Chapter 17: Zugzwang

December 1977

One of the best situations in chess is when you put your opponent into a situation where they have only one possible response to each of several moves in a row. Of course, being on the receiving end was a different story. In December, I was on the receiving end.

Equally bad was being of a tempo, such that you had a strong position, but because it was your move, you had to weaken it. That was, in some ways, worse than forced moves to relieve your king from check.

Events were swirling around me and I was pulled along in the flow. Becky and I were talking every day, which was a new one for me, but I liked talking to her. And I think she needed it after the Thanksgiving episode. At least she was sounding happy again.

The chess meet with Batavia was at our school on the first Wednesday in December. Their team was about equal to ours, but we liked our chances. We could count on Larry winning which always gave us a nice advantage. Their team was all guys. I knew a couple of them from the previous year, and we caught up on events. I drew someone I didn’t know - a bookish kid with those big thick black glasses. We shook hands and sat down. He had drawn white.

Things were fairly even after about 20 moves. We’d exchanged some pieces, but I liked my defensive position. He found a weakness and I inadvertently helped him. Now I had to play hard just for a draw. It wasn’t to be. I made a poor choice in moves and his response left me with no options. I played the only possible move. When he played the next one, rather than continue the series of forced moves that would leave him with an extreme advantage, I toppled my king.

We shook again and got up to watch the last game. The match was tied and the outcome of Larry’s game would decide things. He was playing black and things looked very even. Larry clearly had the same opinion, because, within ten minutes, they had agreed to a draw. A tie. That was the official result, but the coaches liked to use speed chess for bragging rights. This was my strength - five minutes for the game. We came away with bragging rights by winning two of the three games. But the conference record would show a tie.

We hung out having snacks and Mary, the eighth-grade girl on the team came over to me and said, “I hear you and Jennifer practice together.”

I confirmed that.

“Would you have time to practice with me?” she asked.

That kind of came as a surprise. Larry would be a way better choice and I knew he wasn’t nearly as busy as I was.

“Did you ask Larry? He’s way better and I know he’s not as busy as I am.”

“I talked to Jennifer and she said you’re a good guy and she likes playing with you. I guess she and I are intimidated by Larry. Plus he’s a bit odd.”

She was right on both accounts. I still hadn’t figured out what was going on with my friend, but then again, once the girls came into the picture, we hadn’t spent as much time together.

“OK. Maybe Friday for an hour and a half here in the chess room? Would that work?”

“Yes. Perfectly.”

Mary walked away and Jennifer joined me.

“Did she ask you?”

“Yeah. What’s with the build-up?”

“I told her I’d improved by practicing with you and that you were really nice and would do whatever it took to help her get better.”

“I’m running out of time in my life again. Between school, work, chess, you, Melanie, and church, I’m back to needing to combine stuff again.”

Jennifer giggled and said, “Oh god. Strip chess again?”

I laughed. “You offering?”

“No,” she said with a smirk. She loved to tease me.

Because of the meet, I was having dinner at the Spencers and our last tutoring session of the year would follow. I was in good shape and was heading for a middle B. I always enjoyed talking to the Spencers. They treated me like an adult and were always interested in what I was doing and thinking. They were supportive of my relationship with Birgit, such as it was, but I could tell they figured it would die out. I feared they were right. I hoped they were wrong. We finished the meal and Melanie got out the study materials.

“I want to talk before we start. Let’s go up to my room.”

“OK.”

We sat on the bed.

“I need to tell you that I met someone that I want to start dating. I don’t think he’d understand our ‘appointments’ so those need to be on hold. I want to be your friend. I want to hang out, and I still want to tutor you.”

I just nodded. I had known this was eventually going to happen.

“You look sad,” she said.

“Well yeah, having sex with you was lots of fun! I’ll miss it.”

“Trust me, there’s plenty of it around if you want it. You just aren’t looking hard since I seem to keep you satisfied. Well, I did have a bit of help from Elizabeth and Michelle, too.”

My face brightened at that. I joked, “Got any replacements in mind?”

