Chapter 10: End of Summer, Part II

August 1979 — Hovås and Helsingborg, Sweden

On the train southward, I spent time watching the scenery and thinking. Joyce’s letter had jarred loose one thing. I wasn’t interested in her advice. She had asked the right question, of course, but her solution just wasn’t for me, not at this point. Even though I had considered it, I certainly wasn’t following it. Had I followed it, I would never have had sex with Pam, never had sex with Freda, though I should not have done that, given what I found out, and never made out with Sofia.

Joyce was right about the fact that I liked messing around with lots of girls, liked the variety, liked the chase, or, perhaps more properly, being chased. I was looking for connections and hadn’t found any in Sweden so far. Pia was, in many ways, a perfect girlfriend for the year. Nothing too serious, in that I didn’t have a connection with her, but serious enough that I really enjoyed her company. In some ways, my relationship with Pia was like my relationship with Melanie or Joyce — someone I enjoyed being with, could be close friends with, and with whom I enjoyed having sex.

My concern was, of course, what Pia thought about it. I decided we needed to talk about it, because I didn’t want to string her along. So far, she hadn’t said the dangerous words «Jag älskar dig» but they could come at any moment. I had used those words far too freely, according to Joyce, and she might be right. I had hurt Melanie with them, had created an even bigger problem with Becky, and potentially opened a can of worms with Bethany.

The problem was that I DID love all of them, but the way they heard those words was different from how I meant them. When I had told Jennifer or Stephanie or Birgit that I loved them, it was with soul-crushing, all-encompassing, never-ending love. Love that nothing could ever break down. Something that really could not be put into words. Something that even ‘I love you’ didn’t really express.

With Jennifer, it was the deep connection of our souls. It reminded me of the wedding service where the words ‘the two shall become one flesh’ were said. That was my connection with Jennifer — we became one flesh. It was spiritual in addition to erotic and romantic.

When Stephanie and I finally made love, it would be equally soul-searing, equally spiritual. In fact, it might even be more so. Jennifer and I had discussed it, including the idea of Jennifer as a surrogate. She didn’t take it badly at all; in fact, she had pointed it out to me. Stephanie and I could never marry and have children, but Jennifer and I could, and we planned to, some day.

Then there was Birgit. I would never know for sure, but I suspected that same connection was there, unrecognized, unfulfilled. Even now, as I sat here lost in my own thoughts on a train speeding southwards, I felt her with me. It was not as strong as when I had been in Stockholm, but that made sense. The emotions of the visit to her grave had enhanced the feeling. Sleeping in her bed, seeing her family, talking with Karin — all of those things had made a connection beyond the grave; a connection that hinted at what might have been had we ever made love in her bed.

I’d talk to Pia and try to establish some solid ground under us, but without a promise of a future. I wasn’t sure how that would go and realized that it might end the relationship if she was looking for more than I could give. Better to find that out now than next June when it was time to go home, and she was looking for a way to keep the relationship alive in some permanent fashion that most likely would not be possible.

Pam was another potential concern. While I didn’t detect any long-term attachment desires from her, I knew that sex had a funny way of creating all kinds of unintended consequences. She hadn’t written me or called me, which I took as a good sign. I’d see her in Stockholm in December, but I’d be spending most of my free time with the Anderssons. Abisko was a long way off, though we’d be there a whole week. So long as she wasn’t looking to continue the relationship somehow when we got home, I’d be happy to have some fun with her for that week.

My thoughts were interrupted by the conductor’s announcement that Helsingborg was the next stop. I grabbed my bag and got up, noticing for the first time a very cute blonde sitting next to me. I must have been really lost in thought because I hadn’t noticed her, and our last stop had been in Falkenberg quite some time ago. I smiled at her and walked towards the doors of the train so I could step off as soon as we were stopped at the platform.

I saw Rolf as we slowed and as soon as we stopped, I stepped off and walked over to greet him and then got into the car for the short drive to their house. Kathy and Putte were there when we arrived, and about ten minutes later, the bell rang and Sinikka let Pia in. Pia and I hugged and kissed and I let Rolf know we were going to take a walk. I took her hand in mine and led her back outside, walking towards the park.

“How have you been?” I asked.

“Good. I missed you.”

“Me too,” I said. “I’m really happy to see you!”

“I’m happy to see you. Do you know what you want to do this weekend?”

“Anything at all, so long as we’re together!”

