Chapter 14

It was with an unsteady gait that Minerva McGonagall, Pomona Sprout, Poppy Pomfrey, and Irma Pince made their way toward Hogwarts from their pre-school year afternoon tea, the tea having been liberally enhanced with Fire Whiskey and McGonagall family Scotch. It gave them a chance to gripe about their individual concerns about the direction that Hogwarts was heading, and certain staff behavior, without having Albus look at them with his 'I am disappointed in you' look version 3. Especially since as usual, it was Severus Snape and his unprofessional behavior that the conversation turned to with frequent regularity, and what the Headmaster was thinking by keeping him around. As they approached the gates that served as the official entrance onto Hogwarts grounds, it was Pamona who brought the pile of trash that had been dumped on the side of the drive to the group's attention.

"The house elves must not have been out this far today, leaving trash just sitting here like this."

"When we get to the castle, I will send Hagrid or one of the elves to dispose of it." Minerva said with a slight slur in her speech. "I would banish it now, but I fear maybe I am not drunk too much to do it right, and I am possi, possoti, pissitan; I am sure I was taught not to spell cast when I am drunk." Minerva looked pleased with herself as she finished her train of thought with only a few minor derailments.

"I will take care of it till we can get it taken care of by someone else." With that thought firmly in place, she hiked up her robe and the skirt underneath it, to reveal pointed boots which would have been the envy of every wicked witch that hailed from the depths of a Frank L. Baum novel. She drew back her foot to kick the trash off the road, and then paused as she lost her balance and almost fell. Pomona came over and stood beside her to give her support, and this allowed Minerva McGonagall to put all the force her sturdy highland bred frame could muster behind the kick, hoping to make it clear the gorse bushes that grew alongside the road. With a meaty thud, her fast travelling foot came to an abrupt stop, and a high pitched scream split the air. Minerva and Pomona feel back onto their rears in surprise and Minerva showed her command of invective taught to her as a child living among the men of the Highlands. If any of her students, past or present, had been there to observe the situation, they would have been shocked at the words coming from their prim and proper professor.

Moans began to emanate from the pile of debris, and it became obvious that what they had mistook as a pile of dirty rags and other detritus, had in fact been some kind of vagrant. Poppy, who was the least intoxicated of the group, pulled her wand out and stunned the pile, silencing the distracting moans and groans that emanated from it.

"What are we going to do with this person? We can't be letting a vagrant hang around the outside of the school once children arrive, it could put them in danger." Pomona asked the others.

"I will take him up to the infirmary, and get him patched up from Minerva's attempt to launch him all the way back to Hogsmeade, and then we can send him through the floo to the Leaky Cauldron with a couple of Galleons to get a bite to eat." Poppy informed them. When everyone agreed with her plan, it was decided that they would all accompany her there, for her protection of course. It had nothing to do with her being the steadiest of the four, and the one the others were relying on to stay upright and mobile. With a casual flick of her wand, the derelict lifted off the ground and followed them as they very slowly made their way to the castle.

Arriving at the infirmary, Poppy called her personal elf assistant Verity to her and gave her instructions to give the drifter a thorough bathing, using the medium brush to make sure everything was nice and pink and void of dirt. Verity gave a wide smile to her mistress and popped away with her new charge, determined to do exactly what Miss Poppy had instructed, no matter the protests given by her charge. Poppy busied herself checking Minerva's foot and ankle, to make sure that everything was okay and she hadn't hurt herself with that tremendous kick, and also giving her friends sobering draughts to clear their heads. If she had known what her commands had started, it might have been more likely that she would have led her friends back to the Three Broomsticks to get right properly smashed.

Albus Dumbledore had had such a terrible two weeks, that he stopped listing his other names and titles, even in his internal monologue. After making it out of the slums of Singapore with only two beatings and a few people throwing rotted fish and fruit at his wonderful new robe in their fits of jealousy, he arrived in the magical section of Singapore and got a temporary wand and some money from the Goblin bank there. He then went to the International portkey office, to arrange his way home. When the portkey activated, Albus caught a flash of white out of the corner of his eye, and then he spun away toward Surrey, United Kingdom. His arrival was anything but smooth, as he appeared several feet above the ground, and fell awkwardly, landing on his temporary wand and snapping it in half. When he looked around to get his bearings, it quickly became apparent to him that he was not in Surrey, and he was pretty sure he was not in Europe at all. A group of young men were walking past the mouth of the alley he was in, and he decided to get some information from them so he could decide what to do.

"Boy! I say, you; boy!" Albus shouted to the five swaggering young men who were all wearing red and black clothes, and hats turned to the back. "I was wondering if you would be so good as to tell me where I am as I seem to have lost my way and ended up in this filthy alley."

