She would come by around 4:00pm and we’d take the bus into the city and have something to eat, then go to see Time After Time. I agreed that sounded good and I’d see her at 4:00pm. I let Rolf and Sinikka know our plans and went into my room to read for a while.

A short time later, Rolf came in with two letters for me, one from Jennifer and one from Stephanie. Both were written the day I left, so there wasn’t much news, just expressions of love. Stephanie did say that Mom had calmed down a bit once I had left the house. I hoped that meant that Stephanie would have an easier time during the next year. Of course, me coming home would likely set off my mom again. Not to mention her reaction to the baby.

I wrote both of them short letters and then wrote to Melanie. I wrote two cards, one to Elyse and one to Kathy Will. I wrote a longer letter to Joyce. I also wrote a quick note to Dad asking him to send me a dozen Uno decks. I promised to pay him back and wrote that I might need more in the future. I had just finished when Pia rang the doorbell, and I quickly sealed the envelopes and added stamps that I had bought at the post office. I’d mail them on Tuesday.

Pia and I walked down the street to the bus stop. We only had to wait a few minutes before the bus came and we boarded to ride downtown. We got off at the main bus terminal and she led me to a café where we ate a light dinner. We walked hand-in-hand to the theater and bought our tickets. The movie was about Jack the Ripper using HG Wells Time Machine to travel to the 20th century and was pretty good. When it was over, we walked hand-in-hand back to the bus terminal.

“Pia, do you want to stay with me tonight?”

“Not tonight, OK? Let’s go to the beach tomorrow!”

“Sure, that’s fine,” I agreed.

The bus dropped me at the stop near the Anderbergs and she continued two more stops to change buses to go home. I sat with Rolf and Sinikka and chatted a bit. Rolf offered to drive Pia and me to the beach and then come back to pick us up. I replied that would be great. After our chat, I went to my room and wrote a few paragraphs in my journal, then fell into bed and slept soundly.

On Tuesday morning, I was up early as was my norm, and jogged the five kilometer route that Rolf had mapped out. I came back to the house, showered, dressed, and ate breakfast. Rolf said that we’d be going out to their «stuga» (‘cottage’) in the countryside for a few days after I got back from Falkenberg and I could invite Pia if I wished. Pia arrived at 10:30am and Rolf drove us to the beach. He said we should use the pay phone to call him when we were ready to come home.

We stripped off our shorts and t-shirts. I had my basic swim trunks and Pia was wearing a stunning emerald green bikini that showed off her curves. We both had on sunglasses and I had my fedora. We splashed around in the water a bit, then spread our blankets and got some sun. I was surprised when Pia removed her top, but remembered that was common in Europe. I had seen other girls on the beach that way already. I knew I had to be careful because I could burn easily, but Pia had suntan lotion with her that she spread on my shoulders and back.

Around 12:15pm we walked to a small stand where we bought our lunch. I was amused to see that Pia hadn’t put her top back on to walk to the stand. We found some shade and sat down, she put her top back on and we ate.

I was really enjoying my time with Pia. The only problem was that she was in Helsingborg and I was going to be in Göteborg. That said, it was less than three hours by train, meaning there was a good chance that we could see each other, occasionally at least. I hoped that we could find a way to make it work out during the school year, but I would have no real idea until I got to Hovås and the Jonssons.

Late in the afternoon when we’d had enough sun, sand, and sea water, I called Rolf and he picked us up and brought us back to the house. Sinikka invited Pia to stay for dinner and she said she would. Pia, Rolf, Sinikka, and I sat in the sunroom and chatted.

After dinner, Pia and I sat on the couch and talked. The conversation eventually came around to the party.

“I don’t usually do that kind of thing at parties, and I’ve never done it with someone I just met.”

I thought about that for a minute. Before Elyse, there had been some real interaction before having sex, even if it was brief, and usually at least several days passed. I had usually thought it through. With Elyse and Pia, I just more or less went for it right after meeting them.

“Pia, I don’t usually do that, either, actually. I typically have some kind of relationship with the girl and we’ve usually discussed it quite a bit beforehand. Can I ask why you did it?”

