Chapter 34: Karin, Part I

June/July 1980, Stockholm, Sweden

Karin and I hugged tightly for a couple of minutes, then I released her and picked up my bag.

“We’ll take the subway,” she said. “It should be running now.”

“How did you get here if it wasn’t running?”

“I took the bus.”

We walked to the subway station and got on the correct line to take us to the Anderssons’ apartment. We walked the short distance from the subway station to the building, then took the elevator up to the sixth floor and walked into the familiar apartment 6B.

“Do you want some coffee?” she asked.

“Yes, that would be nice.”

“Do you need a shower?”

“That’s probably a good idea,” I said. “I’ll do that while you make the coffee.”

I grabbed my bag and dropped it in Birgit’s room and then grabbed my bathroom kit, along with some clean clothes, and took a quick shower and came out to find coffee waiting for me at the table.

“What did you want to do while you’re here? Mom and Dad would like to spend time with you, of course.”

“I’d like to spend some time with them, too. The only thing I really need to do is visit Birgit. I have something to leave with her. Otherwise, I don’t have anything specific. You and I do need to talk.”

“Have you figured things out?” she asked softly.

“I’ve figured out a lot,” I said. “About me, about Birgit, about you.”

“Good. Did you want breakfast now? We can go see Birgit once we eat, if you want.”

“Sure! That’s a great idea.”

We had a typical breakfast of filmjölk, cornflakes, bread, butter, and cheese. I had a couple of cups of coffee as well. We finished and started cleaning up when Lars and Annika came into the kitchen.

“Good morning, Steve!” Lars said, taking my hand and shaking it.

“Good morning, Lars, Annika!”

“Hi, Steve! It’s good to see you!” Annika said, kissing me softly on the cheek.

“It’s good to see both of you as well. Karin and I are going to go see Birgit. I have something I need to leave with her, but then we’ll be back. Karin says you want to spend time together and I want to as well.”

“Fantastic. That will give us time to eat and shower. We’ll see you when you get back.”

I went to my room and got my hat and what I planned to leave with Birgit. Karin picked up the flowers she’d purchased at my request, as I knew the shop wouldn’t be open early in the morning. We left the apartment and walked the two kilometers to the churchyard and walked up to Birgit’s grave. I set the flowers in front of the grave marker and then pulled out an envelope and pushed it down next to the few tattered remnants of my letter to her.

“What’s that, Steve?” Karin asked. “Another letter to Birgit?”

“No,” I said. “This time it’s a letter to my unborn son. After Becky had the abortion, I wrote the same kind of letter to him that I had written to Birgit. I didn’t have a place to leave it, so I decided to leave it here. Somehow, maybe they can be together. I don’t know how the afterlife works, but I’m hopeful she can hold him and love him for me.”

Karin slipped her arm around me and said, “That’s beautiful. I hope you’re right.”

“I hope so too, Karin, I hope so too.”

“You don’t seem as emotional today,” she said.

“That’s because of one of the things I’ve figured out. When we talk, I’ll tell you everything, OK?”

“Of course it’s OK. I told you back in December that I’ll be here for you. Always and forever. Whenever you’re ready.”

We stood quietly for another moment, our arms around each other, then walked hand-in-hand back to the Andersson’s apartment.

When we arrived, Lars and Annika had finished breakfast and were ready for the day.

“What do you think of going to Gröna Lund, Steve?” Lars asked.

“I’ve been to Liseberg in Göteborg and to Tivoli Gardens in Copenhagen, so, yes, I’d love to go to Gröna Lund.”

We spent the day at the amusement park and had a great time. Karin and I decided to go on «Kärlekstunneln» (Tunnel of Love) and spent the entire time laughing and joking about the miniatures. It reminded me a bit of It’s a Small World at the Disney parks. We didn’t kiss, though I did have my arms around her as she leaned back against me during the ride. She felt good in my arms, like she belonged there.

