Chapter 31: A Friend in Need

November 1978

I woke up on Saturday before sunrise. I read for a while, and once I heard my dad up, I went for my swim. I showered, got dressed, and went to get breakfast. I was sitting at the table and Stephanie came in to get her breakfast. She sat down and smiled at me and winked. A wink that conveyed a novel full of words. I just rolled my eyes. She crossed her arms and stared at me. I stuck my tongue out at her, knowing she was waiting for that. I’d let her have her thrill.

“Do I get to decide where?”

Oh God, I was right. She was going to be a holy terror. And I was the one going to be terrorized. I didn’t know if I could handle the banter for the next several years. My flight to Sweden couldn’t come soon enough.

“Yes, Squirt, you do.”

She smiled like the cat that just ate the canary. I just shook my head again. It was going to be a long eight months.

Around 9:00am Jennifer called and asked if she could come over to wait for Pete to call. I checked with Dad and he was OK with that. I had let him know we’d be going to see Melanie in the hospital with Pete and that Andreas had given me the day off. I also let him know that I would probably be doing some computer work for Larry’s uncle, as well as working at the deli. He was OK with everything.

Pete called about 10:30am and said he’d be over whenever I was ready. I told him that Jennifer was with me and he could come over anytime. Pete left home immediately and ten minutes later picked us up, then drove to Larry’s where we picked him up. We drove to the hospital in Batavia, and after Pete parked the car, we walked in. The young woman at the reception desk directed us to the ward where Melanie was. I saw her mom at the nurses’ station and went to talk to her.

“Hi, Steve. She’s been asking for you.”

“Is it OK to see her?”

“Yes, I can take you in. She has a lot of wires and tubes hooked up and looks pretty bad. so be prepared.”

“OK.”

We walked down the hall and into her room. Pretty bad was an understatement. Melanie looked terrible. Pretty much anything that wasn’t covered with splints and bandages was bruised. Her mom stopped at the door and I walked in to Melanie’s bedside.

“Hi,” I said.

“Hi, Steve,” she said faintly.

“Melanie, what happened?”

“After I talked to you, and ran to the girls’ bathroom, I left school. I just walked out between periods. I cried all the way home because I lost you and I lost Pete and I lost Jennifer and I didn’t know what to do. I went home and got in my car and just drove. I was crying and upset. I don’t remember anything after that.”

“Melanie, did you try to kill yourself?”

She winced painfully — and not from the physical pain. “I guess. I don’t remember, but I wanted to.”

“Melanie, why? Why?”

“Because I ruined everything! I can’t have you the way I really want you, and I can’t even have you for sex. I can’t have Pete. I lost my best friend. Birgit died. I just couldn’t handle it,” she was sobbing.

I knew exactly how she felt. I had been there. But I never got to the point of wanting to kill myself. As despondent as I had been, I’d always seen a light at the end of the tunnel. Melanie clearly didn’t.

“Melanie, Pete’s here.”

“No! I don’t want to see him. I can’t!”

“Why not? As soon as I told him what had happened, he said he’d come home. No hesitation. No thinking about it. He came to see you.”

“He hates me for what I did! You hate me for what I did! I hate me for what I did!” she sobbed.

And that was the crux of the matter. She hated herself. As far as I could tell, neither Pete nor I hated her. We might be upset with her, but we both loved her. And that was why her situation was different from mine. I’d never hated myself.

“Melanie, I do not hate you. And I can leave so Pete can come in and tell you he doesn’t hate you.”

“But I can’t have what I really want.”

“What’s that Melanie?” I asked, sure I knew the answer.

“You!”

“I know Melanie, and I’m sorry. But right now, let’s forget about everything else and concentrate on you getting better, OK? I will be here for you. Jennifer will be here for you. And I believe Pete will as well.”

“I don’t want him. I want you.”

That was a problem I could not solve. Not today, that was for sure. And as far as I was concerned, I couldn’t ever solve it in a way she wanted. Not just because Jennifer had put her off limits, but because I did not see Melanie Spencer as someone I could have a life with. I wondered if that was the core of her problem. Her lifestyle was too free to be tied down, yet she wanted some kind of permanent relationship. She ended things with Stan in favor of me. She ended things with me in favor of Pete. She ended things with Pete because of her unfulfilled desire for me, made worse when she cheated on him. I couldn’t fix it.

“Melanie. Get better first. Get out of the hospital. I’ll help you any way I can.”

“No, you won’t. You won’t make love with me.”

“Melanie, nobody can make love with you if you’re in the hospital or dead!”

