Chapter 36: A Long Road Ahead

November 1978

On Sunday morning I was surprised to find Stephanie awake when I went to swim. She joined me and swam laps with me, though she only completed about half as many as I did. We got out, and I was relieved that she didn’t try to follow me to the shower. I expected that someday, though probably at some point, before she was ready to make her request. She joined me for breakfast as well.

“Going to see Melanie today?”

“That’s the plan, Squirt. I’m just waiting for her mom to call and let me know. Jennifer’s mom will pick me up and take us there. I suspect we won’t stay too long and I’ll be back to work on the computer dating stuff with Beth.”

“How was your date last night?”

“Not even worth more than two lines in the journal. I actually wrote a lot more about trying to sort out the whole Jennifer/Joyce/Becky thing.”

“Becky?”

“Yeah, Becky.”

Stephanie just shook her head without further comment. We finished breakfast in silence, and she went to get ready for church.

Mrs. Spencer called just after 9:00am and said that we should come around 11:00am and stay for a couple of hours. I called Jennifer and told her the plan and she confirmed that they would pick me up just before 11:00am. I suggested that we walk to Jennifer’s house so we could talk afterwards and have her mom bring me home from there. She suggested I stay for dinner and I agreed.

I’d call Beth and put her off until next week. That actually worked better, frankly, because by then she would have had her date with Brent. I made the call and told her about seeing Melanie and she said she understood and would see me next week. I went to tell Dad the day’s plans. He didn’t have any objections.

I did some laundry and messed around on the computer while waiting for Mrs. Block and Jennifer to arrive. Everyone but Dad had left for church. Around 10:15am I decided to call Becky. After everything I had thought about the last few days, I needed to talk to her. I wanted to see her, too, but if I did, I’d be violating the permission Jennifer gave. I was only free to see her and have sex with her so long as there was no promise of the future.

“Hi, Becky.”

“Hi, Steve. What’s wrong?”

She figured out something was bothering me from just saying ‘hi’? What was it with the girls I loved?

“I’ve been thinking about you and missing you.”

“You could have come over the day after Thanksgiving, Steve. I wanted you to!”

“I know,” I said. “It’s complicated.”

“No, it’s not. I know where we are. Come see me and fuck me.”

“Becky!” I gasped.

“Well, if I ask you to make love, you’ll think I’m trying to re-start our relationship.”

“That’s actually the problem, Becky. I still love you.”

“I know. And I love you. That’s not new.”

“But thinking about you and me having a future is.”

“What? I don’t understand!”

“Neither do I, Becky, neither do I. It just hit me on Friday that you, Jennifer, and Joyce all present three very different futures for me and I have no idea which one is the right one. Any of them could be. And the only way to know is to experience them and let things play out.”

“But Jennifer will never allow that. You have to choose her or me. She made it clear.”

“Didn’t you make it clear, too, Becky?”

“Yeah, I guess I did. We talked about it. I made my decision.”

“Exactly.”

“What if we just stay friends but we have sex a few times before you go away? No commitment. Then when you come back, we figure it out.”

I laughed, “That’s pretty much what Joyce and Jennifer both said.”

“So Jennifer and Joyce are OK with each other?”

“Yeah. Joyce because she thinks she’ll win in the end, Jennifer because Joyce isn’t trying to force any kind of exclusive relationship.”

“And that’s what I did, wasn’t it, try to force an exclusive relationship?” she said softly.

“Yes,” I agreed, “that’s exactly it. Jennifer knew you would. I guess I knew you would. And you always planned to.”

“I did. I’m so sorry about that. Is there any way to move forward?”

“I don’t know,” Becky admitted.

“If I didn’t do that, then maybe we could. Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“What are the different futures?”

“Well, I guess Joyce represents stability, Jennifer adventure, and you passion. Sex with each of you fits those descriptions as well as how you relate to me.”

“So I’m passion?” she giggled.

“Becky, pardon the crudity, but nobody fucks with the wild abandon you do. Nobody. I had just shredded your hymen, hurt you, and caused you to bleed all over, and you fucked me like an animal! Jennifer and I have a deep connection and she has her wild moments, but for raw erotic passion, you have her beat. Joyce is conventional and calm for the most part.”

“Sounds boring!”

“You would think so, but it turns out not to be. All three of you provide me with something I need, both physically and emotionally. And I could see living my entire life with any of you. I just don’t know which one fits me best.”

“Passion, of course,” she giggled.

“And the other two girls would each say that their style is the best for me.”

“But you don’t know, do you?”

“No. I need to find out.”

