Chapter 32

Flashback –Ben and Jack – The trip to hell ... Ramadi

Jack and I were in adjacent shower stalls because I wanted to be close to him in case his back acted up again.

The Corporal offered, "Why don't I go requisition some new BDUs and body armor for you two while you're taking a shower?"

Jack stayed his irascible self and insulted, "That's a damn good idea since it will give you something to do instead of sitting on your ass."

I apologized, "Sorry again for Sgt. Reynolds, that's a great idea."

He took off and I bitched, "Jack, why in the hell do you keep giving the Corporal so much shit? He's a great kid and been a great help since we've been here."

Jack swore, "Hell Banzai, we don't need a nurse maid to take care of us."

I corrected his outlook, "Jack, he's more an aide than a nurse maid and you need to start cutting him some slack before you get into trouble."

Jack laughed, "What the hell sort of trouble?"

I was going to remind him of how Colonel Maggie was a 'mother hen' with her troops but it was too late. She walked into the showers and declared, "What's this I hear that Sgt. Reynolds is giving the Corporal I gave you two as an aide a ration of shit?"

Jack complained, "What are you doing in the showers?"

Colonel Maggie corrected him, "Excuse me, you surely wouldn't be talking to me in that manner and that tone of voice would you?"

I laughed as Jack backpedaled, "Sorry Sir! You just surprised me."

Colonel Maggie ordered, "I don't have all day to wait on you two so move your asses and stop giving the Corporal shit."

Jack replied, "Yes Sir!"

I didn't want to look a gift horse I the mouth so I took the opportunity to thank her, "Colonel Maggie, thank you for the real room and for making sure my ammo was in the room."

She answered, "I noticed you put a lock on the door already. While we don't really have a problem with theft by the Marines and Seals, you have to watch out for the terps and other civilians as they will rob you blind."

I asked, "Then how did my ammo survive?"

Colonel Maggie smiled and answered, "You can thank the Corporal for that. He's been standing watch over it day and night."

Jack asked, "Don't tell me he was sleeping on our cots?"

Colonel Maggie replied, "I would assume he did. You know Sgt. Reynolds, if you don't like your room, I can easily find a bunk for you in the open barracks."

Jack apologized, "Sorry Sir! It's just that my back is hurting some."

Colonel Maggie jumped on his complaint in a heartbeat, "Sgt. Reynolds, you told me your back is just strained slightly. But if you're having this many problems with it perhaps we need to get another MRI on it."

Jack backpedaled again, "No Sir! I don't need another MRI, the first one just said I had some strained muscles."

Colonel Maggie ordered, "Well then Sgt. Reynolds, get your head out of your ass because it's embarrassing. Now finish up your showers, grab some chow and get your asses to the C&C."

The Corporal came back with a big bag of what I assumed was our BDUs and other gear. Colonel Maggie saw him and said, "Son, if that crabby old Sgt. Reynolds gives you any more shit, let me know and he will stay on the base and do KP for a week."

The Corporal lied his ass off, "Sir, he hasn't been that bad."

Colonel Maggie advised, "Loyalty is a good trait but you should never lie to an officer. I'm leaving but I will know if he gives you anymore shit. Now get them some chow and then to the C&C."

The Corporal saluted, Colonel Maggie returned it and left the showers...

I grinned at Jack and he apologized, "Damn, I forgot that Colonel Maggie has her spies everywhere. I guess I've been an ass so I need to fix this. Corporal, sorry for being such and ass and my back is no excuse for the way I've treated you."

The Corporal should have kept his mouth shut when he replied with, "That's okay Sgt. I was warned about you."

Before Jack had a chance to dig his hole deeper I interrupted, "Jack, I'm turning into a prune, let's get the hell out of the showers and grab some chow."

Thank God my distraction worked (I wonder why it worked and decided the pills had finally kicked in).

Jack agreed...

I should have laid into the Corporal again for his comment of 'being warned about me'. But I knew better than to push things with the old bird because if I kept pushing I knew she would put me on KP for a week.

I agreed with Banzai, "Yeah, let's get the hell out of Dodge and grab some chow."

