Chapter 3

Present – Liz and others – at the cabin command center

After Jens dropped the bombshell about wanting to get married at the campsite tomorrow, I called together the team and we went to work. Unfortunately, Maria couldn't help because she had some medical issues with her pregnancy and we had an ambulance take her to the hospital in Denver.

With Maria out of action, I appointed Gretchen as my assistant and as a team we came up with a whiteboard list of what we needed to make the wedding happen then went to work crossing off the items on the list. I called up the station, gave them a list of things I needed done and told them to get Samantha on her way to cover the wedding. I called as many friends as I dared and called in more favors than I even knew I had. We had a working dinner which Mabel provided and she even offered to do all the catering for the wedding (that was a big item to cross off the white board).

I hang up the phone, and the team watches as I walk up to the whiteboard and cross off the last item – a white wedding dress. The room erupts in cheers! I hold up my hands and announce, "I'm proud of each and every one of you for the hard work you've done. Be aware that I know we will have problems tomorrow..."

One of the team interrupts, " ... You mean today."

I look at my watch, laugh and continue, "Thank you, yes we will have some problems with the wedding today but we should be proud of the amazing job we've done. Now let's get some sleep so we don't fall asleep at the wedding."

Present – Glen and Hammer – Looking for Evelyn

Ah hang up th' phain, swatch at hammer an' say, "I cannae believe it! Mah Jennifer is gettin' merrit tha' moorns nicht. We need tae gie tae th' airport an' fin' a flecht tae Montana."

Hammer smiles an' answers, "So she finally caught Ben. Ah guess 'er mission is gonnae better than oors. An' wa th' heel Montana?"

Damn, Ah hate tae say but he is correct, we've bin lookin' a' place fur Evelyn efter th' huir Megan took 'er ot ay th' mental hospital an' hud nae luck findin' 'er. It aye seemed loch they waur tois ur three steps aheid ay us.

Ah laughed an' answered, "Because that's whaur mah Jennifer finally cornered th' dobber. Ah was tauld she doesnae want tae waste time plannin' a big weddin', however Ah hink mah wee Jennifer is concerned th' dobber micht try tae skip it oan 'er again."

Hammer laughed at me lest comment an' questioned, "So is thes gonnae be a shotgin weddin'?"

We waur at th' airport an' Ah answered, "Heel, Ah was thinkin' Ah micht see if Ah can gie an abrams tenk..."

Hammer suggests, "We still hae uir claymores."

Ah ask, "What ur ye suggestin'?"

He laughs an' answers, "I suggest 'at if he leaves 'er thes time we use uir claymair tae change heem frae a rooster tae a hen."

We baith laugh as we donner up tae th' tickit coonter.

Present – Ira, Mira, Safia and Alexi – at the cabin

Ms. Morgan called us into the command center and informed us of her (and our, since we are her body guards) pending trip to Montana for Jennifer and Mira's Ben's nuptial ceremony. I was shocked that Mira didn't explode but when we return to our domicile I caution my sister Mira, "For your health do not become overly emotional."

Mira smiles, pats her abdomen and answers, "Do not worry my sister, I recognize this is only a temporary dalliance my Ben is having. When I present him with my gift, he will completely forget this trollop and we will finally be united."

The 'present' to which my sister infers is the fetus which has invaded her body! After Mira and Safia terminated the other women's fetuses which had invaded their bodies using Mira's Ben's male procreation component, she subjected herself to the torture of undergoing artificial insemination and was now carrying a dreaded fetus.

Safia and Alexi arrive in our domicile and Safia complains, "I do not feel well."

Mira laughs and informs her, "Safia, it was not wise for you and Alexi to engage in unprotected coitus. Now you must recompense the flautist for your foolish behavior."

Yes, your assumption is correct, unfortunately Safia is also carrying a dreaded fetus from our newly castigated Alexi. I am the only female within our family who is functional, not that I did not attempt to acquire a similar dysfunction with Todd. He has, however, very adeptly avoided my advances.

Alexi foolishly questions, "I do not understand why we must attend this wedding."

Safia (who wishes for a nuptial ceremony of her own) castigates, "Alexi, weddings are joyous occasions which should always be attended."

