Chapter 128

Present –Ben (Valentin), Jens (Dasha), Ira and Mira – On the mission

I lean back in my seat and meditate to manage the almost overwhelming feeling of hate being directed at us. This is going to be a long-assed flight and I need to maintain my composure. The fasten seatbelt light goes off and Dasha whispers to me in her almost perfect Russian, “Мне нужно идти в ванную.”

I need to go to the bathroom.

I reply in Russian, “Разве вы не можете ждать?”

Can’t you wait?

Dasha complains in Russian, “Черт возьми, нет, я не могу.”

Heck no I can’t wait

Ira who is sitting adjacent to Jens offers, “Я буду сопровождать ее в ванную комнату.”

I will accompany her to the bathroom.

I release my seat belt and stand up to allow Dasha and Ira to head to the bathroom. The flight attendant intercepts them and suggests, “Perhaps you would feel more comfortable using the bathroom in first class.”

Jens looks at me for approval, I nod to affirm that it’s fine with me and Jens replies, with a great Russian accent, “Thank you Ms., that would be better for us.”

I observe while the flight attendant leads them through first class to the bathroom. Thank God there are no problems since the last thing I want is trouble on the flight. I retake my seat and resume my meditation. Jens and Ira return from the bathroom and I tease, “Все ли в порядке вышли?”

Did everything come out okay?

Jens replies, “Конечно, вы можете проверить, если вы хотите.”

Of course, you can check if you would like.

Ira scolds, “Даша, это не место для этого.”

Dasha, this is not the place for that.

The flight attendants bring our breakfast to us and I ask with my Farsi accent, “Is this the halal meal we requested?”

The flight attendant assures me it is approved and I pass one meal to each of my three wives. We open them and thank God they don’t have a ham sandwich like the meals the other passengers have.

We eat our meals, which are a cheese sandwich and some crackers. I look at the fruit cup and command, “Не ешьте фрукты чашку.”

Don’t eat the fruit cup.

We finish our ‘breakfast’, the flight attendant takes the containers from us and I suggest, “Мы должны получить некоторый сон.”

We should get some sleep.

I make sure to touch each of my ‘wives’ faces, recline my seat and the SOB behind me kicks the shit out of my seat. I stand up and glare at him. He grins like crazy at me and says, “What’s wrong you moooslim bastard?”

I wave to the flight attendant. She quickly comes over and I complain, “This man has insulted me and needs to be moved to a new seat.”

She apologizes, “Sorry for that Sir, I will move him immediately.”

He begins to argue with the flight attendant, “I’m not going to change my seat for this mooslim bastard!”

An Air Marshall, comes up, identifies himself and asks, “Is there a problem?”

I explain, “This man has offended me and I demand that he is moved to a new seat.”

The Air Marshall says, “Sir, you can either peacefully move or you can be taken into custody.”

The man begins to move but complains, “I can’t believe that an American is asked to move for a fucking mooslim!”

He’s moved to the back of the plane but I know I will have to keep an eye on him. I retake my seat and settle in for a nap...

I can’t believe how calm Valentin (I mean my husband Ben) is. I know Ben and how much he hates wearing the clothes he’s wearing since I can still remember when he called them ‘man dresses’ - and now he’s forced to wear one. But even worse for Ben has to be the fake beard that Mira applied to his face. I can certainly understand the concern the passengers have with our appearance. I am thankful that for now all I have to wear is a headscarf but that will change when we arrive at our destination.

Ben leans back and falls asleep, but I can’t seem to get comfortable - at least not comfortable enough to sleep. Irina complains in Russian, “Даша сидеть и пойти спать.”

Dasha, sit still and go to sleep.

I counter, “Ирина Я не могу получить комфортно.”

Irina, I can’t get comfortable.

She reminds me, “Даша этот рейс длится близко один день, вам нужно спать.”

Dasha, this flight lasts close to one day and you require sleep.

I say, “Я знаю, как долго этот бой, но я не сонным.”

I know how long this fight is, but I’m not sleepy.

Ira states, “Тогда не держать меня разбудила.”

Then don’t keep me awake.

I look and notice Mira is asleep so decide I will try again...

Dasha is having a not unforeseen problem. I tried to instruct her she needed to stay up later last night, but she wanted to copulate with Valentin, so they went to bed earlier than they should have.

I have been impressed with Valentin’s composure since I was not sure that he could resist his natural urges to fight. But when the idiot behind us made a scene, Valentin handled it perfectly. Finally Dasha sombulates. Miranda is already sombulating, but I am required to remain awake to protect us. Miranda will awake later and then I can sombulate. I am excited about this mission and returning to my home country even though it will be brief. I flex my muscles which are still slightly sore from our training sessions with Destiny. Additionally, sitting in this uncomfortable seat for such an extended time is not healthy. I retrieve the book I have been reading and begin to read.

Present –Liz, Bernie and Desiree – At the cabin

Today’s the day for my and Desiree’s checkup with the doctor. We never did get around to seeing a doctor in Leadville so this means a trip to Denver. Bernie asks, “Liz is there anything else we need in Denver?”

I think for a moment and suggest, “Yeah Bernie, as always we can use more diapers.”

Bernie begins a list and says, “Okay Liz what else?”

Mabel makes special food for Desiree, so thank God we don’t need baby food. Plus, we know that Mabel’s food is natural and she makes it with such love. I lie a little to Bernie, “I need some feminine items.”

Bernie looks sad and I say, “Don’t worry Bernie we will be back to normal soon.”

Bernie complains...

I’m tired of not having sex with Liz and now she’s trying to make me believe she’s having her period? I looked things up on the internet and found out that was bullshit so I complain, “Liz, I have some serious concerns about our sex life.”

Liz looks at me and frankly says, “Bernie, you might not believe this, but I’m still sore. And I sure as hell don’t want another baby immediately. Since I’m feeding Desiree, I sure as hell can’t go on the pill so you’d better put condoms on that fucking list of yours.”

I want to complain, but the look Liz gives me tells me if I ever want to have sex again I’d better keep my mouth shut. On a hopeful note, I do add condoms to my list.

Liz begins to get Desiree ready to go to the doctor as I get myself ready.

Present – Samantha – Vic’s house for dinner and visiting Stacy

On the way to Vic’s house I say, “We need to make a couple of stops first.”

Vic replies, “Okay where are we stopping?”

I order, “First let’s stop by the restaurant and pick up a bottle of wine for dinner, then we’re stopping by a florist.”

Like a typical man Vic asks, “Why a florist?”

I state, “Vic, you’re buying flowers for Mallory tonight.”

Vic waffles, “Samantha, if I do that, I’m afraid it will make her think we’re having an affair.”

I complain, “Vic don’t tell me you never bring Mallory flowers...”

Vic shyly interrupts, “ ... Samantha, I haven’t done that in a very long time.”

I complain, “What in the hell! No wonder she thinks we’re having an affair! Vic don’t be so dense, you’re bringing her flowers tonight even if I have to pay for them.”

We stop at the restaurant, Henri the chef sees us and says, “Good, what can I make you two for dinner?”

I reply, “Sorry Henri, we’re eating at Vic’s house tonight so I was hoping that we could just pick up a bottle of wine for dinner.”