Chapter 11: A Surprise Visitor

June 1978

On Wednesday morning, I noticed Mary’s name written in my ‘little black book’ for Thursday. She had written that in herself before she gave it to me as a gift. I wasn’t up for it, really. As much fun as Mary was, it wasn’t what I needed now. There likely would never be a repeat of the ‘love making’ from last time, and I wasn’t sure it would be a good idea, anyway. It ran the risk of stirring up dangerous feelings. She had Ben, so I hoped she wouldn’t be upset.

Work went the way it usually did, and Jennifer joined me for lunch. She was still behaving and not pushing me. I was really glad about that. I still had a lot of things to work out. I was curious about her comment about including Melanie, but I wondered if that was simply a desperate attempt to entice me. Her comment about having sex with Becky most certainly was. That had led to disaster last time. I was beginning to think that Jennifer wanted to make love with me to bring us into a more permanent relationship.

Truth be told, part of me wanted that. But I knew also that I was nowhere near ready for that. I’d seen girls get hurt badly on ‘rebound’ relationships, and that was the last thing I needed. Of course, if I was honest, Joyce was a rebound for me. I hoped she and I really did agree about the nature of our relationship. I didn’t see any signs that it wasn’t true, but now that we had been together, things might change. I’d have to be on the lookout.

Wednesday night, I called Mary and let her know her I wasn’t going to see her the next day. She was disappointed and tried to talk me into it, but I told her that I just wasn’t in the mood for it. I chuckled when she gave me her ‘Oh poo!’ reply. I also pointed out again that she was with Ben. She reminded me he was OK with it and I said I understood, but I preferred not to take the risk of messing things up for them. I didn’t tell her that it was too close to the whole Pete/Melanie situation for my comfort. Mary made me promise to call her. I asked if she would like to go to a Reds game in July with a couple of the other girls and she happily said yes.

Thursday morning, I met with Doctor Mercer. I told her I had written the letter, but I didn’t want to show it to her. She asked me how I felt when I wrote it.

“I was sad when I was writing it. When I closed the binder I had a feeling like when you reach the end of a book, close it, and put it away.”

“How did that make you feel?”

“Better, actually. It’s odd. I thought I would be upset, but I wasn’t. I had an extremely happy dream about the good times I had with Birgit when she was here and slept more soundly than I had in over a week. But there’s still something missing.”

“Do you know what that is? Or is it just a feeling?”

“No, I know what it is. I wrote it in the letter. I have to go visit her to actually say goodbye,” I said as a couple of tears rolled down my face.

“Is that possible? It could be a long time to wait and that might not be good.”

“June or July of next year. I plan on being an exchange student to Sweden. I’ll do it then.”

“That’s still some time in the future.”

“I know, Doctor Mercer, but like I said, I felt a lot better. I just have that one last thing to do.”

The rest of the session was focused on my relationship with my parents and my siblings. She suggested strategies for dealing with my mom and Jeff, because that’s where most of the conflict appeared to be.

Work on Thursday was pretty good, and I was able to stay more positive. Jennifer joined me for lunch. She wanted to get together and suggested Saturday for dinner. I told her I’d check, but I was sure that would be fine. I reminded her of the rules we had established. She pouted, but then immediately smiled.

That evening Bethany called and invited me for lunch on Sunday. I checked with dad and told her I’d be there. I swam, did chores, played some pool with Stephanie, and wrote in my journal. I slept pretty well. No nightmares.

Friday was routine until I got home from work. I pedaled into the driveway and saw a car I didn’t recognize. I parked my bike in the garage and went inside. Stephanie told me that someone was there to see me.

I went into the living room and was surprised to see Stacey Nelson.

“Stacey?”

“We need to talk.”

I instantly knew what it was about.

“Let’s go out on the deck. It’s private,” I said.

She followed me outside. I pointed to a chair, and she sat. I pulled one close to her.

“I saw you the other day, standing in the foyer.”

“Yeah, I was running an errand.”

“I know. I asked about you. You can’t tell anyone you saw me! Please!”

