Chapter 53: Goodbyes, Part II

June 1979

The second week of Summer school was much like the first — busy. I was doing homework and studying for tests every night. Three things of note happened that week.

On Tuesday, Jennie Sanders called me. I told her what had happened with my mom and that my mom suspected us of having sex. I told her exactly what I had said to my mom and left it to her to decide what to say about her reasons. She was a bit upset, but said she could handle it.

On Wednesday, Bethany stopped me in the hall, “Can we get together before you leave?”

I checked the little black date book that Mary had given me what seemed like ages ago.

“Sure, does Saturday the 23rd work for you?”

“Yes. I’ll let you know the details later.”

We hugged, and she went home and I went to my afternoon class. I talked to Jennifer that evening and let her know that Bethany had indeed asked to get together. She giggled and told me to have fun.

On Thursday, I received a call from Kathy Will. She had been extremely nice, and although there were occasional subtle hints, there was nothing overt.

“I wonder if you would take me on a date?”

“A date?”

“Yes, a date. Just dinner and a movie.”

This fit with how she had been acting for the past several months. She had gone from demanding sex and ‘Fuck you, Steve Adams!’ to asking for a simple date. I figured a date was OK, and would give us a chance to talk.

“How about tomorrow?”

“I’ll pick you up at 5:00pm, OK?”

“Sounds good, see you then.”

I called Jennifer and talked to her about it. She wasn’t upset and said she wasn’t worried about Kathy at this point.

On Friday, I had two final exams to complete, one for the morning class, once for the afternoon. I was pretty sure I aced them. Dad picked me up, and I arrived home about fifteen minutes before Kathy was to pick me up. I took a quick shower and dressed in jeans and button-down shirt, grabbed my fedora, and went to wait for Kathy about three minutes before she was supposed to be there.

Kathy pulled up in her dad’s silver Volvo 244DL sedan. Whereas Cassie’s Fury was a boat, the Volvo was a tank. It dawned on me that I’d be seeing a lot more of those in a couple of weeks. I got in and she drove us to Pizza Inn. After ordering our pizza, we chatted about school, her Summer plans, and my trip.

“I owe you an apology for the way I treated you,” Kathy said. “Things got off to a terrible start, and that was completely my fault. I treated you like all the other guys and assumed you just wanted what all the other guys did.”

“Oh, I did. There’s no question about that. I lusted after you for two years. I would have given anything to have sex with you. I was crushing on you so hard I would have done anything you asked.”

She smiled, “I wish I had known!”

“Well, early on I was so afraid to even talk to you. Even after I got comfortable talking to you, I never got my confidence up to ask you out. I guess it was my fear of being rejected. Then at the party you confessed your mutual crush, which I guess Bethany knew about. I realized then I could have asked you out and felt like an idiot.”

“Yes, Bethany knew. She was the only one who knew. She never told you?”

“No. She kept your confidence.”

“She’s pretty nice. I was really surprised that the two of you had been together. I just didn’t make sense to me then, and still doesn’t make sense to me. She hasn’t said anything.”

“And neither will I,” I said. “That’s between her and me.”

“OK. And then at the party, when Bethany told me to go for my make-out session, I realized that I had a chance to act on my crush. I made a huge mistake. It turns out that unlike every other guy I’ve dated, sex isn’t the way to attract you. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you don’t want sex, but that just, well, spreading my legs was a bad thing. Had I just made out with you, I might have had a chance of a date.

“It was dumb of me to assume what I did. When you stopped and offered to show me what I was missing, I wasn’t sure if you were pulling my leg, were serious, or if you didn’t like me. I talked to Jennifer and Bethany and they told me to ask you, that you weren’t kidding. I worked up my courage to ask you to do it.

“Then we did and I couldn’t believe it. I’d always thought it was just something that girls had to put up with. That’s what my mom always implied about her and my dad — that she did it to keep him happy and that’s it. So that’s how I approached it. When I lost my virginity, I didn’t really feel anything at all. The same thing happened the second time, so I just assumed mom was right. At that point, I just decided I should do it with the guys I was dating. They all seemed to like it, so I didn’t think anything was wrong.

“Then when we did it and I had those amazing orgasms, I realized I’d completely missed the point. It was so amazing that I tried to turn what was a one-time thing into something regular and you stopped again. I couldn’t figure it out. I wondered if Jennifer had given you some limit. Then I talked to her and found something had changed, but not the way I thought. So I came to you and asked you to do it again. When you said ‘no’ I was really, really pissed. That’s why I said what I said.

“Then I thought about everything you had said, how you approached things, how you treated the girls. It was different from all the guys I hung out with.”

I interrupted her, “You hung out with football and baseball players, you know, jocks. And I’m getting the idea that their reputations as studs are pretty far off base!”

She smirked, “Yeah, I’d say! Anyway, I decided I had really messed up. I really like you, Steve, and I wanted to get to know you better. I saw how the girls at your table treated you, so I decided to just try to be your friend. I was kind of put off when Janet Owens started hanging out with you guys, but then I realized she was a totally different person than I thought she was. Then I knew for sure I’d never make any progress except by being nice. And I guess it worked.”

