Chapter 3: Elementary School

1994 to 1996

Later that day Dad came home and announced that Aunt Laurie was coming over for the night to babysit for us. “Go put on something nice. We’re going out tonight,” he told Mom.

“How nice?” she asked.

He laughed and gave her a wink, and Mom laughed and went upstairs. Aunt Laurie came over while Mom was upstairs. Aunt Laurie was married to Uncle Dave, and she brought over our cousins Dave and Jerry. They came in with sleeping bags and backpacks, which was cool. We were going to have a sleepover! Jack and I took them upstairs to our room. I came downstairs about a minute before Mom came back down.

Aunt Laurie asked Dad, “So, where are you going?”

“I made reservations at the Sherwood,” he announced.

“Woo hoo! Fancy! Planning to stay out late?”

“Where are we going?” asked Mom, who had just come down the stairs. She was wearing a fancy dress and high heels, like she was going to church, only a lot fancier. I had never seen her wear a dress without a back to church, and it was a lot shorter, too.

“The Sherwood. Give me a few minutes to clean up,” he told her, and he ran up the stairs.

“What’s the Sherwood?” I asked. “Is that like Robin Hood?”

“It’s a restaurant in Matucket,” answered Aunt Laurie. To Mom she asked, “So what’s going on? What’s so special? The boys said that a bunch of kids got kicked out of school today.”

That sort of figured. Dave and Jerry were eight and seven, and they went to Matucket Plains, too. I guess that with two kids sent home and a third kicked out, it was all over the school.

“Ask Graham, he knows all about it,” said Mom. “What’s Dave up to tonight?”

Aunt Laurie laughed loudly, a braying sort of laugh that had most of us groaning. “He’s behaving himself if he’s smart. He told me he was heading over to the Novelty Lounge for the vegetarian buffet.”

Mom snorted and laughed at that. I knew where that was. It was down on Boxer Street in Matucket, and had signs outside for ‘Girls, Girls, Girls!’ and ‘College Girls!’ I asked about it but both Aunt Laurie and Mom ignored me.

Dad came down the stairs after a few minutes and he had changed. Most days he wore a pair of jeans and a shirt and a tie, but now he had on a suit, like on Sunday for church. Mom kissed us and then she took off with Dad, after telling us to behave or else.

Aunt Laurie grabbed me and asked me what had happened at school, so I told her what had happened. She gave a loud laugh when I told her about Mom and Mrs. Holden getting into a fight. “No wonder your father is taking her out to dinner. He’s afraid she’ll punch him next!”

Even I had to laugh at that idea, since Mom was about half the size of Dad. Aunt Laurie made a big pot of mac and cheese with cut-up hot dogs cooked up in it. She stayed up late and put us to bed.

Mom and Dad came home the next morning, and Mom was carrying her shoes in her hand and laughing a lot. She was still wearing her dress from the night before. Aunt Laurie laughed and said, “Can we say, ‘Walk of Shame?’ I’ll call you later. I want all the sordid details.”

Mom turned red and headed up to her room. Dad simply smiled and looked at me. “Ready to play football?” We had a game scheduled against the Central Matucket Colts.

“Yeah, sure. What’s a walk of shame?” I asked.

Aunt Laurie just started laughing, and then called Dave and Jerry. They needed to get home and check on Uncle Dave. She said, “You’d better ask your mother that one.”

Okay, I was totally mystified. I went upstairs and knocked on the door to my parent’s room. “Mom! What’s a walk of shame?”

Down the stairs I heard Aunt Laurie laughing again, and Mom stuck her head out the door. “Out! And tell your Aunt Laurie she’s not funny!”

I went back down the hall, shaking my head. Dad passed me on the way. “Say goodbye to your Aunt Laurie and then get ready. We’ll go as soon as I change.”

Mom and Dad were giggling the rest of the weekend. Man, parents were weird!

We got to the game in time for me to sit out the first quarter. I did get to play the second quarter. Since it was my first year playing football, the coach kept moving me around to try and figure out what position I would be best at. I had several chances to play defense and that seemed to work well, maybe because I liked tackling people. I kept imagining it was Candy Pants carrying the ball and I was going to get back at him! Coach Washington told me he would keep me on defense for a few games to see how that worked. It could also be because the two times I was on the offense I dropped the ball both times.

I didn’t much care. I was having fun, and everybody got time on the field. That was the rule, so after the halftime I spent some more time on the bench and then went back in the game. I knew I was learning. It was my first year playing, and I was on the small side for Pee Wee teams, but some of the guys had been playing since they were in first grade and already knew what to do.

