Tuesday 7:09 p.m. May 20, 2014

Dear Diary,

My name is Josh. I'm 15 years old. I attend Martin Luther King High School in Marysville. This afternoon I went to a friend's house and sucked him off. It was the first time I ever did that. What's more embarrassing is that Jason is only 14, and a lot bigger than me. He came in my mouth and I gagged like crazy. At least I didn't swallow any.

I was scared crazy shitless doing it. I was humiliated as hell, hating that I had asked to do this. I hated being on my knees between his legs, I was bothered that I never got a hard-on during the whole thing (that may be a good thing, huh?), and most of all I hated that I liked it. Especially how he got hard in my hand after I unzipped his shorts and freed him from his underwear. (He never took off his shorts or his underway, and I never tried to take them off.)

I was surprised how long it took. We started at quarter past three, and it was ten past four before he finally came. I thought it would last like ten minutes, max. He got a lot for his money, lol.

He liked it, he said, especially at the end when I stroked him off in my mouth. He asked if I'd do it again tomorrow afternoon. He wants to record me on his cell phone, and I told him I'd think about it. The answer is Hell no, of course!

I watched a video the night of my 14th birthday. The boy was my age, maybe a tad older, and he sucked off three older teenage boys. All came in his mouth or shot cum all over his face. The video's quality was terrible the first half, and really sharp the second half. It made a huge impression on me, the second half of that video. From that day on, I wanted to suck cock.

Jason is 6" long. He's twice my thickness, the size of normal dudes I see in videos. I am so embarrassed to be so much smaller than a 14 year old. He was scared shitless too when I first took him out, but he calmed down fast, and began enjoying it right away, his first blowjob.

I never thought I'd let a guy do this to me, he said. I never thought a guy would ever ask me, or that I'd say yes, he said. This just totally blows my mind, he said.

I was too embarrassed to talk and only nodded while I learned what I was doing. Watching a video is no preparation for actually putting one in your mouth. Jason got used to being sucked, long before I got used to sucking him.

I worried about touching his balls. Also doing anything too queer, like kissing his head, or licking his shaft, or trying to deep-throat him. Not that I could. The few times I took him too deep told me that.

He liked when I stroked him. It got him seriously agitated, more than when I sucked his head, ran my mouth up and down his shaft, or licked him, which I started doing about fifteen minutes in. It was the only time I talked, and every word was a major effort. He didn't press me, though; mostly just made small talk, joking about kids at school, and his parents. Around quarter to four, he surprised me, asking if I'd kiss his head. It was what I worried about most, short of getting near his balls with my lips. In the end, I kissed his cock all over the head, up and down the shaft, kissed his balls and put them in my mouth, and licked him like a lollipop. In short, I did everything a girl might do. Maybe more.

I know what cum tastes like because I've tasted my own. I wasn't ready for how much he shot in my mouth, or how excited he got, how much noise he made, how warm his cum was or how bitter and slimy. I don't think I swallowed any, not outright, but it was in my mouth, for sure. I gagged, and spit what I had on the floor. That perturbed him, but he laughed, enjoying my thorough gross-out. He came a whole lot more than I thought he would.

Should I do it tomorrow? I don't know. I'll decide tomorrow.

Wednesay 9:12 p.m. May 21, 2014

I did it again today, Diary. I nixed being filmed, but said I'd think about letting him do it tomorrow. He was very agitated and anxious for his blowjob. He almost attacked me when we got to his house, and it was straight up to his bedroom and this time we started before three o'clock. It went longer too, until four-twenty. That's a long time to be sucking and stroking a guy's cock. It wore out my mouth and my arm both, lol.

Today he took off his shorts. He shimmied them down to his ankles and I helped them the rest of the way off. Then I pulled down his underwear and took them off too. I put them back on after a minute, because he wanted to watch me suck his cock through the flap of his underwear. That was funny, and we both enjoyed it. Eventually they came off again, and it was suck, suck, suck him.