“Yes, it worked. Here we are on a date.”

Our pizza arrived, and we ate. When we finished, I paid, and we got back into her car and drove to the theater. We saw Butch and Sundance: The Early Days which had just been released. It was OK. I put my arm around Kathy during the movie and she snuggled as close as she could, given the armrest between us. When the movie finished, we headed back to the car, and she pulled out of the parking lot.

I wasn’t sure of her intentions, but my intention was to make this just a date. I really enjoyed being out with her. I liked her, but I was certainly not crushing on her at this point. I decided that the best approach with Kathy was slow. As much as I wanted her, it wasn’t right.

“What do you want to do now?” she asked.

“The real question is what you’re looking for.”

“I’d like to go out with you again. I like you.”

“I’m going to be gone for a year. Can I suggest you write to me? I’ll write back. As much as I would love to get into your panties again, I don’t think it’s a good idea. It’s not the basis for a friendship.”

She giggled, “You really want to get into my panties?”

“I do. Let’s just say I enjoyed it and think it could be even better. But it’s also the wrong thing to do right now. Let’s see what happens Senior year, OK?”

A year would let her date and perhaps find a boyfriend. Jennifer and I were already planning for Senior year and beyond. Having Kathy as a friend seemed the right thing to do. I wasn’t going to lead her on, but I wasn’t going to push her away.

“To be honest, I want you to do it with me tonight, but I also want to be your friend. Maybe there’s something more between us, maybe not. If we stay friends, anything can happen. If you were going to be here, it might be different. I don’t want to mess up a friendship with sex just for the sake of sex. I had sex for the sake of sex before, it wasn’t any fun.”

She drove me home, and I gave her a soft kiss on the lips and a hug good night. I gave her my address in Sweden and we promised to write. It was too late to call Jennifer, but I’d do that in the morning before Becky arrived. I went to my room and wrote in my journal. It was just over two weeks before I’d be leaving. The number of days I had left was quickly dwindling, and I felt some sadness at leaving my friends.

Saturday morning’s routine was normal. At breakfast, Stephanie lectured me.

“Steve, when you’re with Becky today, DO NOT be a dumb boy. Seriously. She’s not the one for you.”

“Stephanie, I know your opinion. You’ve made it clear.”

“I still don’t see what it is that keeps you going back to her. You don’t owe her anything. You didn’t take her virginity; she gave it to you, willingly, with Jennifer’s help. In fact, it’s clear she tried at least twice before she succeeded! Quit feeling guilty and just break it off cleanly. Be done with it. Is she REALLY an option for you, Steve?”

“No, I guess not.”

“Jennifer is the right person for you. You know she is. I know she is. Jennifer knows she is. Just tell Becky it’s over, period. Tell her you’ve decided there’s no possible future. Even if you and Jennifer somehow blow it, you aren’t going with Becky. I’m sure of it, and so are you.”

“You’re right, Squirt.”

“Clean break, Big Bro. End it.”

She was right, of course. There was no connection with Becky. She wasn’t a soulmate. I had loved her so much, but in the end, breaking up a year ago had been the right thing to do. And ending it today would be clean. I’d be away for a year and, hopefully, Becky would move on.

“Clearing the field for yourself, Squirt?”

“There is no competition, Big Brother,” she smirked, “Even Jennifer can’t hold a candle to me. You wrote that in your journal.”

She was right again, of course. I had written about that for several pages in my journal. Jennifer and Stephanie were so much alike, and that’s probably what attracted me to Jennifer in the first place, even when we were just friends.

Becky arrived just before 10:00am. We spent an hour playing pool before Dad dropped us in Milford. We went to Frisch’s for lunch and then walked hand-in-hand towards the river. I thought that was the best place to talk.

“Becky, I’ve thought a lot about us, about everything we’ve said, and about the future. I honestly don’t think it’s going to work out; not now, not ever.”

“I know,” she said softly, a tear running down her face.

“As much as I love you, I don’t have the same feelings that I did when we were a couple. And I don’t see them coming back. I honestly think my future is with Jennifer.”

She sniffed, holding back a full cry, and said, “I’m not really surprised. Sex won’t change your mind. I thought it would, but it won’t. Just like it didn’t make you commit to me.”

“No Becky, it didn’t and it won’t.”

“What about Joyce?”

“That’s basically over. We didn’t formally end it, but we talked a lot and it’s pretty clear that she and I aren’t right for each other in the long run. We both know it. We’ll write and keep in touch when I’m gone, but then she’s going to college and I’ll be a Senior. Joyce and I will talk when I get back, but I don’t expect anything to change.”

“And all the other girls?”

“There really isn’t anyone else. When I come back, most likely Jennifer and I will make a commitment and go steady our Senior year. At some point, we’ll most likely get engaged and eventually marry.”

“I guess I’ve known that since we broke up a year ago. I’ve held out hope that something would change so I could be your wife and have your children, but it didn’t. I made so many mistakes with you, Steve. If I hadn’t pushed so hard and fast, things might have been different. It’s all my fault. Since then, I should have just tried to be your friend. I thought of ways I could change things...” she sobbed.