“Oh, I can think of few girls that would be up for some ‘personal’ time with you.”

“Care to fill me in?”

“Then where would all the fun be?”

She wasn’t letting up on the teasing, that’s for sure.

“Tell me about each of the girls in your life and let’s see if we can figure out a plan.”

I loved this girl. Plotting to get me laid.

She must have sensed my thoughts and said “You aren’t off the hook that easy, bub. You have your thing with Birgit and I’m going to keep my eye on you. And if things don’t work out with Pete, well, you’ll get a call right away.”

A giggle from her, a smile from me.

“Tell me about them. Except for Birgit, that one I know all too well.”

Where to start. Becky.

“Well you know I played chess with Becky, right?”

“Chess. Right.”

I knew she knew there was more to the story but I was sticking to my guns.

“Well, I’ve talked to her on the phone almost every day.”

“Do you like her?”

“I do. She is a stuck-up bitch to almost everyone around her, except to me. It’s an act, I guess, that she uses to get people to do what she wants. But she was right in that it wouldn’t work on me. We had a good time, though, playing pool and Yahtzee along with chess. But, she’s very, very innocent.”

That last comment drew a raised eyebrow from Melanie.

“Then there’s Kellie. I get the idea that she’s really interested, but she’s in 8th grade and I think she might be a bit intimidated by Jennifer, you, and the other girls I hang out with. I flirt with her a little bit, and she eats lunch with us every day. I think she’d be a lot of fun, but I don’t want to hurt her.

“There’s also Mary, on the chess team, also 8th grade. She asked me to practice chess with her, but I didn’t get any vibes about anything other than just chess. There’s Elizabeth and Michelle.”

She stopped me.

“Cross Elizabeth off your list. She’s basically gone off the deep end and seems to be working her way through the entire Senior class at her school. She hasn’t mentioned you at all. No loss, in my opinion. Michelle is a different story. She’s too far away for anything even occasionally like we have. And while she really, really enjoyed it with you, and would probably do it again, she knows that you are ‘spoken for’ in a serious way and I don’t think she’s ready to sign up to be a regular sex buddy without some kind of a relationship. She needs lots of love and you aren’t in a position to provide that. Unless things have changed with Birgit.”

“No!” I said quite emphatically, “they have not.”

“Good. What about other girls at school, ones you are interested in? Hey, what about your seventh-grade girlfriend?”

“Susan? No. She’s committed to Danny. I’m not getting in the middle of that. Not to mention the very reason we broke up was I wanted to have sex with her and she wasn’t ready.”

“Oh, you never told me that.”

“It’s true. Just me being stupid.”

“Yes.”

“Thanks for confirming that, Melanie. You’re so supportive,” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Boys!” she said with an exasperated tone.

“Well, I’ve had this thing for Kathy Will for over a year. But she’s a cheerleader. She’s nice to me, talks to me, and actually asked for help with homework once. But she’s out of my league, I think.”

“Nobody is out of your league, Steve. Now, that doesn’t mean every girl is going to want to be with you, but you’re smart, look nice, treat girls nice, and so on. I know Kathy. Let me think about that one.”

“There are three really cute girls in the neighborhood, but they’re all 13, which is probably too young. Talk to me in a year or two about them. They hang out with my sister. I enjoy it when they come to the house to swim!”

“I bet you do.”

“As you say, I’m a guy.”

“Yeah, you are. But most of the time, you don’t act like you’re fourteen.”

“Thanks. That about sums it up. Well, except for Jennifer. She’s a special case, though.”

“That she is. What do you think of her?”

“She’s a great friend, is really cute, bordering on hot, and I’d never, ever do anything to wreck our friendship.”

“I see. Any other girls in your life?”

“Not really. Just my sister, my cousins, and the whole flock of eighth-grade and ninth-grade girls I don’t know very well.

“I think we can safely rule out your sister,” she said.

“Yes. For sure.”

“Did Kellie accept for your party?”

“Yes.”

