Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
Empathy of a Scotsman!
A Priest, a Doctor, a rich Businessman and a Scotsman were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.
The Doctor shouted to them, "I've never seen such poor golf!"
The Scotsman chimed in, "Och aye! We ha' been waitin' for nigh on fifteen minutes!"
The Businessman called out, "Move it on you guys, time is money."
The Priest said, "Here comes George the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hello, George!" said the Priest, "What's wrong with that annoying group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
George the green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes ... That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free, anytime they want to."
The group fell into an embarrassed silence for a moment.
Then the Priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The Doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleagues and see if there's anything they can do for them."
The Businessman replied, "I think I'll donate £350,000 to the Fire Brigade Benevolent Fund in honour of these brave souls."
And the Scotsman said,
"Why kin they no play at night?
These fit so well they should be in a dictionary.
A person who has stopped growing at both ends
And is now growing in the middle.****
A place where women curl up and dye.****
*The only animals you eat before they are born and after they
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.****
Mud with the juice squeezed out.****
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.****
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
An insect that makes you like flies better.****
A grape with a sunburn.****
Something you tell to one person at a time.****