“We both made mistakes,” I said. “I know you wish it could have been different. This is where we are now. I just don’t see anything that could change it.”

We walked hand-in-hand in silence for several minutes while she got control of her emotions.

“When we broke up, you screwed me silly,” Becky said. “Think you could do that one more time? I won’t take it as anything but a good fucking.”

“I had promised you that I would. If you can set aside any emotional attachment, then yes, I can do it.”

We walked back towards the apartment in silence. We went into the building and up the stairs, and I let us in. We both kicked off our shoes and stood looking at each other.

“This is goodbye, Becky, you know that, right?”

“Yes, I know. Please, just love me one more time.”

We moved next to the bed and kissed, slowly removing our clothes. Her small body trembled. It wasn’t excitement, it was nervousness. I guessed it was the fact that we hadn’t been together in a year and that it was our last time, so I dismissed it and kissed her deeply. We got into bed and without any real preliminaries, I rubbed my dick along her slit, which was already sopping wet and pushed in. She humped hard to meet me.

Becky had a year’s worth of pent-up desire that finally had a release. Our lovemaking was usually raw and hard, but this was even more so. She wrapped her small legs around me and threw her body at me as hard as she could. I thrust hard in and out of her and after only two minutes, she groaned in her first orgasm. A few minutes later, both of us gasping for air, she had a second one and the clinch of her pussy around me caused me to groan, press deep into her and fire jet after jet of cum into her.

We collapsed in each other’s arms and simply held each other for a minute. I moved off her, and we lay side-by-side, not cuddling, while we recovered. She didn’t seem nervous now, but there was clearly something bothering her. I was sure that the ‘just sex’ idea was mental, and she still had emotional desires. We lay there in silence for about fifteen minutes.

“Can I be on top?” she asked.

“Sure,” I agreed.

She kissed me once, then swiftly moved to take my dick into her mouth. She licked and sucked until I was hard, then mounted me. She put her hands on my chest and rode me harder than she ever had, her hair flying and her hips moving first in gyrations, then back-and-forth, then up and down. She began humping hard up and down, knowing that was the key to bring me off. When I groaned, she slammed down on me as I fired into her and her pussy spasmed around me. The orgasm was good, but not as intense as usual. I realized that sex with Becky no longer held the attraction it once did.

She pulled off me and excused herself to use the bathroom. When she came back, I went to empty my bladder as well. I got back into bed with her and again we lay side by side in silence.

“Can we do it one more time?” she asked. “And just make it gentle and slow? That’s how I want to remember it.”

“I can do that,” I said.

When I was hard again, I got on top of her and slowly entered her. Our movements were slow and passionate, and for the first time that day, we exchanged gentle kisses. We moved together, building our orgasms, and managed to cum at the same time, Becky hugging me tight with arms and legs until our orgasms passed.

We got up and showered individually and got dressed. While she was in the shower, I stripped the sheets from the bed and put on clean ones. We left the apartment and went to David’s Buffet for dinner, and then Graeter’s for dessert. I called my dad to get us and when we got home, Becky called her dad to pick her up.

We played pool until a few minutes before we guessed her dad would arrive, then went out on the front porch. I put my arm around her and we stood side by side. When we saw headlights, she turned and kissed me gently.

“Thanks. You did exactly what I needed.”

I kissed her back and said, “Goodbye, Becky.”

“Bye, Steve!” she said.

I had expected sad, but that sounded more content than anything. I guessed she had what she wanted.

I went back inside to a glare from Stephanie.

“You dumb boy! You didn’t break it off cleanly, did you?”

“Sure I did. I told her we were done. We discussed it. It was a clean break with no hints of anything in the future.”

“Then why did she have a smug look on her face when she saw me earlier?”

“I have no idea. We broke up. We’re done.”

“Break-up sex again, Big Bro?”

“Yeah. Maybe that was what the look was about because she more or less knows you don’t like her.”

“Maybe. But I don’t think so.”

“Forget it, Squirt, we’re done. I said goodbye, and she said goodbye. No I love you’s. Just goodbye.”

“I hope so. She’s no good for you.”

“Yes, you’ve said that. It’s done.”

I went to my room and poured all the emotions about Becky for the last two years into the journal. I felt similar to how I had when I’d written my letter to Birgit. That chapter in the book of my life was over with.

On Sunday morning, I went to church because I knew Jennie would be there. Mom cornered her after Mass and they left the room. I figured Mom was going to really lay into her, but didn’t want to do it in public. They were gone about twenty minutes and Mom came back looking very unhappy. I guessed, correctly, as it turned out, that Jennie had denied everything. I knew she had to, because Mom was clearly hell-bent on destroying Jennie if she hadn’t.

When we got home, Mom called me into the office.

“I know the two of you had sex. She denied it, but I’m sure. I should call the police and report her!”

“Report what, Mom? She says it didn’t happen. That’s exactly what both of us will tell the police. Of course, I’ll admit to having lots of sex with lots of girls, but not her.”

“You’re both lying. I know it.”

“No, you don’t. You suspect it. But Mrs. Sanders said it never happened. You always liked her. When did she become a liar?”

“Probably once she met you!”