Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
Two older women were talking about sex in their golden years.
The first old woman told the second old woman that sometimes she gets her husband excited at night by getting totally naked, lying in bed and putting both legs behind her head, yoga style.
The second old woman thought that this was a great idea, so that night when her husband went in the bathroom to get ready for bed, she got totally naked and began the process of putting her legs behind her head. The first leg was kind of tough to put in place as she was a bit arthritic. However, she finally got it in place. She had an even tougher time with the second leg, so she rocked herself backwards until she finally got it behind her head. However, she had rocked just a little too hard so that she flipped slightly backwards and got stuck with her butt sticking straight up in the air. It was just then that her husband came out of the bathroom.
'Gladys!' he exclaimed.' For heaven's sake, comb your hair and put your teeth in ... You look like an asshole.'
My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home...
Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
Color of eyes?
Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
Color of hair?
Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember.
What was she wearing?
Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
What kind of car did she go in?
She went in my truck.
What kind of truck was it?
A 2016 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special
ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air
conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, which
has a matching aftermarket bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and
"Bubba" floor mats. Trail-ring package with gold hitch and special
wiring hook-ups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver,
23-channel CB radio, six cup holders, a USB port, and four power
outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. It has
custom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting.
At this point the husband started choking up...
Don't worry buddy. We'll find your truck.