He touched me today. I didn't mind that. Or being asked to do something special to him. He never requested anything hugely embarrassing--not that I could be any more embarrassed than I was, lol--and he got more involved today. Like beating off with his fingertips while I sat, hands in lap between his legs, sucking his head. He asked if standing was okay, asking to fuck my mouth. It bothered me, having my mouth fucked, but Jason never got rambunctious, and never treated me with anything but respect. He liked fucking my mouth, and wants to do it again tomorrow, with me naked this time.

He was certain about that, Diary. He wants me naked tomorrow, right from the very start. My face got red as a beet, and Diary, I got this aching hard-on when he said being naked. I have to show you something first, I told him, opening my shorts and taking out my pitiful prick. This is all I've got, I said, not wanting to go all night and all day tomorrow worrying. He laughed in a way that said he didn't care what size I was. He didn't have plans for my cock. Only his.

He was careful this time. He came slow-fucking my mouth, me sitting hands in my lap, him running my mouth up and down his shaft. When he came, it was not like yesterday at all. He held practically still, not making a sound, gently holding my head and spurting in my mouth. I gagged, but this time held it until he finished. Then I dashed to the bathroom and spit it out.

Diary, I can't swallow that stuff. It's too gross.

Thursday 9:16 p.m. May 22, 2014

Jason is so weird. I got naked today, between his legs, and he fingered himself watching me take them off. Then he took them downstairs and outside to the back yard and put them in the shed. I was too dumbfounded to object, especially since I had no idea what he was up to until too late. When he returned I stared at him openmouthed with a humiliating hard-on, Diary! He laughed, seeing that and my face, and said, Turn you on, Josh, being naked and stranded in my house? I shook my head defiantly, no, but he only laughed at me harder. Then, he walked me to his open bedroom window, naked with a raging had-on, and stood me before it, facing out.

What are you doing? I objected in panic.

Showing you to the neighbors, he said.

There was nobody to show me too, though, except the side of the next-door neighbor's house with the windows all curtained, a slice of the street, and empty woods behind the house. He laughed, but held me there against my weak struggles for a full minute. Then he put me on my knees, right there in front of the window, turned sideways to the next-door neighbor's house, the slice of street and the empty woods. I sucked with unnerving gusto and pleasure.

He didn't last five minutes. He climaxed with violence and I wrapped my arms around his hips, locked my mouth to his cock, let him spurt onto my tongue and into the back of my mouth. It was unplanned, but I started to swallow and kept swallowing in tandem with his gushes until he finally wound down and staggered sideways against the wall.

Oh, my God, Josh! Holy fucking cow! Did you just swallow my cum?

Without releasing his cock, I nodded shakily and continued to suck as he slowly lost hardness. He tilted back my head, looked into my eyes, his expression both dazed and exhalant. You swallowed my cum, he marveled. I nodded, trying not to grin. He wasn't yet aware yet that I had cum also, spewing jism all over his carpet and soiling his shoes and socks, which he hadn't removed. When he did notice, he laughed uproariously, stumbling to his chair; me still attached to his cock. He sat down, me between his legs.

He just laughed and laughed and laughed. Then he finally sobered.

You're not too upset, are you?

I shook my head.

That was pretty radical, what I did to you, in front of the open window, and all.

I nodded in emphatic agreement.

You all right?

I made an affirmative sound around his cock.

He grinned. I grinned back.

Let's go downstairs to the fun room, he said.

I raised my eyebrows.

Or, you can clean up your mess on the floor, he said.

I turned awkwardly and looked back. My mess was splattered all over his carpet, soaking in and beginning to crust over. That concerned me, but cleaning my mess, meant surrendering his cock, which was growing stiffer by the moment. Soon, I could start sucking again. I had this crazy notion about staying attached to him until we had to stop for the day.

I'm gonna fuck you tomorrow, he said.

I froze on his cock and made a strangled sound.

That scare you? he asked.

My shoulders hunched and I shivered with the outbreak of gooseflesh across my upper body. I unconsciously hugged myself tight.

