Chapter 13: Anger Management

June-July 1978

On Tuesday I had my appointment with Doctor Mercer. I gave her new pages from my journal, but not the one from the previous night. I’d give that to her next week, after she spoke with Bethany. I didn’t want the fact that I had sex with Anna to color Dr Mercer’s opinion of me.

We spent most of the session discussing my emotions, after I’d explained I’d moed from sadness to anger. After that discussion, it seemed to me that she was OK with a shift to anger. She asked about sleeping, I explained I was sleeping better, was not having nightmares, and that I wasn’t as fixated on Birgit as I had been.

With about 10 minutes to go, I brought up what had happened with Bethany. Doctor Mercer was concerned, so I explained that I was telling her because I wasn’t sure if Bethany would tell her, and I wanted to get the situation under control before it got out of hand.

“She asked you if you would have sex with her at some future, unspecified date?”

“No, that’s not quite what she asked. She asked if I was trying to avoid the subject because I didn’t want to have sex with her because she was raped. I took that as a question of whether she was permanently damaged in my eyes. I reassured her that wasn’t the case. The way she wanted to hear it was that I would be interested in having sex with her. It didn’t sound like she was expecting it, or, if she was, she expected it to happen any time soon.”

“OK. I’ll discuss it with her during her next counseling session.”

“She also wants me to ask her on a normal, solo date. She described dates as ‘going out, doing something fun, and getting a good night kiss’. My question for you is whether or not I should ask her out and if so, should I kiss her good night?”

“I should speak with her first.”

“That’s why I told her I wouldn’t do it before she talked to you. I trust her to tell me the truth about what you tell her; should I?”

“Yes, you should trust her,” Doctor Mercer confirmed.

“You know, she just wants to be normal.”

“She said that to you?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll discuss it with her. Your assignment is to make a complete list of every person or thing you are angry with or about. Bring it on Thursday, OK?”

“Yes, Doctor.”

The deli was the same as always and Jennifer joined me for lunch, and Larry and I played chess that evening. Around 9:00pm Anna called and said she was still trying to get Gina to come pick me up for Thursday, but hadn’t had any luck so far. I asked her to keep trying, and if not, we’d figure something out. I wondered if I could get Melanie or Larry to help somehow.

I started on my list for Doctor Mercer once Larry left. He had whipped me at chess as usual, but spent time teaching me as well. We were both excited about the computer Summer school class and we talked about trying to get our parents to buy us computers.

The rest of the week was work, a visit to Doctor Mercer where we talked about my list of people I was angry with, and lunch with Jennifer. I didn’t hear from Anna, so I assumed she couldn’t talk her sister into driving. I’d call her Saturday after work if I hadn’t heard from her by then.

On Saturday we were seriously busy at the deli, I had to prepare quite a few orders for the 4th. We would be closed on the third except for pickups and Andreas would handle those. All the prepared orders were placed in the large walk-in fridge. Jennifer didn’t come for lunch, but that was because she and I would be getting together with Melanie at her house for dinner.

I was a bit wary of what they might have planned, given what they had talked about before, but in the end, both of them knew where the limits were, even if they pushed them right to the breaking point. I still hadn’t decided what to do about Becky on Sunday, and I still needed to make a decision about what I wanted to do with Vickie.

At the end of my work day, I pedaled home. The girls and I had agreed that they would pick me up at 5:30pm, so I had time for a dip in the pool and some chores. After I swam and did my chores, I showered, then put on a pair of jeans and a blue polo. Mrs. Spencer had worked her usual wonders and managed to have my curfew extended, so long as I was at her house. That meant I didn’t need to be home until midnight.

I called Anna, and she was disappointed because she couldn’t manage to get Gina to come pick me up. She also mentioned that Gina was tempted, but didn’t think I’d do it. Perhaps she was smarter than I thought. I told Anna I’d work on Larry or Melanie to see if we could find a way to get together soon. I said that I missed her, and she said the same thing.

I was sitting in the living room waiting for the girls when Dad came in.

“Steve, I got a call from Mr. van Hoek. He says that he’d like you to stay the night.”

Oh hell, I thought, Becky had managed to arrange it. That made things easier or tougher, depending on what I decided to do. But what would dad say? Maybe that was my saving grace.

“Did he say why?”

“Mr. van Hoek said that the plans were to go to his country club for dinner and then to a show. It would be too late to bring you home tonight after that.”

“Cool. Becky didn’t mention that.”

“He’s said that you’ll sleep in the guest room and that he has made it clear to Becky that she is to sleep in her room. I’ll expect you to follow his rules not just to the letter, but in spirit as well.”

“Yes, Dad. I promise. I’ll do exactly as he says. Thanks.”

I was sure Becky planned to violate the rules one way or the other. I still didn’t know what I would do. One thing was for sure, I’d make sure Mr. van Hoek was comfortable with whatever she had in mind before I even considered it.

