27 Hard to Do

I WAS CURLED UP in the middle of the bed with my knees against my nose crying when Aubrey found me. The raven called again. I felt the tug but stayed in Aubrey’s arms. I buried my face between her breasts and continued to weep. Before I drifted off to sleep, I felt Kyle lie on my other side and hold both of us.

How could I ever explain this to my precious Aubrey? Four. I’d killed three men and a woman. It made no difference how Pa had tried to assure me that it was not me. I held the knife. I pulled the trigger. And I hadn’t even been able to stay and defend Miranda. I might have gotten her hung! For the first time Kyle and I recognized each other at the same time. Then I was gone, leaving him to clean up my mess.

Why couldn’t it just be a dream? Why couldn’t I wake up?

Kyle was behind Aubrey when I finally woke up Sunday morning. But he was reaching across her to hold me, as well. We were all three naked as babies. I got out of bed, pulled on a robe and went to take a shower. When I came out, Kyle was dressed and sitting on the sofa. Aubrey slipped behind me, still naked, and went in to shower. As soon as the door closed, Kyle motioned me to the sofa. I sat down and he pulled me to him with his arm around me.

“We were there,” he whispered. “At the same time, or close enough to it. I think old Blackfeather might be synchronizing us at last.”

“You saw me. You saw me kill her.”

“Ramie, you saved my life. Jason’s life. She hit him but just a scratch. He’s fine and Miranda and Katie and Theresa are fine. Everyone in the street supported you and declared it was both self-defense and defense of a soldier,” he said.

“How can it be both?” I laughed. It was a relief to know we were all okay.

“You know how people are. Some said she was shooting at you and missed. They swear the stray bullet hit Jason. Others say they were reaching for their guns to stop her firing on the cavalry but Miranda was faster. You know, by the way, that your stance is real twenty-first century.”

“Can’t help it,” I answered. “Kurt taught me. It weighs almost exactly what my Remington 1911 weighs and it’s comfortable to hold it that way.”

“There was one other witness,” Kyle said softly. “John says he saw a wolf guide the bullet. Of course, I’m the only one he’s told that.”

“Thank god. He’s right, you know? That damned wolf has been stalking me for months and months. I met him first in Baltimore. He scares the bejeezus out of me, but he hasn’t harmed me.”

“I didn’t see him. I guess he’s somehow tied to you. Probably from this.” Kyle stroked my neck. I was only wearing my robe so I hadn’t tied on a bandana yet. I felt a chill go down my spine.

“You know about John and Theresa?”

“That they are in love? Got to be careful with that. They are really playing with fire.”

“They’re our grandparents, Kyle. Well, what’s that come out to? Our four-times-great-grandparents. Theresa Ranae Bell and White Horse were Laramie Wyoming Bell’s parents.”

“Holy shit! I never connected that. It never even registered that her last name was Bell. That means that scoundrel who sold you into prostitution was our ancestor, too. Shit, shit, shit.”

We sat there quietly for a few minutes until we heard the shower turn off.

“Thank you for comforting me last night, Kyle. You’ve always got my back.” I got up and went to get ready for Sunday dinner.

I didn’t have much time to think about what had happened in January of 1871. It was a good thing, I suppose. I’d have driven myself crazy. The first week of college classes pretty much set my schedule. We dropped the kids at the high school on our way to class. Kyle and I had several of the same classes, but Mom Ash had encouraged us to choose different specialties in our major so we could cover more territory.

We were both determined to major in Equine Science but decided to have complementary minors. Mine would be in Farm and Ranch Management and Kyle would minor in Agricultural Business. We were booked for a full load of 17 semester hours each. And they hit us hard starting on day one. We ended the week looking forward to Labor Day just so we could catch up on our reading.

Aubrey was majoring in Physiology and Kinesiology and we had no classes together at all. I wondered what good that degree would do on a ranch, but then I had to stop and think about it. Kyle and I hired Aubrey to do our books and accounting, but we hadn’t talked to her about actually becoming a part of the ranch one day. I guess I just took it for granted that when she moved in with us it was going to be forever.

Well, maybe it would be, but we were only eighteen and I considered that too young to talk about forever. Still, we’d been invited to Shelby’s wedding three weeks after we graduated and it was obvious she was pregnant. And she was happy about it. We hadn’t been close since she and Forrest broke up, but I still considered her a friend. I’d have to talk to Aubrey about what she felt. It wasn’t like we were fucking each other every night. In fact, I didn’t think any of us had made love since school started.

