36 Reconciliation

I’D HAD A SANDWICH, but mostly I was studying. I just liked to be out in the Student Union. When I sat in the food court it felt like I was more a part of college life. Even though we were living out at the ranch, we really tried to be more involved with campus activities this year. Most days, I went to watch Kyle at rodeo practice, but I was concerned about my ranch management class and needed to study today.

“May I join you?” a soft voice said. I looked up and my heart did a flip-flop. I know my mouth worked because I could feel it moving up and down. But no sound was coming out. “If it’s not okay, I understand,” Aubrey said. She started to back away.

“Aubrey! Please! Sit with me. Damn, it’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you, too. I’ve missed you, Ramie.”

“What have you been doing? I saw you once but you looked like you were ... busy.” She looked puzzled. “With ... um ... Rick Miles.”

“Oh,” she sighed and looked relieved. “I couldn’t figure out who you could have seen me with. Rick’s been nice. We study together. When he’s not lecturing me.”

“What would he lecture you about?” I asked.

“How stupid I was to lose you and Kyle.” Aubrey had a tear threatening to leak from her eye. It didn’t quite break free. “So, are you seeing anyone?” she said brightly.

“Um ... yeah, I sort of am. But...”

“I’m happy for you. I...” she broke off when she saw I wasn’t paying attention. I smiled as Kyle came across the cafeteria to our table. I’d let him go a little further Saturday night than I’d intended and I was still tingly from feeling his hand against my bare skin.

“Laramie,” he said as he bent to kiss me. I almost let him make a scene before I remembered Aubrey was there.

“Kyle,” I whispered. “Sit with Aubrey and me.”

“Aubrey?” He turned so fast toward her that he lost his balance and landed on the floor. At least that got us over the awkward part as we all started laughing and I helped him up off the floor.

“Wouldn’t you rather sit on a chair?” I asked.

“Yeah. Sure. Aubrey. How are you?” He was as thrown as I was and I could see in his eyes that he loved her as much as I did.

“You ... uh ... You are seeing each other now?” she squeaked. I suppose I had the stupidest grin on my face in the world when I nodded.

“We’re dating. He’s kind of hard to resist.”

“I always thought ... I’m happy for you. I’ll see you.” She pushed her chair back and I looked at Kyle. He looked as panicked as I felt. We both reached out to catch her hands.

“Aubrey...”

“Would you like to go out with us this week?” Kyle finished.

“We could go to the Cowboy Bar and Grill Wednesday night. That’s when they allow underaged kids in until ten,” I added.

“We could pick you up early and go to dinner first.”

“Or we could go to the arcade if you’d prefer.”

“Or just go get coffee,” Kyle finished. We were both holding her hands and she squeezed them.

“You don’t think I’d just be a third wheel?” she asked.

“Nothing’s more stable than a tricycle,” Kyle answered. Aubrey nodded.

“We need to talk,” Kyle said as we walked into the apartment after dinner. I was pretty well caught up on my homework and I nodded.

“Let’s sit in the living room,” I suggested. It was already cold out and I was hoping we weren’t headed for another hard winter.

“I can tell you still love Aubrey,” he said. I nodded. “And so do I. But Laramie, I’m in love with you, too, and I won’t do anything to hurt what we have together.” Ever since he’d stopped ‘being my brother, ‘ he’d been using my full name instead of the family nickname. I liked it. It was special between us.

“Kyle, I won’t trade what we have for anything in the world. But I miss her and so do you.”

“Do you think she’d come back to us? The new us?” he asked.

“We can’t know until we ask her. She was never upset about us. It was all the other stuff. And that we deceived her. I won’t do that again,” I said.

“I agree. I won’t deceive her but I won’t let anything come between us, either,” Kyle said. He reached out and took my hand. I pulled him toward me.

“Do you have a lot of homework tonight?” I asked.

“I got most all the reading done while I was waiting at the arena,” he said, leaning toward me.

“Could we make out a while, then?”

I guess that kiss was a yes.

We ended up just going out for dinner Wednesday night. We had a lot to talk about and the other venues weren’t for talking.

“I love that you are together,” Aubrey said as she sat across from us. We’d had burgers and were drinking coffee. It was beginning to look like we’d be drinking a lot of coffee tonight. “You look so good together. Are you still ... um ... traveling?”

I knew the subject would come up again. There was no way we could get back together without talking about it. And it sure looked like Aubrey was interested in getting back together. But it hurt so damned much to talk about. I could feel my face squinch up and tears in my eyes. Poor Miranda. Poor Jason. Poor Katie. I loved them all so much. Aubrey reached out and took our hands and brought them together so she was holding Kyle and me between her hands.

“I promise I won’t freak out. I’m so sorry that I ran away from you before. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not that, honey,” I said. “They’re dead.” I saw her try to comprehend what I was saying as she creased her eyebrows together.

“You mean like they lived a couple centuries ago, right? But you still go back?” she asked. I shook my head.

“We were there, Aubrey. I know it’s hard for you to believe,” Kyle said. “It’s why we never told you or anyone. We thought it was just a dream for a while. When I killed all those helpless women and children and old men, I prayed that it was a dream and I’d wake up from it. But we were there when they died, Aubrey. We can’t change it. We can’t go back and make them alive. No matter how much we want to.”

I just knew this was going to end up in a river of tears.

“And that’s the end?”

“So far as we know,” I said. “Pa says he traveled a few times after his host died but it was because he was anchored to his wife. When she died, he stopped traveling. Our hosts—who were married to each other—both died. I so want to go back and see my baby. And my Katie.”

We just held hands. Aubrey had a lot to take in.

“See? We’re still crazy,” Kyle said. He tried to laugh it off like Pa did when we told him we thought he was crazy.

“No. I don’t believe that,” Aubrey said.

“What changed for you, honey?” I asked.

“Rick. I’ve been hanging around campus ever since football practice started the first of August. He was nice to me and I thought we were dating but we weren’t. He was just being a friend. Whenever we got together all I did was talk about the two of you. I ... I sort of told him ... everything. Please don’t be mad at me for that. I had to. One day he took me by the hand and we walked out to Green Hill Cemetery. It’s really big. There’s a whole section where they just buried babies. He walked me up and down every avenue in the cemetery pointing out different stones and how long the people lived. He’s a history major and he kept telling me what was happening in Laramie or in the U.S. or in the world when that person lived. Then he’d say things like, ‘You think that person ever imagined there’d be airplanes?’ Finally, he looked at me and said, ‘You can’t imagine what the future will bring. But you can’t imagine the lives these people lived, either. Who is to say that no one ever bridged the gap?’ And that’s when I ... It was like I heard a voice from somewhere out in that cemetery telling me I could be the bridge. I had to come and find you.”