“I would never do that. I think we have the same boss. Nice old Italian guy?”

Her face showed a flash of puzzlement but she quickly nodded, “But seriously, please don’t say anything to anyone.”

“I promise. OK?”

“I guess. I just don’t want my mom and dad to find out. Or Jay.”

I assumed that was her boyfriend. I didn’t say anything because I’d already given my word.

“Look, I’m sorry I just barged in. I know Melanie Spencer’s boyfriend Pete and he told me where you lived. But he also said ‘What is it with that kid?’. Do you know what he meant?”

I stifled a smug grin.

“I do know,” I replied. “I have quite a few girlfriends. He must have assumed you were one that he didn’t know about.”

“Oh. Quite a few girlfriends, like two or three?”

“Nah, more like seven or eight, I guess.”

“What? You’re like sixteen!”

“Fifteen, actually, and just at the end of April.”

“I don’t believe it.”

“Well, it’s true. You heard it from Pete, not me.”

She just shook her head, “I have to be going. Thanks for keeping my secret. I owe you one.”

“You don’t, really. Forget about it.”

She got up and said, “Thanks,” and walked around the deck to the driveway and to her car.

I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised that she had seen me. She must have been really nervous about it to come to my house unannounced. I put it out of my mind, but not until I wondered if there were other girls I knew who worked there. Had any of the others seen me? I figured they wouldn’t say where they’d seen me without exposing their own activities there. I wondered how I could find out.

After she left, I did my chores and swam some laps in the pool. After dinner, it dawned on me that I hadn’t heard from Melanie. I wondered if that was good or bad. I decided to call her and find out. She wasn’t home and her mom said she’d leave a message. I wasn’t planning to go to bed early, so I said it was OK if she called as late as 10:00pm. Otherwise I could talk to her tomorrow.

I copied more pages into my journal and wrote only a few new lines. I didn’t have much to write because I had come to terms, at least partially, with Birgit’s death, and while I still felt a part of me was missing, it wasn’t the same crushing feeling. I put it away and pulled out a book.

Stephanie came in and asked how I was doing. She went to the closet and dialed the combination on the box that I had shared with her and pulled out the binder. I had the notebook stashed in the bottom of a drawer at the moment until I finished copying it. The binder took up all the space, so I had moved the condoms to a different corner of my closet that I figured was safe.

A short time later, Stephanie looked up and said, “Wow! That goodbye letter is amazing.”

“Doctor Mercer strongly suggested that I write it. I can’t send it of course.”

“Give it to her when you go there.”

“What?” I asked, confused.

“Leave it on her gravestone or whatever. I’ve seen that in the cemetery next to where grandma and grandpa live.”

“You know Squirt, you’re not so dumb after all.”

“Of course not. I’m a girl! It’s boys who are dumb!”

“Even Ed Krajick?” I said with a smirk.

“Yeah, he’s dumb, but he’s cute. I think I can work with that.”

I laughed. At eleven she was bad. At fifteen, well, Ed, look out!

“I talked to Vickie today,” Stephanie said. “She said her mom can bring her on the morning of the 4th. She’ll spend the night and get picked up the next day. She told her mom she’s coming to see me.”

I blew out a long breath, “I’m still not sure this is a good idea. If we were to get caught, I’d be dead.”

“True. Well, you have a week to think about it.”

“Gee, thanks, Squirt,” I called to her as she was going back to her room.

I really was conflicted. Vickie was cute, no doubt, and had a great body. But she was my cousin and that complicated things. I wasn’t turned off by it, it’s not like we were brother and sister, but it was close enough to concern me. The thoughts were pushed out of my head by the ringing phone.

It was Melanie.

“So?” I asked.

“I talked to him. At first, it seemed like we would be OK. But the more he talked, the more I realized he thought it had been you. He told me that it didn’t surprise him and he knew someday it would happen. He could deal with it. But then he asked if it was when Michelle was here and all of a sudden I knew he meant you. I really wanted to let him believe that, but I knew he’d eventually say something to you and you would never lie for me that way.”