“It was partly the excitement of someone from the US, partly the brandy, and partly because of you. I was attracted to you, and I could tell you were attracted to me. I was kind of surprised how you danced with me, not trying to get too close, being polite, I guess. The only thing you did was pull me close for one dance and then kiss me one time. That was new. Most of the guys try stuff or pressure me. You didn’t.

“There was also something in your eyes, I can’t say for sure what it was, that just pulled me in. In the end, it just felt right. Even the way you asked me to stay — you asked if Putte would be upset. That showed me you actually were thinking rather than be driven just by sex. And most importantly, you were interested in seeing me again even before you asked me to stay.”

“And how do you feel now?”

She giggled, “Well, you are an awesome lover,” then more seriously, “and a really nice guy. I’m just worried you’ll go off to Göteborg and I won’t see you again. I’ve only had sex with two guys before you. Each was a boyfriend I had been seeing for some time before we went to bed together. I know Swedish girls have a reputation for being quick to have sex, but it’s not really true; well, at least about me.”

“Birgit and I talked about that. She found it amusing that an ‘easy’ Swedish girl, as she put it, lost her virginity after the conservative American boy had lost his. So I know better. In fact, I’m probably the ‘easy’ one because I don’t resist girls that want to go to bed very often.”

“Wait! I thought Americans didn’t have sex as much as Swedes when they were teenagers.”

“I think the difference is you talk about it openly. In the US, we hide it. Our parents like to pretend we aren’t doing it and actively try to prevent it. Here, most parents seem more open. I’ve seen the billboards with the dancing condoms here. Those could never happen in Milford, where I’m from! People would have a fit! Here, Rolf told me that it was OK if you stayed over, but at home, my mom prohibited me from having sex and tried to prevent it.”

“You talked about me with Rolf?”

“No, I think Mary or Kathy did, and then he mentioned it to me. I don’t talk about things like that except to my best friend or my little sister. They are my closest confidantes and I tell them everything. And my best friend is a girl. In fact, most of my close friends are girls. It’s always been that way.”

“Maybe that’s why I was so comfortable with you. You were treating me like you do your friends who are girls, not as some girl to get into bed.”

I chuckled to myself. I had sex with most, no all, of my close female friends. And they remained friends afterwards. In fact, except for Kellie and Elizabeth, I was friends with all my former sex partners.

“That’s very different from the guys I usually meet,” she continued. “Pretty much they just want to see how far they can get. But I didn’t see that in you. Do you want me to stay tonight?”

Did I? Well, of course! Before the ‘control incident’ with Jennifer I would have simply ceded control to Pia with a comment like, ‘I want whatever you want’ or ‘that’s completely up to you’. But now, I needed to have some control. I thought the best approach was the one I used with Kathy Will.

“Yes, I’d very much like that. But I think it’s better to wait. Let’s hang out the next couple of days and on Saturday, we can decide together if it’s a good idea. I’m leaving for Falkenberg on Sunday and will be gone a week, so Saturday makes sense. Then I’ll be back for about two weeks.

“Rolf also let me know that we’d be going to their Summer cottage for a few days when I came back and he said it was OK to invite you. I’ll ask you when I come back from Falkenberg and you can decide then.”

“I don’t get it,” Pia said, sounding confused. “I just offered to stay the night, and you said ‘no’! Why?”

“Because I like you,” I said. “I’ve found that sex can really make a mess of things. Let’s just spend time together for now, OK?”

“Yes.”

We made some plans for the rest of the week, including a day-trip to Copenhagen and then I walked her to the bus stop and when the bus arrived, I kissed her gently on the lips and said goodbye.

I had a new routine that was similar to my old one in Milford. I was up early every morning, jogged, showered, and ate breakfast. I really missed swimming, but that was tough, at least for now, and I figured it would be just as tough when I was in Göteborg. And, honestly, I really, really missed the time I spent with Stephanie.

