Chapter 21: Plans Fulfilled and Promises Kept

August 1978

When we had brought the computer home, I had started to take the boxes to my room to set up. My mom stopped me.

“We bought that, and it’s not to go in your room. Everyone needs to be able to use it. Set it up in your dad’s office.”

I knew what had happened without even being told. Jeff was trying to interfere and cause trouble. This was par for the course. I am sure he told her that it wasn’t ‘fair’ if I had the computer in my room. I knew arguing with Mom would do me no good. Probably the best I could achieve would be talking to Dad to see if I could minimize the damage. When I saw Jeff’s smug look, I knew. I also came up with a backup plan.

While I was setting up the computer, I had a chance to talk with Dad. I asked that for the first few days, I should have exclusive access to the computer given that he had bought it for me. After that, if Jeff wanted to use it, then he could. I also pointed out that use meant writing programs because there was almost no software available at this point. Dad said he’d keep an eye on Jeff and make sure he wasn’t just trying to mess things up.

The computer came with blackjack and backgammon games on cassette. Anything else I’d have to write or type in from Creative Computing or from the book 101 Basic Computer Games. I also immediately sent away for a copy of Sargon, a chess-playing program. It cost $15 to get the Z80 Assembly source code, and I’d have to laboriously type it in. Everything was saved on standard cassette tapes.

My backup plan was that I had enough money to buy an Apple. It cost more than twice as much as the TRS-80. I was pretty sure that dad had chosen the TRS-80 because of price, becaue he tended to be conservative about spending money on things. This way if it didn’t get used, he was out only about $600 instead of the $1500 the Apple cost. I didn’t tell Dad this part of the plan. I’d wait until I had done some of my own programming to show him that I wasn’t just throwing away money.

I decided that my first program would be to write a version of a Star Trek game that I had seen on the Apple at school. It used an 8x8 grid, and the Enterprise was represented by a letter E, the Klingon ships by the letter K, and so on. Of course, with work and everything else that was going on, this meant that I had limited time to program. I knew this was going to interfere with chess. Once again, I’d have to decide how to balance my schedule. A silly thought entered my mind, ‘strip programming’. I actually laughed out loud at that thought.

It did remind me of something, though. I was supposed to call Beth Pater and let her know that I had the computer. I found her phone number in my little address book and dialed. She wasn’t home, so I asked her mom to have her call me. She would love to help with programming the game and I wondered if we could come up with other cool ideas.

She called back a few hours later, and I told her the news. She wanted to bike over in the morning, but I told her that I’d be working. I checked with Dad and then asked her to come Saturday after work. She could eat dinner with us and then we could work on the computer. I also confirmed with Dad that I would have that time reserved because I fully expected Jeff to find out and try somehow to be using the computer.

On Tuesday, I had my appointment with Doctor Mercer. We talked about a bunch of stuff and I told her about simplifying my relationships, that I was more or less only going to see Jennifer and Joyce regularly and that they knew about each other. That led her to ask about Bethany. I knew the topic had to come up, despite my discomfort. I told her the date went well, and I suggested it would be better if Bethany gave her the details.

She asked how I felt about Bethany in light of what I had told her. I said that I had the distinct impression that Bethany had a plan laid out and that it didn’t include me in the long-term as anything more than a friend. I felt that she was using me as a way to regain her confidence and to become ‘normal’, as she repeatedly said she wanted.

“Do you feel like she’s using you?” Doctor Mercer asked.

“Oh, no. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. I know she likes me, but I don’t think she sees me as someone she’ll have a romance with. I think that helps her feel safe, actually. So, I’ll help her how she needs and I’ll be her friend, hopefully for a long, long time.”

“And you’re comfortable with things?”

“No, I’m not. But I’ll do what she needs me to do to help her. She deserves that.”

“She has her mind made up about things and I’m unable to get her to deviate from her plan. Please be very careful.”

I knew for sure that Bethany had told Doctor Mercer her plan. I wish I knew her plan! For whatever reason, Bethany was keeping me in the dark. I had a strong suspicion that sometime before school started, Bethany was going to demand that I have sex with her. I hoped she knew what she was doing. That night I called Bethany, and we made plans for Friday. She asked if we could just plan to go out each Friday night. I agreed.

At lunch on Wednesday, I told Jennifer about the regular Friday dates with Bethany and that I thought things were coming to a head before the end of the month. Jennifer just nodded. I suspect she knew as well. The girls in my life loved to keep me in the dark when they could get away with it.

I also asked her if she would be OK with me making Sunday afternoons a time when Beth Pater and I could work on the computer. She was OK with that. I told her about the silly thought I had about ‘strip programming’ and she laughed.