“Which means somehow you and I have to be involved, doesn’t it, Steve? That’s why you called?”

“Yes, Becky. I just don’t know how.”

“Come see me during Christmas break. We can talk and make, uh, fuck, Think about it, OK?”

“I will,” I agreed. “I have to go see Melanie now.”

“Melanie?”

“Oh my God, you don’t know! She tried to kill herself.”

“What?!”

“She was in a really bad place in her life and then she, Jennifer, and I had a falling out and she tried to kill herself.”

“Oh my!” Becky gasped. “What happened between you three?”

“Short version, Jennifer was really uncomfortable with a situation between Melanie and her and instead of dealing with it rationally, lashed out at Melanie, which hurt Melanie, and then Melanie kicked us out of her house and cut off contact. A few days later, Melanie asked me to let her back into my life sexually, and I turned her down because Jennifer had forbidden it. She left school during class and intentionally crashed her car. She has a broken leg, a broken arm, some cracked ribs, and a concussion.”

“You do know that Jennifer is a control freak, right? I hope you can see that!”

“Becky, I gave her that control. It was a mistake. I should never have done that. I took control back, OK? That’s one reason I’m talking to you!”

“OK. Go see Melanie. Let me know about the other stuff, OK? My body is aching for you.”

“Just curious, how do you plan to explain that to your dad?”

“I’ll tell Daddy straight out we’re working on our relationship and that means that we have to fuck!”

“I would love to be a fly on the wall if you put it that way.”

“I won’t! But don’t worry. I can take care of Daddy!”

“I’ll think about it, OK?”

“Yes. Bye, Steve. I love you.”

“I love you too, Becky.”

Just as I hung up, Stephanie came to tell me that the Blocks had arrived to pick me up.

“Talking to Becky? You just can’t stop playing with fire, can you, dumb boy?”

“I guess not. I’m a moth drawn to a hot flame.”

“You haven’t seen or experienced a hot flame yet, Big Brother,” she said smugly, and promptly walked out of the room.

She was going to do that to me until the day she decided to collect. I wasn’t sure I could take it!

When Jennifer and I got to Melanie’s, we saw that her parents had basically made the living room into a new bedroom for her. Melanie was on a roll-away bed, propped up with the TV on. She turned it off when we came in the door.

“Hi, Steve, Hi, Jennifer.”

“Hi, Melanie,” we both said, and each gave her a kiss on the lips.

Melanie smiled.

“I owe you both a lot.”

“Melanie,” I said, looking into her eyes, “Jennifer and I have some responsibility for what happened. I’m really sorry for what I did.”

“I’m sorry I let my fears and insecurities cause me to lash out at you. I should never have done that,” Jennifer added.

“Jennifer, I shouldn’t have reacted like I did. I’m sorry for what I did, I know both of you were hurt.”

I thought we needed to get to the crux of the matter, but with Melanie’s parents there, I didn’t think it was a good idea, but I didn’t think it could wait.

“Mr. and Mrs. Spencer, would it be possible for the three of us to speak privately for about ten minutes?”

“Of course! Take your time.”

They got up and went upstairs. When they were out of earshot, I started explaining.

“Last Sunday, when the three of us were fooling around, Jennifer got freaked out because she liked what she was doing with you. It scared her. That’s why she lashed out. Not because of you or because she thought you were going to steal me away or something, but because she was having feelings that she didn’t know how to deal with.”

“Wait! Are you saying that it was the sex stuff between Jennifer and me that was the problem?”

“Yes. Jennifer liked it, and that really scared her. She couldn’t tell me, so the ‘dumb boy’ had to figure it out by himself.”

Both girls giggled.

Jennifer said, “That’s not all the ‘dumb boy’ figured out. You know that debt he owes his sister?”

Melanie giggled some more, “Yeah.”

“He’s going to pay up in full. Willingly!”

“What?” Melanie gasped.

“You heard her, Melanie,” I said firmly. “I told Stephanie I knew and that when she was ready, I’d do exactly what she asked.”

“Oh my God! I never expected that!”

“And?”

“Oh, I think Jennifer agrees with me that not only should you, but it’s the right thing to do.”

“Yes, I agree. He should. And it’s a beautiful thing,” Jennifer said.

“Anyway, Melanie, I figured things out and confronted Jennifer. She admitted it and that’s when we came to talk to you. And why she agreed that I could not only take you to your prom, but that I could give you a Prom night to remember.”

Melanie smiled and said, “Thanks.”

