Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
Employee Notice For Old People...
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPEDcan apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFTprogram (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTEDwill be reviewed under the SCREWprogram (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPEDonce, SHAFTEDtwice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.
Persons who havebeenRAPEDcould get AIDS(Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES(Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDSor HERPESwill not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.
Persons who are not RAPEDand are staying on will receive as much SHIT(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your MP, who has been trained to give you all the SHITyou can handle.
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)
PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
This one is compliments of Alex G UN Survey
Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the U.N.
The only question asked was:-
"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world."
The survey was a complete failure because:
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.