Melanie and Jennifer arrived, and we headed to the Spencers’. I was pleased to see that Melanie’s parents were home. But then I remembered that wouldn’t stop her. If there were two people who could gang up on me and win, Melanie and Jennifer were the two. I’d have to keep my guard up.

At least they were forced to wait because dinner was going to be ready at 6:00pm. It seemed that everywhere I ate, except at home, the food was awesome. Tonight was pot roast. The meat basically melted in my mouth and the vegetables were firm but not crunchy. I slathered butter on the home-made dinner rolls and drank two bottles of Coke.

Leave it to Melanie to start the ribbing.

“He’s got to build up his energy for later, that’s why he’s eating so much.”

And Jennifer was not far behind.

“I’m not sure there’s enough food here to supply the energy he’s going to need if we gang up on him.”

And, of course, Mr. Spencer had to join in.

“Steve, you’re a lucky man. Condemned, but still lucky.”

And finally, Mrs. Spencer added her bit as well.

“No, he’s handled two at once before and survived. Although Jennifer might be a bit more of a handful than Michelle.”

I knew the girls had set this up, and it was all in fun.

“All absolutely true,” I said casually. “But I’d have to be interested. I’ve had them both. Maybe I need some fresh blood. Then it might be interesting.”

The feigned shrieks of outrage told me I had scored. We all had a good laugh, and the girls admitted they had put the Spencers up to it.

Dessert was ice cream, and the girls ate it as suggestively as possible. I ignored them, which resulted in more feigned outrage.

After dinner, Melanie’s parents said they would clean up, and told us we should go have some fun.

“Time for a sauna!” Melanie announced.

“Melanie, you know my rules,” I warned.

“You assume we’d touch you after those comments?”

“No. I don’t assume, but I know the two of you all too well!”

They laughed and pulled me with them. They led me to the master bedroom and into the bathroom. They quickly stripped off their clothes and went into the sauna, and I followed suit. They were each sitting on a towel, and of course, as I could have predicted, my towel was between them. This might be tougher than I thought!

“Girls, you know my rules. I’ll cut you some slack on the clothes given we’re in the sauna, but otherwise, they are in force.”

“Yes,” Jennifer said. “We do remember. Don’t worry. A little teasing but we’ll respect your wishes.”

“Thanks,” I grinned. “By the way, you are both sexy, do you know that?”

“Of course we do! But which of us is sexiest?” Melanie asked.

“You are sexy in different ways.”

“Good answer!” they both said.

Jennifer asked, “So have you decided what to do about Becky?”

“Well, she managed to arrange for me to stay the night. I have no idea how she pulled that off. And my dad agreed, so I’ll stay there, but I don’t know what to do.”

“I told you, it’s simple. Fuck her brains out. Give her the world’s greatest goodbye fuck. Do it all night. Make it so she can’t walk.”

“Jeez, Jennifer,” I said.

“What’s gotten in to you, Jennifer?” Melanie asked.

“I’m just saying it straight. He told me he’d never make love to her again, but she asked for one more time. So, give her one to remember.”

“Wow!” Melanie observed. “That’s more like my kind of thinking!”

“It is,” Jennifer replied. “And once he’s taken care of her, then you and I give him the best ever fucking of his life. Until HE can’t walk. After that, we all sit down and sort out the future.”

“Damn, Jennifer, what’s gotten into you?” Melanie asked again.

“His dick! And I want it again! And again!”

I just shook my head.

Jennifer sighed deeply, “Sorry. I just had to get that out. We’re working on our relationship. It’s going to take time. I’ve been really pushing him on sex because I do want to make love with him. He won’t do that until he’s in a better frame of mind. So I tried to turn it into raw sex. But he seems immune at the moment.”

“Oh, bummer. I thought I was going to get to share him with you.”

“Jennifer might just get her wish,” I said. “If I do decide to give Becky her one last screw, then Jennifer can have what she wants as well.”

“What she wants? Does that include me?”

“Not up to me, Melanie. Talk to Jennifer.”

They exchanged a look. I wondered if I was going to survive. Of course, I could avoid it by not having sex with Becky. But the promise of an uninhibited Jennifer was a pretty powerful reason to do it.

“Steve, have you had sex with Joyce or Anna?” Jennifer asked.

“Both. And both were fun in their own way. And just like with Mary, they helped. My problem with you and Becky is that there are feelings there. Yes, I have feelings for Becky, but they are quite different from the ones I have for you. And Becky made demands I couldn’t meet.”

“Would you stop having sex with all those other girls for Jennifer?” Melanie asked.

“Probably, yes, if she insisted. There’s something special between us. There’s always been something special between us. My situation with Birgit caused me to push it down when I shouldn’t have. I didn’t do what Birgit had asked. And by trying to avoid some kind of long-term thing I hurt both Becky and Jennifer quite badly.”

Jennifer sighed, “I told you I made a mistake in not being honest with you.”

“If you had been, it would have ruined everything. You did the wrong thing which led to the chance to do the right thing. I’ve had this happen to me before. I made the mess, I have to clean it up, starting with Becky. Once I close that chapter, I can move on.”