Chapter 10: Moving and Moving On

July-August 1977

Saturday was beautiful and after breakfast, I headed to the deli. I only had to work until 2:00pm, and then I was going to play D&D at Kevin’s house. We’d order pizza and play until around 10:00pm. The deli was quiet in the morning and after a quick trip with the broom on the sidewalk,

I was packing boxes for a catering order. I figured it would be relatively quiet until lunch, though since they had coffee and Danish, they did get some morning customers. I finished packing and Andreas had me come along to deliver the food to the Knights of Columbus. They had some kind of gathering and we were providing the food. We arranged everything, ensured the order was complete and headed back, just in time for lunch.

I was surprised to see Jennifer there.

“Hi,” she said. “I thought I’d come for lunch again today. I hope that’s OK.”

“Of course it’s OK! I like having lunch with you.”

We grabbed some sandwiches and Cokes and went out to the picnic bench.

“So, what did you do yesterday,” she asked casually.

Hmm, how to answer. If she was going to be my confidant, then it should be the truth, but I wanted to keep the conversation from getting too deep or detailed. I laughed a little.

“Had mind-blowing sex. What did you do?”

She gave me a hard look, “What? Wait! You’re pulling my leg!”

I just smiled.

“No! You didn’t! With who? How? Where? Why?”

The questions were coming so fast I couldn’t answer them until she finally ran out of steam.

“Jennifer, remember, I take you into my confidence because you are my friend. And I really do need someone to talk to. I’ll start with the last question - ‘why?’, since that’s what I need to talk about. I did it mostly because Birgit insisted on it.”

Her eyes went wide, “What?”

“I know. It makes no sense to me, either, but then again, it makes sense in an odd sort of way. I think Birgit was trying to get me to not fixate on her and not put my life on hold trying to wait for her when there is a real chance that we’ll never meet again. She wrote me a letter, sent me some pictures and told me to take the opportunity when it presented itself. Yesterday, to my complete surprise and with a person I would never have suspected, the opportunity arose.”

She interrupted, “Opportunity?”

“Yeah, that’s what Birgit called it, an ‘opportunity’.”

Jennifer considered this, “Hmm.”

“When I got the pictures - they were hand delivered - I had a complete shock and I called her. In Sweden. She told me the same thing - take the opportunity. So, I did. As for where, it was my house. As for how, well the usual way, you know, in-out-in-out.”

I smirked and she blushed.

“Uh, yeah, I know how it works,” she said softly.

“As for who, well you know my rules. I can’t say.”

She looked at me directly in my eyes, “I take it that it was really mind-blowing? What’s that even like? I can’t imagine.”

“I don’t know how to describe it. It’s just so beyond explanation. You’ll find out some day.”

“I guess.”

“When you’re ready, you’ll know. You’re only fourteen.”

Her eyes narrowed. “You’re only fourteen yourself.”

“Yeah, but I guess I was ready. And I’m a guy. In one way, we’re always ready!”

“Oh that’s for sure. Every girl knows that the boys just want to get into their panties!”

“Well, you wait for the right guy before you let that happen and it’ll be much better.”

“Yeah...” she said wistfully, “the right guy.”

We finished our lunches and she asked me if I now had a girlfriend.

“No, this was not about love, but it was, as Birgit put it to me, about ‘screwing each other silly.’”

She laughed, “Well, that sounds like fun. So no girlfriend. I guess you’re still available then.”

“Yep, still available.” I laughed.

Unlike a couple of days ago, this time I actually meant it. The previous afternoon with Melanie had indeed broken the logjam and I wasn’t going to pass up any opportunities. I did want a steady girlfriend, but it would have to be someone that knew about Birgit. I could never hide that.

Jennifer and I exchanged a friendly hug and she was off. Back to my broom and wiping tables. At the end of the day, again, I was sent to pick up an envelope at the same address. I began to wonder what was in it, but didn’t do anything other than bring it back to Andreas. Then I pedaled home.