Mira glares at Safia and states, "Safia, the nuptial ceremony of my Ben to that trollop is not a joyous occasion. It is a mistake for which someday Ben will recompense me."

Alexi blatantly offers, "I could make him regret it during the ceremony by eliminating Ms. Donaldson."

This was not the primary instance where Alexi had offered to eliminate Ms. Jennifer Donaldson. I counsel, "Alexi, even with your diplomatic passport, eliminating Ms. Donaldson at her nuptial ceremony would be unwise. There will be many military there who would not hesitate to eliminate your corporeal self in retaliation."

Safia strikes Alexi yet one more time (Mira and I disguise our mirth, with difficulty this time) and complains, "That's right bonehead! I don't want our baby growing up without a father."

Mira confers additional castigation, "Yes Alexi, I also do not wish my baby to age without you as his uncle."

Alexi throws up his hands and complains, "There is too much estrogen in this room, I am out of here! Do not disturb me because I am going to go play Grand Theft Auto."

He leaves, Safia laughs and informs us, "He won't be playing Grand Theft Auto for very long since I deleted all his saved games."

I verbally applaud, "Thank you our sister Safia for eliminating that vile game. I recall when Alexi attempted to impart to us expertise in that game..."

Mira giggles and interrupts, " ... I also remember that situation. You became so enraged you destroyed all the computers."

I defend myself, "Only after Alexi persuaded me to utilize my vile criminal construct to eliminate a prostitute who did not deserve such an act. And if remembrance is accurate, I only destroyed two computers; you my sister destroyed your computer."

Mira continues with her giggling and replies, "Well, it looked so enjoyable when you destroyed the other two computers I decided to try it my corporeal self. Therefore the blame is yours."

Rather than continue with the verbal sparring match I suggest, "We need to prepare our luggage for tomorrow's trip. We begin to pack our luggage for the dreaded trip to Ms. Donaldson and Mira's Ben's nuptial ceremony.

Mira holds up a dress and states, "This should be the perfect dress to wear at the nuptial ceremony. Safia and I begin to giggle and I suggest, "Safia, perhaps we have dresses which would match Mira's?"

Present – Thom, Inga and the TSIFFTS teams

I finish my phone call, collapse with exhaustion in my chair, look at Inga and complain, "I don't know about you but I'm worn out."

Inga grins at me while still looking fresh as a daisy and replies, "Not me. I am finally thankful we can do something for Jennifer Donaldson after all that she's done for the TSIFFTS. Getting TSIFFTS to provide transportation to her wedding in the middle of nowhere is an exhilarating experience and an excellent logistical exercise."

Yeah, we got a call from Jennifer's command center telling us all about the wedding that she was having to-fucking-morrow! They wondered if we could provide transportation, seeing as we had a few C-130s, helicopters and other means of transport. I called the higher ups, they agreed and of course put me in charge. So Inga and I worked like crazy to get everything lined up.

I glare at Inga and prepare the proper response when she makes the crazy-assed face at me that she loves to make (and which causes me to laugh). I begin to laugh and further complain, "Hey, cut that out!"

She gives me an innocent look and asks, "Cut what out, this?" Then she does the face again. I get out of the chair and begin to leave as Inga questions, "Hey where are you going?"

I answer, "Out of here."

She runs over beside me, takes my arm and says, "You're not getting away that easy - we need to get you some food."

As much as I dislike Inga's familiarity, there are many things about her which I enjoy and the way she takes care of me is one of them. Another is she smells much better than Byron. Hell, I could have only imagined what the old fart would have done if I had him help with Jennifer's wedding. He would probably have thrown such a big fit they would have heard him in Montana and promptly canceled the wedding.

Inga squeezes my arm and says...

I can tell that Thom is thinking about Byron again because he has that sad faraway look in his eyes. This used to happen several times a day but now it only happens about once a day. I squeeze Thom's arm and carefully mention, "I bet that Byron is looking down at us from heaven and is laughing his ass off about all the work we had to do for Jennifer's wedding."

Thom looks at me like a child that had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar and responds, "I think you might have the direction wrong."

I am puzzled so I ask, "What direction are you referring to?"

Thom laughs and replies, "Don't you know that when Marines die they go to hell and regroup."