“That’s true. I couldn’t lie to Pete and say I had sex with you. Remember, I gave him my word that I wouldn’t.”

“So then I confessed that it was the guy next door, the one who’s in college. It was the day after my sixteenth birthday. He was home for the weekend, we were chatting and just teasing like I do. Well, it got out of hand and I gave him a couple of blowjobs and he fingered me to a couple of orgasms, but we didn’t screw. Pete was devastated. He could have dealt with you and me with Michelle. This he couldn’t. We’re through.”

“Melanie, I don’t know what to say. To be honest, I’m surprised by you. Wanting me is one thing, but what’s with your next-door neighbor?”

“The same stuff I told you. Unfortunately, by the time I got Pete to do some more wild stuff, it was too late because I had already betrayed him.”

“Melanie, don’t give up hope yet. I screwed things up badly with both you and Jennifer, and we’re all working on our relationships. Give him some time.”

“No. It’s over. Betrayal isn’t something you can just get past.”

“I’m sorry it came to this,” I said.

“Me too,” she said, sounding very sad.

We fell silent for a few seconds, then I remembered, I’d gotten baseball tickets that could cheer her up!

“Are you up for going to a Reds game on July 16th? I have four tickets. I already asked Mary and I’m going to ask Jennifer.”

“Sure! I’d love to go!”

“OK. Let’s talk soon again, OK?”

We hung up. I’d ask Jennifer tomorrow. I slept soundly again. No nightmares and no dreams.

Saturday morning at work was pretty much normal. Jennifer joined me for lunch, which was a pleasant surprise given we were having dinner later. I asked her to the Reds game, and she said she’d love to go.

I made my rounds in the afternoon, and when I was at the house, waiting for the bag, I saw Stacey. She wasn’t busy, so she came to the foyer.

“Steve? Are you a customer today? I don’t know if we can take fifteen-year-olds!”

I laughed, “No Stacey. I told you I have quite a few girlfriends. They keep me happy.”

“Suuure,” she purred.

“Stacey, you won’t believe what I’ve done. Trust me.”

She looked at me quizzically.

“I’m not here for that,” I continued. “ However, I am curious, how did you get started here?”

“Uh,” she stammered, as if collecting her thoughts. “Someone who graduated a few years ago works here every Summer. She uses it to pay for college. I’m doing the same thing. We work during the Summers; we get decent pay, but we get to keep our tips. And those can be pretty good because guys seem to like college or High School girls. We’re all eighteen or older, of course, but I can dress up to look younger.”

“Interesting. Thanks.”

I didn’t want to push it. I’d ask another question when I saw her again.

Stacey walked off, and the guy gave me the bag, “Kid, you’re way too young for this place, but you have good taste. She’ll blow your mind. And that’s not all.”

I laughed, “Well, as I told her, I have a bunch of girlfriends and I’ve done stuff you wouldn’t believe.”

For the second time, I got a quizzical look. He laughed and sent me on my way.

I finished up and pedaled home. I did a few chores, took a quick swim and then a shower, and got dressed. Jennifer and her mom picked me up as planned. We ate not long after I got there, and after dessert, Jennifer and I went down to the basement. We just cuddled for a bit and talked. The topic of Becky eventually came up.

“No,” I said. “I’m sure. I’m not going to make love with her, or, as you so delicately put it, ‘fuck her brains out’ when I see her on the 2nd. It’s just not going to happen.”

“You’re sure you can resist her?”

“I’m resisting you, including your offer of a threesome with Melanie, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, explain that one!”

“Maybe I am going crazy and Doctor Mercer has a bigger problem than she thought. ‘fifteen-year-old Milford boy is psychological oddity — refuses threesome with the two hottest girls in the state!’.”

We both broke up laughing.

“You know, I was completely serious about both Becky and the thing with Melanie,” she said quietly.

“What’s changed, Jennifer? This is very different. Well, not the Becky thing, you ordered me to make love to her before as a test. Is this the same thing?”