She said nothing. I knew this was an impossible situation.

I leaned over to kiss a spot on her face where there were no bruises and whispered, “No matter what you think, I do love you, Melanie Spencer, and I want to see you healthy again.”

She was crying, and I turned to leave.

“Don’t go.”

“Melanie, my five minutes are up. I’ll come see you again. I promise!”

“OK,” she sobbed.

I walked out of the room. I had no idea what the hell to do. One thing I was sure of was that Pete couldn’t go see her. Not now. If she told him what she told me, there was no chance of him helping her. I walked over to Pete and Jennifer.

“Pete, can we talk for a minute? Jennifer, Larry, just wait here, OK?”

“OK,” Jennifer said.

“Sure, Steve. What’s up?” Pete asked, with some concern.

I pulled him a bit down the hall so we could talk in private.

“She’s in a really bad state right now. She thinks you, Jennifer, and I all hate her. She’s fixated on that. She admitted to me that she did try to kill herself. I’m not sure it’s a good idea for you to talk to her. I don’t know how she’ll react or what she’ll say. She lashed out at me, and that’s fine. I don’t care, really. If being mad at me is what she needs, I can take it. I told her you were here, and she told me she didn’t want you to see her now, that she couldn’t see you. I tried to convince her, but I didn’t make any headway.”

“Oh damn, damn, damn! I wish my letter had been more than just cordial. Steve, I’m sure you know I love her. She hurt me very badly, and I needed time away. Eventually, I thought we might get back together if she could get control of herself.”

“Pete, it’s going to take some serious counseling to fix this. I’ve been through it. I was fortunate that I never got so despondent that I wanted to die. She did. Can you just wait a bit? I’m asking you as a friend.”

“Well, this sucks. But your advice has been pretty damned good with regard to Melanie. So yeah, I won’t go see her.”

“Thanks, Pete. Let me talk to Jennifer and then Melanie’s mom and we’ll head out.”

I walked back to my friends.

“Jennifer, let’s talk for a minute, OK?”

We moved away from the others.

“What’s up?” she asked.

“She did try to kill herself. She’s convinced that we all hate her, and she’s lost everything and has nothing to live for. She’s going to need serious counseling. I know. I’ve been there. Not quite that bad, but I know. I don’t think you should see her. She’s so angry at you right now for drawing the line where you did, she’s likely to lash out and say things that might ruin any chance of reconciling.”

“I’m not sure I want to reconcile with her. She’s dangerous, Steve.”

“When she’s worked through whatever demons have a hold on her, maybe you’ll see your way to be her friend. If not, I understand. I hope you’ll let me be her friend.”

“She’ll try to pull you right back in.”

“Yes. At first she will, but with the right counseling, I think it can be fixed. Remember, I wasn’t the one who brought her back into the relationship. You did that, Jennifer. I resisted. I gave you full control and veto. You did exercise it, but probably about four hours too late.”

Jennifer was crying now.

“It’s all my fault,” she sobbed. “I’ve made such a mess. You and me. You and Becky. You and Melanie. What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing that we can’t work through, Jen.”

She hugged me tight and sobbed on my shoulder. I stroked her hair gently and told her I loved her.

“I need to go talk to Melanie’s mom and then we’ll head out. You can come to my house, OK?”

“Yes.”

“Go find a ladies’ room and wash your face. I’m going to talk to Mrs. Spencer.”

I walked over to Melanie’s mom.

“Mrs. Spencer, do you know what really happened?”

“No, she just told me she had an accident and doesn’t remember. She said she was crying and just lost control of the car.”

“Mrs. Spencer, she tried to kill herself. I’m sure of it.”

“What?!”

“I asked her point blank, and she said, ‘I guess. I don’t remember. But I wanted to’. She needs serious psychological help. I was seeing a therapist for months because of Birgit and the fact that I had pretty much ruined every relationship I had. Melanie feels the same way. The difference is that she doesn’t think any of it can be fixed and she says she hates herself.

“She also thinks we all hate her. We don’t, of course. She is fixated on having some kind of relationship with me, but that was never something that was really discussed when we were dating. She found Pete and ended our relationship. Now, she not only wants that relationship back, she seems to want a future together.

“I’m sorry, but I just don’t see that. I asked both Pete and Jennifer not to see Melanie. She might lash out or might say something that will ruin any chance she has of reconciling with them. There’s nothing she can say to me that would ruin my friendship with her. Nothing. But I’m different. That might sound arrogant, but it’s true.”

“My God, Steve! I had no idea!”