“Well, I don’t think Beth is the type, but if you can figure out how that would work, go for it!” she giggled.

“Jennifer, what do you mean by ‘the type’? She exactly fits my pattern of intelligent, self-confident girls who dress conservatively and are, overall, quiet in school. We just talked about this!”

“Wait, do you have the hots for her?”

“No, I never thought of her in that way. It wasn’t until you said she wasn’t the type that I realized that she was exactly the type. In fact, there’s only one girl who isn’t the type.”

She laughed hard, “Kathy Will.”

“Yeah, but I’ve crushed on her for more than two years. Before I even met Birgit.”

“Well, if Beth is game, go for it!”

“I think we’ll stick to computers, OK?”

“Up to you,” she said with a twinkle in her eye.

When I got home from work that night, it didn’t surprise me to find Jeff on the computer. It was clear he had no idea what he was doing. I laughed to myself because the computer came with an excellent book that taught you how to program. It appeared to me he was just typing random stuff because nearly everything he did generated a ‘SYNTAX ERROR’ message. I said nothing and went to my room. I figured if I ignored him, he’d quickly get bored.

Larry called and asked if I was up for some chess. I checked with Dad and told Larry to come over after dinner. We ended up playing until 10:00pm. He was pretty critical of my game and told me I needed to practice if I wanted to make the High School Chess team. I told him about my lack of time and that I might join the new computer club instead. He didn’t like it, but he thought it might suit me better. I think that was his subtle way of telling me that I needed to make more time for chess, not less.

The rest of the week flew by. Andreas told me on Thursday that I had full use of the apartment. No need to worry about the envelope. He gave me a second set of keys and told me that I was responsible now for keeping the apartment clean, as well as for washing sheets, towels, and anything else I needed.

We talked about how my hours would change when school started. He said that it was OK if I just worked on Saturdays in the deli, but that he had more things for me to do that didn’t involve being in the shop. He didn’t volunteer, so I didn’t ask. I did ask about the deliveries and pickups and he said that he was hiring a couple of college kids to man the counter so he could make the pickups and deliveries. He never hired the same kids two years in a row, he said.

On Friday, there was a change as well. Andreas told us that he wanted us to all wear black polo shirts for work in the Summer and black long-sleeve, button-down shirts in the Winter. He was also going to start selling pizza slices at lunch and dinner. He handed me and Kim a couple of black polo shirts. She was going to work on Saturdays as well, plus a couple of days a week after school.

On Friday, Bethany’s mom drove us to David’s Buffet. She would pick us up at 9:45pm from in front of Graeter’s. Bethany and I filled our plates with our favorites from the buffet and sat down to eat.

“How did things go with Doctor Mercer today?” I asked.

“Fine,” Bethany said.

“Just fine? Did you tell her about our date?”

“Yes. She thinks I’m moving way too fast. She’s worried about me. But it’s been two years. I need to get past this. I do.”

“She’s trying to help you. We’re both trying to help you. Don’t you think you should listen to her advice?”

“I do,” Bethany said. “I usually follow it. But in this case, I have my mind made up. I’m absolutely sure what I want.”

“Care to let me in on this?” I asked with a smile. “It seems that Doctor Mercer, Jennifer, and you all know what’s going on. I’m in the dark.”

She sighed, “Let’s just eat. I promise I’ll tell you.”

We finished our meal, and I purposefully turned her towards Graeter’s. I was delaying because I was absolutely sure her plan was to go to the apartment and move to whatever next level she had in mind. We got cones at Graeter’s and I suggested we walk down Main Street to the river and talk. I was surprised when she agreed.

We walked in silence, eating our ice cream and holding hands. As we walked along the river, she nudged me towards a bench that was under a tree and looked out over the river. We sat down.

“Do you remember I told you I wanted a normal High School experience? To date, to go to dances, to have a boyfriend?”

“Yes, I remember,” I said.

“I also know that you aren’t boyfriend material, at least not in the way I need a boyfriend. I don’t mean anything bad, but I want someone who is fully devoted to me. You can’t do that.”

“That’s true. I will, on the other hand, always be your friend and look out for you. And be there when you need someone to talk to, or you have a problem, or just need to talk. You are a sweet girl and I like you a lot. You’re right though, I can’t be your boyfriend because of Jennifer.”

“And Joyce,” she said. “Don’t leave her out of the equation.”

“True, but that’s a very different kind of relationship. It’s complicated. Both of them meet emotional and intellectual needs that I have, but meet them in different ways.”

“And sex, too,” she giggled.