“Well, why don’t you see what she’s looking for. If she has visions of true love or meeting her mate, then back off. If not, go for it. And why don’t you go out with Becky? What can it hurt?”

“Jennifer might not be happy about that.”

“Then talk to her first. And, as Birgit says, don’t pass by any opportunities. Keep your eyes open. Now, kiss me and we’ll go study.”

So we did.

I was bummed, but I knew this would happen eventually. Of course, it pretty much had to stop in two years since she was hoping to go to college in California. I was glad that she was still going to study with me, hang out, and be friends. I hoped her new boyfriend could deal with that. Or maybe I didn’t. If he couldn’t, she dump him in a second and I’d have my sex buddy back. That was a mean thought, I realized. I wanted her to be happy. I couldn’t make her happy in that way, and we both knew it. Our fates were intertwined, but our destinies were with other people.

On Thursday, I paid a bit more attention to Kellie. I smiled more at her, talked to her more, and actually responded to one of her flirty comments. OK. I’d have to find some time to talk to her and figure out if things could work out. I would certainly be OK with dating someone, so long as they weren’t thinking marriage, kids, picket fence was going to be a sure thing. I knew girls like that. That’s what I had to avoid.

On Friday I did meet with Mary. We got some of the team’s books out and started working on positional play. I was weak there and she could certainly use that knowledge as well. I had co-opted Larry to join us for the first 30 minutes and he explained some things to us and then headed out. I had a good time playing. She seemed to as well. It looked like I had a new chess buddy.

Saturday came. It was brutally cold. Mom gave me a ride to work. Jennifer’s mom would pick me up and we’d play some chess at my house. We were going out to dinner with Susan and Danny. We didn’t have plans for afterwards, we’d all play that by ear. As usual, Jennifer came by for lunch, but we sat inside. She asked me about playing chess with Mary and I told her it had gone well. She asked me if I liked Mary and I said I thought she was nice.

Time to broach the subject. I told her that I had been talking to Becky on the phone.

“What? God, what do you see in that girl?”

“She’s been as sweet as can be to me. I think the bitchiness is an act that helps her run her school as ‘Queen Bee’ and get what she wants from people. But you know that won’t work on me. She figured that out, I guess and I get to see a really nice side of her.”

“Do you want to go out with her?”

“I know she has a boyfriend of some sort, but it didn’t seem too serious. I haven’t made up my mind yet.”

“So, still available?” - her usual question.

“Yep, still available.” My usual response, but then I added, “And even more available than before, so to speak.”

“Yeah, Melanie told me. We had a long talk on the phone on Tuesday before she told you. She wanted to make sure I knew what was going on in case you got really upset or needed someone to talk to. She told me on Thursday you took it really well. I’m glad about that.”

“She was funny. All businesslike about evaluating the girls in my life as potential partners.”

“Oh? Who?”

“Well, the main names that came up were Becky, Kellie, Michelle, and Mary. Michelle is too far away for anything even occasional like I had with Melanie. The others are all possible.”

“Anyone else?”

“Well, Kathy Will was mentioned, but I don’t see me getting a cheerleader, even though you know I was crushing on her all last year. And my little sister’s friends from the neighborhood, but they’re too young. And, we eliminated my sister and my girl cousins, even though they are female and in my life.”

“Uh yeah. Ewww!”

We both laughed.

“And you, of course.”

“Me?”

“Well, I couldn’t leave out my best friend and confidante, but as I said to Melanie, I’d never do anything to mess up our friendship or hurt you. Ever. I value your friendship. So yes, technically, you were discussed, but not in that way.”

She sat there for a moment. Then she responded.

“I just want you to be happy. I do want you as my friend, and my confidant. I know I don’t tell you as much as you tell me, but maybe that should change. Just promise me you’ll help me as much as I help you.”

“Of course, Jennifer. Just ask. Anything!”

“Same here.”

I hugged her and she left. She’d be back in a few hours to get me. Andreas went and made the pickups in his car because I couldn’t drive. He left me in charge of the deli while he was gone. That was cool.