“Neither did I until I saw her in the hall on Thursday, and even then I thought she was just upset. I was wrong. Please get her some help.”

“We will. Be sure of it.”

“She did ask me to stay, but I told her my five minutes were up. She wants me to come back. I’ll try to come as often as I can. Can you arrange for more than five minutes if I come tomorrow morning at 10:00am?”

“I’ll try. I’ll call you tonight. OK?”

“Sure. We’re going to head out.”

“Thanks, Steve.”

Pete drove us home in silence. None of us really had anything to say. I asked Larry if he’d be willing to skip church and take me to see her in the morning. He was. Pete dropped Jennifer and me at my house. I told him I’d keep him posted. He was planning to head back to OSU first thing in the morning. We shook hands, and he drove off.

Jennifer and I went into the house and I went to find Dad and asked if he would drive us to Frisch’s, pick us up from Graeter’s at 10:00pm, and bring Jennifer home. He agreed, so I grabbed Jennifer and we hopped in the car. Dad dropped us at Frisch’s. We walked inside and I stopped before we got to the hostess station.

“Jennifer, talk, food or sex? In which order?”

“Sex, talk, more sex, talk, more sex, food.”

I laughed, then said, “Really, Jennifer, can’t you just answer the question?”

“That WAS an answer!” she giggled.

“Fine Jennifer, come on,” I said with fake exasperation.

We walked to the apartment. Immediately after the door shut, Jennifer was pulling off my coat. She unbuttoned my shirt and pulled it off. She unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans and pulled my jeans and underwear down to my ankles. She shoved me back onto the bed and took off my shoes and socks, then pulled off my underwear. I was flat on my back with my knees bent over the side of the bed.

Still fully clad and not even removing her coat, she took my dick into her mouth and started sucking. I quickly became erect and Jennifer did what only she could — take me completely into her mouth. She bobbed hard and fast, sucking me and running her tongue expertly over my dick as she worked me towards release. She knew by my breathing that I was close, and a gentle squeeze on my balls caused me to begin shooting. She pulled back so just the head was in her mouth and swallowed every spurt. When I finished, she bobbed a few more times, then released me and threw herself on top of me and gave me a French kiss.

When she finally broke the kiss, she was giggling.

“Jeez, Jennifer, first you rip my clothes off, then you give me a blowjob, then you French kiss me. But that’s not enough for you, no, you had to keep that last spurt in your mouth. You are BAD!”

“I told you I wanted to explore my wild side. That’s pretty tame.”

“If that’s tame, I think I’m in real trouble!”

“Shush. You’ll love every minute of it. I didn’t see you gagging or spitting it out. Get into bed.”

I got under the covers and watched Jennifer. She did a slow, sultry striptease. This was a side of Jennifer I had only seen when Melanie was around. She had said she wanted to explore her wild side, and I was happy to be her partner in those adventures.

Having discarded everything but her bra and panties, she dropped one strap, then the other. She slowly reached around and unhooked her bra. She didn’t let it fall, slowly revealing first one breast, then the other. She dropped the bra to the floor. She turned her back and pulled her panties down to reveal her pert bottom, shaking it at me. She turned to face me and slowly pulled down the front, revealing a completely shaved pussy! She was getting wild again. I just smiled and took in the sight.

When she finished, she climbed into bed with me and got into the cuddle position.

“OK. Let’s talk.”

“Melanie is really hurting, Jennifer. I want to help her. Will you allow me to?”

“You’re going to do it anyway, aren’t you?”

“I’d prefer to do it with your approval than without.”

“Then my approval really doesn’t mean anything, does it?”

“It does. It says you care about your friend. And she is still your friend.”

“She’s dangerous, Steve.”

“I know. And yet, I managed to stay out of her clutches until you pushed the issue. Remember? Just like you pushed it with Becky. So, I wonder, who was really out of control there? Me? Melanie? Or was it you, Jennifer?”

She started sobbing just like earlier, “Me.”

“Yes, you. You admitted on Sunday that you couldn’t control yourself when she was around. Now you want to punish her for that. But you know what? I made the mistake of giving you control without realizing you couldn’t handle it. I should have known since the foursome. It’s at least partly my fault.”

“You Steve? You resisted her every time! How can you be responsible?” she sobbed.

“Because I didn’t take care of you as I should have. I should simply have said no. But I didn’t realize that you needed an outlet for your wild side. Because the only person I’ve ever really been wild with is Melanie, and so I associated it with her. I failed you, Jennifer. And we both failed Melanie.”

She regained some composure and said, “What can we do?”