"Did you just call me boy, you cracker mother ****er. I ain't no boy, you racist piece of shit." The leader told Albus belligerently as his friends egged him on. "My non-slave name is Kimbe Otumbo in the traditions of my free African ancestors, and I ain't nobody's boy!"

Albus had been on top of the wizarding world and unquestioned in his authority for so long, that his survival instincts had long ago atrophied. If they hadn't he would have apologized for his offense, and have tried to pass himself off as a frail and confused old man. Unfortunately for him, he believed that he was untouchable, the beatings in Singapore notwithstanding, and he knew that he was in America somewhere based on the accent of the young men. It was just a shame for him that he had last been in America in the fifty's in the deep south during the height of the Jim Crow Laws. Now Albus didn't care what color your skin was, but he thought that the laws in place during that time were wonderful, and had mirrored some of his own laws after them in regards to where half-bloods, werewolves, magical creatures, and muggleborn were allowed to sit and what jobs they were allowed to have. It would soon become painfully obvious to him that things had changed in the thirty plus years since he was last in America.

"I beg your pardon. I am only asking you for directions out of this slum, and back to proper civilization, where I can be on my way to my original destination. If you are incapable of giving me directions out of here, maybe you can direct me to where I can get a white cab?"

It was only the shock that this old man would dare say something like that to anyone in Detroit, let alone their gang that kept Albus from being knifed or shot immediately. "Are you for real cracker? You just be asking for a beat down on your faggy, stuck up, white English ass, ain't ya. Is you from one of them hidden camera shows that sets up a brother, and then gets the popo to sweep in and save your lily white ass and get us arrested?"

"I assure you Kimmy that I do not have anything to do with any cameras or this popo. I just want to find my way to a more palatable area where I may find transportation and be on my way. The sooner you direct me, the sooner I will be away from here and out of danger of soiling my clothes."

"And just what is wrong with our hood, old man? Are you too good to be seen here wit us low lifes in south Detroit? You know what, ****it. Get him; I'm tired of his lily white ass." Albus didn't have a prayer of out running the angry youths, though he did try. They quickly found his bag with twenty eight Galleons in it, and instinctually knew that this was the score that would get them paid. They decided to beat him a little more out of principle, but the blip of a siren approaching made them scatter.

When Albus Dumbledore of the many names, titles, and awards awoke, he found himself strapped down to a bed with leather restraints, and tubes stuck into his body in uncomfortable places. The door to the room opened and a woman in white came in, accompanied by a man dressed in an unfamiliar uniform. The woman fussed over him, tutting under her breath as she took his vitals and then motioned the officer out of the room with her. Albus had many years of doing small wandless charms, with his focus mostly on those that could be used to further his agenda while remaining unnoticed. He was adept at minor compulsions, switching spells, basic temporary enhancements like hearing and sight, and unlocking spells. Anything that needed more power or control though, required a wand or foci. He quickly did a wandless listening charm, and then focused to hear what was being said about him by the two standing outside his room.

The nurse started her report to the man. "As near as we can tell, he is a deranged old man, possibly someone's grandfather who has a severe case of dementia as well as a possible case of Alzheimer's. He has been out since you brought him in two days ago, though every once in a while he starts talking about making the stupid muddles pay for not knowing they were beneath him, and showing him the respect he deserves. He also keeps yelling in some form of bastardized Latin, which our charge nurse recognized because she went through a medical program that required her to learn Latin. We expect him to wake up today, but the Doctor who is in charge of his case said it would be smart to keep him restrained, for his own good since he is suffering so. She was so concerned, and she showed such great care in diagnosing his conditions. We are very lucky that Dr. Herwig is visiting us this week and can help us take care of our poor Grandpa Doe in there."

Albus was unhappy about his circumstances, and was determined to escape from these barbarians who were holding him here against his will. He had heard about the horrors they did to people at muggle hospitals and sanitariums when he was a young man. What was even more frightening to him was the fact that he had heard that they no longer used leaches and spirits to treat ailments. To give up proven medicine, passed down from generation to generation in favor of using ekeltrisissy and new teknolgy was the height of irresponsibility. You would think that their leaders would be intelligent enough to know that slow and regulated progress was the way for the world to thrive. This was exactly why any right minded wizard knew at an instinctive level, that the muggles needed to be ruled by wise and beneficent wizards, and the woman kept in their rightful place, at home minding the hearth and children.