I hit Thom's arm and complain, "Thom, that's not a nice thing to say about your friend."

Thom continues to laugh and answers, "You don't think I'm the one that thought that up do you? Byron told me that all the time. But I do bet you're right: Wherever Byron is, he's laughing his ass off at us. So what are you making me for dinner?"

Yes I had taken over preparing Thom's dinner. Hades, we were like a married couple but without all the benefits; not that I didn't still drop many hints about the missing benefits. I knew Thom needed some comfort food so I replied with a suggestion for one of his favorites, "How about SOS¹?"

¹ SOS – Shit On a Shingle – Meat in a cream sauce on top of toast.

Thom praises me which makes me feel great, "Even though you made that just the other night, I could eat your SOS daily and not get tired of it."

We walk into the TSIFFTS trailer, all heads turn toward us and we enthusiastically hear, "So we're having SOS tonight?"

Yes unfortunately, when the TSIFFTS trailer is close there is so much surveillance there is no privacy. I smile at the guys and answer, "I will make enough SOS for everyone, however I'm not doing the dishes."

That initiates the typical rapid fire game of rock, paper and scissors. James loses and complains, "Shit not me again! I lose every time and end up doing dishes." I don't have the heart to tell him it's because he's too fast and gets his choice of the rock, paper or scissor out before anyone else. They see his choice and are fast enough to alter their choice so he loses.

I begin to prepare the SOS...

Present – Jens – at Glacier Park

Well it might have been more comfortable sleeping in this tent last night than in Ben's tent the night before, but it wasn't nearly as much fun. And I make myself a promise to never ever sleep alone, that is without Ben, again. There's some noise outside of the tent which wakes me so I sit up, open the flap on the tent and I can't believe it: The whole camp had been overrun with wolves! I remember that I didn't ask Ben who his friends were yesterday and decide he meant the wolves. Seeing the wolves gives me an idea and I call Liz. She answers the phone with a very sleepy voice and I suddenly feel bad about calling her, "Hey Jens how are you doing?"

I ask her the most important question, "Liz, please tell me you were able to set up the wedding."

Liz yawns and answers, "Jens there's no way we would ever let you down. You're getting married today! The TSIFFTS C-130s are going to transport all the equipment to Glacier Park International airport, then helicopters will bring it in the rest of the way. I would be expecting your first arrivals soon."

I then tell Liz my idea but she doesn't understand until I explain it to her then she laughs and says, "Well this is going to be a wedding for the record books."

I giggle and answer, "You bet it is! Now don't tell anyone about this since I want it to be a surprise."

I see Ben walking my way holding a steaming cup of coffee and say, "Sorry Liz I need to get going. Ben is bringing me my coffee in bed."

Ben walks up and surprises me when he says, "I hate to wake you up so early, but we will have incoming choppers soon."

I listen but don't hear anything so I ask, "How do you know that?"

He smiles at me and gives me a strange answer, "Forest telegraph! Anyway, here's your coffee. I don't have fresh eggs or bacon for our breakfast but I should be able to whip together something to hold us over."

I look up at Ben and ask, "What the heck is forest telegraph? Is that Forrest Gump running through the woods to tell you things?"

Ben chuckles at my joke and explains, "Well, you've probably heard of jungle telegraph; forest telegraph is sort of like that but without the natives and the drums."

I laugh and confess, "Ben, I still don't know what you're talking about, but I do believe you."

Ben sets my coffee down on the ground, helps me out of the tent, gives me a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek. I complain, "Hey what sort of kiss was that?"

Ben laughs and explains, "That's the morning kiss you get before your teeth are brushed."

I move back, keeping my right arm around Ben, motion with my left arm and say, "I guess these wolves are the 'friends' you talked about yesterday?"

Ben laughs and answers, "Those are some of them, but Jens you've missed the best part, look over by the campfire."

I follow Ben's gaze and begin to giggle. Ben says, "I need to go and take care of things but don't go away because I will be right back."

Present – Jack and Linus – at Glacier Park

Damn did I ever sleep well! I was cold at first after the fire went out, then two of Ben's wolves came and slept on each side of me. It was great! I smell some coffee, open my eyes and blink several times. Then I look at Linus and softly call, "Hey Linus, wake up but do it very slowly."