Chapter 29: From Bad to Worse

November 1978

On Monday, I asked Jennifer to eat with me privately. I had two things I really needed to discuss with her, and both of them involved her directly and indirectly.

There wasn’t really a spot in the lunchroom, but I had a key to the computer lab, and it wasn’t used during lunch, so we went in there to eat. I figured if Mr. Herbers objected, I could explain it to him.

“So, what’s up?” Jennifer asked.

“Two things — Joyce and Stephanie.”

“Oh, this should be good!” she giggled.

I felt much better about explaining it to her.

“Jen, Joyce and I called sex making love, and we told each other that we loved each other.”

“I know. I’m fine with that. I knew it before. Remember, I was OK with you and Joyce. She’s not possessive and neither am I. Did you make the same deal with her?”

“Damn, Jen, you know me too well.”

“Did she have any limits?”

“Effectively same as you — I can’t be with anyone that I would make love with except you.”

“I guess that does boil down what I said in a simple sentence.”

“She told me that she had sex with another guy, twice.”

“And how did you respond?”

“Not like I did with you. It just felt different. She did say she wasn’t likely to do it again, though, because of me.”

“Good.”

“Good? I’m missing something.”

“I don’t know if I should say this, but I will. Your reaction to the idea that I might have done it compared to the fact that she actually did it. To me, that confirms everything you told me about what you want in the future.”

“So this feels like a ‘win’ for you? I’m not being mean, just asking.”

“Yes, I guess you could say that. Is that OK?”

“Of course it is. I told you I’d give you a promise ring right now and that would be the end of anything with any other girls.”

“That’s way too risky for me. You love Joyce. If I agreed to that, it would end in disaster. Just like it did with Becky and me before. I’m not doing that again. No way.”

“I love you, Jennifer Block, do you know that?”

“I do. I love you too, Steve. So, what’s up with Stephanie?”

“She and I talked,” I said with a sigh.

“And you’re going to say yes when she asks, aren’t you? Which card did she play? That you have sex with anyone who asks nicely, or did she use your mom?”

“God damn it, Jennifer! Do you have some kind of hidden transmitter in my room?”

“She used your mom. It’s the only thing that would piss you off enough to make the decision to make love to her.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I hate you. You know that?” I said, laughing.

She giggled, “That’s my job! To know you better than you know yourself. I knew you would, eventually, do what she wants. It’s inevitable. You know that I’m OK with it. When she comes to you, love her. That’s all you need to do.”

“Yes, Jennifer,” I said kind of sullenly.

“Don’t fret Steve, I can’t think of anything more beautiful. Forget what society says. Forget what anyone says. Show her how much you love her. OK?”

“Yes, Jennifer.”

We finished lunch in silence. I was dazed for the rest of the day. Fortunately, I didn’t get called on and managed to take down all the assignments. On the way out of school, Cassie Schneider stopped me and told me she’d like to pick me up at 4:30pm on Friday for the dance. She said to wear dark jeans with the cuffs turned up and a red shirt. She was going to dress as Daisy May.

“But it’s November, won’t you be cold?”

“I’ll wear leggings for dinner, but the gym should be warm enough to wear just the skirt.”

“OK. See you Friday at 4:30pm.”

“OK.”

I headed home on the bus on Monday since Melanie had canceled our tutoring. I saw her briefly in the hall at school, but she wouldn’t even make eye contact. I’d give her some time to cool off and then try to talk to her. I had an idea that I hoped might help.

I grabbed my address book and looked up a number and dialed it.

“Bradley Hall, Fourth floor.”

“Pete Carston, please.”

“Hang on a minute.”

He came to the phone.

“Hey, Pete, it’s Steve.”

“Steve, how’s it going?”

“I’m fine. How’s Ohio State?”

“Good, good. Making A’s and B’s. Meeting lots of people. Having fun.”

“How’s the 3.2 beer?”

“It’s crap!” he laughed.

“I believe it. But hey, you can buy that legally at 18, so better than nothing, right?”

“So true. What’s up? Why are you calling?”

“I need a favor, Pete. A big one. You can say no, of course, but I wish you wouldn’t.”