I got home and there was a message from Melanie. I’d call her after I showered and got ready to go to Kevin’s.

Dad was sitting in the living room and said, “Steve, you should start getting your stuff packed-up. At least the stuff you won’t use until after October. There’s a bunch of boxes in the garage, so get started.”

“Sure, Dad. I’m busy today and tomorrow, but I’ll start on Monday after work, if that’s OK.”

“Yes, that should be fine.”

I headed to the shower.

After I was dressed, I went to the upstairs extension and dialed the Spencers’. Mrs. Spencer answered and I asked for Melanie.

“Hi, Steve! Sure, just a moment. Let me get her.”

Melanie picked up. “Got it, Mom!” and I heard the clicks as her mom hung up.

“Hi, Steve!”

“Hi, Melanie, what’s up? I got your message and wanted to call you before I went out again.”

“Well, I wanted to tell you that I broke up with Stan last night. After what we did, after how you made me feel, I had to do that.”

Uh oh. I didn’t like where this seemed to be heading. Was Jennie McGrath right? Were issues of sex and love getting mixed up? Had I made an error and stepped into what I was shoveling at camp last week? She must have sensed something from the silence.

“I called because I want to see you. Can we make an appointment for next Thursday?”

An appointment? That was an odd way to ask for a date. “Huh? Appointment?”

“Yeah, I thought using the word ‘date’ would imply a boyfriend/girlfriend thing. That’s not what I’m looking for right now.”

Crisis averted. All systems nominal, as NASA always said.

“Ah, well, what are you looking for?”

I knew, but I wanted to hear it.

“Well, for you to come over Thursday so we can screw each other silly again, silly!”

I actually laughed at that one, “I’ll ask my mom for a ride.”

“No, that’s OK. I’ll pick you up. Ask your mom if you can eat dinner here, too.”

“OK. Will do. You’re going to be a fun friend.”

“See you Thursday,” Melanie said happily. “And you’re going to be a fun friend as well.”

We hung up.

It looked like I had worried for nothing. And it looked like I didn’t have to go looking for sex - it was looking for me at every turn. I wasn’t complaining. I had made my decision, and I had no immediate qualms about it. I resolved to make sure that any girl I was with knew the score in advance, though. Jennie’s advice and Birgit’s advice was making a ton of sense. And the perspective from Jennifer was helpful as well. I’d absolutely have to talk to her more.

Before I left, I went back to find Dad.

“Dad, yesterday I called Birgit. I looked in the phone book and I figure the two calls will cost around $25. I really missed her and wanted to talk to her. I have the money from working, so I’ll pay for it.”

He looked up, “It’s your money. If that’s what you want to do with it, it’s up to you. But I wouldn’t make a habit of it. You’ll burn through your paycheck faster than you can earn it.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

I was glad he didn’t ask any questions and that he was cool about it. I left a note for Mom that I was going to the Spencers’ on Thursday and staying for dinner, and didn’t need a ride. I knew she would be OK with it since she knew Mrs. Spencer. I headed off to Kevin’s house.

Our D&D group was using the new Advanced Dungeons and Dragons rules from TSR. I liked to play a thief character which fit nicely with the fighters, clerics and wizards played by the other 5 players. Our group was all guys and Kevin was the Dungeon Master. We usually had a blast playing, and today was no different. We got ourselves into predicaments and thought or fought our way out of them.

Kevin was a great DM - not so strict with the rules that he let them get in the way, but not so loose that we had an easy time. Pizza for dinner and a few more hours of gaming and it was time to head home. As we wrapped up, he mentioned that he and his friends were having an ‘end of the Summer’ bash the Saturday before school started at East Fork. I said I’d ask, because his non D&D friends were all two grades ahead and I wasn’t sure Mom would be cool with that. Dad would, but Mom was a different story.

When I arrived home, Mom was there and I asked her about going to East Fork with Kevin (who would drive). She said that was fine so long as I got all my chores done and didn’t get in trouble. Sigh. I wasn’t a bad kid. But my brother had a knack for getting me into situations that led to me getting punished. Fortunately with church, going to Larry’s, work and my ‘appointment’, I wouldn’t be home much. Unfortunately, that meant I would have to pretty much only do chores when I was home.