We ate dinner at a small Chinese restaurant in Stockholm and then went to a small ice cream shop for dessert before returning to the apartment. We drank tea and talked until bed time. Lars and Annika said goodnight and went to their room.

“Do you want to move your bag to my room?” Karin asked. “If we’re going to be together, it has to be there, not Birgit’s room.”

“Not tonight,” I said. “We need to talk things through before we do anything like that.”

“Good night, then,” she said softly and kissed me on the cheek.

I agreed with her. If it was to be, it had to be Karin I was with, not the memory of Birgit. The symbolism of which bed we used was vital to a healthy future, whatever might come of it. Changing beds would make it clear that our relationship had become about us, and I knew that was important to her. It was also important to me.

Before I got in bed, I sat at the desk in Birgit’s room and looked at the pictures of Birgit and me, Birgit and Melanie, Larry, Birgit, and me, Karin and Birgit, and Karin and me standing next to Birgit’s headstone. I smiled when I remembered the pictures being taken and got into bed with happy memories of Birgit. I slept well and dreamed of that first day I met Birgit and the wonderful memories from that year we knew each other.

I awoke Sunday morning refreshed and went out for a jog, taking a spare key from the rack by the door so I could let myself back in. I knew the distance to the churchyard to be about 2 kilometers, so I jogged there and back twice. I didn’t stop at the churchyard, because I’d been to see Birgit the day before and I no longer felt compelled to visit her. I would visit her every time I was in Stockholm, but those visits would be to remember her, not to be with her.

I came back to the apartment to find Karin awake and waiting for me.

“Shall I make you coffee and breakfast?” she asked.

“Yes, please! I’m going to shower.”

“Need any help?” she said with a twinkle in her eye.

“Not today,” I said gently.

I went to shower and dress and came back to my breakfast on the table. Lars and Annika came out shortly, and we ate together.

“Steve, I thought today we could go to «Millesgården» and then to «Historiska museet»,” Lars said. “What do you think?”

“Well, the history museum sounds good, but what’s the other one?”

“It’s an art museum and sculpture garden, on Lidingö. It’s quite beautiful,” Annika answered.

“That sounds wonderful as well!”

“Good. We’ll have dinner at a traditional Swedish restaurant tonight as well.”

We had another wonderful day together. I was growing closer to Lars and Annika, really enjoying my time with them. We walked around the grounds of «Millesgården» for a few hours, then ate a light lunch and headed for the museum. We spent several hours there, went to the Swedish restaurant for dinner, and then returned home. We drank tea and talked before bed.

“Annika and I work tomorrow, Tuesday, and Wednesday,” Lars said. “We know you want to spend time with Karin, and we don’t want to interfere. We won’t expect you at dinner unless you tell us. We will say goodbye on Wednesday morning and Karin will get you to your train.”

“Thanks,” I said. “I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I hope to be able to come back some day and see you. I’m planning a trip in two years to see my class in Göteborg graduate, so I’ll see you if that trip works out.”

“Wonderful! There is always a place here for you,” Lars said.

“Thanks,” I said. “I really appreciate it.”

He said good night and got up to head to bed. Annika asked me to step into the kitchen with her for a moment.

“Steve,” she said quietly, “it’s OK if you sleep in Karin’s room. We know about what happened during your last visit and it’s OK. We approve of you two being together.”

“Thanks,” I said. “I appreciate that, and I’m glad you approve. Karin and I aren’t ready for that just yet. I’m not sure when we will be. Last time was, well, special. If we do that again, it will have a very different meaning.”

“Yes, I know. Karin told me everything,” she said with a smile.

I turned bright red, causing her to laugh.

“Please don’t be embarrassed,” Annika said. “Karin said you were a wonderful, caring lover and she wanted it exactly as it happened.”

“I know,” I said. “It’s just a bit odd talking to you about having sex with Karin.”

“Even after your year in Sweden?”

“I suppose it has more to do with the circumstances than anything else. You have to admit, they were pretty unique.”

