Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 945
The following are compliments of Pete C.
Start the day with a smile.
After that, ... you can be your nasty old self again.
A man walks in to the country store and asks the clerk for a package of condoms. The clerk asks “what size are you”? “I dunno” replies the man.
Well the clerk tells him to go out back where there is a plywood fence with numbered holes in it. He is told to stick it in various holes to determine his size. Well, this big ‘ol fat girl sees the man heading out back and runs around behind the fence. As soon as the man sticks it thru the hole, the fat girl picks up her muumuu and backs up to the fence.
A while later the man returns and the clerk asks him “Well, what size will it be”? “Ah, forget them” the man replies, “I’ll just take 3 sheets of that plywood”!!
People greatly underestimate the seriousness of the Y2K bug.
After all, to fix the problem, a computer programmer needs to find a date ... and we all know the likelihood of that happening!
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump, and the redhead replied, “I’ll take that bet!”
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said “I can’t take this, you’re my friend”. The blonde said “No! A bet’s a bet”.
So the redhead said “Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O’clock news, so I can’t take your money”.
The blonde replied “well, so did I, but I never thought he’d jump again!”
Bagpipe Gags
Q. What’s the difference between a bagpipe and an onion? A. No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.
Q. What’s the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline? A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch? A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit
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