“Bethany, I think you know that’s never been a problem for me. Well, that’s not true. Getting it has not been a problem for more than a year. Dealing with the consequences of it has been difficult, even nightmarish at times. Yes, I do have sex with both of them, but honestly, I’m cutting back, so to speak.”

“What?! You?”

“Yes, me. I told Anna last weekend that I wasn’t going to see her anymore because of my relationship with Jennifer. I told Mary that I wasn’t going to see her in the future because she was with Ben and I had Jennifer.”

“So you’re going to limit yourself to Jennifer and Joyce?”

“Well, that, and, as Jennifer puts it, ‘the occasional dalliance and random deflowering’. Jennifer is OK with me being with other girls from time to time, so long as she has claim on my heart. Joyce is a special situation, she’s sort of an exception to the rule. The reason Jennifer and I have things set up the way they are is because I’ll most likely be in Sweden for my junior year. She wants me to have some freedom when I’m there. I told her I’d give her a promise ring the day I come back from Sweden. I don’t know if she’ll accept it. I hope she does.”

“That’s so cool. So, uhm, what about me?”

“I think you already received permission from Jennifer, didn’t you, Bethany?”

“Yes,” she said quietly.

“The young women in my life seem to be in charge. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining because they usually do have my best interest in mind, but I really wish they would talk to me first!”

“Wait, are you changing your mind? You won’t help me?” she started to tear up.

“Bethany! That’s not what I’m saying. Not at all. My misgivings are about your emotional state. I’ll deal with Jennifer. She and Melanie have this history with me. Melanie did it before, now Jennifer is taking over.”

“So you’ll do it?”

I shouldn’t have been frustrated by the repeated questions, but I was a man of my word and I did the things I said.

“Bethany Krajick, I told you I would,”I said firmly. “I keep my word. If you want me to screw you silly, just say so and I’ll do it. I want to have sex with you. You’re hot. You excite me. Is that clear enough?”

I knew I sounded exasperated, but I couldn’t help it.

“It is,” she replied quietly. “Thank you. Now you’re treating me like a normal girl. You got frustrated. You didn’t hold back.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No!” Bethany exclaimed. “Don’t apologize! You finally see me as someone you are comfortable with. NOW, we can have sex. You can ‘screw me silly’. I didn’t have a timeframe except for you to quit treating me like some little china doll. Even when we were making out, I could tell you were afraid. Well, stop being afraid!”

This was a Bethany I hadn’t seen. This was an aggressive, self-confident Bethany! In other words, just like my other girls.

“Wow! I don’t know what to say?”

“Don’t say anything,” she said. “Take me to the apartment, get me naked, have sex with me. Today! Now!”

I didn’t have a choice. I never did.

I took her hand and started walking towards the apartment. I had misgivings, but I didn’t feel the same fear I did before. I was sure this wasn’t going to be a repeat of Becky or even Anna. Bethany had clearly made up her mind and told me so in no uncertain terms.

She had told me not to say anything, so I kept quiet during the walk. I wondered how this should work. She wasn’t a virgin, so pain was unlikely. She had clearly been excited when we made out, so I didn’t think that was an issue. I thought my best approach was a darkened room, and slow, gentle motions. But Jennifer’s comment came rushing back into my mind, ‘You never know, she might knock your socks off’. If her new attitude translated to sex, it could well be. I hoped I was doing the right thing.

We walked up the hill and turned right to get to the apartments. I opened the door for her and led her up the stairs. I unlocked the door and let her in. I knew she wanted silence because she hadn’t said anything, but there was one important topic that had to be discussed.

“We need to talk,” I said quietly.

“No, we don’t! Just do what I asked,” she said forcefully.

“Birth control,” I said simply.

“You have some, right? Jennifer said you would.”

“I do.”

“Then use it! Now, be quiet!”

I kicked off my shoes and socks and she did the same. I went to the bathroom and turned on the light and closed the door most of the way so that only a small amount of light filtered out, just enough to see. I adjusted the shades to darken the room. For once, I thought darkness was a better idea. I didn’t know which might frighten her more, being in the dark or seeing an erection. She was, after all, inexperienced, and her lone experience beyond kissing and light petting was an act of violence.

I still owed Mr. Josh Benton for that one. And I’d pay that debt. I was letting my mind wander. I needed to focus clearly and directly on Bethany. If I didn’t, I could make a big mistake.

I turned down the bed and then walked over to her and took her in my arms and kissed her. She parted her lips and our tongues met. She was no longer gentle, her lips mashed into mine and her tongue forceful against mine. She pressed her body into me and ran her hands up and down my back. This was a different Bethany than I had met in April.