She laughed, “Of course! I brought a bag with me and I’ll stay tonight. We can have dinner with my parents on Sunday and you can stay at our apartment, and we can take you to the train on Monday morning. If it’s nice, we can go to the beach tomorrow or Sunday. We could also go to see a movie if you like.”

“Sounds good!”

We arrived at the park and I led her to a bench.

“Can we talk about us?” I asked.

“Is there a problem?” she asked, sounding worried.

“No, no, nothing like that! I just want to talk and make sure we’re both thinking the same way.”

“«Om oss?»” she asked, lapsing into Swedish, which I actually understood.

“Yes. About us. I like you a whole lot and I want to keep seeing you. I’m just afraid of what will happen when I leave in July of next year to go home. It could be years before I come back, and there’s the chance that I might never be able to. We talked about that before and I just want to make sure you’re still OK with everything. That it very likely will be just for this year and no more.”

“Is that what you want?” she asked.

“I have no idea what I want yet! I’m only sixteen. I have no idea what will happen. I just don’t want to hurt you.”

“Do you love me?”

Uh oh. Those words were a loaded gun pointing right at my head. I’d misused them before.

“I’ve made the mistake of saying those words too easily in the past and it’s really hurt both the girl and me because we didn’t really agree what they meant. I’m afraid to use them, actually. I guess I should ask you the same question.”

“Well, I guess my answer is ‘not yet’, but I could see it happening.”

“And then what happens when I go home?”

“I’ll cry. I know you’re going to leave, but I want to see you, anyway. It’s OK. Let’s just have this year and see what happens. Please?”

“Yes,” I said. “That’s OK. But I want to say something important — if you meet someone you like, someone you would consider dating, I want you to see them. It would be terrible if you missed someone who might be a long-term partner because of me, given I can’t make any promises to you.”

“I know. Let’s just let things go as they go.”

I pulled her to me and hugged her, then gave her a gentle kiss. We got up and held hands while we walked around the park and then back to the house. Dinner was ready a few minutes after we got back and once we had eaten, we played Uno. I gave Putte the decks to give to his friends, and he invited us to come to his apartment on Saturday night and he’d have the same friends there, minus Peter and Mary, of course.

Kathy and Putte left around 9:30pm and Pia and I got ready for bed. In my room, I pulled her to me and hugged her and we quickly removed her sleep shirt and my shorts, kissing and hugging. We got into bed and continued kissing and touching, her hand on my shaft, gently stroking me and my finger between her labia, gently probing.

“Steve, slow and soft, please.”

I smiled and moved on top of her. She wrapped her legs around my thighs and I fully entered her, feeling her soft, pliable flesh press against me, and her pussy cling to my dick. We began with a very slow, smooth rhythm, exchanging soft kisses. We moved against each other for quite some time, slowly building up to what felt like a big explosion. We weren’t in a hurry and as the pleasure built, we kept the slow and steady pace.

As we got closer, Pia moved her legs around my butt and we slowly picked up the pace, edging ever closer to our mutual release. We began moving faster and there was no holding back. Pia hugged me tight with her arms, tightened her grip with her legs and moaned into my mouth as her body shook violently, her pussy spasming hard. At the same time, I thrust as deep as I could and began firing jet after jet into her and my head spun.

We held each other for several minutes afterwards and exchanged soft kisses.

“That,” she sighed, “was the best I’ve ever felt. It was only one, but it was huge!”

I kissed her again and said, “It made my head spin!”

We moved to spoon with each other and we fell asleep with my arms wrapped around her.

When I woke up, we were in exactly the same position. I gently removed my arms and climbed out of bed, put on my jogging clothes and covered my usual morning distance. I came back to the room to find Pia awake, lying naked on the bed. She smiled at me and just crooked her finger. I went over to the bed and lay down on top of her.

“How?” I asked softly.

“Hard and fast, Steve; really hard and really fast!”

We started kissing, rubbing our bodies against each other, my dick quickly coming to attention. As soon as I was hard, I pushed it into her dripping pussy and began moving, building a frantic pace with her as she humped back. Our breathing quickly grew so ragged that we couldn’t kiss. I was pounding hard into her and she was moving her hips with wild abandon. It took less than five minutes for both of us to cum, and her pussy milked me of everything I had to give her.

We kissed, then she went to shower. When she came back, I went to shower. We both dressed and had breakfast. We spent Saturday morning at the beach, got some sun, played in the light surf, and ate lunch. After lunch we took the bus back to the Anderberg’s, took quick showers, and then got dressed for the party that evening. Once we were dressed, we went to a café to have some coffee and chat. I stopped in a shop and bought a tape of the Factory album that Sofia had played. I was happy to see printed lyrics were included. After that, we went back home to wait for dinner.

