Chapter 4: Just What I Needed

June 1978

Bethany called early on Friday morning to invite me to dinner. I was happy to accept. She said that she would be seeing Doctor Mercer that afternoon and would get a recommendation. I thanked her and said I’d see her later.

I called Anna to chat. Her parents would be gone from June 26th through the 30th. I told her that any of those days would be fine, and I would make sure I worked mornings and early afternoons. She was happy, told me she was concerned about me, and was excited that we were going to get to see each other. I let her know that Pete and Melanie were trying to fix their relationship which made her even happier.

I called Melanie and this time I got hold of her. She and Pete were talking. No change yet, but she was feeling good about the small steps. She told me that Pete had said he had called me. She wanted to come over to talk, and because nothing else was going on, I told her that was fine. She said she’d be over after lunch.

I made the call I had been putting off. I told Mary what had happened and she told me in no uncertain terms that I was to ‘get my butt to her house, right now’. From the tone of her voice, I was sure she’d come here and drag me there if I didn’t go. I wasn’t sure about it, but I got my bike out and rode over.

As I suspected, she was home alone. She opened the door and pulled me in. She gave me a big hug and told me how sorry she was about Birgit. She led me to the kitchen and made some tea. I remembered drinking tea once before at Anna’s house. This was different and kind of odd tasting, but I thought I might grow to like it. It was something called ‘Earl Grey’. I ended up drinking two cups while we talked.

We talked about Birgit, about Becky, about Melanie, and about Jennifer.

“How much emotional trauma can one guy take?” Mary asked. “Aren’t you close to breaking?”

“I broke down on Saturday, on Sunday, and again yesterday. I asked my dad about seeing a therapist or counselor, and I’m going to do that. There’s something dark and evil that rose up in me that scares me. What really bothers me is that I liked it. On Sunday, my mom got it full force and the fallout was pretty bad for me and for Stephanie.”

“That’s not good,” she said.

“No, it’s not.”

She cleared the cups and put them in the dishwasher, then came and sat back down. We just looked at each other for a few minutes, and then she spoke.

“I know you’re hurting and I want to help.”

“Just be my friend, please?” I asked.

“I can do more.”

“No, you’re with Ben now.”

“After you called, I called Ben. I confirmed our arrangement. He not only is OK with it, he told me he thought it was a great idea. I’m moving it up a few weeks. Before you say anything, Ben knows my past, all of it, just as you do. Neither of us thinks we’ll be permanently exclusive forever, even if we stay together a long time. We both like sex, a lot. We like sex with each other. But we also agree that we can have sex with other people, so long as we get clear permission, in advance, and only do what we both agree on.”

“I’m still not sure this is a good idea.”

“You’re wrong, it’s a great idea. It’s what you need. Have you been with anyone since Saturday?”

“No, it’s actually been a couple of weeks, but I’m fine, really.”

“No, you aren’t, and I know exactly what you need. You aren’t seeing anyone seriously right now. You and I have a history. Neither of us is going to fall in love with the other. Let me help you my way.”

I just sat there. I wanted to, but I kept telling myself it was wrong. Mary decided to act. I guess she assumed I wouldn’t resist, and she was right about that. My willpower was gone. I had a fleeting thought that I was really glad this hadn’t happened with Becky. Mary was right — I needed it. I also knew that Becky would have been a disaster.

Mary took my hand and tugged. Zombie-like I followed her. We passed the basement door and she turned for the stairs.

“What are we doing?” I asked, almost pleading.

“Exactly what you need. Something I’ve never done. Ever.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I want to make love to you.”

“What?”

“You don’t need to fuck, you need to be loved. Let me love you.”

I submitted and she led me up the stairs to her room and patted the bed.

“A bed? Are you sure?”

“Shh!” she said soothingly. “Just let me love you.”

I lay down with my head on the pillow and she laid down next to me.

“Why?”

“Because you need it and because you’re my friend.”

I gave up at that point and just let it happen.

Mary kissed me gently, more gently than she had ever kissed me before. She began kissing my face and neck, rubbing her hand on my chest. She shifted slightly on the bed and unbuttoned the buttons on my polo shirt. She kissed me again and tugged at the shirt. I sat up and she pulled it over my head and tossed it on the floor.