I won't hurt you, he assured me.

I raised my eyes and met his. He laughed at my petrified expression.

It's your decision, Josh. If you want me to, I will. I want to though. It's all I thought about the last two nights. Getting you on your hands and knees and doing you doggie, right here.

I made a plaintive, quailing noise, making him laugh.

You never thought about doing that? Liar, he said when I shook my head.

I had of course, thousands of times; I had just never considered that it might actually happen. Like the blowjob I was currently giving. I had never thought that would happen either. I slowly nodded.

It doesn't have to be tomorrow, he said. I can wait.

I nodded in relief.

You want me to, though, he said. Don't ya, Josh?

I nodded again...

Go back to our blowjob, he said. We'll talk about it later.

I did, and swallowed his cum two more times before I left at quarter to five.

Friday 10:11 p.m. May 23, 2014

No anal sex today. He put off that discussion until next week. He informed me on the bus ride home and I could have cried with relief. The walk to his house was so comfortable, so absolutely stress free. Just inside the front door, he made me undress, and carry my clothes out to the shed, completely naked. I was completely covered in gooseflesh coming back, and sporting a huge and humiliating hard-on. I wanted to die; I would, had anyone seen me naked. But Jason's back yard is amazing shielded; the tall slat fence between the neighbor's yard and his, the oblique angle to the house, the thick woods out back; it was like being on a plantation in the Amazon. I could walk around naked all day.

Cool, isn't it? he said.

I nodded anxiously.

Let's go inside, he said, and I followed him in, closed the patio door, and trailed him to the den, his fun room. I thought I might walk in and discover myself surrounded by cameras on tripods, Mylar reflectors, and multiple lights. I saw nothing but the usual furniture and the entertainment center. We sat down and picked up the controllers. We began to play. It felt good to relax and not worry about sex.

Who am I kidding? I worried constantly. I expected to lean over and kiss his cock each time he scored, suck him when he destroyed a tank, fondle his big balls when he blew me out of a house, but there was none of that. We just played the game and had a good time. I was always, though, aware of sitting beside him naked.

I had to look up the word to describe how I felt sitting there beside him ... two words actually: emasculated and effeminate. Not feminine. Feminine implies being soft, fertile, girlish, emotional. Effeminate is how a boy feels when he abandons his masculinity, cedes authority, accepts dominance from someone who is manly and assured. That said, you'd think being emasculated would wilt my puny erection the way it did my libido, but just the opposite: my hard-on raged embarrassingly, mockingly strong. I jumped when he reached over and squeezed it.

You know, you cum every time without ever touching yourself, Josh.

That was not true. He'd cum five times; I'd cum three times. Another humiliation, though.

I get you that hot?

I guess you do, I muttered. I jumped when he started to stroke, hand moving slowly up and down my shaft, making my scrotum suck up tight and my heart pound.

You like this, Josh? he asked.

I nodded anxiously. He was making my insides writhe; I squirmed physically. I looked over and met his eyes, trembling all over.

Ever wish you were a girl, Josh?

Every waking moment, I thought, nodding.

If you were a girl, I couldn't do this, he said, stroking my cock. He twisted, dropped his controller on the couch, slid his free hand beneath my shriveled pouch, and cuddled my balls.

I like you being queer, he said. I like how being queer makes you do things to me. He fondled my marble sized pearls with his fingertips and I began to pant. He was both gentle and insistent, and I slowly tensed, every nerve ending primed for sudden, gut wrenching pain.

I'll enjoy fucking your ass, he said. I'll take you doggie first, then put you on your back off the edge of the bed with your knees tucked tight under your chin, then turn you onto your stomach and screw you like my dad fucks my mom. He stunned me, leaning in close, putting his lips on mine, and kissing them. Then he licked my lips corner to corner, making me moan pathetically. Then he did something I never expected at all. Coaxing me with my cock, he arose and laid me down, made me scoot toward my feet end of the couch, and had me swing my feet up and over, putting myself into a reverse somersault. My cock hung over my face. I was panting loud, incredibly stressed, and totally humiliated.