After dinner we walked the three kilometers to Putte’s apartment. The party went much like the previous one, with dancing, playing Uno, eating snacks, and drinking brandy. This time we changed dance partners, so I got to dance with Mia and Katarina, and Pia danced with Johan and Pelle. I also danced once with Kathy, but Pia didn’t dance with Putte, which didn’t really surprise me.

Around midnight we left and walked back to the Anderberg’s and went to bed. We were tired, and we decided just to go to sleep. On Sunday morning, I ran as usual and Pia requested another quick and hard session when I returned. After we made love, We had breakfast and went for a walk. After lunch, we walked to her parents’ apartment. Her parents greeted me warmly, as did Lisbet.

We spent the afternoon drinking coffee and chatting. There were occasional side conversations in Swedish and I followed small parts of it, but I had a seriously limited vocabulary, so I missed a good portion of what was said. Just before dinner, Pia and I went for a walk. When we came back, we ate, had dessert and coffee, and then watched TV. Pia and I cuddled the entire evening, knowing this was our last night together for at least a few weeks.

At bedtime, I could tell that Lisbet was teasing Pia again because both girls were laughing. When we got into the room, and were lying in bed cuddling, I asked Pia what Lisbet was saying.

“Oh, she was asking to borrow you again.”

“I’ve been with two girls at once,” I teased. “So, if you want, you could invite her!”

“No way, Steve, I’m not sharing you with her!” she declared, laughing softly.

“You like the fact that she’s jealous, don’t you?”

“Yes!” Pia exclaimed. “It’s fun. Would you really do that, though?”

“I would, but only if you wanted to. I’m very happy just being with you. And I mean that.”

“You said when we were in Örkelljunga that you had done pretty much anything I could imagine.”

“I did say that, yes.”

“What’s the wildest thing you’ve done?”

“That depends on how you mean. I’m not kidding when I say I’ve done just about everything!”

“So your answer is?”

“Well, three girls at once, of course, and we used chocolate sauce, whipped cream, and cherries to make one of the girls like an ice cream sundae and two girls, and I licked it off her breasts and pussy. Also, one girl tied me up and put a blindfold on me and made love to me, and I did the same to her. And also anal sex.”

“Wow, you weren’t kidding!” Pia said in amazement. “But you prefer just slow lovemaking?”

“Yes. All those things I did because either Melanie or Jennifer wanted to and I try my best to please them.”

“So you would do anything I wanted to?”

“Sure, Pia. I would. You just tell me.”

“Maybe sometime I’ll want something wild, but not tonight.”

“What do you want tonight?”

“Make love to me all night. Don’t stop until you can’t go any more.”

“I can do that. I may need some help along the way,” I chuckled and kissed her.

We made love all night. I started by licking her to several orgasms, my tongue exploring every bit of her pussy. I didn’t stop until my tongue was tired. I moved on top of her and slowly entered her dripping pussy, and we moved against each other for a long time before we came. I didn’t let her rest, moving to kiss her mons and finger her to another orgasm while I waited to recover.

When I felt I was ready, I moved so she could suck me while I licked her gently. She quickly got me hard, and I turned and entered her again, and we moved softly, prolonging the lovemaking as long as we could. She had a small orgasm before I had mine. We continued kissing and grinding our bodies together even as my dick shrank in her and slipped out.

We cuddled a bit, kissing and touching each other gently, exploring each other’s bodies. When she had me hard again, we made love fast and furious, slamming our bodies together until we were out of breath and our orgasms overtook us. We slowed our pace and gently moved against each other until my erection subsided.

We kissed and touched for at least an hour when she pushed me onto my back and sucked me into her mouth. It took a bit of effort to bring me fully erect but she did and then mounted me and made slow love to me, moving up and down on my shaft, grinding into me when she had me fully in her. She had three orgasms before I spurted a small amount of semen into her.

We spent the next hour kissing and fondling and licking and sucking. I used my tongue to bring her to another orgasm while she sucked on me. I did get hard again, and we made slow, passionate love, but I had nothing left to give her. We collapsed in a sweaty heap and fell asleep around 3:00am.

We awoke to a knock at the door and I saw the clock said 8:45am. I hadn’t slept that late in quite some time. The door opened and Lisbet peeked in and said good morning. Pia and I were both completely uncovered, and the bed was in total disarray from the night’s activities.