Chapter 6

Flashback – Ben – A new mission

The first layover was complete and we were back on the plane. We were also, for the most part, back in the good graces of most of our fellow Marines. I leaned over toward Jack and complained, "You sure came up with some crazy-assed stories about Russia. Hell, I had a terrible time keeping up with all your bullshit."

Jack gave me a satisfied smirk and self-righteously answered, "I didn't tell them anything they didn't want to hear."

Jack was correct, even though he stretched the truth to almost the breaking point, it was clearly what the other Marines wanted to hear. I figured I would lighten the mood on the plane so I loudly asked, "What do you call and Iraqi with a camel and a goat?"

Someone toward the front of the plane moaned and complained, "Not that old joke! You call them bisexual."

There was some laughter so I continued with the jokes, "Why aren't there any Wal-Marts in Iraq?"

One of the Marines yelled, "Because there are Targets on every corner."

More laughter that time so I was motivated to continue, "What's the difference between an Iraqi woman and a catfish."

This time there was no answer so I yelled, "One has whiskers and smells like a fish and the other is a fish."

There was a huge amount of laughter this time - so loud that it created problems...

Flashback – Captain M – A new mission

The Marines in the back of the plane started laughing like crazy which woke up the Boney bitch. Following her primal instinct she ordered, "Captain, get your ass back there and see what the hell the Marines are laughing about."

I slowly exited my seat but the Boney bitch screeched, "Captain, move your lazy ass!"

The boney bitch could order me around but she sure as hell couldn't tell me how damn fast to move. I ambled toward the back of the plane and a familiar voice quizzed, "What do you call an evil Iraqi?"

One of the other Marines answered, "Mu Ha, Ha, Ha, Med."

The Marines burst into uncontrolled laughter and I chided, "Just what the hell is so damn funny about that joke! A sure way to piss off the Iraqi's is to insult Mohammed. Sgt. Blaine, that's enough of the jokes!"

The Marines began to complain so I nipped it in the bud, "Well, if you think that joke is so damn funny, then all of you can drop in the aisle and give me a hundred."

There was groaning as they complied with my order...

Flashback – Jack and Ben – A new mission

I was in the aisle doing fucking pushups with the rest of the Marines and complained to Banzai, "Shit Banzai, don't do anything the rest of the flight and we just..."

I didn't finish because the fucking plane hit an air pocket, we dropped like a rock and the next thing I knew I was falling from the ceiling to the floor. I made sure I landed fine and was feeling okay until some big fuck Marine crashed down on top of me...

The fucking Captain M didn't like my jokes so he had all of us doing pushups in the aisle, which didn't really work because there were too many of us to all fit in the aisle at the same time. The fucking pilots hit an air pocket and the plane dropped like a rock. I was able to wriggle around and land on my feet while Jack was doing okay until some big fucking gorilla fell on top of him.

I jumped through our row, helped the gorilla Marine off Jack, checked him and found he was unconscious. I yelled, "Corpsman! We need a corpsman back here immediately."

My chant was taken up by others on the flight and soon all you could hear were moans from the injured and calls for a corpsman...

Flashback – Captain M – A new mission

Son of a bitch! What a terrible time for this to happen. I had the Marines doing pushups in the aisle when all hell broke loose. The next thing I know the Boney bitch is beside me screeching, "Captain, what the fuck did you do to the men!"

I glared at her and countered, "I was just following your orders, Sir!"

She glared right back and me and countered my counter with, "I sure as hell didn't order you to have our men get out of their seats."

She barked like the bitch she was, "Everyone that is able get back in your seats immediately and fasten your seatbelts. Those that can't move under their own volition wait until a Navy Corpsman evaluates you before you try to move back to your seat."

She spits at me, "Captain, if our mission in Iraq is compromised by this boneheaded act of yours, I will make sure that you hang for it. Now accompany me while we ascertain the extent of the damage you created."

We made our way toward the back of the plane - through the many Marines still in the aisle who were waiting for a corpsman. We were almost to the rear of the plane when I saw Sgt. Blaine kneeling beside a prostrate Sgt. Reynolds. The boney bitch looked at them, then looked at me, moved closer and whispered, "Captain, the old man has some special plans for the two of them, so you had better pray to God that Sgt. Reynolds is okay."

Then she shrieked, "Corpsman! We need a corpsman here immediately."

A corpsman arrived, Sgt. Reynolds woke up and asked, "Where's the fucking bus that hit me."

The corpsman order, "Stay still and tell me where it hurts."

Sgt. Reynolds replied, "My lower back feels like hell."

The corpsman probed his back, Sgt. Reynolds jumped, the corpsman looked up at us and stated, "Sirs, I think it's probably a back strain, but it could also be disc injuries. We will know better when we get an MRI at the hospital."

Sgt. Blaine and the corpsman assisted Sgt. Reynolds, who was in obvious pain, into his seat. Sgt. Blaine fastened the belt after Sgt. Reynolds was seated. Then maneuvered through the row of seats, got in my face and threatened, "Captain M, if Jack is..."

He never got to finish (unfortunately or I would have had his ass) because the Boney bitch interrupted, "Sgt. Blaine ten hut!" He snapped to attention and she continued, "Sgt. don't say or do something stupid. I will make sure the Captain pays for his idiocy. Now get back in your seat as I ordered."

He glared at me, sat down and fastened his seat belt...

Flashback – Jack and Ben – A new mission

I didn't want to make a big fucking deal out of it right now because there was nothing that could be done about it, but my lower back was seriously fucked up! Banzai and the Navy corpsman helped me back into my seat and strapped me in, but the pain and spasms were so bad in my back I couldn't sit still. The corpsman gave me some pills but they weren't doing shit!

Colonel Maggie and fucking asshole Captain M left, Banzai reached into one of his pockets, produced a flask, handed it to me and said, "Drink this, it should help."

I smiled and Banzai and said, "I thought alcohol was verboten on this flight."

He softly chuckled, "It's only forbidden if you get caught, now drink up and enjoy."

I unscrewed the cap on the flask and took a big slug. I expected Banzai's normal Knob Creek, but this was a surprise: It was smooth as hell going down, much smoother than Knob Creek. Shit this might be the best bourbon I ever tasted. I asked, "What the hell is this?"

Banzai laughed softly and answered, "It's Pappy Van Winkles Family Reserve, there's hardly any better bourbon in the world."

I took another slug and stated, "Shit, it's a shame to drink such a fine bourbon in such a cavalier manner."

Banzai again chuckled and answered, "Don't worry, I have a few more bottles stashed in my rifle case for special occasions."

I held the flask toward Banzai and asked, "Do you want a snort?"

Banzai shook his head, "No, just take your time and enjoy. But be careful, it will kick your ass."

I took Banzai's recommendation and enjoyed it. By the time we landed in Baghdad I wasn't feeling any pain...

Flashback – Masha – At the market

After being treated rudely and insulted by the salesgirl and the жирная свинья (fat pig) customer behind me in line, I left all my groceries on the belt and started to leave the market. I was almost to the door, when a rather obese man came up to me and said, "Excuse me Ma'am, I am the manager of the store and just witnessed the unfortunate encounter you had with our salesgirl and customer. We value all our customers equally and I would like to find some way to rectify the situation if possible."

I was not certain I believed this man so I questioned, "Why should you care about my business since I am only one person. A large store such as this must have many customers."