“Can’t tell you until you ask.”

“Can you call Melanie, please? Just to talk? She, Jennifer and I had a huge falling out on Sunday and she told us she hates us, kicked us out of her house, and even canceled my tutoring.”

“She canceled tutoring? She didn’t do that when you guys weren’t speaking before. Wow. It must be serious. What happened?”

“It’s a long story Pete, but the same story. In this case, Jennifer told Melanie she can’t have sex with me so long as Jennifer and I are together.”

“That girl will never change, Steve.”

“Now she has to. Jennifer made it final. And she told me in no uncertain terms that I’m done with Melanie.”

“You and Jennifer are steady now?”

“As close as possible to that, yeah, but we’ve always had a somewhat flexible relationship. We won’t formally be steady until I come back from Sweden. Jennifer says that me being gone a year is good for us to figure things out and she doesn’t want to tie me down when I’m in a country with four million blonde women!”

Pete laughed, “Where did you find that girl, and does she have a sister?”

“Sorry Pete, she doesn’t. Will you do it? Call Melanie? Just as a friend? I know she’s written to you.”

“She has. I wrote her back, too. We’ve exchanged a few letters. I’m still very hurt by what happened. But, for you, I’ll call her.”

“Thanks man. Just be her friend, that’s all I ask. Hopefully someday she’ll be ready to talk to me again, but for now, she needs someone. And you’re the best candidate.”

“OK. I’ll do it. But I’m not looking for a relationship with her.”

“I know Pete. Thanks again. If you’re home for Thanksgiving and have some free time, give me a call.”

We hung up. I only hoped Melanie would talk to him. In the end, she had to get over her thing for me. If she didn’t, she’d never have a relationship with anyone. I worried about Becky in the same way. I was afraid she was holding out too much hope for the future. I hadn’t rejected that outright because anything was possible, and to be honest, I could see myself with her in the future if Fate brought us back together. I didn’t think it likely, but given what happened with Birgit, I wasn’t counting on anything or ignoring anything.

I played chess with the chess team on Tuesday after school. I actually drew a couple of games, which made me feel good. Larry and I played chess on Wednesday. I liked spending time with him. Now that I wasn’t trying to compete, he and I could talk while we played. I got my butt kicked, but it was worth it to spend time with him. Chess was now a social event for me, rather than serious competition.

On Thursday, I saw Melanie in the hall at school. She met my gaze, so I went over to her.

“Hi,” I said.

“Hi,” she said in a sullen and sad voice.

“Melanie, you knew it had to come to this, eventually. I tried to tell you.”

“I know you did. I’m sorry. Will you be my friend again?”

She looked so small and vulnerable. This was not the Melanie I knew.

“Of course I will. What about Jennifer?”

“No, I can’t. Not now. I don’t know when.”

“She’s part of my life, Melanie, and probably always will be.”

“I want that and I can’t have it.”

“You can be part of my life as my friend.”

“But I wanted to be part of your life like Jennifer is!” she turned, crying, and ran straight into the girls’ bathroom.

And that was it. At some point, it was no longer just sex for Melanie. And I had missed it. Again. Her behavior towards me hadn’t changed — or had it? Her desperation to be with me, to spend time together one-on-one, her trashing of her relationship with Pete, using me as the reason; had those all been signs? Or was I reading something into them that wasn’t there. I had no idea, and I had to get to class.

I didn’t see her the rest of the day, and when I looked for her after school, I didn’t see her walking home. Since I had to catch the bus, I couldn’t spend time looking for her. As soon as I got home, I went to my room and dialed her number. There was no answer, so I decided to swim my laps and get started on my homework. I’d try again after dinner.

Stephanie got home from school and stuck her head in my room.

“So, you aren’t such a ‘dumb boy’ after all.” she said with a smirk and disappeared back into the hallway.

I didn’t even bother responding. She must have read the journal last night when I was playing chess with Larry. So now she knew for sure that I’d do what she wanted. I just hoped it was several years away. I put it out of my mind and went back to translating passages from a Spanish novel. I wished I had Melanie for help. I realized I needed to call Jennifer and tell her. I picked up the phone.