On Sunday we went to church as usual and I was surprised to see Jennie McGrath at our Mass, and even more surprised that she was alone. She sat next to me and whispered, “He’s out of town”. When Mass ended, she approached my mom and asked if I was free the following Sunday after church. Mom said I should be and Jennie said she’d take me right afterwards and then bring me home. I wondered what she wanted, but figured it was yard work and a chat, which was fine with me. I had stuff to ask her.

I left with Larry and his mom so she could drop us at Jennifer’s house. Mrs. Block was going to take me home when we were done, and Larry would walk home, because it was close enough for him to do that. Lunch was burgers and fries and we got down to playing chess and chatting. I told them about moving in about a month and that we’d be on Overlook, off Klondyke, only a couple of miles away and an easy bike ride. That appeared to make their days since that would make it so much easier to get together. I also pointed out that since Larry was a year older, he’d be getting his license in a year which would be even better.

All throughout the day, I was getting odd looks from Jennifer. It was clear she had something to say or ask me, but with Larry there, it wasn’t possible.

When he excused himself to take a leak, she said, “I’m really curious about sex and want to ask you more about it. Can we talk later?”

“Well, I can tell you what I know, but it’s not like I’m an expert.”

“Well, compared to me you are.”

I stifled a laugh so as not to hurt her. “That’s one way to look at it.”

Larry came back and we returned to more mundane topics. Eventually we put the board up, ate dinner and chilled in front of the TV watching a rerun of Pamela Sue Martin as ‘Nancy Drew’. Mrs. Block came in and said she was heading to the United Dairy Farmers for some milk and ice cream and would be back in a bit.

The show ended after a few minutes and Larry said he was going to head out before it got too dark. I realized I was going to be alone with Jennifer at her house. I looked at her and she said, “Mom’s cool. She trusts us, and besides she’ll be back in fifteen minutes or so.”

Larry got a hug from Jennifer and headed out. Jennifer turned off the TV.

“Can we talk now? If my mom comes back we can go in the basement.”

“Sure. What did you want to know?”

“Well, I had health class. And mom had the ‘birds and bees’ talk with me so like I told you, I know how it works. But it seems so mechanical. I’ve never even kissed a guy except Ted and that was like two pecks on the lips.”

“Well, it usually starts out with kissing, you know about French kissing, right?”

She nodded.

“Well, that and then usually touching each other on the outside of the clothes. When you’re ready, you can take off your clothes yourself or each take off the other person’s. I’ve done it both ways. More kissing and hugging and touching, and if you want, oral sex and then intercourse.”

“Wait, ‘oral sex’? Is that where you put your mouth on her, you know, or she puts her mouth on your thing?”

“Jennifer, if you can’t say the words, you probably aren’t ready to do it, or even talk much about it. Yes, he puts his mouth on her pussy or she sucks his dick.”

She turned bright red, “I don’t know if I could do that.”

“Then don’t. You do what you want to do. If someone wants that and you don’t, then don’t do it.”

“But won’t a guy get mad?”

“If he does, then he’s not the guy you should be doing it with.”

“It’s hard for me to say those things.”

“Like I said, until you can ask a guy to lick your pussy or ask him if you can suck his dick, then you shouldn’t put yourself in a position to do those things.”

“Have you done it?”

“Yeah, I have.”

“Both things? I mean done the one and had the other done?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh. So what’s it like when you put it in? Does it hurt a lot?”

“I have experience with exactly one virgin, the other two were experienced, and one was very experienced. Birgit said it hurt a little bit, but not much. According to the older woman, it really depends. Sometimes it hurts sometimes it doesn’t. In her case, it didn’t. For the one after Birgit, she said her first time did, and that it was pretty bad, not just the pain, but the experience. I think it was because the guy had no experience either. And from what she said, he wasn’t very knowledgeable and wasn’t, well, attentive and giving enough. My first told me to always make it about the girl’s pleasure. I guess this guy didn’t. His loss, too, since they broke up after she and I were together.”

