Chapter 22: Parole and Release

January 1978

Mom seemed to have given up. Dad said that because he had told Mr. van Hoek that I could have dinner at their house, and because it was Mr. van Hoek who had the real complaint, and he wanted me to come to dinner, Dad failed to see how he could refuse.

Dad also said he felt I should be able to decide whether or not I went to church and because the priest had basically told me not to take communion, he didn’t see the point of making me go.

I offered a compromise. I would go at least once a month if she let me decide when to go or not. And I’d go on Christmas, Good Friday, Easter, and other holy days of obligation. It was a compromise I could live with. Dad endorsed it. Mom realized that it was a losing battle and reluctantly relented, though she clearly didn’t agree.

I was on parole. I had my phone privileges back. I was going to see Becky. I couldn’t talk to her until our dinner, but I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. My first call was to Jennifer. She was happy to hear that I was able to talk on the phone again. We had a good talk and she asked if I could come to dinner after work in a couple of weeks. I told her I was sure that would be OK. She was quite excited about that. I was certainly looking forward to it.

I called Melanie next. I told her about the secret visit Stephanie had arranged and my talk with the priest. We talked about how I should handle Mr. van Hoek and she agreed with my dad’s plan. She thought that was the most likely course to get whatever I wanted, and that Becky would know how best to deal with her dad. I should just follow her lead.

Melanie said that she and Pete were doing OK. Just before we said goodbye I mentioned that our double-date plans and she said just let her know and she was sure Pete would agree.

If it hadn’t been so late, I would have called Birgit. Because that wasn’t possible, I called Joyce. She answered and squealed when she heard my voice. A good sign. With her, however, it wasn’t her dad, but her grandfather I had to worry about. I doubted that he would be as reasonable as Mr. van Hoek had been in the end.

I asked if she was interested in coming swimming. She said she would love to. She thought her dad might insist that Connie come as well. I told her I didn’t have a problem with that, and said that I’d call her again in a few weeks to confirm for Saturday the 18th, since I couldn’t ask quite yet. She said that would be OK.

Finally, I called Anna and asked her to pick a Friday or Saturday in February for a double-date. The only day that was out for me was the 4th. She went to check with her mom and asked if the 10th was good. I said it was and we hung up. My social calendar was filling up nicely. Of course, I would probably need time for Becky, but I figured my best course of action there was Sunday dinner for the first couple of times we saw each other, so I kept my Sundays free.

School went fine that week. Kellie actually dropped a few hints that I should ask her out. I didn’t respond since I had a couple of weeks before I was able to go out. But I made it clear that I would ask her soon. I wanted to see those breasts. I preferred smaller ones, frankly, but I really did want to play with those and see what it was like. A change of pace, so to speak. And it certainly seemed like she wanted to show me. More than that? Well, she had been teasing, but a bit cagey.

Thursday was a repeat of the previous week. But this time, Mary had told me at lunch that she’d be there around 7:30pm. I managed to get out and come back without Jeff knowing that I was doing so. I knew Stephanie would cover for me as best she could. Mary left satisfied and so did I. I kept to my word and wouldn’t enter her without a rubber on. “Oh poo!” was the response I got. But I also got an orgasm and she had two.

The first thing I did on Saturday was call Birgit. I missed her badly. I think my emotional state had made it worse. Perhaps deep down inside I was worried that I was going to screw this up somehow and lose her forever. We talked. She expressed her love and made sure I understood that I should follow my heart and that fate would lead us where we belonged.

Following my heart was easier said than done. What if my heart betrayed us?

“Birgit, I know where my heart belongs!”

“I know you do. I love you, Steve Adams!”

“I love you, Birgit Andersson!”

I loved talking to her and hearing her voice. But I wasn’t sure I felt better after I got off the phone. I was a mess.

The rest of Saturday was true to form - manning the register when Andreas did his rounds, and as usual stocking the display case, sweeping, and wiping tables. Jennifer came for lunch. I really appreciated her mom dropping her off and picking her up every Saturday during the Winter. I mentioned that to Jennifer and she said that her mom really liked me - almost as much as she did.

Something new did happen - when she left, she kissed me, hugged me, and said, “I love you.” I reflexively answered, “I love you, too.”

She smiled and ran to get in the car. I did love her. I hoped she understood that I loved Birgit, and that I was falling in love with Becky. I was afraid she didn’t. I was convinced that despite her original protestations to the contrary, sex and love were part and parcel of each other for Jennifer.

Sunday dawned bright and clear. One problem with waking up early - I had a long wait for 2:00pm when I was being picked up for dinner at Becky’s house. I wasn’t going to church, so I was home with Dad. I read the newspaper, did my chores, did my laundry, and generally tried to stay busy.