Open your mouth and beat yourself off, he said.

I made a pitiful mewling sound.

Cum in your mouth, he said. Then sit up and swallow it like you do mine. I want to see you do it, Josh, a good little boy. Then you'll beat me off in your mouth and swallow that too.

He never relinquished, my cock, continuing to stroke its length, continuing to finger my testicles, incredibly vulnerable upside down. I grabbed the back of my thighs to hold myself in place and let him stroke my cock. I came fast, splattering cum all over my face and onto the couch cushions. He laughed, watching me try for my mouth. Almost none went in my mouth at all.

He kept me there, curled like a caterpillar, cum on my face.

Lick your lips, he said. I obeyed, and tasted my saltiness. He used his fingertip to scoop what he could off my skin and then fed it to me, one fingertip at a time. I swallowed obediently, what I could.

When done, he rolled me out of the curl, off the couch and onto the floor on my knees. I opened my mouth at his bidding, like a puppy dog begging a bone. He masturbated slowly, holding the back up my neck and positioning the tip of his cock over my lower lip, talking as he stroked.

I love your warm, wet mouth, Josh.

I love how you swallow, Josh, like my cum is liquid gold.

You have such a cute, little boy's prick. You know your testicles are only this big, Josh?

Next time, we'll do this outside on the front porch, in front of the world. I bet you'll like that. If anyone's looking, they'll see you no problem. I don't think anyone's home, though. Maybe a car will pass by and the driver will look in, huh?

I have a question for you, Josh. Ever put things up your ass? Like what? he asked.

I told him about Mom's dildos, after school, and weekends when I could get away with it. I told him about other things I'd used, some stupid, some downright dangerous. I'd tried to put a beer can up my ass more than once, with no luck. I started doing the beer can, I told him, after I watched that movie.

Ever do it in your mother's room, he asked.

I nodded.

Ever put on your mom's clothes and do it, he asked.

I nodded slowly. In Mom's underwear, I told him.

Ever wanted to be with anyone but me?

I shook my head firmly.

Don't worry. I don't intend to share you, Josh. Not with anyone. You're mine, baby boy.

I smiled, please to hear that.

Ever been spanked?

I blinked and furrowed my brows.

Would you like to be spanked? he asked.

Now I raised my eyebrows high.

Bad boys need to be spanked, he said judiciously.

I shook my head, apprehensively.

When you're bad, I will. Bare-bottomed, over my knee, with this here hand. He raised the hand stroking his cock, a big hand, plenty capable of spanking a bad boy's bottom. I reminded myself that Jason was a year younger than me, barely 14. I was firmly under his sway, and he was extending that control every minute. I imagined my little brother, also 14, spanking my bare bottom. Thinking that, made my penis ache.

I got something for you to do this weekend, he said.

My heart thudded.

I want you to suck off your little brother.

My eyes flew open.

I want you to do it once on Saturday, and twice on Sunday. I want you to swallow him, just like you do me.

I stared at him, appalled. But you just said-

It doesn't apply to family, he cut me off. How old is your brother?

Same as you, I said. In fact, I believed they shared the same birthday week, if not the same day. Peter was a year behind Jason, though, having repeated 3rd grade due to illness.

Ever thought about sucking him off? he asked.

My face got red hot. My traitorous erection got hard as blued steel and felt on the verge of bursting the skin. I considered committing suicide.

If you come to school Monday without proof of sucking your little brother off-he mimed snapping a camera-I will spank you three hundred times, a hundred for each time you didn't suck him off. Capiche?

I nodded despondently.

Afraid to ask him?

I nodded again.

When you get home, you'll walk right into his bedroom, close the door, and show him this. He picked up my phone, activated the camera, and snapped a photo of his cock in my mouth. A second shot of me holding my mouth wide open, begging. Then he stepped back and snapped me kneeling nude on the floor, my furious erection straight up and begging also.

Oh, my God, I moaned.

Save these to your iCloud account, he said.