We had a great time that night. Jennifer’s mom was driving. She first dropped us for dinner at Cork ‘N Cleaver. She went to do errands then picked us up. She dropped us at Danny’s house where the various parents would pick us up at the end of the evening. We played games, laughed, and talked. I found out that Susan still hadn’t crossed the line I asked her to cross. I respected that now. I was stupid about it earlier. I was just glad we could still be friends.

Right before I was picked up Jennifer invited me for dinner the next Friday. It was her birthday, and she’d asked Larry as well. I told her I’d be there. I knew mom would say yes since it was Jennifer and my grades were fine. And my chores were done. And I was ignoring my little brother, which was keeping me out of trouble.

I talked to Becky pretty much every night. She kept dropping hints about going out. I finally asked her about her boyfriend.

“Well, I said it wasn’t too serious. We’ve known each other since we were little and his parents always thought we’d end up together. We’re sort of together by default. I told him that I didn’t think I should make that kind of commitment at this point and that I wanted to date. If it was meant to be, it would be.”

Ah, music to my ears. I told her about Birgit, saying I wasn’t in a position to commit to anyone, but if she wanted to go out, I’d be open to it. She said she’d check with her parents and let me know.

She called the next day.

“My dad wants you to see me here at the house again. They are very protective, but don’t worry. Daddy is not scary.”

Easy for her to say!

“Also, we’re having a New Year’s Eve party. I’m allowed a guest. I want it to be you. Daddy said he’d talk to your dad and make sure you could stay. My parents don’t let anyone leave until the next morning because they don’t think it’s safe. We have lots of guest rooms, so it would work.”

“I’ll let you know what Dad says.”

Mom and Dad were OK with it and Dad said he’d talk to Mr. van Hoek. I got a lecture from Mom about drinking.

“Mom, Dad lets me have alcohol any time I want. You let me have wine. How much do I drink?”

She repeated the lecture. I should have just kept my mouth shut. But that wasn’t the worst.

“And no funny stuff with Becky either. You’re both too young. You stay in the guest room. Period.”

“Mom, do you really think her family would let us do that? They’re as conservative as you are, if not more!”

I hated these conversations. I wanted to scream ‘I’ve had 5 different lovers, one was an adult, and I’ve had lots of sex’ but that would have been quite the wrong thing to say. I endured the lectures. If she only knew. But I could go. Becky squealed with excitement when I told her. She’d give me details later on.

Friday arrived. I had my chess practice with Mary. We had a great time, and chatted about things other than chess. Since Larry had stayed to work with the coach, his mom picked us up and took us to Jennifer’s house. My mom would pick us up. The three of us hadn’t spent as much time together as we had in the past, so we were catching up on things. Larry wanted us to come over the next day and play with his new Pong game. We agreed, but it would have to be after work. Jennifer invited me over to play chess on Sunday afternoon.

Dinner was her favorite - fried chicken, french fries, and coleslaw. For dessert, chocolate cake with chocolate icing and chocolate ice cream. That girl loved her chocolate. We sang Happy Birthday and she blew out the candles.

“What did you wish for?” her mom asked.

“You know I can’t tell! If I do, it can’t come true!”

She enjoyed her presents. Larry bought her a couple of chess books and I bought her a necklace with a small red stone on it. We both got hugs for those. Her parents gave her some clothes and a pair of shoes she’d had her eye on.

Saturday, Jennifer joined me for lunch. Mrs. Higgins would pick me up and she would walk to Larry’s house. I was happy that Mrs. Block would bring Jennifer for lunch on Saturdays now that it was too cold to bike.

I told Jennifer about Becky - I didn’t think it was right to do that at her party. I told her that it was just a New Year’s party and that Becky and I had agreed we weren’t looking for commitments.

“Then you’ll still be available.”

“Yes. Still available.”

She was so funny about that.

“Gonna tell me what you wished for?” I asked.

“No way. Like I told Mom, I can’t tell or it won’t happen.”

“Ah, that’s bunk, and you know it.”

