Chapter 9

Present – Zarika and Yasmeen – at the cabin

I wake up at my normal time in the morning expecting to do PT, however everything is changed because everyone is gone. I wonder what is going on as I wander through the empty cabin. I arrive in the main room, the television is on and I cannot believe it! Ben, my Ben, is marrying! No it cannot be! He's marrying Jennifer and no one invited me to the wedding or even bothered to tell me about it. This makes me concerned for Yasmeen so I run to her room, frantically beat on the door and yell, "Yasmeen wake up it is a disaster!"

Yasmeen yells back, "Zarika, leave me alone! It is too early and I want to sleep more."

I am thankful that Yasmeen is here because that means they didn't invite either of us. I beat even harder on the door and announce, "Yasmeen, you need to come and see the television: Our Ben is marrying Jennifer."

I hear Yasmeen's feet as she runs to the door, throws it open and threatens, "Zarika, this had better not be one of your bad jokes."

I grab her hand, pull her toward the main room and answer, "Yasmeen, I only wish it was a bad joke. They are getting married right on the television and we were not invited."

We arrive in the main room, both sink to the floor and begin to cry as the priest says, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Bennie Blaine."

I hold Yasmeen, she holds me and we have the worst day of our lives.

Then Yasmeen pulls away from me and comes up with a very devious and evil plan...

Present – Mira, Ira, Alexi and Safia – going back home

The nuptial ceremony terminates, I pandiculate and inform the others, "This nuptial ceremony is a farce and I will not recognize it."

Ira responds, "But my sister Mira, it is an Orthodox priest who performed the nuptial ceremony therefore it is valid."

I pandiculate again and answer, "That factoid does not trouble me. He was not a Russian Orthodox priest so therefore this nuptial ceremony is invalidated. This is tiresome and I do not wish to abide here longer, let us return to the cabin."

We traverse to an awaiting helicopter and leave this farcical charade...

Present – Thom and Jack – taking care of business

While Inga is off playing Loana (think of Raquel Welch in One Million Years BC) and helping to get the Mossad group onto the waiting Feebs' (derogatory term for FBI) chopper, I notice Samantha is also busy taking video of the capture and harassing her ex-husband. Now seems like the best possible time to take care of Megan and Evelyn's bodies. My next job is to find Glen and Hammer. As I walk away following Jack I ask, "Jack, where in the hell are Glen and Hammer."

Jack replies, "Thom, they are with the bodies."

I respond, "That's great, since the news crew is busy with the Mossad agents, now is the perfect time to grab a couple caskets, load the bodies into them and get them the hell out of here before anyone else finds out about them."

Jack asks, "How do you plan on reporting their deaths?"

I smile at Jack and answer, "We have a friend who's a medical examiner, so I will have him look at the bodies and create the death certificates. We have used him before and once he sees the bodies he will determine the most plausible way they died."

Jack starts to chuckle, then gets serious and says, "Shit, this can't be happening."

I follow his eyes and I can't believe who's coming our way...

Present – Masha – at the campsite

My husband is leaving the wedding area with Thom and because I do not really trust Thom (he is well known to the 'company') I need to intercept them to avoid possible complications for my husband. Besides, Ivan has been asking to see his Папа (papa in Russian) and now is a great time for that to occur.

I begin walking toward the two of them but I can tell from the expression on my Jack's face that I am the last person he wishes to see. Which is all the more reason I need to see him now.

I approach within vocal range and simply ask, "Where are you two going? This area is so incredibly lovely may we three join you?"

Thom glares at me then Jack surprises me when he firmly answers, "Masha, not now."

I am bewildered because 'Masha, not now' is one of our code phrases. It informs me that my Jack has something to do which I or our children should not see. I stop, smile at Jack and answer, "I understand, however your son Ivan wants to go and play in the woods."

Jack shakes his head and answers, "Masha, that wouldn't be wise; there are things in these woods that are not safe."

