Chapter 7

Present – Samantha – videoing the wedding

Jens begins to walk up the hastily formed aisle, Glen is holding her arm and I begin my narration, "Yes America, the wedding we have been waiting for is finally happening: Jennifer Donaldson is finally marrying Bennie Blaine in of all places a campsite at an undisclosed location (I did not want to reveal the location because I knew we would have too many people who would 'crash' the wedding). I continue to describe Jennifer's dress, "Jennifer makes one of the most beautiful brides I have ever seen in her white Vera Wang wedding dress with lavender accents, custom fit to her by the world renowned Enric. I continue, "This is the most non-traditional wedding I have ever witnessed and your eyes are not deceiving you: Glen looks dashing in his traditional Scottish Highland dress, he certainly has the legs to wear a kilt; Bennie Blaine who is wearing his Marine Dress Blue uniform is playing the wedding march on the guitar; his best man is Jack Reynolds also in his Marine Dress Blue uniform. However, the groomsmen are the most eclectic I have ever witnessed and there is a story behind each one. Unfortunately, in order to do justice to the stories we will have to wait until later to cover them. The first is a wild wolf, then an American quarter horse named Bo, a bear named Wojtek and a little dog named Motita. For animals they are being remarkably well behaved. Jennifer's side is also peculiar: Her maid of honor is the Truth Network's own Elizabeth Morgan who looks almost as beautiful as the bride in her lavender dress; and beside Liz the dog in waiting, with a large lavender bow, stands Sharik. I was told lavender was chosen because they match Jennifer Donaldson's eyes and of course reflect the lavender highlights in Jennifer's wedding gown."

Then I report on the guests, "The bride, Jennifer Donaldson, has a huge contingency of guests consisting of the team which helped her find Ben, Jack Reynolds' wife and children, and many others too numerous to mention. However Bennie Blaine's side once again mirrors his groomsmen and are eclectic: There is Stacy Summers in her beautiful white dress and veil side-saddle on her horse Patches; then we have Miranda, Irina and Alexi Sedankina along with Alexi's soon to be bride Safia. They are from Kazakhstan and must have misunderstood American wedding customs because they are all wearing what appears to be clothing more apropos a funeral! But the most shocking of all is a woman named Margarita: She is dressed like a prostitute and brought the little dog Motita. Yes, she is the one with shocking pink hair, a very tight, low-cut mini dress that actually lets you see the back of her yellow thong, wearing high heels that are entirely impractical for the campsite and seems to have already imbibed a mammoth amount of alcohol.

Then something interrupts the wedding...

Present – Jen – the wedding!

Liz had to pinch me a couple more times because I just couldn't believe that I was really, finally getting married to my Ben. Daddy looked so wonderful in his traditional Scottish Highland dress. Ben surprised me when Jack handed him a guitar and he started to play the wedding march. Daddy took my arm, smiles at me and also surprises me when he says without his Scottish accent, "Jennifer, I am so proud of you today! It had to be hard to wait this long. Has it been worth it?"

I smile at Daddy and answer, "Daddy, it hasn't been as hard waiting for Ben as you think because I always knew we're supposed to be together."

We arrive at the makeshift altar where the Orthodox Priest is waiting and then rats ... double rats and triple rats! Something disrupts our wedding...

Present – Ben – the wedding!

It might have been hell getting ready for the wedding because I sure as hell didn't care for the gay dress dude and what he did to my hair. The manicure and pedicure were even worse but I do have to say, he did work wonders on my Dress Blues - they have never fit me better.

Jens, my soon to be wife looks stunning! When I see her standing at the back of our campsite aisle, I almost lose it. Why the hell did I fight her so long about getting married? I can tell she's surprised when Jack hands me a Jose Ramirez classical guitar and I begin to play the traditional wedding march by Felix Mendelssohn with a few improvisations of my own.

I notice Stacy and Miranda's outfits and find both of them highly distasteful for my wedding. Stacy looks like she is ready to take Jens place in a moment (she's a good girl, but no one could ever replace Jens) and Miranda along with her family look as if they are going to a funeral. Margarita is even worse - she reminds me of a cheap-assed whore! If I wasn't so damn busy today I would kick all their asses and tell them to get the hell out of here.

I finish the wedding march as Glen and Jens arrive at the altar, hand Jack my guitar and then all hell breaks loose...

The wolf, which has been very content being one of my groomsmen, stands up, looks behind the altar, the hair raises on his back and he begins to howl. Then there's a hell of a lot of yelling and screaming - it sounds like...

Present – Samantha – videoing the wedding

Right as Ben finishes playing the wedding march, he hands the guitar to Jack and then the wolf stands up, the hair rises on his back and he begins to howl. I continue to report, "Ladies and gentlemen, I am not sure exactly what is going on. As you can see, Ben's wolf stood up and howled, now we are hearing many howls and some scary hair-raising growls mixed with screams emanating from behind the altar ... Wait! I think I see some! Oh my God I can't believe it!"

Present – Jen – the wedding!