The rest of the week was fun. On Wednesday, we walked around Helsingborg and looked in various shops, drank coffee at sidewalk cafés, and got to know each other better. Thursday we took our trip to Copenhagen and went to Tivoli Gardens, an amusement park. We rode «Rutschebanen», one of the oldest wooden roller-coasters in the world, and had a great time walking around the park, going on rides, eating, and looking in the shops. Friday we went out on a double-date with Kathy and Putte to a nice restaurant, then went back to Putte’s apartment to have a few drinks.

During the week, I had received several letters; one each from Melanie, Elyse, Joyce, and Larry. Melanie let me know that things were going well with Pete, but they were, as she put it, just dating. I read that as code for not having sex, which made me happy. It meant they were working on repairing their relationship first, and that was a good thing.

Joyce’s letter was very matter of fact, and it seemed to me that she had reached the same conclusions that I had. I’d write her back, of course, but I could tell the relationship was dying. I knew that I’d see her from time to time at Don Joseph’s, so we’d at least keep in touch.

Elyse’s letter was pretty much the opposite. It was clear that she was interested in me and I had felt something with her when we’d been together. I wrote her a similar letter, telling her about what I’d been doing and letting her know I’d love to see her when I got back.

Larry’s letter was interesting, because he wrote to me about Melanie, Jennifer, Pete, and some of the others in the group. It more or less confirmed what I thought about Melanie, though Larry probably didn’t realize it, as he wasn’t close enough to Melanie or Pete to know about their sex life. He did say he’d stopped in to see my parents and confirmed what Stephanie had told me, that my mom had seemed to have calmed down almost as soon as I’d left.

On Saturday morning I woke up and jogged and played over in my head what I was going to say to the van Hoeks. I had no idea if this was the beginning of the end of my stay in Sweden or if they would be willing to not tell my parents until after I was home. I expected them to be quite upset, but I hoped that my approach would have the same effect on them that it had in the past. The problem was, I was no longer her boyfriend, and I was going to say quite clearly that I wasn’t going to marry her.

It seemed funny to me that I was actually calm and at peace with the idea of having a baby; that my biggest concern was ruining my year away. I admitted to myself that if that happened, despite all the grief I would get from my parents, I had done the single most important thing I needed to do, perhaps the most important thing for my mental health I would ever do — I had said goodbye to Birgit.

I was sure now that I would never, ever be completely over Birgit as I had once thought I would be. Some part of her would always be with me, no matter where I was, no matter what I was doing, no matter who I was with. Her life and death had such a profound impact on me that it couldn’t be any other way.

Even the grief from my parents paled compared to the idea that I was going to be a dad. Yes, I was only sixteen and probably wouldn’t be seventeen when the baby was born, but it didn’t bother me the way I had originally thought it would. I was upset with Becky for the deceit, but that wasn’t the baby’s fault.

It helped that Jennifer was so willing to accept the situation. I feared Stephanie’s reaction, but hoped once she got done telling me how stupid I was and how right she was, that she’d become ‘Aunt Stephanie’ and be supportive. I was pretty sure that would happen, but I couldn’t be certain.

By the end of my jog, I was comfortable with what I had to do and what I was going to say. All I could do at this point was wait for the reaction from Becky’s parents and see what happened after that. I put it out of my mind when I showered given I was going to see Pia today and needed to focus on her.

I took the bus to have lunch with Pia and her parents, Bengt and Malin, at their apartment. Her dad didn’t speak English very well, but her mom did, and between Pia and her mom they translated everything that Bengt missed and any Swedish I didn’t understand, which was still almost everything.

After lunch, Pia and I took a walk to a small park that was only a few hundred meters from the apartment.

“I would like you to come to dinner and stay tonight,” I said.

“I’d like that. And if you want, I’d like to spend those days with you at the Anderberg’s cottage.”

I smiled and kissed her softly. We sat holding hands for a bit, and just enjoyed the fresh air and the beautiful weather, then headed back. She packed a small overnight bag, we said goodbye to her parents, and we decided to walk the 4km to the Anderberg’s house. We walked hand-in-hand without saying much and I just took in all the sights.