Chapter 109

Present – Jens, Ben and the others – Bad News

Unfortunately our room wasn’t finished yet (Rats! I wanted to try out the mirrors on the ceiling) so we went back to the meeting room. The meeting was over but the main phone rings, Gretchen answers it and announces, “Jennifer it’s Samantha for you.”

I figure it must be something about the report she did so I walk over to the phone and ask, “What’s going on Samantha?”

Samantha shocks me when she instead says, “Jennifer, you’re not going to believe it but the terrorists have the bodies of your mother and Megan.”

I take a deep breath and slump into a nearby chair. Ben amazingly realizes I’m in trouble, comes over and asks, “Honey, what’s wrong?”

I look at Ben and answer, “The fricken-fracken terrorists have mother’s and Megan’s bodies.”

Samantha continues, “Not only that but they have done terrible things to them.”

I swallow hard and ask, “What sort of things?”

Samantha replies, “Sexual things that you really don’t want to see.”

I ask, “How did you learn this information?”

Samantha replies, “They released a video to all the major news outlets. I’ve refused to let the Truth Network show it.”

I think for a moment and say, “Samantha, show the video and then grab your camera and get over here for our rebuttal.”

Samantha says, “Will do, it should be on sometime soon.”

I demand, “Turn on the TV to the Truth Network.”

The TV is turned on and we see a fricken-fracken towelhead come on and announce in very broken English, “These are the bodies of Jennifer Blaine’s mother and former best friend. Watch what we do to these infidels!”

Thank God the Truth Network blanks out most of the graphic parts, but you can still tell they are having sex with the fricken-fracken dead bodies - they are sick beyond belief! The towelhead continues, “We look forward to when we do the same to the bodies of both the infidel Blaine’s.”

Ben scoffs, “That day will never come.” Meanwhile, I continue to think of an appropriate response which will infuriate the towelheads. I stand up and announce, “Ben, I need to go to the bedroom for a minute. Samantha is coming with a camera crew and I need to prepare for them.”

The first thing I do when I reach our bedroom is to cast the formication spell on the towelhead in the report. I’m not sure if it will work because I only saw him on TV but I figure it’s worth a try. Then I find my sexiest bikini and head into the bathroom and change. From the wolf whistles of the workmen when I come out of the bathroom, I can tell I’ve made my point. I walk down the hallway, into the meeting room and Ben’s eyes practically bug out of his head. He comes up and demands, “Jens, what the hell are you doing?”

I smile at my husband and say, “I’m fighting fire with fire. This bikini should be enough to give those fricken-fracken towelheads fits.”

Ben licks his lips and hopefully asks, “Are the workmen finished yet?”

I reply, “Not yet my love so you need to be patient.”

Ben says, “Perhaps I should go and help them?”

I laugh as Ben leaves the meeting room. Thom, Linus and Inga arrive and Thom says, “Why are you wearing a bikini?”

Inga asks, “Jennifer, is there a beach party planned?”

I grin at her and reply, “Nope, this is my anti-towelhead combat uniform.”

Thom laughs and affirms, “Well that should drive them crazy! And I don’t blame you after what they did to you mother and Megan.”

Inga grins and suggests, “Jennifer, if you could wait a couple minutes, I would love to join you.”

Jennifer grins at me and asks, “What about you Thom? You up for some combat...”

I grin right back and suggest, “Jennifer, I have a better idea, why don’t we see if we can come up with some tear off burkas.

Maria walks into the room, hears Thom’s comment and she offers, “Thom that’s a great idea! I can whip those up on my sewing machine in about ten minutes.”

Jennifer comments, “I didn’t know you knew how to sew.”

Maria answers, “Yeah, I picked it up as a hobby while I was pregnant. Why don’t you and Inga come to my room and I will get started. But only if I can be in on it too.”

They all leave and I laugh, “This should be great.”

Linus counters, “Yeah, it’s going to be like kicking a beehive.”

I reply, “A beehive that deserves to have its ass kicked to hell and back.”

Present – Mira and Ira – In on the plan

We overhear the discussion from Ms. Blaine and Inga so I occulate my sister and inquire, “Why aren’t we participating in this action?”

Ira replies, “Sister you are correct but I have even a better idea. Do we still have our burkas?”

Mira affirms, “We certainly do, what are your plans?”

I reply, “Wait until we arrive in our room.”

We transverse to our room, begin to acquire our costumes but I can’t refrain from giggling. We are sure to antagonize the terrorists and also devise enjoyment for ourselves and our allies.

Present – Samantha – The report?