By the last week of October, I started feeling like I’d about got the hang of college life. Then midterms hit and it was just as bad as the first week. We were up and studying in the living room until all hours of the early morning. Aubrey said she needed to meet with a study group over the weekend so she stayed at her parents’ house. It was sad that we were in such different circles at school.

“Kyle.” I threw my book on the floor. Our first exam in equine health was Monday morning and I was as ready as I was ever going to be. But if I didn’t get my head on straight it wouldn’t matter. I missed Aubrey. Kyle jumped and closed his book. He had the same exam and I know he knew everything as well as I did.

“What, Ramie?”

“We need to talk to Aubrey.”

“She ain’t here.”

“That’s the point.” I could already feel my throat closing up and tears in my eyes. “I don’t think she’s happy here. I think we’re losing her.” Kyle scooted over on the couch and put an arm around me. I looked up at him and could see the truth in his eyes. He felt the same way I did. Since school started we’d hardly done anything fun and didn’t even have sex much. Even this weekend when we were trying to study for mid-terms, we’d had to spend Saturday getting a new boarder squared away.

“What are we going to do, Ramie?” he asked. “I don’t want to lose her. But we hardly see her except at night and then we aren’t even studying the same subjects. I really love her.”

“I do, too. We’ve got to talk to her.”

“I know the answer to everything is ‘talk about it’. Ramie, we’ve got exams this week. We’re studying our fucking asses off. And that rescue organization is dropping six horses off on Wednesday. Right when we have our stupid English Lit exam.”

“That’s part of the problem. We have to cut back on new business. I’ll talk to Pa about how to slow down. I never expected to have so many horses so soon,” I said.

“What do we tell Aubrey?”

“I don’t think we need to tell her anything. We need to ask her how we can make her happy. I can’t stand not having her here. If we can’t do it during the week, we have to do it next weekend. If she’s still our girlfriend by then.”

Aubrey spent another night at her parents’ house because she had a midterm at seven on Tuesday morning. But she came home with us Tuesday night. We all had English Lit exams on Wednesday, but at different times. It was one of those required classes all freshmen had to take but that had a dozen different sections.

We raced home to receive the six horses from the rescue organization. There was paperwork and we had to isolate them from the other horses while we got them acclimated to our ranch. That meant moving the boarders to the paddock and the new horses to our little pasture. We got hay out for them and then had to sign all the papers. The good part about working with this organization was that they were a non-profit and actually paid us a small stipend to take the horses they’d rescued. We’d spent two days with them this summer as they inspected our operation and had a vet come out to check the health of our other rescues. It was pretty intense, but they also didn’t have places for the horses they rescued and we’d agreed that we could take a dozen this year.

“I have to go study,” Aubrey announced as we were working with them.

“Okay, baby,” I said. “We have to work with these guys but you don’t.”

“It just never stops! I’ll put some spaghetti on for dinner.” She caught Kyle and gave him a smooch and then headed for the apartment. I watched her go.

“Aubrey, we need to talk.” We’d all gone out to a concert Friday night to celebrate finishing our exams. Aubrey had crashed with Kyle and by the sounds of it, they had their own little celebration. It gave me a warm feeling in my tummy. But Saturday was more of the same work, chores, and catching up. By evening, we were all ready to relax and unwind. I plopped down on the couch next to my girlfriend.

Aubrey looked up and saw Kyle approaching. He sat on her other side. She looked back at me and started crying.

“You’re going to break up with me! I’m a terrible girlfriend and you hate me,” she wailed. Shit! Kyle and I sandwiched her in a big hug.

“No we’re not, honey,” Kyle said. “We don’t want to break up with you. Is that what you want?”

“No. Maybe. I’m not a good girlfriend. I love you so much!”

“It’s been a really tough fall and we’ve all been a little crazy,” I whispered as I kissed her ear. “Are you unhappy, honey? That’s what we’re really afraid of. We’re afraid we’re losing you.” Aubrey’s tears came out in a flood and I started crying, too.

“I love you. I don’t want to lose you. But I’m not happy like we used to be.”

“Tell us, baby.”

“We worked hard this summer, but we had fun. We went out to the Cowboy Bar on teen night. We saw a few friends. We went to a movie. Now we’re in college and there’s all this stuff we could be doing! There’s ballgames, and sororities, and clubs, and the Union. We don’t do any of it. Last night was the first night we did something fun all fall,” she moaned.