Around 1:00pm I showered and put on dress slacks and a button-down shirt. I had decided I was going to make as good of an impression as possible. I realized it would take time to repair the relationship. But I knew the key to Becky was in her dad’s hands.

When Dad saw me, he approved wholeheartedly. He said I was showing proper respect and that would go a long way to getting me to my goal of dating her.

Mr. van Hoek arrived, alone, to pick me up. On the way to Indian Hill, he only made small talk. It was clear that he was testing me. I was bound and determined to pass every test. I wondered if he would come out and ask me directly again about my intentions as he had on New Year’s Eve. Well, I’d cross that bridge when I came to it. The path to success was filled with land mines. One wrong step and I’d be done.

We arrived at the house. After we parked we walked into the house. I saw Becky and she started towards me. I gave a tiny shake of my head that her dad couldn’t see. She stopped. I saw her mom smile and quickly cover her mouth. Busted. But a potential co-conspirator, I thought.

Becky didn’t look happy. I didn’t know when I would be able to explain it to her and I hoped she picked up on it. When we walked into the sitting room, I selected a wingback chair instead of the couch or loveseat. Becky’s face fell and she sat in the matching wingback chair to my left. Her mom and dad sat on the loveseat. Lois brought snacks and soft drinks, and handed me a Coke without even asking.

I could easily get used to that. My parents had plenty of money - probably similar to the van Hoeks - but other than a weekly visit by the maid, they didn’t go for servants or stuff like that. The van Hoeks weren’t over the top in that regard, really - the houseboy on New Year’s was temporary and Lois was not live-in.

Mr. van Hoek began to lay down the rules for courting his daughter. Not the word he used, but that’s exactly what it was. The thing was, it was close to what I had already planned to do. So I listened. I nodded at the appropriate time. I said that I understood when he asked. When he finished, I put my plan into action.

“Sir, would it be OK if Becky and I sat on the couch together?”

He nodded. Her mom smiled. Becky almost leapt to the couch.

As I walked over I said, “I’d like to hold her hand, if that’s OK.”

I received permission for that, too.

Becky and I sat on the couch, holding hands. She was antsy, and I hoped she understood. She kept squeezing my hand. I returned the squeezes. The talk changed to questions about how I was doing in school, what my plans for the Summer were, and the like.

Eventually, I asked permission to play pool with Becky and said that I’d be happy if one of them joined us. Her mom quickly said that wasn’t necessary, but they would check on us often. Becky squeezed my hand really hard at that.

We went downstairs to play pool. Becky tried to hug me but I put her off. I whispered “not yet” and she pouted. We played pool and I made sure that I was always a few feet from her. I wasn’t taking any chances. We didn’t say much while we were playing.

About every ten minutes either her mom, her dad, or Lois came downstairs. I always had a full bottle of Coke. We played five games, of which I won four. I motioned for her to come upstairs with me, taking her hand. I had permission to do that. We found her parents in the sitting room and I asked her dad for permission to play chess. He gave it and we went to the library.

Sitting at the chess table, she finally asked, “What’s going on?”

I asked her to trust me, that I knew what I was doing. She reluctantly nodded. We played a few games of chess, each of us winning one and drawing the third.

I took her hand and we went to find her parents. I asked permission to take her out to the gazebo. A walk was out of the question since the snow was almost waist-deep. We’d be in full sight of the house so I suspected there wouldn’t be an issue. I got a nod from her dad. And a smile from her mom. I looked at her dad and asked if he would be OK with us standing with our arms around each other. He even smiled when he said yes.

We got outside and I slipped my arm around her. She did the same. We just stood in the gazebo for a bit and I said, “Becky, I missed you. A lot. Your dad was pretty clear about what that the ground rules were. He doesn’t trust me, yet. But I’m working on it.”

“Are you going to ask for permission for everything?”

“That’s the plan.”

“I can’t wait to see his face when you ask if we can have sex in my bed,” She giggled.

“You know darn well that he is absolutely sure we’re going to be going at it like bunnies if we have the chance. Why do you think he made it clear that our ‘dates’ are going to be heavily controlled and supervised?”

“True.”

“His gravest fear is that we’re going to, as my friend once put it, ‘screw each other silly.’”

“I think you’re right,” Becky agreed. “I still want to do it.”

She said that, but I sensed some hesitation in her voice.

“Becky, when you are ready and not a moment before. And after we talked it through. I’m glad we waited. Even though your body is telling you to do it, and maybe your heart, you still are nervous. I’ll wait.”

