Jokes and Giggles
Chapter 815

Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt

These are compliments of J & B

Divorce Proceeding

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”

“About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”


“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”*

“It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar,” she responded.


“I mean,” he continued, “what are your relations like?”*

“I have an aunt and uncle and 12 cousins living here in town, as well as my husband’s parents.”


The judge took a deep breath and asked, “Do you have a real grudge?”*

“No, we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one ‘cuz we don’t have a car.”


“Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?”*

“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music -- all that hip hop and rap tap -- but we can’t seem to do anything about it.”

“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”

“Yes, he gets up every morning before I do and makes the coffee.”*


The judge asked, “Is your husband a nagger?”

“Oh, hell no, he’s as white as you and me!”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why in hell do you want a divorce?*

“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. The damn fool says he can’t communicate with me.”*


Love those Canadian East-coast-ers!!!

President Donald Trump was in the Oval Office wondering which country to invade next, when his telephone rang. “Hallo, President Trump” a heavily accented voice said. “This is Archie, up ‘ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger’s Cove, Newfoundland. Canada, eh? I am callin’ to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on you, eh!”

“Well Archie,” Donald replied, “This is indeed important news! How big is your army?”

“Right now,” said Archie, after a moment’s calculation “there is myself, me cousin Harold, me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!”

Donald paused. “I must tell you Archie, that I have ONE MILLION men in my army waiting to move on my command.”

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