I just make it to the altar, Daddy is ready to hand me off to Ben and then Ben's wolf, which seems to have a second sense about everything, stands up, the hair raises on his back and he howls. Soon after we hear more howls and growls mixed with human screaming from behind the altar. Ben amazes me when he dashes in front of me and yells to Jack, "Rifle!" Jack throws a rifle toward Ben (where the heck it came from I sure don't know). He catches it while bravely standing in front of me. Then Jack grabs a rifle of his own and points it in the direction of the noise.

Not to be outdone by my soon to be husband, I carefully reach under my beautiful wedding dress and pull out the pistol I have concealed in a thigh holster under my dress. Yes, I had a huge fight with Enric about wearing the pistol but I sure as heck wasn't walking down the aisle naked (unarmed). I notice that suddenly Daddy has a rifle and his claymore while Hammer is standing beside him with a rifle and his claymore. I do a quick tactical assessment and notice that practically everyone is holding a weapon. Stacy is on her horse with a golden Winchester repeating rifle; the Sedankinas all have weapons. Ben nods to his wolf, the wolf takes off behind the altar and I am shocked with what happens next...

Present – Samantha – videoing the wedding

I am speechless (which for a reporter is very unusual) as Ben's wolf takes off and runs behind the altar and the next thing I see are ... The Mossad team and my lying bastard bigamist ex-husband Frank being escorted out of the woods by a bunch of wolves and even a few grizzly bears!

It seems like everyone has a gun, even Jennifer, and they are all pointed at the Mossad team – which, as they get closer, appears to be a very messed up team. They all appear to be bleeding and limping and my bastard lying ex-husband Frank is being dragged by a bear!

Ben yells, "Everyone hold your fire! Intruders stop and identify yourselves or die!"

They stop and then I yell, "Ben this is the Mossad team I traveled with and my lying bastard bigamist ex-husband Frank."

Ben laughs and says, "I remember you guys. I thought the Mossad was supposed to be the cream of the crop, but you never could catch me earlier and now it looks like my friends have handed you your asses. State your mission!"

No one says anything so Ben nods his head and one of the wolves bites the hell out of one of the men; he screams and then says, "Please call off your trained animals. We heard Samantha was going to be here and we came here to capture her."

Ben continues the questioning, "What was the purpose behind capturing Samantha?"

He pauses, the wolf noses him, he jumps about ten feet and answers, "Because of the bitch Samantha, and her many bad reports about us, our lives have been hell."

Jennifer loudly threatens, "If you think your life was hell before, just wait to see what they are going to be like for interrupting my wedding! I should let these wolfs and bears eat you for lunch, but I don't want them to get kosher fricken indigestion."

We all laugh some and Jennifer requests, "Ben my love, can our friends move them to the back of the clearing so we can still get married."

Ben smiles, looks at Jennifer and says, "I didn't know you were carrying, were you worried I was going to run?"

Jennifer laughs and says...

Present – Ben – the wedding!

I just ask Jens why she's carrying, even though it's only a pistol and she replies, "No, I know you will never leave me. I was just concerned about other things." I follow her beautiful violet eyes as she motions with them toward Stacy and Mira.

I smile at her and reply, "Jens I totally understand, but as you can see we have more than enough security to handle any problem."

I nod my head to the wolf signaling that he, the other wolves and the bears move the Mossad team to the back of the campsite and stand guard over them. My wolf runs up the aisle and takes his place again as my groomsman.

I look at the Orthodox Priest along with Glen and ask, "Can we continue this wedding because I can't wait to find out where in the hell Jens hid that pistol."

Everyone laughs and...

Present – Samantha – videoing the wedding

I quickly compose myself after the shock of seeing my bastard lying bigamist ex-husband Frank and continue my report, "Yes, we are all sure that after these many years of waiting Bennie Blaine can't wait to see where his lovely bride concealed that pistol. Unfortunately, we will never know. Glen is saying a few final words to Jennifer as most fathers do to their daughters on their wedding day. Bennie and Glen shake hands while it appears like he gives Bennie some very firm admonitions and places Jennifer's arm on Bennie's"

I cannot believe it again when Bennie's wolf stands up, the hair rises on his back and he again howls! From the edge of the clearing we hear some growls, some gunshots and some obviously feminine screams...

Present – Jens – the wedding!

Who in the fricken-fracken hell is interrupting my wedding this time! I will kill them! I look at Ben, he gets a very concerned look in his eyes and says, "Jens, even though we aren't married yet, you need to obey me on this and stay here."

I want to tell him that I talked to the Orthodox Priest and removed the unnecessary part about obeying from our wedding ceremony, but I can tell by Ben's eyes something very bad has happened. I smile at Ben and answer, "Just please, don't leave me at the altar."

Ben gives me a kiss (yes I know it's a no-no to kiss the bride before the ceremony is over) and says, "Jens, we will be back as soon as possible. Jack, Glen and Hammer I need you."

While Ben takes off with the other three, I turn to the crowd and say, "Don't go away everyone, I am sure eventually we will get married."

I am shocked when the Orthodox Priest asks, "May I borrow Ben's guitar?"