I looked at the Corporal and asked, "So how's the chow here?"

He made an awful face and answered, "Barely passable, and if it's one of the cook's worst dishes many of us skip it and eat MREs."

I swore, "What the hell! I thought the cooks improved in the Corps."

The Corporal answered, "They have at every place but here. Colonel Maggie has been trying to get a better cook in here but command in Baghdad has them all sewn up."

I laughed and said, "I bet she's a bigger pain in the ass to the cook than she was to me."

The Corporal laughed and said, "She's threatened to send him to Thule."

Banzai and I chuckled and I said, "Damn, she's beginning to take after the Old Man - that is one of his favorite tricks."

The Corporal's eye got big and he asked, "I'd heard rumors that the Old Man liked to do that but I didn't think the stories were real. Do you know of anyone that he's actually sent to Thule?"

I felt bad for being such a pain in the ass to this Corporal and decided I liked him so I replied, "You should ask Colonel Maggie about it."

His face was masked with surprise and he asked, "He sent her to Thule?"

Banzai added more information, "Yes, he did but not because of anything she did - she was teaching a certain Captain some much needed lessons."

We were dry and began to get dressed and Banzai reminded me, "Jack, you might want to do like the Seals and forget the underwear."

I answered, "Thanks Banzai, I almost forgot about that."

The Corporal asked, "I always wondered why the Seals don't wear underwear. I asked one once and he told me that because they were Seals, they got so many women that it was quicker without them."

Banzai laughed and provided the real answer, "Corporal the Seals are the masters of bullshit and that's one of their favorite stories. When you're going to be in the field for a long time and not able to shower, you don't wear underwear because it traps the sweat and moisture against your skin and causes a nasty fungal infection called crotch rot."

We were dressed and I complimented our aide, "Corporal, you did an excellent job on getting the sizes right on our BDUs."

Banzai added, "And thanks for the new plate holder and plates."

The Corporal asked, "Sgt. Blaine, what happened to the old plate holder?"

Banzai answered, "Corporal, it did its job and saved my ass. Now let's go eat."

He Corporal led the way, we entered the mess and unlike most places, it was virtually deserted. Hell there weren't even Marines sitting around and drinking coffee. I looked at the Corporal and asked, "Don't tell me, is today one of the days most people eat MREs."

He answered, "Yes Sgt. Blaine, today is one of his worst meals."

I remarked, "But there aren't even Marines sitting around and drinking coffee."

The Corporal answered, "I forgot to tell you about that; his coffee is always terrible." Then he added, "I can get you some MREs."

Banzai swore...

What sort of so called fucking cook did they have here that the bastard couldn't even make coffee? I took the Corporal up on his offer by announcing as loud as I could, "Jack, I'm not eating this shit because it will probably make us sick! Let's get some MREs."

The Corporal began to leave and I asked, "Corporal, how about you bring back three MREs, one of them being for you. And also if you could find me a couple bottles of wine and some butter packets." I pulled a fifty out of my wad of cash in my pocket, handed it to him and said, "We'll be waiting in our room getting our packs ready."

We headed toward the room as the Corporal took off on his mission. I looked at Jack and remarked, "Jack, it's nice as hell having an aide, don't you feel like a toad for giving him so much shit?"

Jack replied, "Banzai you know I do so don't bother asking me. I could get used to this sort of treatment. Hell, this is better than Russia."

I reminded Jack, "Speaking of Russia, don't you think you should contact Masha before we bug out on our LRP¹."

¹ Long Range Patrol – an extended mission away from base.

He swore, "Shit Banzai you're right. But I don't have any idea where I can do that."

I said, "Well let's go back to the room, prep our pack and weapons and wait for the Corporal. We will make time for you to call Masha after we eat."

We hauled ass to the room, prepped our packs and got our weapons ready. The Corporal showed up with enough MREs to choke a horse, three bottles of wine and a shitload of butter packs and said, "I figured you needed some MREs for your field rations, I hope I brought enough."

I looked at the loot and praised him, "Good thinking Corporal."

Jack smiled and said, "Corporal, you're in for a real treat since no one doctor's up an MRE like Banzai."