“Also, after Prom, which means for about two months before I leave for Sweden, you and I can have one-on-one sex if you want, and Jennifer will, so long as I am there to keep her safe, make love with both you and me.”

“Wow!”

“Yeah. But, and this is an important but, when I come back, there’s a good chance that Jennifer and I will become exclusive. It’s not certain, but it’s likely. And you know what that means?”

“Yes.”

“Something you need to do is work on your relationship with Pete. He WILL take you back. It will take time, but I’m sure of it. See him during Christmas break. See him during Spring Break. When he comes home for the Summer, fix it. You can and you will do this. Do you understand me, Melanie Marie Spencer?”

“Yes, Steve.”

“Good!”

I went next to her bed and gave her a searing French kiss. Jennifer looked over her shoulder for Melanie’s parents and then did the same thing.

“So, now that all of that is out of the way, what’s your recovery looking like, Melanie?”

“The arm is the worst of it. My leg is a broken tibia, near the ankle, but it’s set and will heal in plenty of time to dance. My cracked ribs hurt, but they’ll heal enough in a few weeks that I won’t even feel it. I have mild headaches and get dizzy if I do too much because of the concussion, but that should be better in a week or so.”

“And your arm?” I asked.

“Well, that’s bad. It’s splinted now. Tomorrow I’m seeing an orthopedic surgeon. The doctor at the hospital thought it would need screws and rods. It’ll probably be a year before it’s fully healed. Not sure how long all the hardware will have to stay in.”

“Are you in pain?”

“Pain medication takes care of that. I’ll know more in a week or so when my ribs heal. My arm is what’s going to hurt the worst, they say.”

“And the big issue?”

“I start seeing a psychologist this week.”

“Good. Make sure you talk about your relationship with Pete, as well as your relationship with me. Figure out what you need to do to help you be with Pete.”

“I will. I was foolish to try to take you away from Jennifer, Steve. I acted like an idiot.”

“Join the club, Melanie. Stephanie still calls me a ‘dumb boy’, and she’s right about that often enough that I can’t deny it.”

“Just so we’re all on the same page,” I went on, “according to Jennifer I’m permitted to have my dalliances, random deflowerings, I can fuck Becky, mess around with you, and make love with Joyce. I can’t make love with anyone besides Jennifer and Joyce. And Jennifer will only be with you when I’m there. Right Jennifer?”

“Yes, that’s what we agreed. Do you understand, Melanie?”

“Yes.”

We spent the next 30 minutes talking with Melanie but it was clear she was getting very tired, so we told her we were going to Jennifer’s house. I talked to Mrs. Spencer and offered to bring Melanie’s schoolwork to her each day if she would drive me home. She thought that was a great idea.

I kissed Melanie on the lips, and so did Jennifer.

“Have fun you two!” Melanie said with a wink.

We left the house hand-in-hand for the walk to Jennifer’s.

“Jennifer, all I can say is you are a witch!” I said, accusing her theatrically.

“What? What did I do?” she replied, wary.

I chuckled, “I meant that in a good way, not as a euphemism for bitch!”

“Wait!” she answered, as if a light had gone on inside her. “You had your date with Kathy last night. So I should expect her call, right?”

“God damn it, Jennifer!” I laughed.

“Once you told me how the first encounter went, I knew your crush was done and there was nothing to worry about. She came to me a few days after the party to ask what you were talking about. I told her and I saw something in her eyes that said she had made a huge mistake in not going after you for the past two years. That’s why I made the rule. I wanted you to tell her. I assume you did?”

“Loud and clear, with no room for questioning.”

Jennifer laughed, “So, tell me!”

I went through the encounter and Jennifer started laughing hard when I got to Kathy’s comment after we finished making love.

“So she was so blown away she said something then and ended up losing out on several more orgasms. I love it. She’ll be absolutely beside herself, begging me for another chance.”

“Don’t give in, Jennifer,” I pleaded, looking seriously at her. “Please!”

“Wow, the crush really is over!”

“This was on par with Kellie. Hell, Elizabeth Parker was way more exciting! No, I’m done.”

“Oh, now I’m tempted to tell her yes, so that she goes completely nuts when you keep refusing.”

“Do that and I might just screw her once more out of spite!”

We both laughed.

The thing was, I wasn’t sure if Jennifer was kidding or not. I was reasonably sure she was, but with the new Jennifer, there was no way to know for sure.

“Jennifer, what we said back at Melanie’s, you’re really OK with me having occasional dalliances?”

“Who now, Steve? Kim?”

“God damn it, Jennifer! Seriously? Do you have cameras and microphones everywhere I go?”