“Are you going to do it with her again?”

“Yeah, probably. But remember, you can’t say anything.”

“I know. Is this like casual sex? Mom warned me about that.”

“I guess you could call it that, but everybody has to make up their own mind. Like I said, we aren’t in a relationship.”

“Yeah, still available! So will you do it with other people, too?”

“Probably, but who knows? If opportunity presents itself, and the circumstances are right, then yeah, I would. Of course, if Birgit were here then I’d be exclusive with her. Any girl I’m with will have to understand that. If they can’t handle that, well, then they aren’t for me. The day may come when Birgit or I decide that we’re not meant for each other, that fate has chosen different paths for us, but until then, that’s how I’m going to handle it. I could fall in love, but I don’t think I will. At least not the way I did with Birgit.”

At least I hoped not. That would complicate things with Birgit.

She just sat there, looking at me. After a moment she said, “Thanks. I’ll probably ask more questions. I guess I can live vicariously through you for now. I’m just not quite ready.”

“Don’t rush into it. Make sure you’re ready. Make sure the guy is right for you. If you do that, it’ll be awesome.”

“Yeah. I think I might know the guy already, but we’ll have to see,” she said with a cryptic smile.

“Cool.”

I wasn’t going to press her. I wondered if it was Ted, because he was a pretty nice guy. If she got serious about this, I’d see if I could find a way to help make sure her first time wasn’t a disaster like Melanie’s had been. Maybe I could get Ted and Jennie McGrath together for a lesson, I thought. No, that was probably a bad idea.

Mrs. Block returned just then and Jennifer came along for the ride when her mom drove me home. Jennifer leaned over and kissed my cheek, “Thanks for the talk. Thanks for being my friend.”

“Thanks for being my friend, too,” I said and got out of the car and went inside and off to bed.

The new week was pretty much a repeat - work at the Deli, lunch with Jennifer, chores at home. At least until Thursday, that is. Melanie arrived around 10:00am and I said goodbye to dad and ran out to hop in the car. Melanie pulled out of the driveway and started up the street. She stopped the car before we got to Route 28 and leaned over for a blistering kiss.

“I didn’t want your mom to see that. She might get the wrong idea, and we’re not boyfriend/girlfriend.”

I laughed, “Yeah, it might be hard to explain to my parents that their son had a friend to have sex with.”

She put the car back in drive and said, “Well, my parents are more understanding.”

I wondered what she meant by that, but it seemed like she wasn’t worried if they saw us kiss. But I wondered about that. I’d hate to have an angry dad after me for messing with his daughter. Some things you just didn’t do in front of parents. Yeah, a quick kiss or hug, but not the kind of soul-searing kiss she had just given me.

I asked her what the plan for the day was and she said, “I thought we agreed. You would come over and we would screw ourselves silly.”

“That’s true. We did agree on that.”

“Change your mind?”

“No way!”

She smirked and said, “Yeah, you’re a guy.”

But the way she said it, it wasn’t mean, it was simply an acknowledgment of the raging hormones I had coursing through my body. Then again, I think she was suffering from the same thing! It seemed to be the common lot of teenagers, though I didn’t think Larry was hit by it and Jennifer wasn’t as nearly under the influence as I was. All that meant is that it was a good thing I was with Melanie.

We arrived at her house and I was surprised to see two cars in the driveway.

“Your parents are home?”

“Yeah. Don’t worry, I have it all planned.”

“OK.”

We went inside and she offered me something to drink. I took a glass of OJ and she grabbed some iced tea. I said ‘Hi’ to her mom and dad who were in the kitchen.

Melanie grabbed my hand and said, “Mom, we’re heading upstairs.”

“OK, dear,” her mom answered.

I must have had a strange look on my face because Melanie whispered, “Trust me,” as she led me up the stairs.