“Yes, they most certainly were. Now, go be with Karin, in whatever way you wish, with our blessing.”

“Thanks,” I said.

She hugged me and kissed me on the cheek and went to bed.

“Mom told you it was OK to sleep in my bed?”

“Yes, she did. But you know that it’s not about needing your parents’ approval. I actually already knew I had that by the way they’ve treated me. It’s about us. You and I will talk tomorrow, if that’s OK?”

“Yes, it is. I look forward to it. Can I ask you something, though?”

“Sure, anything at all.”

“Why haven’t you kissed me since you’ve been here?”

“Because if I do, I don’t think I would be able to stop at a kiss. It would start a fire we wouldn’t be able to put out.”

“Good! You know that’s what I want,” she said with a smile.

“I know, but we need to talk about us before we take that step.”

“Are you sure you can’t kiss me?”

“Not tonight, OK? Let’s wait until we talk.”

“OK,” she said softly. “If that’s what you need.”

We hugged, and she kissed my cheek and we went to bed. My dreams were of that night in December when Birgit and I had made love through Karin. It was a beautiful memory. I was surprised in the morning that the sheets were still clean.

When I woke, I jogged to the churchyard and back twice, then returned to the apartment. I showered and went to the kitchen. As she had the previous days, Karin made breakfast for me. Lars and Annika had already eaten and were getting ready for work when I sat down to eat breakfast. I said goodbye to them and Karin and I had the apartment to ourselves.

“So, are you ready to talk?” Karin asked.

“Yes, I am. I was ready when I got here, but I felt we should wait until we were alone and had as much time as we needed. Interruptions would not be helpful.”

“Let’s clean up and then go into the living room. Unless, of course, you’d rather talk in bed,” she giggled.

“The living room! You’re being a real tease, you know that?”

“Of course I am! I know what I want. You. In my bed. Well, in me, actually. But I know we have to talk. First.”

“First? It’s a foregone conclusion, then?”

“For me it is. I guess that it’s not for you?” she said with concern in her voice.

“Let’s finish the dishes and we’ll talk,” I said.

We cleaned up the breakfast dishes and put everything away, then went to sit on the loveseat in the living room.

“I want you to start, please,” I said. “Tell me how you came to the conclusion that you and I are meant to be together.”

“Will that affect your decision?”

“Oh no,” I said. “Not at all. I know what I want. My question is only what the best course of action is.”

She smiled broadly, and I realized that she knew what I had decided. I wondered if it was a connection or if it I was just that obvious. The answer to that would come later, I was sure.

“Birgit and I talked about everything when she was alive. I remember the first time I heard about you from Birgit. It must have been right around the time you wrote the volleyball article. She told me that there was a really nice, sweet guy who she was friends with but was afraid to get involved with because she would only be in the US for a short time. That guy was you, obviously.

“She told me about Larry, of course, and she knew you were disappointed that she seemed interested in him. She wanted to date a bit, and she felt he was safe. With you, she was afraid you would fall madly in love with her, and she turned out to be right. She was concerned about how naïve and innocent you were, and was afraid she’d break your heart when she left if that happened. With Larry, she didn’t have that worry for some reason, but she never explained it.”

“Larry doesn’t like girls as far as I can tell.”

“Oh! That could be it. That would make sense. Anyway, she told me about your reaction when she kissed you on your birthday and how you tried to take her hand at school the next day. She really wanted to hold your hand, but she was still afraid to get involved with you.

“A few weeks later, she noticed a significant change in you. All of a sudden, you seemed more mature and more confident. She realized that you had made love with someone and it shocked her. She had not expected that and she realized at that point just how much she wanted you. She talked to Melanie and Melanie encouraged her to do something about it, telling her that if she didn’t do it before she left, she’d probably never have another chance, and that she’d always wonder. I think Melanie was surprised when Birgit made love with you. Melanie just expected Birgit to tell you that she liked you and maybe you guys would make out or go on a date before Birgit left and start writing to each other.”