I make certain I hide the shock on my face when my husband uses 'that would not be wise', another of our code phrases. His words let me know I need to keep my children close to me for safety. I somewhat understand as I remember the wolves and the bears leading the Mossad team out of the woods. However, I still do not know what my husband Jack needs to do which we cannot see...

Present – Jack, Thom, Glen and Hammer– taking care of business

We arrive at the scene of the carnage and Glen and Hammer are busy digging two small holes. The bodies are so mangled it is hard to distinguish which one is Evelyn except for the difference in size (Evelyn was a larger and taller woman).

I approach Glen and offer, "Do you need any help with what you're doing?"

Glen replies, "Nae thenk ye, we shoods be dain buryin' Evelyn's bitts in puckle moments."

I think for a moment, figure that bitts is boots and then ask, "Why are you burying her boots?"

Hammer replies, "We bury 'er bitts sae 'er ghost cannae donner around."

Thom asks, "Are you going to bury Megan's boots?"

Glen growls, "Nae feckin' way, 'er ghost can spend eternity walkin' aroond th' earth. Tis fittine tae pay fur whit she did tae mah Evelyn!"

Hammer reinforces that thought while pointing over his shoulder in the direction of Megan, "If it wasnae fur 'at fanny, Evelyn woods still be alife."

Then he shocks me even more when he walks over to the corpse of Megan and begins to piss on it.

Thom warns...

I can't believe that Hammer is pissing on Megan's corpse! I need to warn him, "Hammer, these bodies are going to the medical examiner and I don't think you want your DNA on them."

Hammer laughs and counters, "Yoo're feckin' lucky Ah didne cut th' feckin' bitches heed aff an' jobby doon 'er neck. Ah dornt caur abit onie feckin' DNA coz they dornt hae mah DNA."

I continue to assert caution, "Hammer, you were in the military. Are you sure they didn't take your DNA?"

Hammer is finished pissing on the corpse of Megan then kicks her a few times and laughs as he answers, "Och, they took mah DNA but Ah hud a guid mukker delete it when he deleted mah service record."

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I figure it's my duty, "Hammer, your friend sure as hell didn't do a very good job, because when you came to TSIFFTS we checked your DNA against what was on file."

Hammer blinks a few times, looks like he's in thought, and says, "Weel jobby, 'en Ah guess Ah need tae fix thes."

He shocks me when he begins to dump most of a bottle of Scotch on the body of Megan. He stops takes several emotional gulps of air then he strikes a match and drops it on the body which erupts into flames. He turns at us, smiles and says, "Noo, th' huir can burn haur an' in heel!"

I run over to the burning body of Megan, try to put the fire out but it's no damn good because Hammer poured too much Scotch on her. Son of a bitch! How in the hell am I going to explain Hammer setting Megan's corpse on fire to the medical examiner. But it's even worse since the fire grows and begins to smoke with the nasty assed smell of burnt flesh while I begin to wonder when it will start to attract attention...

Present – Samantha – videoing the FBI removing the Mossad group

Even though I am a reporter, I am a woman and I can't resist shouting insults at the Mossad group as they are herded into the helicopter. My bigamist, ex-husband, Frank not only insulted me, he took my virginity and I was fucking angry! I knew I would have to edit out my words before the station could broadcast the report, but this was my time and I was going to make them pay.

John, one of the cameramen asks, "What the hell is that terrible smell?"

I've been distracted and quickly scold myself for not noticing it. I take a deep breath, cough and answer, "I recognize that smell from Germany, that's the smell of burnt human."

Smelling (pun intended) a more important story, we begin to scan the skies and John says, "That looks like smoke above the trees."

I concur, "I think you're right. This story is done so let's see what that is all about."

I begin to run toward the smoke with the cameramen, when Inga (who was the one that helped with the wolves and bears) runs up beside me and says, "Samantha, you are correct! That is the smell of a burning body. However, I do not think this is a story which you should cover while reporting on Bennie and Jennifer's wedding."