John and I arrive at the cabin (actually the tunnels), go through all the new security procedures and are escorted to the garage. Once again we are searched but this time Mira isn’t here so the search isn’t quite as embarrassing for me. John does complain because they carefully check every component of his video equipment and decide they don’t like several items about which they offer, “You can get these on your way out.”

John is going to complain but I nip it in the bud, “Thank you for being so thorough. If we need any of these items for the video we will ask Thom to bring them in for us.”

We are lead to the meeting room and the security guard orders, “Please wait here for Jennifer and the others.”

I’m not sure what he means about the others but I soon find out. Three women walk out of the side room wearing what look to be shabby, ill-fitting, burkas. I recognize some eyes so I ask, “Jennifer, is that you?”

She giggles and says, “Shoot my eyes gave it away. Yes it’s me.” We have a little video for the terrorists that we want you to shoot for us. Sort of a kiss my derrière response.”

Jennifer describes what she wants, I smile and agree with her desired result, “This should be fun and send the correct message to the terrorists.”

I nod at John, he begins the tape and I start, “Good afternoon America this is Samantha Stevens with the Truth Network. Earlier the terrible terrorists issued a disgusting video where they revealed their true selves by violating the bodies of Ms. Donaldson and Megan. We are here to tape Jennifer Blaine’s rebuttal.”

Some quasi Arabic music comes on and three women dressed in Burkas come out on the stage then dance around a little. I wait for the culmination when the music abruptly changes to Whip It by Devo - this sure wasn’t part of the plan. Two more women in burkas show up on the stage, Jennifer pauses in what I’m sure is shock and Ira commands, “Burkas off now!”

Jennifer, Inga and Maria rip off their burkas and are dressed in the tiniest bikinis I have ever seen. Then we’re even more shocked when Mira and Ira rip off their burkas: They are dressed in high-top spike heel boots, fishnet stockings, tight and very short leather shorts and bustiers. They then produce whips and begin to snap them across the stage. Mira leaves for a moment, brings back a mannequin dressed as a terrorist and then Ira and Mira begin to whip the hell out of it. I almost feel badly for the mannequin. They easily snap the towel off its head, the mustache and beard off its face and finally its man dress exposing a fake penis. It’s not there for long because Ira whips it off.

Jennifer announces, “I wanted you Muslim cowards to see that underneath the burkas are real women who aren’t afraid to stand up to you.”

Ira adds, “We will be happy to use any of you for practice with our whips, if you think you are men enough.”

The women all hug each other and Jennifer continues, “What you did to my mother’s body and Megan is of no consequence because their immortal souls have already departed this Earth.”

Ira states, “And what we will do to your bodies will assure that none of you enter your so called heaven. We plan on defiling your alimentary canals with pork penises.”

John kills the video, I look at the women and ask, “Do you think I can clean this up some so I can show it on normal television.”

The women all giggle and Jennifer orders, “I want two versions of this: One for the Truth Network which you can edit as necessary and one which is unedited for the Internet which Gretchen will upload to Al Jazeera.”

Ira suggests, “I would think that the Al Jazeera and YouTube version would be superior.”

Gretchen agrees enthusiastically, “Yes we need to start a YouTube channel and do more videos like this.”

Ira states, “Ms. Blaine, we have many ideas which would infuriate the Muslims, would you like to hear them?”

I begin to say yes when Ben shows up and advises me, “Jens, the workmen are finished.”

I of course know what he means so I reply, “Ira, I will be busy for a few minutes...”

Ira grins and interrupts, “ ... More like a few hours!”

I continue, “We will talk about this after our interlude.” Ben and I head to the bedroom to try out the new ceiling mirrors – they are everything I always wanted but then the intercom interrupts us...

Present – Ben – Time to pick up the gifts

We’re getting busy in our bedroom finding the mirrors are great and give the person on the bottom a great view. Then unfortunately the intercom comes on and Gretchen announces, “Ben, there’s a personal phone call for you.”

Jens laughs and says, “I guess we will need to finish this later.”

I answer the phone, determine it’s the guy I talked to earlier and he says, “Your order has arrived.”

I look at Jens and say, “I need to borrow your Jeep.”

Jens asks, “Where are we going?”

I reply, “I am going to Denver but you’re staying here.”

Jens frowns and says, “You’re no fun?”

I slap her ass and threaten, “Oh yeah, then I guess we won’t continue this later.”

Jens quickly recants, “Ben I’m sorry. Please can we continue this later? And please take Thom or Linus with you.”

I agree, “Taking one of them is a great idea...”