She giggled, “No, but I’ve seen how she looks at you. She’s been looking at you like that for a few weeks. It was only a matter of time.”

“Fine. Yeah, she’s hinted that she wants to mess around. Not sure how far she wants to take it, but I’ve known her for years. She was a complete tomboy until about six months ago.”

“And how do you feel about her?”

“A friend, nothing more.”

“You know the rules.”

“Yes, Jennifer.”

“Anything else you need to tell me, Steve?”

What the hell? Was my phone tapped, too? Or was I just that transparent.

“Not right now, OK? Nothing has changed in any of my relationships. I’m just thinking about the future more than I have before.”

“A future with me?” she asked.

“Yes, that’s one possibility. The most likely one.”

“A future with Joyce?”

“Yes, you know that could happen, but it’s not likely.”

“A future with Becky?”

Damn her.

“Yes, Jennifer,” I said sullenly.

“You said nothing had changed.”

“It hasn’t. Nothing has changed except me thinking about the possible futures.”

“OK. You’ll tell me when it does?”

“When?”

“Something will have to give, eventually. Even if it was just me and Joyce. We’ve known that all along.”

“And you’re OK with this uncertainty?”

“What uncertainty? Steve Adams always keeps his promises. Unless you’re changing what you said.”

Shit! Was I? Could I still do what I said? Was it the right thing to do? Yes, it was. I could and would be happy with Jennifer for the rest of my life.

“No. I am not changing what I told you. I’ll make the offer when I come back. As promised. With no reservations. I have no problem with you being my life partner. None.”

“Do you really mean that? Really? No reservations? What did I just hear? Possible futures. Plural. That was a reservation! I think deep down there’s something really bugging you about us. Can you tell me what you were thinking?”

I had hoped to talk to Melanie about this first, but there was no reasonable way around this. Jennifer knew me too well.

“I was looking at three possible futures. Each of you represents a very different type of life. Joyce represents stability. Becky represents passion. You represent adventure. Each of you has some of the three characteristics, of course.”

“And you don’t know which future you want.”

“Correct.”

“Then you can’t give me a promise ring, Steve.”

“Yes, Jennifer, I can. And I will.”

“I won’t take it. There is absolutely no way I can take it until you can tell me for sure why you want me rather than the other two.”

“I made a commitment to you, Jennifer.”

“You and your stupid commitments! They get you in more fucking trouble than anything else. Forget them!” she shrieked.

“Jennifer, calm down. I can’t forget them. It’s as much an issue of right and wrong as it is integrity.”

She was extremely agitated.

“Can’t you just forget all that shit? Just have fun? Just go with the flow? Just do what you want?”

“No Jennifer, I can’t. You know me well enough. I think everything through.”

“Yes, to the point of making yourself fucking crazy! And driving me, and everyone else around you, crazy as well!” she screamed.

“Jennifer, what’s going on?”

“Just fucking forget every god damn commitment you’ve made. Quit fucking thinking about who you’re going to be with. You can’t figure it out now. Every time you try, you get dumber!”

“Are you saying you don’t want to see me anymore?”

“Can you really be that dense? Fuck! Stephanie is right — you really are a ‘dumb boy’! Why the hell she wants YOU to be her first, I’ll never fucking understand. You’ll think about it so damn much you’ll ruin it. You almost did that with me when I wanted you to take my virginity!”

We were walking up Jennifer’s driveway.

“Jennifer, can we dial this back and talk rationally? Please?”

“No. You’re going to take me inside and fuck my brains out. Then we can talk rationally.”

I didn’t understand. I thought about going home. I could walk and there was enough daylight to get there before it got dark. Something was horribly wrong.

Jennifer sensed my trepidation.

“Steve, if you leave now, don’t ever come back. Don’t ever call me. Don’t ever talk to me. I mean it. Ever! If you want to talk, come inside, fuck my brains out, and THEN we’ll talk.”

I stopped dead in my tracks and just stared at her.

“I’m not fucking kidding,” she spat. “Make your choice.”

I didn’t want to have sex with her when she was like this. I didn’t doubt that she was serious, though. Something was horribly wrong between me and Jennifer, or maybe it was just with Jennifer. Or was it? Melanie? Jennifer? Becky? There were huge problems with them, constantly. And at that moment, I knew where my future was — Joyce. My conclusion the other day was confirmed.

I didn’t want to end it like this with no conversation. And that’s what ultimately made me decide to go inside with her.

I sighed, “Fine Jennifer. If that’s what it’s going to take to figure this out, then I’ll do it.”