Chapter 436

Random Thoughts!

My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds. Only 15 to go.

Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza.

How to prepare Tofu:

1. Throw it in the trash.

2. Grill some Meat.

I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.

I don't mean to brag but ... I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 20 minutes.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.

Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

Senility has been a smooth transition for me.

Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they closed school?

Me neither.

I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented ... I forgot where I was going with this.

I love being over 50. I learn something new every day ... and forget 5 others.

A thief broke into my house last night ... He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.

My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like: I KNOW!, Right?

I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.

This is compliments of John L.

A little something I thought would make you smile. A twist on the old USAF Enlisted Performance Eval from back in the 80's. Worker's Performance Evaluation Report

"Under the Freedom of Information Act and the Federal Privacy Act of 1974, I understand that my work performance is being documented. I have the right to examine and copy such documentation. I have the right to review and discuss differences in order to resolve them. I also have the right to request amendments to and/or modifications of any document."

NAME:______________________________ SSN:_______________ Date:________

KNOWLEDGE:

_____ The S.O.B. really knows his shit.

_____ Knows just enough to be dangerous.

_____ Only has half a brain and is dangerous.

_____ His coffee cup has a higher IQ

ACCURACY: _____ Does excellent work if not preoccupied with sex.

_____ Pretty good, only occasionally blows it out his ass.

_____ Has to take off shoes to count higher than ten.

_____ Couldn't count his balls and get the same number twice.

ATTITUDE:

_____ Extremely cooperative (if you kiss his ass frequently).

_____ Brown noser in good standing.

_____ Often pisses off co-workers, thinks it's his department.

_____ Doesn't give a shit, never did and never will.

RELIABILITY:

_____ A really dependable little ass kisser.

_____ Can rely on him at evaluation time.

_____ Can rely on him to be the first one out the door.

_____ Totally worthless.

APPEARANCE:

_____ Extremely neat; even combs his pubic hair.

_____ Looks great at evaluation time.

_____ Dirty son of a bitch.

_____ Flies leave fresh dog shit to follow him.

PERFORMANCE:

_____ Works like a son of a bitch, if there's money in for him.

_____ Does all kind of good shit at evaluation time.

_____ Works only if kicked in the ass every ten minutes.

_____ Couldn't do less work if he was in a coma.

LEADERSHIP

_____ Carries a chainsaw and gets good results.

_____ Better leader than MacArthur at evaluation time.

_____ Occasionally gets told to go fuck himself.

_____ Mother Theresa told him to go fuck himself.

"I understand that I have been counselled and know my rights under the Privacy Act of 1974. I further acknowledge that I am as screwed up as a football bat, and I will attempt to correct my deficiencies."

Employee Signature: