Chapter 123

Present – Thom, Mira, Ben, Jens and Ira – At the hospital parking lot

I’m not sure why Ben and Jennifer don’t want me knowing about their next mission but my guess is that it’s something that my superiors might not look favorably upon.

Mira instructs Jennifer, “Ms. Blaine, with the Farsi lesson terminated for the day, we can commence your Russian lessons. Please acquire this vehicle’s additional seat.”

Jennifer takes the passenger seat and then the fun begins...

Ms. Blaine relieves Mr. Blaine of his location in the vehicle so we might start her Russian lessons. I have great concern because this mission will be difficult enough without Ms. Blaine causing additional issues because of her inadequacy in certain skills. I am not certain it was wise for Mr. Blaine to relent to his wife’s wishes.

In English I ask, “Ms. Blaine can you converse in Russian?”

She insults me by answering, “Я говорю на русском лучше, чем вы говорите по-английски.”

I speak Russian better than you speak English.

I glare at her and complain in Russian, “Ваш русский имеет английский акцент нам нужно будет исправить.”

Your Russian has an English accent which we will need to repair.

Ms. Blaine further complains, “Mira why does that matter?”

Mr. Blaine approaches the vehicle and rescues me by saying...

I knew that Jens and Mira were going to go at it since Jens is convinced that Mira and Ira need to learn to speak English correctly. I of course realize they never will (I wish Jens would also realize the fact). Whoever taught them English majorly fucked them up and they have spoken the incorrect way for such a long time. Now, because they don’t perceive a problem, there’s simply no hope of retraining them.

I walk up to the passenger side of the car where Jens is sitting and state, “Jens, you will learn to speak Russian without an English accent or you won’t come on the mission.”

Jens begins to complain so I lean down and whisper in her ear, “Jens, this is important to me so please don’t fight me on this.”

She smiles at me and says, “Okay Ben, I will do this for you. But would it be possible for you to teach me Russian instead of depending on the twins?”

Mira chimes in, “Yes Mr. Blaine, it would be better if you instructed Ms. Blaine in the Russian language.”

I take a page from Mira and Ira by stating, “Jens, I can personally train you only if we set aside a specific time each day for your lessons.”

Jens complains, “Geez Ben, the next thing you know you will schedule our whole day.”

Mira expounds, “Ms. Blaine that is an excellent idea! I would be happy to help you and Mr. Blaine arrange a schedule.”

Jens practically explodes, “Mira, there’s no way in heck that’s going to happen!”

I can’t believe it when Mira actually taunts, “What is wrong Ms. Blaine? Are you concerned I will not include enough time for your much too frequent copulations?”

Thom laughs and remarks, “Now that would certainly spoil the mood - having to make love on a schedule.”

Things begin to get out of hand when Jens adds a taunt of her own, “Ben, it might not be such a bad idea since I could use about fifteen minutes every hour for ‘personal activities’.”

Thom continues with the laughing and Mira complains, “Ms. Blaine, I do not feel that Mr. Blaine would be up for the onerous task that frequently.”

That comment practically has Thom rolling on the ground with laughter. Mira looks perplexed and asks, “Did I produce an expression of humor?”

Jens leans over and I assume she explains to Mira the double entendre behind what she said and Mira actually blushes.

Thom states, “Damn this is almost as good as the ‘Who’s on first joke.’”

Mira of course asks, “Who is on first?”

Thom laughs and replies, “Yes, Who’s on first.”

Mira complains, “I do not know who is on first.”

Thom continues, “No, I don’t know is on third.”

Mira shakes her head and Jens saves us...

I’m sure as hell not going through this whole bovine excrement joke with Thom and Mira so I hold up my hand and order, “Thom let me borrow your phone.”

Thom hands me his phone, I search the internet and find a YouTube video of the Abbot and Costello joke. Mira and I watch it together and Mira remarks, “That imparted no sense to me.”

Thom still laughs and says, “I would have bet money on that! That reminds me Jennifer, what did we win for being right about the baby being a girl?”

