Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
These are compliments of Bob:
Joe was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sick father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment seminar he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will pass, and I'll inherit his large fortune."
Impressed, the woman took his business card and three months later, she became Joe's stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men!!
Is Your Sister a Plastic Surgeon?
Lyle was hunting geese in the Northern Minnesota woods. He leaned his old 16 gauge against the corner of the blind to take a leak.
As luck would have it, his Labrador, Ginger knocked the gun over, it went off, and Lyle took most of an ounce of #4 shot into the groin.
Several hours later, lying in a Duluth hospital bed, he came to and there was his ER doctor, Sven.
"Vell Lyle, I got some good noos and some bad noos. Da good noos is dat you're going to be OK. Da damage vas local to your groin, dere was very little internal bleeding, and I vas able to remove all da buckshot.
"What's the bad news?", asks Lyle.
"The bad noos is dat dere vas some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your pecker. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena."
"Well, I guess that isn't too bad," says Lyle. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"
"Not exactly," Sven says. "She's a flute player in da Minneapolis Symphony Orchestra. And because all you have is Obamacare, she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."
This one is compliments of RabbiRabbit
1. I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.