She pulled me tight to her side and held me. She told me that her mom had given her a lecture about sex and relationships. They talked at length and Becky had convinced her mom that it really was her idea to get in bed with me. Her mom didn’t like it, said she understood, but made it clear that understanding was not approval. It was more acquiescence. With her dad it was different. He was ‘Daddy’ and she was his little girl and he could not deal with her being sexually active. It was beyond the pale.

I told her I understood, and that’s why I was doing what I was doing. I was making progress and I could tell her mom was on our side. Her dad would take some time. He’d never totally come around unless I put a ring on her finger and we had a church service.

Becky asked “Are you proposing?” with a silly grin on her face.

“Aren’t we a bit young for that?”

“True. But then Daddy would have to accept it.”

“No, he’ll never accept it. He’ll tolerate it. But he strikes me as someone who just can’t see his baby ever being with a man that way.”

She didn’t say anything for a moment. Then she spoke.

“Steve, I love you so much it hurts when I can’t talk to you.”

“I’ve had a huge empty spot for three weeks,” I said. “Being with you fills that empty spot. I don’t need to have sex with you. Not until you are truly ready. And as I said, not until we talk it through completely.”

“Don’t you want me?” she said, almost begging.

“Do you know how hard it was not to do what you asked on New Year’s Eve? It took every ounce of willpower I had. If I had protection, I probably would have done it. But it would have been a mistake.”

Her face fell, but I continued.

“A mistake because you weren’t really ready. Because we have to sort out our feelings for each other and the nature of our relationship. I can’t imagine you just want to have meaningless, empty sex. Do you?”

“No,” she said softly.

“Then let’s take our time and work through it. Besides, we won’t get to be alone together for some time. And I hardly think I’m going to ask your ‘Daddy’ if we can go up to your bedroom and make love as you suggested before!”

“True.”

We went back into the house and sat down on the couch next to each other. She put her head on my shoulder and curled up next to me.

Her mom said “Steve, you don’t have to ask permission. Mr. van Hoek and I understand you’re in love. We just want you to make smart decisions. We want you to take your time and not rush into things.”

Mr. van Hoek just sat there watching.

His wife continued “Please, take your time. Please respect each other and yourselves. We’ll allow you two to date, as my husband said. But we expect you to act like adults. And that means responsibility. You most definitely do not have our permission to engage in inappropriate behavior. And we’d prefer you weren’t alone together.”

When she finished, I stood up and said “Mr. and Mrs. van Hoek, Thank you for trusting us.”

Her dad said “You’ve earned it so far. See that you keep it. As long as you don’t do anything to break that trust, you can see each other. For now, we’d prefer if you came to dinner on Sundays. We can discuss ‘dates’ next week.”

“Sir, I would love to come for dinner. I missed Becky so badly these past three weeks that it hurt.”

I sat back down and Becky put her arm around me and squeezed.

Her mom laughed and said, “You can kiss her, silly. She’s been wanting you to do that for hours!”

Becky said with feigned offense “Mom!”

I decided to lay it on thick. “Sir, do I have permission?”

“Yes, Steve. Kiss her. Otherwise, she’ll hate me forever.”

“Thanks, Daddy!” Becky said happily.

I kissed her gently. A tear ran down her cheek, which I wiped away. She snuggled as close to me as she could and we sat there until Lois called everyone for dinner. After we finished dinner Mr. and Mrs. van Hoek drove me home. Becky and I cuddled in the back seat.

At my house, Mr. van Hoek talked to my dad. Becky and I stood by the door and hugged. She kept kissing me on the cheek, on the neck, and occasionally on the lips. But we kept our tongues to ourselves. My mom shot me disapproving looks the entire time.

When our dads were done talking, and they were about to leave, she said “Daddy, can I give him a real kiss without you getting angry?”

“Yes, honey,” he nodded, stifling a smile.

He turned to leave and she gave me a bear hug, kissed me deeply, and then let me go and ran out to get into the car with her dad.

My dad said “Mr. van Hoek said you were a perfect gentleman and totally respectful. You listened, you talked to him, and you made sure he was comfortable with every situation. I’m proud of you, Son. He and I discussed your situation as well. Your grounding is lifted. You can thank him for that next Sunday.”

My mom shot him daggers, but I didn’t see how she could disagree without it appearing to be spiteful. Dad said, “Looks like you’ll be going there for dinner for the next few weeks at a minimum.”

I nodded and said, “Thanks, Dad,” then went to my room.

