Chapter 21

Present – Jack, Masha and the children – leaving for the cabin

Well shit, with the bodies gone there's no sense in me hanging around here. I ponder as I wander back to the campsite on why the hell Stacy would want the bodies but I draw a complete blank.

I enter the campsite and see a guided missile in the form of my boy Ivan flying toward me. He gets close then launches into the air but this time he knocks me over backwards. I land on my ass and it hurts the hell out of my back. I let out a moan and swear, "Damn, my back!"

Ivan apologizes, "Sorry Papa, I excited to see you and did not know you were not as strong as Destiny wolf lady." Then he clambers off and stands beside me.

Masha runs over, recognizes the grimace on my face and asks, "Jack, you appear injured?"

I force a smile and reply with a joke to alleviate her fears, "Don't worry, my back is just acting up. Damn, it's bad growing old because my back goes out more than we do."

Masha scolds Ivan, "Just look what you have done to your Papa, you should be ashamed of yourself."

He looks down at the ground, begins to cry, kicks at the dirt and says, "Sorry again Papa, I not do this anymore."

I look at Masha, begin to stand up, ruffle Ivan's hair and say, "Don't you dare stop running to me and greeting me; just make sure next time that you don't knock me down."

He goes into his bouncing movement from foot to foot and says, "Thank you Papa you are best! Did Destiny wolf lady help you find the things you were missing?"

Masha adds to Ivan's question, "Yes my husband, did she find what was missing."

I look at the two of them and answer, "She was able to help us find what happened to the things, but unfortunately they were taken away from the area. Now, I don't know about the rest of you but I'm ready to get back to the cabin."

Masha notates and motions with her head, "Well Jack, I think you need to speak with Thom and Inga first to let them know what you discovered about the missing items."

I smile at Masha and suggest, "Why don't you get everything ready to leave because this should only take a couple of minutes. Masha, I have a couple things to ask you on the flight back to the cabin." And then I walk toward Thom and Inga...

Present – Jack, Thom and Inga – at the campsite

I meet Thom and Inga as they are just entering the campsite and I sure don't want anyone hearing what I'm going to tell them.

Thom says, "We made sure that no one will use TSIFFTS to transport the bodies."

I shake my head and answer, "Well, we're about a day late and a few dollars short since the bodies are already gone."

Inga's face shows obvious disbelief and asks, "But how was that possible?"

I explain, "Destiny helped Glen, Hammer and me track the bodies to a large rock outcropping where they were taken away in a helicopter. The only helicopters I know of that weren't TSIFFTS belonged to Stacy Summers and were used to bring her horses and the bear to the wedding."

Inga swears, "I should have done a more thorough job on that bitches face!"

I look at Thom and he explains...

Jack missed the fight so I needed to bring him up to speed, "Jack, a very drunk Stacy stumbled into the clearing while I was busy trying to put out the fire Hammer set on Megan. She became the royal rich bitch she is and refused to leave so Inga and she got into a bit of a run-in."

Inga interrupts, "A bit of a run in my ass! Thom tell the truth, I kicked her butt!"

I laugh and append my first statement, "Yes Inga, you did kick her butt - but she was very drunk."

Inga folds her arms across her chest and says, "Okay, the next time I have a repeat of this discussion with her I hope she's not drunk."

Jack smiles and then asks, "I've been trying to figure out why in the hell Stacy would take the bodies."

I nod my head in agreement, "Yeah, why in the hell would anyone steal two bodies."

Inga punches the shit out of my arm and exclaims, "Are you two getting senile? It makes perfect sense to me: She is going to use the bodies for blackmail."

Son of a bitch, I hadn't thought about that!

Jack nods his head and agrees, "You know I bet you're right. She was pissed as hell that Banzai and Jennifer got married."

I laugh and say, "She'd better hope she doesn't piss off Ben because he's liable to permanently remove her from the rolls of the living."

Inga asks, "Thom, you act like he's some sort of god of retribution?"

I laugh and sing, "Well, you don't tug on superman's cape, you don't spit into the wind, you don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger and you don't mess around with Ben."

Jack laughs and adds an insult, "Well, on those sour-assed notes, I'm taking my family back to the tunnels under the cabin. My kid fucked up my back and I need to get a massage from Masha."

Jack leaves, Inga looks at me and asks, "Thom, why would you say what you did about Ben, he seems like a nice man to me."

I begin to enumerate, "Inga, look at all that Ben has done: He drove Jennifer and the rest of us crazy looking for him; Ben and Destiny kicked the shit out of the Greenies who invaded his land; Ben and Stacy kicked the shit out of the Mexican invasion of Texas; hell even the Mossad team got their asses handed to them. And I would tell you to pull the military records on Ben, but the ones that haven't been destroyed are classified so deeply that even we can't get to them. Just so you know, Ben and Jack sent a huge number of towelheads to their heaven but when they got to their heaven they had a huge problem."

Inga gives me a shocked look and asks, "What was the big problem?"

I chuckle because she put her foot in this one, "Ben got there before them and the seventy-one virgins they were supposed to get were already knocked up."

Inga stamps her foot and says, "Thom, it's not nice to insult someone's religion!"

I laugh and answer, "Inga, it's not a fucking religion. It's a made up story about a pedophile. Now come on, we need make sure all the gear gets hauled out of here and then I think we might try to figure out where Stacy stashed the bodies."

Present – Glen and Hammer – Leaving Glacier National Park

Hammer finally wakes up and asks, "Son ay a huir, mah heed feels loch jobby. Whit th' heel did ye burst me fur?"

I glared at him and answered, "Aam pished aff at ye, if ye wooldnae hae bin messin' wi' Megan th' law doon dobber wooldnae hae swatched Evelyn's body."

Hammer laughs and insults, "Weel excuse th' heel it ay me fur bein' a cheil abit thes!"

I confront him, "Hammer, Evelyn hud a skitin' problem an' I'm tellin' ye 'at ye also hae a skitin' problem."

Hammer glares at me and swears, "Ah dornt hae a feckin' skitin' problem other than Ah dornt hae a bevvy reit noo."

I laugh and say, "Weel, ye used up aw th' scotch when ye sit Megan oan fire sae ye will hae tae bide. Main 'en, we need tae gie it ay haur an' see if we can fin' whaur Stacy took th' bodies."

I help Hammer up and we head back to the campsite to catch a ride to the airport.