I nodded miserably.

Whatever pictures your brother takes, upload those to your account too. Leave them there. I want them around in case I want to get together with Peter and compare notes.

I moaned pitifully. It kept getting worse and worse and worse.

You tell him that Jason said he is to fuck your mouth at least three times this weekend, although he can decide the where and the when of it. That's entirely up to him. You do what he wants you to do, though, okay?

I nodded despondently.

No ass-fucking, though, he said. That's mine, brother. Until I have it, he stays clear. Maybe we'll have you together sometime. Little brother, and your best friend sharing your mouth and your ass, passing them back and forth like candy, plugging you both ends at once? He laughed, excitedly, and came in my mouth.

I did not go to my brother's room as instructed. I was too frightened. I expect to be paddled for that mercilessly Monday afternoon. His instructions were very clear. I was just too scared to carry them out. At least while my parents are up. Maybe

Saturday 2:43 a.m. May 24, 2014

I'm so tired. I can't believe it's 2:43 in the morning. I can't believe what is going on!

I had to stop earlier because Mom came to the door and told me to go to bed. It was after midnight. I went to bed, naked as Jason had instructed, but a text at 12:30 a.m. put me in a panic. It said, Go talk to your brother, right now!

Whimpering, I told him I was on my way and climbed out of bed. A second text made me want to crawl under the bed. It said, As punishment, you will go to his room naked, hand him your phone, go right to his bed, place yourself exactly as I did this afternoon, and have him beat you off all over your face. Then you are to immediately get on your knees and have him fuck your mouth until he cums, swallowing him like you swallow me. Then you will text pictures to me of you sucking his big cock, with your face splattered with cum. You will go to bed that way, with dried cum on your face, and you are not allowed to remove it unless you are in danger of being caught. Now go to your brother's room now and suck his cock!

Terrified, I did as instructed. Peter was up, waiting for me inside the door. He stared at my naked body and shook his head, smirking. Let me see your phone, he said. I gave it to him with a terribly shaking hand, whimpered miserably, and stumbled to his bed.

What are you doing? he asked. The first picture came up and sucked out his breath. Holy shit, Josh! he hissed. I got on his bed, scooted to an acceptable position, and swung my legs up over my head. It was easier this time, especially using his headboard to hold my position. I grabbed it with my toes and grasped the backs of my thighs.

Beat me off, I pleaded.

What?!

Beat me off onto my face, I begged.

He gaped, speechless. Obviously, Jason hadn't told him much. He slowly shook his head, which was fine with me, and I cursed my traitorous, blue steel erection. How could I be so aroused like this?

Beat me off, I repeated fretfully. Before someone comes in and sees me like this!

He crossed to the bed, stiff-legged and uncertain, my barely 14-year-old brother, watching his pervert, 15-year-old brother humiliating himself. He ducked down, looked at my downward pointed little cock., and shook his head again. Your friend has a big cock, he said.

I grunted miserably.

You're ... not so big, he observed. I'm bigger than your friend is, maybe. We'll have to see, he said, smirking again. He reached out and tentatively grabbed my cock. Beat you until you cum? he asked.

I nodded with difficulty.

All over your face? he confirmed, grinning.

Please! I whinnied

He activated my phone and looked at the picture roll again. Nice pic of you sucking here, he said, displaying a big cock in my mouth. I was smiling around the shaft, eyes wide and happy. I always knew you were weird, he said disgustedly. I can't wait to do this to you. In fact...

He wrested me out of position, hustled me off his bed and onto my knees. He had his cock out and ready before I was even settled.

Open your mouth, he ordered.

Dismayed, frustrated and humiliated, I leaned forward, slipped my lips around his head, and tightened them on his shaft, suckling the end, as Jason loved. My little brother, a fucking year younger than me, a fucking eighth-grader for Christ's sake, moaned and shook like a tree in an earthquake. He was ever so slightly bigger than Jason, with a much bigger, more pronounced head. It had a distinctive feel that would take getting used to.