The weekend after Candy Pants got kicked out of school, I asked my dad about the meeting at the school. “Dad, during the meeting at the school the other day, it looked like you and Mister Holden knew each other.”

He nodded. “I know Gary Holden. I have for years.”

“Oh. How come?”

“Business.” I must have given him a confused look because Dad worked for the county, not for a business. “I work in the codes department at the county, reviewing blueprints and building permits and things like that. Mister Holden owns a company that builds houses, so I’ve met him a number of times because of that.”

“Oh.” I guess that made sense, although I didn’t know what codes or permits were.

“That was the second Mrs. Holden, the one your mother got into it with,” he added.

“What happened to the first one?”

“She died about ten years ago in a car accident. They had two children, but one was grown and in college when the accident happened, and he moved away years ago. The second was in the accident, too, and she died. This is his second wife, and Randy is their son. The first boy turned out okay, but he moved to California or someplace out west. Randy’s a real pain, I gather. That wasn’t the first time he had done this.”

“Really?”

Dad nodded. “Mister Carson told me that he got kicked out of East Matucket Elementary last year for bullying and stealing, too. I don’t know where he’ll go now. Maybe they’ll put him in Saint Catherine’s and let the nuns get a crack at him.” He chuckled at that idea. Saint Catherine’s was the Catholic parochial school in Matucket and had classes from kindergarten through the eighth grade. After that they went to either Matucket High or East Matucket High. Either way, I wouldn’t have to worry about him for years.

Monday morning everybody wanted to know what had happened at school on Friday. From the moment I got to the bus stop until the end of the day when I got off the bus, everybody wanted to know what was going on, and everybody knew all about it, and everybody was wrong! I heard that I was kicked out, that the three of us were in a gang, that we were fighting in the office, that we had all been arrested. Then they wanted to know why Bo and I were back in school! I mean it was just crazy! Bo grabbed me at my locker as soon as I came in.

“Grim, you have to do me a favor. Please! Please!”

I gave him a funny look. “Sure. What?”

He had been speaking quietly before, but now it was almost a whisper. “You can’t tell anybody about what happened in Mister Garofalo’s office ... you know...”

My eyes opened wide at that. Bo didn’t want me telling he had been crying and pissed his pants! “Don’t worry. I was just as scared as you.”

He sagged back against the lockers in relief. “Thanks! You have no idea the shit I would get over that.”

I grinned at him. “Maybe I just won’t talk as long as you pay me your lunch money.”

Bo’s eyes popped open. “You ... you wouldn’t...”

“Shit, Bo, you need to learn to take a joke! No, I’m not doing that! Shit!”

“That’s not funny! That’s just not funny!” he protested.

“Hey, get this. I was talking to my father. He said that Vice Principal Carson told him that Candy Pants got kicked out of East Matucket Elementary last year for doing the same thing over there.”

“Holy shit!”

“Yeah, holy shit!” I agreed. After that we went to class.

That morning they had a special program down in the gym. There was a stage at one end of the gym, and when they set up folding chairs it doubled as the auditorium. The whole school had to attend, and Principal Garofalo talked about bullying and about the need to report anything like that. He didn’t give any names but as soon as he started talking, it was like everybody in the gym turned to look at Bo and me. I looked at Bo and he just rolled his eyes and shrugged, and I did the same. That just made sure that nobody talked about anything else.

It also set up a frenzy of name writing! Once I told people that the reason, I nailed Candy Pants was because I had signed my money, everybody started signing stuff! The trick was to figure out a way to sign something in the most impossible place, so that it couldn’t be found. Of course, afterwards everybody started testing each other, and showing each other where they had hidden their signature, which sort of cancelled it all out. Jack told me that it was happening in the second grade, too, though they didn’t really understand it. That night at dinner Jack talked about it at the dinner table, and I suggested we sign Bobbie Joe on the back with somebody else’s name. That got me a laugh from Dad and a rap on the head from Mom.

Things settled down a lot after that. Once Candy Pants was gone, I was able to get back to my regular job of trying to get away with whatever I could sneak past Mrs. Campbell, Mom, and Dad. I knew some kids liked school, but I think that recess was my favorite class, that and gym. It was funny. In gym we played football, but it was flag football, not tackle. Everybody had to wear these silly belts with colored flags Velcroed to them. If you grabbed somebody and pulled a flag off, that was a ‘tackle’ and you had to stop. Meanwhile on Saturdays I was allowed to throw a shoulder into somebody’s numbers and pound them into the ground!