Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds. Only 15 to go.
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza.
How to prepare Tofu:
1. Throw it in the trash.
2. Grill some Meat.
I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
I don't mean to brag but ... I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they closed school?
I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented ... I forgot where I was going with this.
I love being over 50. I learn something new every day ... and forget 5 others.
A thief broke into my house last night ... He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.
My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like: I KNOW!, Right?
I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
This is compliments of John L.
A little something I thought would make you smile. A twist on the old USAF Enlisted Performance Eval from back in the 80's. Worker's Performance Evaluation Report
"Under the Freedom of Information Act and the Federal Privacy Act of 1974, I understand that my work performance is being documented. I have the right to examine and copy such documentation. I have the right to review and discuss differences in order to resolve them. I also have the right to request amendments to and/or modifications of any document."
NAME:______________________________ SSN:_______________ Date:________
_____ The S.O.B. really knows his shit.
_____ Knows just enough to be dangerous.
_____ Only has half a brain and is dangerous.
_____ His coffee cup has a higher IQ
ACCURACY: _____ Does excellent work if not preoccupied with sex.