Mary began to kiss my chest, carefully avoiding my nipples. After a score of kisses, she touched my nipple with the tip of her tongue, causing it to immediately harden. She did the same for the other one. Then she slowly sucked on my nipples, teasing them with her tongue, first one side then the other. She was gentle and soft with every move.

She began kissing down my breastbone to my stomach, planting small, light kisses. When she reached my shorts, she tugged on them. I lifted my butt off the bed and she removed shorts and underwear together, slowly pulling them off my legs. She removed my socks as well. She moved next to me and kissed me on the lips, then repeated what she had done before with my chest, nipples, and stomach.

This time when she reached my waist, she continued downwards on my groin, not touching my dick. She gave my balls a quick kiss and then kissed her way up the shaft to the top. A quick swirl of her tongue elicited a groan from me. She took me in her hand and gently, ever so gently, lowered her mouth on me. She moved in slow motion, taking me as deep into her mouth as she could, then slowly lifting up. She repeated the process, this time gently sliding her tongue side to side along my shaft.

I lay there, my orgasm building as she made love to me with her mouth. This was a side of Mary I had never experienced. Even when sex was slow, it was about raw pleasure. And it had never been in a bed. She had once told me that beds were reserved for love and I was experiencing that. I felt her moving up and down, her tongue bathing me and gently sucking. She moved a hand to cup my balls and slightly increased her speed. It was still gentle, but brought me right to the edge.

She released me momentarily, looked me in the eye, and then quickly engulfed me again. Up and down, up and down, and then a gentle squeeze caused me to groan loudly and explode in her mouth. She sucked and swallowed, not losing a drop, nor missing a beat. She slowed down again after I came, continuing to pleasure me. Eventually, she let me go and moved up beside me. She put her face over mine and I pulled her into a French kiss, gentle and soft, tongues dancing, not wrestling.

She broke the kiss and stood up. She slowly removed her t-shirt, shorts, and panties and crawled back into bed with me. We cuddled for quite a few minutes and then she began kissing me and fondling my dick, her breasts pressing into me. She threw one leg over me, grasped my dick, adjusted her position slightly, and slowly, inch by inch sank down on me. When I was all the way in, she leaned down to kiss me and began undulating her hips.

She gave me gentle kisses on the lips, on my nose, on my forehead, all the while gyrating her body. She began to slowly move up and down, which she knew would bring me off. Even as she picked up speed, it was gentle, loving, and soft. I could feel another orgasm building. She began squeezing her vaginal muscles at the top and bottom of each stroke, before moving slowly up or down.

She could sense my urgency and began to move faster and squeeze harder. I was very close and a few more movements did the trick. I shot jet after jet into her as she continued to move up and down. She slowed and eventually stopped. She kissed me and moved off me, lying next to me. We cuddled as my dick became flaccid.

“I love it when I feel your hot sperm hit my insides — it’s intense. And you’re still the only guy who’s done that. I make Ben use rubbers.”

That was a revelation. And an interesting one.

“But you didn’t have an orgasm.”

“Shh! It’s OK. This is about you, not me. Just let me cuddle you, OK?”

I didn’t respond verbally, I just pulled her tight to me. We lay that way for a time, just holding each other. She started kissing me and slowly worked her way to my groin, using her mouth to get me hard again. Once she had accomplished her goal, she laid next to me and pulled me on top of her.

“Please, make love to me,” she requested.

I entered her and made slow, passionate love to her, kissing her lips from time to time as I moved gently in and out. She had her legs wrapped tightly around me, mimicking my motions and creating a wonderful slow rhythm. She would occasionally tighten her pussy around my dick and squeeze harder with her legs. We continued for several minutes and I could feel my third eruption starting. I moved a bit faster and fired several jets into her, but because this was my third orgasm in just over an hour, it wasn’t nearly as much as the first.

She hadn’t had an orgasm, and despite her protesting before that it wasn’t about her, I couldn’t let it go. I kissed her neck then suckled each breast in turn then slowly kissed my way to her shaved mons.

