Chapter 8

Flashback – Ben and Jack – A new mission

We approached Baghdad without any further issues until the fasten seatbelt light started to go crazy. The co-pilot got on the intercom and announced, "There are some hostiles on the outskirts of Baghdad so we will be performing a combat landing¹."

¹ Combat Landing – Spiral or corkscrew landing approach to avoid SAMs and manpads.

I looked over at Jack (because he was still passed out from the bourbon and pills) to make sure his seat belt was fastened and tight. It was fastened but I wasn't sure it was tight so I got up, pulled all the fucking slack out of his seatbelt, quickly got back in my seat and barely got my seatbelt fastened by the time the flaps went up the wheels locked down and we began the fast fucking spiral toward the landing strip! Combat landings were hell! They were worse than any rides at Disneyland, which was confirmed by the retching of many Marines who puked out their guts. The smell on the bus got toxic from all the puke and it was all I could do to avoid puking myself.

Then it was over as fast as it started. As the wheels touched down, the copilot announced, "Welcome to Baghdad!"

Jack woke up and complained...

I woke up, tried to stretch my back and complained, "My back feels like more than twenty miles of bad road."

Banzai answered, "Don't worry Jack, we're finally in Baghdad and we will get you an MRI to see what the fuck is going on with your back."

I realized my seatbelt was about twice as tight as it was when I sat down so I asked, "What the hell happened?"

Banzai laughed, "Hell Jack, you were lucky because you slept right through the combat landing."

I blinked a couple of times but still couldn't believe it so I commented, "Are you fucking sure about this?"

Banzai laughed, "Hell yes I'm sure about this! Just use the nose that God gave you."

I took a deep breath, retched and said, "Thanks a fucking hell of a lot! The fucking smell is so bad I damn near puked!"

Banzai laughed and answered, "See, I told you fucking so. I will go talk with Colonel Maggie and let her know you need an MRI here in Baghdad. Here's my flask, go ahead and finish it off and sit tight until I get back."

I sure as hell wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth, especially when Pappy Van Winkle bourbon rode in on that horse...

I worked my way up front, found Colonel Maggie, stood in front of her, saluted and requested, "Sir! Because of Captain M's foolishness in making us perform pushups, my spotter Sgt. Jack Reynolds' back was injured. He needs a MRI here in Baghdad because I am not sure they will have the facilities in Ramadi."

Colonel Maggie returned my salute and answered, "Sgt. Blaine, you are correct. The General has many plans for you and your spotter, so I am ordering Captain M to remain in Baghdad with you and oversee the MRI."

Shit! And double Shit! This was not what I wanted! However I knew better than to counter one of Colonels Maggie's orders. I smiled at her and lied, "Thank you Colonel!"

She continued, "Captain M, please accompany Sgt. Blaine and Sgt. Reynolds to the hospital while Sgt. Reynolds gets an MRI on his back. Keep me informed of the results from the MRI. You are both dismissed..."

Flashback – Captain M – Sgt. Reynolds' MRI

I couldn't fucking believe it! Did the boney bitch really assign me to stay in Baghdad and oversee fucking Sgt. Reynolds' MRI? What the fuck was she thinking? I'm sure she's still upset because Dorothy dropped a house on her sister. Staying in Baghdad would put me into Ramadi much later than the rest of the troops and would impact to which combat team I was assigned, and with the boney bitch being here I would probably end up being assigned to be an REMF¹! The last thing I wanted to do in this war was push papers or shuttle cargo because a soldier without some god damn war to fight might as well be dead!

¹ Rear Echelon Mother Fucker – A pejorative name for a soldier who provides logistical support and has no real appreciation for what is really happening in the field.

I wanted to complain but I knew better. I thought for a moment and decided I could probably really fuck up things if I cloaked Sgt. Reynolds' results, told them nothing was wrong and had him and Sgt. Blaine assigned immediately to the worst possible group in Ramadi ... Yeah, that made much more sense than listening to the boney bitch...

Flashback – Jack and Ben – A new mission

Banzai made it back to our row but didn't look happy, however I sure as hell was not feeling any pain thanks to the pills the corpsman gave me and a good dose of Pappy Van Winkle. I slurred my voice and asked, "Banzai, what the hell is wrong?"

Then I noticed Captain Fucker as he walked our way. Banzai made a motion with his hand so I realized I needed to keep quiet and hide the flask which is exactly what I did. The stupid Captain M walked up and ordered, "Okay you two, we need to get Sgt. Reynolds to the hospital ASAP."

Banzai threw him a half-assed salute, I wasn't sure how the hell he got away with it. Then he grabbed his big assed rifle case, unfastened my seatbelt and helped me to stand. I swayed and almost fell. The fucking Captain M demanded, "What the hell is wrong with Sgt. Reynolds?"

Banzai created an excellent lie, "Sir, he's been 'out of it' for the whole flight and even slept through the combat landing so I think the corpsman might have over-medicated him. If you could help him on the other side it might be a good idea."

Captain M took my other arm and we marched down the aisle, if someone was in our way the Captain yelled at them and the obstacle was magically cleared. We reached the air-stairs and Captain M asked, "How the hell are we supposed to get him down these stairs?"

Banzai replied, "No problem Sir. If you would carry my rifle, I can solve this problem."

Banzai set down his rifle and the Captain grabbed it and immediately banged it into the air-stairs. Banzai complained, "Sir, please be careful with that."

Captain M began to laugh, then the Colonel walked up and said, "Don't worry Sgt. Blaine; the rifle must be too heavy for the Captain so I will carry it."

She took the rifle case from the Captain and I swear she smacked him in the ass with it. Banzai said, "Jack, let me give you a piggy back ride down the air-stairs."

I wrapped my arms around Banzai's neck, he lifted me like I weighed nothing and then walked down the air-stairs with me on his back - right to a waiting ambulance.

The orderlies and Banzai helped me onto a gurney and put me into the ambulance which was really a Humvee fitted with a box on the back. Colonel Maggie gently set Banzai's rifle case into the back of the ambulance with us. Banzai smiled at her and said, "Thank you Sir for treating my rifle with such care."

She returned Banzai's smile and said, "Sgt. Blaine, I know about everything you have in the case. The General has plans for you two and this rifle and I'm sure the other items in the rifle case will help you relieve some stress after your assigned missions. Just make sure you save some for me if I happen to show up between your missions. Don't worry about the ammo for this beauty, I will take personal care of it and make sure it's waiting for you in Ramadi. Now if the Captain gives you any problems at all, please contact me immediately."

I began to laugh and whispered, "Banzai, I guess you aren't as sneaky as you thought."

Captain M opened his maw and questioned, "Sir, what are you talking about."

Colonel Maggie put him in his fucking place when she answered, "Captain, that's on a need to know basis and you don't fucking need to know. Now you make sure you take special and good care of these two or your ass is mine."

Banzai climbed in the back of the ambulance with me, the fucking Captain climbed up front into the passenger's seat and we headed to the hospital...