A quick alohamora opened the restraints on his right arm, allowing him to have more freedom; three more freed his legs and left hand, and he undid the strap across his chest with his hands while plotting his next move. The windows were barred so that avenue was closed, and it was dangerous to apparate within three days of using an international portkey because your magic had to settle and adapt to the local ley lines. Plus, he still felt weak because of the multiple beatings he had recently received. Albus cautiously looked out the observation window in the door, and noticed that the man and woman had moved further down the hall, the man flirting with the woman while she checked her other patients. Another alohamora, and then another as he was not rested enough for the drain he was putting on his magic, and the door was open and he had a straight shot to the door marked stairs. When he arrived at the door, he found it locked as well since this was a psychiatric ward, and it took him another four alohamoras before the door opened. A beeping set off at the nurses' desk behind him, and he rushed out and down the stairs, knowing that he was the cause and they would soon be looking for him. Albus descended three flights before entering the nearest door, and then searching for an empty room where he could rest before moving on. He used his last bit of energy to place a mild notice-me-not charm on the door, and then collapsed onto the bed to rest as three floors above him, his absence was discovered and the hospital echoed with a voice informing all of a code 918A, escaped mental patient.

It was another two days before it was noticed that the intern/on call room on the fifth floor seemed to have disappeared and had caused the internists to not be able to nap and had reduced their efficiency. A nurse who was a squib called in her cousin, who was a witch, to investigate and the charm was soon dispelled. By that time, Albus had left the hospital and had made his way to the local magical community and had once more arranged for a backup wand and some money, and then very carefully watched the International portkey made to ensure that he would arrive back in England and not somewhere else. When he was satisfied that it was correct, scanning it twice before he was even willing to take it from the woman. Just before he could grasp it, a cloud of fire and ice enveloped him, and when he could see again, it was definitely not England. As far as the eye could see stretched red clay, sand, and scrub, and the heat was oppressive. About one hundred yards away lay a copse of trees, and Albus figured that he could plan out his actions once he reached the shade and was able to cool off.

He reached the edge of the trees, and there in a tree back in the shade was the bird he had come to hate. He did not care anymore whether or not it could possibly damn him if he succeeded in killing it; it had interfered with his plans for the last time. He raised his wand surprisingly quickly, and was about to blast the bloody bird with a spell he had learned from Morgana's personal Grimoire that she designed to destroy Merlin's phoenix familiar. The spell was on his lips and ready to be unleashed, when he noticed that his nemesis was not looking at his wand, but at his arm further up. He glanced down, and instantly wished he hadn't since there on his arm, was a creature that only lived in one place in the world, and that was deep in the magical Outback of Australia.

In the book, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them by Newt Scamander, there is an entire section dedicated to the fact that no sane wizard should ever travel to Australia for any reason, but if they did they should stay out of the Outback at all costs. This was because there were creatures there that fed on magic, and felt that wizards were tasty treats to be hunted down and savored over long periods of time. One such creature that had almost an entire chapter dedicated to why it should be avoided was the Colexis Anteris Nesting Arachnid which was described as having a body the size of a remember-all covered in red and white stripes over a black background. Its nickname was the puppet master spider; because it could with one bite, control the reality of its chosen host. It would feed of the magic inherent in its host, and use the host to travel great distances in search of a nice river or stream to live near, while it hid itself in comfort underneath the clothes of a wizard. Once it had used you to move itself to its new chosen environment, it would release the wizard to fend for itself. Many a wizard did not survive being released, because they were thirsty, and went to the nearest river for water. Wizards, being fairly oblivious to their surroundings and the danger the natural world could hold, would kneel down and stick their faces in the water to quench their tremendous thirst. The last thing many a wizard saw after being host to one of the puppet master spiders was a very long row of teeth directly above and below their head before they knew no more.

It was with dawning horror that Albus Dumbledore watched the spider on his arm lunge toward his wrist and the exposed skin that was there. Knowing it was too late for him to avoid the bite, Albus decided to release the curse he had prepared at the cause of his woes. The spell shot from his wand, but since it was not really his wand, his release of so much power had unintended side effects. The spell was off by about six inches, missing the phoenix completely, and blasting apart a tree that had stood in that area for more than five hundred years, releasing a spirit that the aborigines had trapped there for causing mischief and harm to their tribes. She, for lack of a better description, followed the magic back to its source, and since the puppet master spider had by now taken over her new host, decided to grant her savior a gift. All at once the Spider became conscious, with desires and wants that she never would have fathomed seconds before, and the spirit of mischief moved on looking for new adventure.

For the next week, odd occurrences happened all over Australia that were strange and unexplained. In one town three banks were robbed by a man wearing a fake beard and a dress, and calling himself Betty. In another town, that same character made off with an entire warehouse worth of silk fabric, and then another two banks were robbed. The crime spree continued, and spread to major cities, with the list growing to bizarre and staggering proportions, always money and some object that made no sense, since it was not easy to transport, nor easy to fence. Finally, the crime spree ended, and though the police still hunted for the criminal, they had no real leads. In Sydney, there was a new luxury resort that had just been completed, and the condos overlooking the surf of one of the best beaches in Australia went on sale. What made this resort special is it catered to magical and mundane, with each having their own separate areas for those who could not blend in with the regular folk.