Chapter 38: Freshman Year Ends

May 1978

The first couple of weeks in May were busy with school, work, and friends. Except for Becky, I didn’t even have any dates. But I was OK with that. Well, almost OK. I wanted to see Anna, but it likely wasn’t going to happen until school was out.

I had tutoring sessions with Melanie, but she still wouldn’t talk to me about anything other than Spanish. Barely a hello. I was grateful for the tutoring, but it was maddening seeing my friend this way. I hoped someday she could understand my position. But right now, I didn’t hold out a lot of hope. I thought about calling Pete, but I wasn’t sure what that could accomplish.

Bethany did call me and ask if I could come to dinner on the 13th. I was looking forward to it. She lived in Larry’s subdivision, so I could easily bike to her house. I wouldn’t be able to stay late, but I figured that in the circumstances, dinner and some conversation with her parents afterwards would be fine.

We did see each other in the halls at school and exchanged greetings, but she didn’t ever start a conversation, so I kept it at that. I wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing, but Jennie had told me to let Bethany completely set the pace and define the relationship.

I talked to Joyce and asked her if she’d like to come swimming on the 20th. She asked if we could go out one night as well. We decided on dinner in Milford on 24th, after my last exam. I was really glad she had a car.

I talked to Mary. I still wasn’t sure what I was going to do. She told me that the third week in June Ben was visiting his grandparents. He had at one point mentioned an old girlfriend who lived by her grandparents and Mary told him she was OK if he hung out with her. Mary, of course, had to take it further. She gave Ben permission to fool around, on the condition she could fool around with me. He had readily agreed.

What Mary hadn’t counted on was me. I told her I wasn’t sure. She had a boyfriend and even with permission, it was still a touchy subject for me. She went and got Ben later that day, dragged him over, and had him tell me. I told Mary I would think about it. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. It was right on the edge of right and wrong for me.

I knew I’d had sex with Melanie when she was still with Stan, but I’d developed opinions of right and wrong since then, especially with regard to sex. I just didn’t see how I could get between two people like that. Permission changed it a bit, but only a bit. The entire Melanie incident brought that home in a big way.

Becky and I seemed to be doing OK. She hadn’t bothered me about the status of our relationship, but then again, I hadn’t had sex with anyone but her since Spring Break. I was pretty sure things would get messy again when that happened. Of course, if I was seeing Bethany, Joyce, or Anna, Becky had little to worry about. And I knew in my heart that Mary was off-limits, even though I knew how much fun that would be.

Of course, things had to get even more complicated. My phone rang and when I answered, I didn’t recognize the voice at first. Then it dawned on me. My cousin Vickie. I could guess why she was calling.

“I started on birth control last week.”

“How did you manage that?”

“I had a friend who’s a Junior take me to a clinic for girls. They gave them to me. Mom and Dad don’t know.”

Now I was pretty sure she wouldn’t change her mind. I had counted on the birth control pills as my main line of defense. I still had a month and a half to figure out a way to avoid doing what she wanted. It’s not that I wasn’t attracted, but I was worried about getting caught.

It would have been one kind of disaster having been caught with Becky in my bed. This would be on the order of the bombing of Dresden that I had just read about in the WWII book I got for my birthday - a firestorm of apocalyptic proportions that I would not survive. I’d have to figure something out.

“OK, Vickie. Call me the week before Fourth of July and we’ll figure something out.”

“Thanks!”

I sighed. More journal fodder. Stephanie was going to laugh at that one. She had agreed with me that Vickie probably wouldn’t be able to go on the Pill. Of course, at the same time we discussed that, my little sister told me what her first request would be when she collected on her debt - to take her to get birth control pills when she needed them.

I didn’t even want to think about that! Fortunately, she wasn’t asking that day. I did tell her that if it was Jimmie Henderson, I was going to kill him before he could touch her. She laughed and said no way. I knew better. She mentioned him so many times I was sure she liked him.

Saturday, May 13, 1978

I worked like normal. The weather was great so I was biking, making some deliveries, and making some pickups. Andreas told me that over the Summer he’d have some new things for me to do. I thanked him again and said I would do whatever they needed.

I knew at some point I’d be asked to do something overtly questionable if not outright illegal. I still wasn’t sure what I would do, but I was leaning towards doing it. Part for the thrills, part for the money that would clearly come with it. I was still a minor so I knew I couldn’t get in any real trouble.

No Jennifer for lunch. I had pretty much given up on that. It hurt. She still wasn’t talking to me beyond the minimal cordial conversations at lunch. I hung on to every word she said for dear life. But I got no sign of a thaw any time soon.

I biked home, quickly showered, and changed into nice jeans and a button-down shirt. Bethany had told me jeans were fine. I grabbed my windbreaker in case it cooled off before I had to ride home, got my bike from the garage, and rode the three miles to Bethany’s house.