I called Jennifer to see if we could change dinner plans but she said no, next Saturday wouldn’t work, but she’d see me for our usual lunch date. I decided I’d ask Kellie if she wanted to hang out on Friday, so I told Jennifer what I was going to do and got her approval.

I told her that from now on, I was going to check with her, and she could always say ‘No’ and I’d honor her decision. This was my acknowledgment of our mutual expression of love. I’d talk to her more about this on Saturday and at dinner in a couple of weeks.

I called Larry and talked to him. He reminded me about the invitational chess tournament his chess club was having at the end of February. Both Jennifer and I were invited. He suggested that we get together and practice at least once a week. We agreed on Wednesdays. We’d rotate amongst our houses. I called Jennifer back to tell her. She was happy about that.

On Monday at lunch, I asked Kellie if she was doing anything on Friday.

“Whatever you want, Steve,” she replied, with a wink.

We agreed we’d ask for rides to Frisch’s Big Boy and then to my house to swim and stuff. I could tell she was really happy that I had asked her. We had gotten to know each other pretty well since she started eating lunch with us, and I could tell she had a major crush on me. At dinner, I’d make sure she knew about my ‘no commitment’ rule for dating.

After school was my Spanish tutoring lesson. I saw Pete give Melanie a kiss as I walked up and she came to meet me. As we walked, I told her about the Becky situation and how things had changed. I asked her about Pete and she said that they were doing well. Pete was learning, it seemed. She reminded me about Michelle’s visit during Spring Break and said that Michelle was still not serious enough with the guy to prevent us from getting together. My review session went well. She approved and said it was clear I had been studying.

Chess on Wednesday was at Larry’s house. We had a good time studying openings and then played with the Chess Challenger. When we finished, Jennifer hugged me, kissed me, and said “I love you.” I said it back. This was becoming a habit. The first time I let it slide. Now that it happened again, I was going to have to ask, especially in light of my dates with Kellie and Anna, the Becky situation, and my trysts with Mary. Something was up.

Mary told me that Thursday was no good for her. Having learned, I asked if it was ‘that time of the month’, and she said that it indeed was the problem. I wondered if I should keep a calendar. Stephanie would love that when she found it. I told Mary I was anticipating our March date.

“Oh poo! That’s more than a month.”

“It’ll be worth the wait. And it’s not like we won’t find time to have sex before then!”

Friday arrived. At lunch, Kellie was bubbling like a cauldron. I hoped our date lived up to her anticipation. I’d have to warn her about public displays of affection in front of my mom. I didn’t want to rub my mom’s nose in it. Well, that’s not true. I did. But with my dad on my side, at least at the moment, that would be a really dumb thing to do. I hoped she would understand.

Kellie and I met at Frisch’s at 5:00pm and both ordered burgers and fries. I had a Coke and she had a chocolate shake. While we were eating I raised the subject of relationships. I told her I was dating but I wasn’t planning on committing to anyone at this point. I had lots of female friends and lots of girls I went out with or hung out with or did stuff with from time to time.

She arched her eyebrow and said, “Stuff?”

“Take that any way you want!”

I wasn’t surprised when she said, “Do I get to do ‘stuff’ with you?”

“That’s really up to you. I’m open to almost anything. That said, my mom is under the impression that one should live a monastic and celibate life until one is married. So any ‘stuff’ needs to be at the right time and at the right place. And we need to talk about it first.”

“Talk about it?”

“Yes, talk about it.”

We finished eating and I went to call dad to come to pick us up. Her mom would pick her up from my house at 10:30pm. Fortunately the curfew rules my mom imposed didn’t apply at home. I’d have to talk to dad about modification once I turned fifteen. I paid and left the tip. Kellie grabbed my arm, kissed me quickly on the cheek, and said “Thanks for dinner.” I made sure she had her bag with her and we got into Dad’s car for the ride home.

We changed into our suits, separately of course, and jumped in the pool. Stephanie and one of the Debbies were in the pool. Mom had taken Jeff to a friend’s house and then was stopping to see a friend of her own. Perfect. Dad would check to make sure we weren’t drowning, but he wouldn’t bother us otherwise.

I could count on Stephanie to be cool. Debbie lived across the street and it was odd seeing her without the rest of the trio - Debbie and Donna. I was glad Donna wasn’t there. I still wasn’t sure how she was dealing with her crush and her inability to act on it for more than a year.

Kellie had on a different, but just as sexy bikini. This one was jet black. It covered slightly more than the one she wore the previous time, but only slightly. And she had a lot to cover. At first, we just waded in the shallow end of the pool, occasionally swimming out to the deep end and back. Stephanie and Debbie were using the diving board. Dad came to check on us and went back to his office.