Her room was typical teenage girl. Frilly bedspread - pink, of course - on a bed that appeared to be full size, where I had a twin size, several stuffed animals, a couple of rock-n-roll posters, a record player and radio, a desk, and a loveseat. Her room was bigger than mine. There was no way I could fit a loveseat into my room. That said, my room at the new house would be much bigger.

“Grab a seat, I’ll just be a minute,” she said with a smile, and a twinkle in her eye.

She disappeared down the hall and I sat on the loveseat and considered what was going on. Perhaps we were going out. Perhaps her parents were leaving. Well, she said trust her.

She came back a minute later and said “I got a letter from Birgit. I called her on Sunday morning and we talked for about fifteen minutes. My parents were cool with it and we talk to her every few weeks. She’s like a daughter to them and a sister to me.”

“That’s cool. My dad was OK with me making the calls but warned me to not blow all my money calling her.”

She laughed, “As I said, I have a letter from her. It’s addressed to me, but there’s a note for you in it. She mailed it Monday and it got here this morning since she sent it airmail and special delivery.”

She handed me a small sheet of paper. On it, in Birgit’s handwriting:

Steve, Thanks for what you did for Melanie. She told me all about it. I’m hoping that you put the details in your letter. [A heart was drawn there]. It sounds like she had a great time. I hope you understand why I did what I did. I love you and miss you, but I want you to have fun. Please make Melanie happy if she asks you to do it again.

All my Love, Birgit.

I folded it up and put it in my pocket.

“She wrote something like that to me as well. She basically told me to enjoy myself and she was looking forward to hearing that we were ‘screwing each other silly’ at least from time to time. If you ask me, I think her goal is to have you getting regular sex without a commitment.

“As much as she says she’s OK with the situation, she’s deathly in love with you and afraid that you’ll find someone before you guys can get back together. I think she figures this way you won’t be committed to someone. I know from our talk that she knows it might not work out, but for now, I’d say she has a plan to keep your heart for herself until you guys figure it out.”

I just sat there and didn’t know what to say. It seemed that my love was encouraging me to have sex to keep me from falling in love before she could get back together with me. My mind was blown again by Birgit. I guess fourteen-year-old Swedes were way more relationship-savvy than fourteen-year-old Americans. Or she had someone much older than her giving advice. I’d have to ask her that! Melanie gave me time to absorb all of that and turn it over in my mind.

She was sitting on the edge of the bed watching me.

When I had run it all enough through my mind, I said, “So, you’re cool with being a ‘placeholder’?”

“Yeah. I love Birgit like a sister. If I can help her with this, I will. The problem will be if I meet someone that I want to be with exclusively. But, as Birgit says, you just have to look for opportunity and not pass it up.”

“True,” I said simply, “So, now what?”

“Now we screw ourselves silly, silly” she giggled as she got up and shut and locked her door.

My jaw dropped. I knew her parents were still home. There was no way! I hoped her dad didn’t have a shotgun. If they figured out what was going on, I’d be dead.

Melanie just laughed, “My parents are 60s flower children. Mom had me when she was fifteen. Her parents kicked her out when she got pregnant and she went to a commune with my dad. They eventually got married and dad decided they needed to give me a more normal upbringing, so he got a job as an accounting clerk and has worked his way up to a supervisor. Mom spends most of her time on political campaigns. She was a Carter campaign staffer in Cincinnati. She offered me the Pill when I was thirteen but I had a bad reaction to it. After my first time with Stan, with a rubber, I asked her to get me a diaphragm.”

“When I came home last Friday, I told her what had happened, what was going on with Birgit, and that I was breaking up with Stan. She was a bit concerned, but I explained that I was OK with this, that I was enjoying it, that you were amazing, and that I was going to see you from time to time for this. And she said it was OK if we were here. She’d rather that we were here or at your house than in the back seat of my little car!”

I was dumbfounded.

“Your mom is actually OK with us having sex while they are here?”

“Yes.”

“And your dad?”

“Well, he and my mom had sex when mom was fourteen. What can he say?”