“You don’t have to do that. It’s OK.”

“I want to; I need to.”

I began licking her slit, top to bottom. I didn’t care that I had just cum in her twice. I probed her as deeply as I could with my tongue licking and kissing. I moved my mouth to her clit, and using a gently swirling motion and gentle pressure, I raised her to the heights and she stiffened, moaned, and had her release.

I moved next to her and we exchanged a gentle French kiss, tasting our combined fluids. I pulled her to me and cuddled her. We lay there basking in the glow of beautiful lovemaking. I suspected I’d never repeat this with Mary, but she was right. It was exactly what I needed. To feel loved. To feel wanted. To have a small spot of happiness in a sea of despair. For this brief time, I forgot the pain.

“That was beautiful,” I said. “I never would have expected that from you. With us, it’s always been raw, physical pleasure. Thank you.”

“You know I care deeply for you,” Mary said. “We both know that for us it was always just sex. But this time, this one time, I knew what you needed and I wanted to experience it myself. Just giving pleasure and not worrying about myself. And it was amazing. Now I know what it’s supposed to be like, and when I meet a guy who can do that to me, I’ll know I’ve found my soulmate.”

“I just did that with you,” I said softly.

“I know. We have a history. I knew you could do that, and when I asked you, you did it. But that’s not us. It was never us. This was special.”

“It was special.”

“Let’s get you cleaned up so you can get home. OK?”

She led me to the shower and proceeded to gently wash me and remove any traces of our love. She toweled me dry and helped me dress. Then she quickly dried off and dressed. She pulled me into an embrace and walked me downstairs.

“Thanks,” I said lovingly. “You were right. I needed that.”

“Call me, OK? I can still see you when Ben is at his grandma’s and we can go back to our regularly scheduled fucking.”

I laughed, kissed her quickly, got my bike, and rode home to wait for Melanie. I took a dip in the pool, rinsed off, and ate some lunch with Stephanie. She was watching carefully to make sure I really was OK. I told her that Melanie was coming by. She was happy about that.

“So you’ll get that friend back, too!”

“We’ll see. Jennifer isn’t back quite yet — we have a long way to go even after she was here for a few days. And with Melanie, I’m not sure it will ever be the same. With Becky and Jennifer, it was, more or less, a gentle break-up. Melanie and I actually had a fight. A big one. You read that in my journal. She told me to go away. Then when she tried to come back I refused what she wanted and I told her to go away.”

“But she called Pete, right? I heard you talking to him.”

“Yes. But that’s only a small step. There’s a big problem between us that I don’t know if I can solve.”

“She wants to have sex with you.”

“Yes.”

“So? Do it. She’s hot. You guys were apparently doing it like bunny rabbits before. She and Pete aren’t together.”

“She broke up with him because of something I said. Remember?”

“Yeah.”

“So we’ll see. Hey, Squirt, I’m going to probably go see a therapist. There’s something dark building in me I don’t like. It’s why I really went off on mom the other day.”

“She deserved it. Are you kidding? She lied to me about having sex before marriage. You told the truth. You’ve never lied to me.”

“Even so, I was wrong. While what I said was true, I said it in a hateful, hurtful, spiteful way. I’ve had more thoughts like that that I’m afraid of. Dark things. Telling me to do things I otherwise know are wrong.”

“Whoa. Not like killing someone or like what happened to Bethany?!”

“No, not like that, though killing the guy who did that to Bethany did occur to me. But that was before Birgit. This is since then. A voice telling me not to care about right or wrong. Not to love people because I hurt them when I love them. Not to care about their feelings, just do what I want and find a way to make the pain go away.”

“You’re scaring me, Big Bro.”

“I’m scared, too. That’s why I asked Bethany to ask her therapist to suggest someone that can help me. I need it.”

“I’ll help you.”

“I know, Squirt, I know.”

She came and hugged me and went off to her room.

Melanie showed up a few minutes later.

We hugged and went straight to the deck at the back of the house. I could have some privacy and didn’t have to worry about mom having a hissy fit about being in my room. I’d have to figure out how to get past that at some point, but right now I wasn’t going to violate any rules or push anything. I had to wait for her to cool down.