I rode up the driveway, picked up my bike, and carried it to the porch. I chained it to one of the posts there. I didn’t think the bike would be stolen, but it was a decent 10-speed so I was being careful.

I rang the bell and Bethany answered. She was wearing jeans and a nice blouse with long sleeves, and the collar buttoned all the way up. It made sense now why she always dressed so conservatively. The only exception was when she wore her red and white Eagles cheerleader uniform. And she looked quite fine in that, but there was no way I was going to say anything like that to her at this point.

Mr. and Mrs. Krajick greeted me warmly and offered me a Coke and led us to the family room. I sat on the couch and Bethany sat on the opposite end. Her parents sat on a loveseat. They asked the usual questions one would expect - how I was doing in school, what my dad and mom did, where we lived, about my family, and so on.

I was polite and respectful, but more reserved than usual. I would have preferred to be more of myself, with small jokes and being a bit silly, but I figured that the parents of a rape victim probably wouldn’t appreciate that from a guy meeting them for the first time and interested in their daughter.

Dinner was great. Fried chicken, corn on the cob, dinner rolls; messy but tasty. Dinner conversation was more of the same, though her little brother, Ed, was there as well. He was in seventh grade and would be moving up to the Junior High as Bethany and I moved up to the Senior High for our Sophomore year.

After dinner, we sat on the patio behind the house and drank soft drinks. I appeared to have passed the test so far. I asked Bethany if she’d like to get together next week for burgers and ice cream. I’d be OK if she brought Ed along. She smiled and said she’d like that. Her dad nodded his approval. We agreed after school on Tuesday. Dad would drop me off, and Bethany’s parents would bring her and Ed. Ed was thrilled that I had invited him along.

As odd as it sounded that I might invite a little brother on a date, I also had another plan as well. I’d ask Stephanie. She was at the Middle School with Ed, though I didn’t know if they knew each other, because she was in sixth grade.

Bethany asked if I would like to take a walk with her, and I readily agreed. We walked down the sidewalk, side-by-side, but not touching. I knew the neighborhood and we could take a route that circled easily back to her house. So I directed us that way.

“I really appreciate you coming over and spending time with me and my parents. I can tell my mom likes you. Dad will be a bit tougher, but I think he sees how respectful and polite you are. Asking Ed along was a great idea. Dad might have been reluctant otherwise.”

“I’ll bring Stephanie as well. I suspect Ed will like that.”

“Your sister? She’s super cute, isn’t she?”

“So they say. She’s my sister so I’m not really able to judge. Besides, somebody who calls me a dumb boy can’t be all that cute!”

“She’s wrong. You are not a dumb boy. And I’ll tell her that.”

“Thanks. Are you doing OK?”

“Yes. Do you think I could get you to do something for me? Something really important?”

“Probably. But until you ask, I won’t know.”

“I’ve been talking to my therapist about you since before the dance. She’d like to meet you and talk to you, if you’re OK with that.”

“Why would she want to do that?”

“Because I told her I like you but I’m afraid. She wants to talk with you and see if she thinks you can handle being with me.”

“So I’m being evaluated.”

“Yes. Sorry. But I think my mom and dad may have put her up to it. You don’t have to do it, but it might help.”

“I think it’s a great idea!” I said.

“You do?” she asked, incredulously.

“Yes. I talked to a very close adult friend about this situation. She warned me that I could be getting in over my head by dating a rape victim. That there were so many potential problems that I needed to be extremely careful in everything I did, give you all the space and time you need, and let you make every first move. Talking to a professional might help me understand what I need to do for you.”

“Thanks. Thursday the 25th at 4:00pm. Mom will pick you up at 3:30pm. The appointment takes about an hour, so you’ll be home by 5:30pm. OK?”

“Sure.”

“Would you hold my hand the rest of the way?”

“Of course,” I agreed, happily.

She was shaking when she took my hand, but she did. As we walked, my mind flashed to an old memory. I felt like I was three years old when I used to walk hand-in-hand with Jannelle Green when we lived in California. We were going to be married, have ten kids and six cats. I hadn’t even thought of her in more than ten years. It was a funny memory to have just then.

When we turned onto her street she dropped my hand. I assumed she didn’t want her parents to see, which I understood. As I thought about it, it was a good idea for me as well. They probably weren’t ready for their daughter to have any kind of physical relationship with anyone, even if it was as innocent as holding hands.

We walked up to the house, she thanked me for coming and I got the idea I should leave. I unchained my bike, said goodbye again, and rode away. As I pedaled home, I thought about Bethany. She was so sweet. Could I deal with this? I’d give it a try. She needed a friend, for sure, and that I could be. I knew how to do that from my time with Melanie and Jennifer. I also knew what to avoid if I wanted her as a friend.