Chapter 9

I sat down on the couch and placed my coffee on the end table. Dollars got on top of me straddling my legs. She took my face in her hands and kissed me hard. Long, lovely minutes later, she said, "Now, I'm ready to talk."

"Dollars, I have some concerns about sleeping with you in the same bed. Your continued status and my promise cannot be allowed to suffer. There are long-term implications that we must consider and those considerations must be discussed coolly and calmly. We have already admitted that we love each other.

"For me, that means wanting the best for the one I love. The best may mean some things for immediate gratification must be delayed or even forgone for those things that are best but are long-term. Disregarding my promise, I have to look at what physical love seems to mean to a certain Millicent Ingram and what steps in that physical love can be taken now or should wait even though waiting may be frustrating." I took a breath.

"My darling Dollars, one of the startling things about you is your kissing. I have never met, kissed, or heard of a girl or woman who kisses so wholeheartedly. For that reason, I suspect that you will be a very sensuous lover. However, you are a virgin and have said, when you are cooler about such things, that you want to be a virgin bride. I think that you have some pride in viewing that future. I don't think it's bad or good, per se. I won't be a virgin groom when or if I marry. I don't think that's good or bad either. However, that status cannot be changed back and I see one of those things in wanting the best for you is helping you retain your status."

During this time, Dollars was looking at me with desire in her eyes. It turned into shock when I talked about when or if in regards to marriage.

She said, "What do you mean by when or if you marry? Wouldn't you marry me? Am I unacceptable?" Her face wasn't happy.

"That's three questions. I will try to answer them though in reverse order. You are very acceptable though, in my mind, perhaps for different reasons than you think.

"Marrying a virgin is not important to me. Marrying a pretty, smart woman would be nice but that has little, long-term importance. Marrying someone with a good heart is important to me. I will say what I've said before. That takes time though this situation looks promising, very promising. Right now, we are so filled with emotion that it is difficult to make determinations that will have lasting consequences.

"Do I love you, Millicent? The answer is yes. Is that enough for us to marry? No. There is a lot to being married that has little, if anything, to do with emotional love. How do we handle finances? Are we morning or evening people? What are our goals in life and do we share enough of them? What are our views on so many different topics? Those are not things we will find out about each other in a week or even a month. We really do have to talk about the future to determine, together, whether or not there should be one together.

"Dollars, I am old before my time. I have had friends killed and seen things that I would have preferred not to have witnessed. As an example, I point out my reaction to killing those two robbers. I have had no counseling and won't need any. However, they were human beings with hopes and dreams. They made a fatal mistake in their choices. Their future ended abruptly. If you had shot them, would you have wanted and needed some counseling?" Her eyes looked troubled but she nodded. "Killing people, even when they deserve it, shouldn't be easy. I never hesitated. Do you want a killer for a husband?"

I stopped talking. Her eyes had tears in them. "Abraham, that's a lot to consider. I knew you had killed before we had our first date thanks to your winning the match and the information I received immediately afterwards. I have also learned that your decisions are not lightly made though they are often made quickly. The answer is both yes and no. If you had killed casually and without regard to your victims, it would give me pause.

"What I keep seeing in you is a caring, intelligent man. I have every confidence that, if someone came at me, they would be injured to whatever extent it would take to stop them. I feel totally safe when I'm with you. I have come to know you are a protector." She took a deep breath.

"The question I have to answer is not 'do I want a killer for a husband?' but do I want 'you' for a husband? You are right about the emotions. It has been a whirlwind thus far and probably won't let up until after the first of the year, if then. However, this I know. I know enough about you now that, if you asked me to move in with you today, virginal or not, I would do it. I have decided that you are an altogether marvelous man. I am proud of you. I enjoy showing you off to people. I enjoy being with you in front of people and have developed no shame about us being together as a couple.

"You told me once that your heart was in the palm of my hand. I have looked at it and examined it a lot during this last week. I like everything I have found about you and about it. Abraham, it's a good heart. I'm keeping it right where you put it. You can't have it back."

She smiled and, leaning forward, kissed me tenderly and lingeringly. By the time we ended the kiss, we were both breathing heavily. She later moved beside me with my arm around her and we dozed and talked and just held each other until lunchtime.

I said, "It's about lunchtime. Would you like something to eat?"

She looked up at me grinning, "You look good enough to eat!" She pulled my head down and we kissed. A while later, she said, "I guess I should eat something." She grinned. "I could start with you!"

"Let's cook something in the kitchen. It's hot enough here."

We stood together and she came into my arms naturally. I made the kiss the shortest duration of any today. I moved her into the kitchen.