Chapter 23

Present – Thom and Inga – wrapping up the campsite

Inga walks back into the campsite wearing BDUs and I complain, "Hey, where did the dress go?"

She answers, "Well with the wedding being over and most of the guests gone I figured I would change, is that a problem?"

I foolishly answer, without thinking, "Yeah, I sort of liked the dress." Then I realize what I said was a common mistake I usually come out with because I'm so tired. In a not so valiant attempt to recover I amend my statement, "Yeah, it sort of classed up the place."

Inga grins at me and I know I've let my mouth get me in trouble again so I fall back on my tried and true strategy of command, "Well, since you've changed into more appropriate gear you can start policing up the trash while I go and change."

She grins at me, salutes and adds the normal insult to a working guy, "Oui, mon capitaine."

I mutter under my breath as I leave to change out of my monkey suit...

Present – Jack, Masha and the children – leaving for the cabin

We catch a ride on one of the helicopters headed to the Glacier Park International airport. Ivan sees who we're riding with and says, "Miss Mabel, I want to say food of Unca Ben and Auntie Jennifer wedding best food I ever eat, extraspecially the cake."

She smiles at Ivan and wisely answers, "Thank you Ivan, it was my wedding gift to them. Just so you know I do have some of the cake left over. However, you can only have it in your mother and father agree."

Ivan pouts a bit and answers, "I like cake but I do not like how evers - they are never good."

I chuckle a little and instruct, "Ivan my son, there will be many howevers in your life and some will be good."

Mabel adds some insight, "Ivan, do you realize why your parents kept you from eating too much cake?"

Ivan thinks for a moment and says, "Yes, because they punish me for leaving table to go to Destiny wolf lady."

Masha gasps, I chuckle and Mabel adds the correction, "Ivan that's not true. They kept you from having more cake because they love you. If you ate all the cake that you wanted, it would make you very sick."

Ivan says, "Yes, but I only get two tiny pieces." He hold up his fingers to show and they are about an inch apart when Masha corrects him, "Ivan, you know better than to lie to Ms. Mabel. If you do not tell the truth about the size of the two pieces of cake you ate, then you will have no more cake."

Ivan spreads his fingers further apart and confesses, "Perhaps they were this big."

Mabel asks, "Ivan, did you eat some meat and vegetables?"

Ivan begins to fidget, so I know he's having problems telling the truth. He finally looks down and admits, "Meat yes, I like мясо (meat in Russian) but please don't ask about the vegibles."

The conversation continues when Mabel says, "That must be Russian for meat, but what did you do with the vegetables?"

Ivan confesses, "I feed them to Sharik dog, he like vegibles."

Masha gets ready to let Ivan have it but Mabel holds up her hand and continues, "Ivan, I have to say that you have made me very sad! I work incredibly hard to cook good meals that give you all the vitamins you need to grow up big and strong like your father. And you feed the special food I make to Sharik? Yes, I am very sad."

Ivan looks down at the floor of the helicopter, begins to cry and asks, "Please Miss Mabel, do not be sad. I promise to be good boy and eat all my vegibles from now on."

Mabel surprises us when she says, "That's great news Ivan because I happen to have some vegetables left from the wedding and I will fix you a big plate of them for dinner tonight."

Ivan's face switches immediately to a grin as he asks, "With some мясо and cake?"

Masha answers, "Yes Ivan, you may have мясо but no more cake today."

We land at the airport, find a C-130 that's headed to Leadville airport and climb aboard...

Present – Thom and Inga – wrapping up the campsite

I figure it's taken long enough for me to change my clothes so that Inga should be finished picking up the trash around the campsite. I wander back towards the campsite and I'm surprised when I see her again, so I sputter, "What the hell, you're back in your dress!"

Inga twirls (which isn't as effective as I would like because her dress is too tight) and answers, "Well, you did say you liked me in a dress better. So I thought I would change for your benefit."

I complain, "Inga you don't have to change for me..."

She interrupts, " ... Why not Thom? I like you and if you like me in a dress perhaps I will wear one more often."

I try to counter, "But Inga, they aren't practical for our type of work..."

She interrupts me again and says, "That's funny, Glen and Hammer sure don't seem to have any problem wearing them."

I correct her, "Inga those aren't dresses, they are kilts."

Glen walks up and adds to the confusion, "Ye ken whit th' difference atween a kilt an' a frock is?"

Inga answers, "I have no idea since they look the same to me."

Hammer raises up his kilt we both get and eyeful of something that I'd rather not see as he answers, " Ye dornt wear underwear under a kilt."

I figure Inga is going to go ballistic but instead she points and says, "Hammer, you should have that looked at."

Hammer continues to hold up the front of his kilt, looks down and asks, "Whit th' heel is wrang?"

I notice a twinkle in Inga's eyes so I know she's up to something. Then she giggles and teases, "Well, it's just that you're so small!"

Glen and I about bust a gut laughing. Hammer turns about ten shades of red, drops the front of his kilt and Glen says, "Hammer ye certain hud yer crease handed tae ye oan 'at a body, noo let's fin' a chopper."

Hammer complains, "Ah guess she doesnae kin shrinkage frae bein' braw."

The Inga ruins it all when she says, "Oh I understand that - it's just that Thom's is more than twice as large as yours."

I complain, "Inga, when in the hell did you ever see mine."

She still has the twinkle in her eyes which tells me I should have known better when she asks, "So Thom, are you saying yours is smaller than Hammer's?"

Glen and Inga laugh like crazy and Glen says, "Ah hink baith ay ye hae mit yer match."

Glen is still laughing and Hammer is still complaining as they enter the chopper.

Some rangers walk up and save me from further embarrassment when one of them asks, "With the wedding being over, do you feel we need to keep this campsite reserved for the rest of the week?"

The other ranger remarks, "And what a hell of a wedding that was - I was shocked to see the wolves and the bears bring the Mossad agents out of the forest! By the way, with Ben and Jennifer being gone how did the FBI get the Mossad agents on their chopper?"