“Probably, but I wasn’t going to tell mom no matter what.”

“Oh?”

“Forget it.”

“Girls!” I sighed.

She started to stick her tongue out at me and quickly stopped. I laughed.

“That was close,” I teased.

The rest of my workday was the same, covering the store while Andreas drove the rounds.

Larry’s new Pong game was totally cool. We spent hours playing, stopping only for dinner, and went right back to it. We laughed and had a great time. I was glad we were getting back into our little trio. It really had been mostly my fault, because I was so busy. But time was at a premium.

Spring would be better - chess team ended in December. The club would still be meeting, but we wouldn’t have any team competitions, just some invitational stuff. And Melanie and I had agreed that one day a week for tutoring would be enough, as long as I kept my grades up. And best of all, Larry would get his driving license in May.

On the way home from church on Sunday, Mom dropped me at Jennifer’s house at about 11:15am. Jennifer was wearing her new clothes and my necklace. This stuff was a bit more form-fitting than what she usually wore, and accented her developing figure nicely. My friend was turning into a fox. She was going to get a lot more attention if she dressed this way for school!

The chessboard was out, along with some snacks. Mrs. Block came in and said ‘Hi’ and then went back upstairs. We chatted a bit before starting and then got into it. No studying today, just playing. The first game went to her and we set the pieces up again. Second game to me. Just as we finished, her mom came down.

“I’m going to do some shopping. I’ll be gone for a bit, but I’ll be home around 4:30pm to make dinner. You kids OK?”

“Yes, Mom!” Jennifer said.

“OK. Be good.”

“We will, Mom.”

Her mom headed out the front door, pulling it shut behind her.

Jennifer said, “She totally trusts us. Dad is out with his friends today at the Bengals game. But she’s left us alone before so she wasn’t too worried. She talked to me about it yesterday.”

“Yeah, but the last time she left us alone...”

I left that unsaid. Jennifer laughed and said, “You wish!”

“Ah, whatever. Let’s play.”

Jennifer giggled and said “Strip chess, then?”

I almost spat out my Coke.

“Don’t do that when I have Coke in my mouth!” I spluttered, “You’re such a tease.”

We played another game, which I won. She suggested we take a break, so we pushed the board aside. We talked about Melanie, about Becky, about Larry, and she finally broached the subject of Ted.

“I know I’ve been really cagey about Ted. It was just, I don’t know, uncomfortable for some reason.”

“Jennifer, you can talk to me about anything.”

“Well, I was uncomfortable, but I wasn’t sure why. It just felt odd. In any event, there isn’t a lot to tell. You know we went out a bunch of times, right?”

“Yeah, I was pretty sure you had.”

“We played mini-golf, went to the movies, that kind of stuff. We held hands a lot and eventually he kissed me. I loved it. I took every opportunity to kiss him, too.

“About two months ago, I let him touch my boobs over my shirt. That felt really nice. And then I let him rub me between my legs. That was nice too. But then he got all strange on me. I still can’t figure out what happened. We still talked, but he stopped asking me out. I kept trying to find out what was wrong, but he wouldn’t say. So it ended last month.”

That was a revelation. I knew she had kissed him, but didn’t know the other stuff. Then again, she did try to keep that information away from me, at least until now.

“Jennifer, I’m sorry. Are you doing OK?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. He was supposed to take me out for my birthday, but when we broke it off I invited you guys to my house instead. Maybe you can give me some idea what happened.”

Oh, I had it figured out, I was sure.

“Jennifer, did you rub him, too?”

“Uh yeah, a little.”

Bingo. “You made him cum and he was embarrassed.”

“What?”

“It’s the only thing that makes sense. He wasn’t experienced, right?”

“Right.”

“And do you think he has someone to discuss sex with?”

“No. We sure didn’t talk about it.”

“Well, I am sure that’s it. The first time, when I was with the older woman, I was so close that just a touch would have made me shoot. It took like 5 seconds. Fortunately, I had someone who knew what was going to happen and explained it to me. I would have been super embarrassed myself.”