I give Ben a sexy hot look with a wink and reply, “Well Thom I know what I want but I’m not sure what you won.”

Thom asks, “Jennifer, what do you want?”

Ben quickly interjects, “Thom you don’t want to know what Jens wants. And even though I’m not drinking anymore I will buy you a bottle of booze.”

I suggest, “Ben, you could get Thom a bottle of champagne that he can share with Inga.”

Ben says, “That’s a great idea.”

Thom complains, “Like hell it is! Inga and I might be back together but we’re taking it slow.”

I tease, “What’s wrong Thom are you afraid you can’t be up that frequently?”

Mira joins in and taunts, “I have heard that at extreme ages, such as that possessed by Thom, many men can no longer be up.”

Thom swears, “Leave it to you women to drag the conversation into the gutter. I don’t have to stand for this so I’m leaving!”

Thom leaves, I look at Mira and we both begin to giggle...

Ira arrives at the parking lot and informs all, “The infant girl’s name is Maria.”

I palm my face and complain, “Ira that means we now have two Jennifers and two Marias.”

Before Ira can answer Mira says, “My sister, Mr. Blaine has allowed Ms. Blaine to participate on the mission...”

I was sure that Ms. Blaine would not attend this mission since she will be a serious liability. I wish Mr. Blaine would have consulted me first.

I complain, “Ms. Blaine, you are not suitable for this mission.”

Ms. Blaine responds, “Like hell I’m not! We’ve already dealt with the two issues. The first being my eye color, I will be Mr. Blaine’s Russian wife and the second being my American accent when I speak Russian because Ben is going to help me lose the accent. You both need to know that where Ben goes, I go.”

I add one further stipulation, “Ms. Blaine, if you are coming on this mission your martial arts skills must improve.”

Ms. Blaine counters, “Ira, why is that important? It doesn’t sound like you will be performing any hand to hand combat.”

Mr. Blaine interjects, “Jens, don’t worry about it since you’ll be a natural for Muay Thai so we can add that to our training regime. We can even get Destiny to train you like she trained me if you would like.”

Ms. Blaine crows akin to a rooster, “Good! Then perhaps I can beat Ira and Mira in martial arts.”

I finally allow myself to submit to a radical thought and state, “So Mr. Blaine, Destiny taught you Muay Thai while you transversed the Rocky Mountain Trail.”

Mr. Blaine confirms, “That’s correct Ira. We needed something to do in the evenings that would keep us warm.”

I postulate, “It would be most interesting to challenge Destiny to a martial arts contest.”

Mr. Blaine gives a hearty laugh, “Yeah, why don’t you do that. She would easily defeat both of you simultaneously.”

Mira casts doubt on that aspersion, “Mr. Blaine, I highly doubt any one person could defeat both of us.”

Mr. Blaine continues with mirth and suggests, “I will ask her if she is interested.”

I inquire, “Mr. Blaine, if she is such a valuable asset, perhaps she should come in the mission instead of Ms. Blaine.”

Ms. Blaine gives and explosive response, “Ira, have you forgotten what happens when you make me angry?”

I smile at her and remind her, “Ms. Blaine, we know your martial arts cannot defeat us.”

Ms. Blaine threatens, “That might be true Ira but did you forget about what I did for Mira at the clinic and also about Yasmeen and Zarika?”

Mr. Blaine asks a clueless question, “Jens, what are you talking about?”

Ms. Blaine says, “Ben, not right now. We will discuss this later.”

I understand Ms. Blaine’s threat and realize it is not a threat of idle and also realize that because of her unique abilities she could be a substantial asset on the mission so I recant, “Ms. Blaine you are correct, if you are on the mission you would convey other assets for our benefit.”

Mr. Blaine asks, “How many people could I have as wives? Because if Destiny came that would be four.”

Ms. Blaine foolishly complains, “Four fricken wives! Ben that’s some sort of harem that I’m not going to stand for.”

I lean close to Ms. Blaine and whisper, “Ms. Blaine, you do not fully understand the parameters of the mission. For us to accompany your husband we would have to pose as his wives. But in name only.”