Chapter 69

Present – Liz and Bernie – Later

We might have overdone some of the exercises Jens gave us as I really worked up a sweat and felt light headed a few times.

Bernie looks at me and says, “Liz, you don’t look well.”

I answer, “Bernie, this altitude is really kicking my ass.”

Bernie scolds me, “Liz, you know better than to exercise too hard. I’m sure you remember what the doctor said. Besides I’m the only one that gets to kick that ass!” To emphasize the point he slaps the hell out of my ass!

I laugh and taunt, “Oh yeah old man, you know I can take you any day of the week.” And then, I kick him in his ass (in a loving manner of course).

Bernie suggests...

Hell, I might have opened a real can of worms playing with Liz since she looks worse than ever now. I back down, “Liz you’re right - you could take me any day of the week. How about we head inside, take a shower and then rest until dinner time.”

I figure Liz is going to complain but she surprises me when she says, “Bernie, that sounds great to me, but I don’t want the shower too hot tonight.”

We hold hands, head inside and I worry about Liz...

Present – Ben – Solving the problem

Yeah I knew I was forgetting something! Damn, where in the hell am I going to take them? This fucking mess with Jens and Mira has my head spinning in ten different directions at once. Hells Bells I married Jens because I love her and have for some time. But if Mira’s baby is really mine, I have to do the right thing and take care of them. I know I never had sex with Mira, but I sure as hell wasn’t sure about my semen: Could they have really recovered some of it? Did they have any left? If so could I use it with Jens? Fuck no, if they did have any left that would mean that I would have to take care of Mira and the baby!

Yasmeen again asks, “Ben, where are you taking us?”

I make a command decision and answer, “Well seeing as you two little shitbirds burned down the cabin, I’m going to find the cheapest and worst hotel I can to put us in.”

Mira insults me when she answers, “Ben that is fine because I could not abide to live in that cabin with your ex-wife.”

Ira includes, “Anyplace will be better than that prison from which we were heretofore liberated.”

I angrily correct Mira, “Mira! Jens is my wife! You and your family were at the wedding and watched me marry her.”

Mira confounds me with her response, “Ben, we did observe the farcical ceremony. Because it was not performed by a Russian Orthodox priest, it is therefore not valid.”

I swear, “Mira, I don’t care which fucking priest performed our wedding, we also have a marriage license that says it’s legal.”

I knew I had been baited when Mira laughs, “Ben, has that document been filed with the government?”

I sputter, “Well ... well ... well no - I didn’t file it yet.”

Mira smiles at me and says, “Then your marriage isn’t legal and we can get married.”

I profusely bitch, “Like hell we can get married! Mira if that is my baby, which I highly doubt, then I will take care of it but there is no way in hell I will marry you.”

Mira begins to cry and I feel like shit. But I do know what I must do after I find a motel...

Present – Thom – At the warehouse

Stacy Summers has insulted Jennifer in some of the worst possible ways that she could. I decide to enhance my plans with Jennifer so I loudly announce a gigantic lie, “Jennifer, don’t waste your energy on that piece of trash, I knew her grandmother and coming from that lineage Stacy Summers is not worth it.”

Stacy takes the bait and asks, “You knew grandmamma?”

I laugh and continue the BS, “Hell yes but not in the way you’re thinking. I meant in the biblical sense of the word.”

I could tell I hit a home run when she lunged toward me but her body guard stopped her. She swore, “Bill, let me go so I can teach this old fart a lesson.”

Her body guard whispers in her ear, she begins to calm until I throw gasoline on the lie, “That’s right, me and many men knew your grandmother. Hell she needed a sign over her bed that said, ‘millions served’.”

This time she broke free and began to attack me. She fought well, but didn’t fight dirty. I feigned an injury, she pressed the attack but let down her guard so I bloodied the hell out of her nose and knocked her on her ass.

Her body guard moved toward me when we heard, “What the hell are you all doing?”

It was the Sheriff. I was glad as hell he stopped the fight because I wasn’t sure I could handle the bodyguard. The bodyguard walked over to Stacy, helped her up and complained, “Jim, he assaulted Ms. Summers. We want to press changes.”

I hold up my hands and counter, “Jim, I was just defending myself since Stacy Summers attacked me first.” Jennifer and Linus come to my defense and the next thing you know everyone is trying to talk at once.

Jim has his fill of it, blows his whistle, we all stop talking and he orders, “Stacy Summers and her crew, move to that side of the building. Jens and her crew move to the other side of the building. If there is any more fighting, I will arrest all of you.”

We move to the different sides of the building specified by the Sheriff while I practically laugh as Jennifer and Stacy glare at each other.

Jennifer asks me...

Present – Jens – At the warehouse

I was impressed that Thom stood up for me and it was great to see him bloody the beotchs nose. I wish I could have done that.

I ask, “Thom did you really know the beotchs grandmother?”

Thom laugh and crows, “Hell no I didn’t, but I can trash talk with the best of them.”

Linus interjects, “Thom that was a sneaky move you used on her, pretending to be injured.”

Thom continues the crowing, “Well, when you’re my age you learn that if you’re going to fight, never fight fair.”

I ask, “So what was it like hitting the beotch in the nose?”

Thom smiles at me and says, “I’m sure you will find out yourself someday.”

My phone rings, I look at it and see it’s Gretchen so I answer, “Hey Gretchen what do you need?”

Gretchen informs me, “Jens, we might have a hit off the traffic cameras.”