Chapter 233

Empathy of a Scotsman!

A Priest, a Doctor, a rich Businessman and a Scotsman were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.

The Doctor shouted to them, "I've never seen such poor golf!"

The Scotsman chimed in, "Och aye! We ha' been waitin' for nigh on fifteen minutes!"

The Businessman called out, "Move it on you guys, time is money."

The Priest said, "Here comes George the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."

"Hello, George!" said the Priest, "What's wrong with that annoying group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

George the green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes ... That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free, anytime they want to."

The group fell into an embarrassed silence for a moment.

Then the Priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The Doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleagues and see if there's anything they can do for them."

The Businessman replied, "I think I'll donate £350,000 to the Fire Brigade Benevolent Fund in honour of these brave souls."

And the Scotsman said,

"Why kin they no play at night?

These fit so well they should be in a dictionary.

ADULT:

A person who has stopped growing at both ends

And is now growing in the middle.****

BEAUTY PARLOR:

A place where women curl up and dye.****

CHICKENS:

*The only animals you eat before they are born and after they

are dead.****

COMMITTEE:

A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.****

DUST:

Mud with the juice squeezed out.****

EGOTIST:

Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.****

HANDKERCHIEF:

Cold Storage.****

INFLATION:

Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO:

An insect that makes you like flies better.****

RAISIN:

A grape with a sunburn.****

SECRET:

Something you tell to one person at a time.****

SKELETON:

A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.****

TOOTHACHE:****

The pain that drives you to extraction.****

TOMORROW:

One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.****

YAWN:

An honest opinion openly expressed.****

And MY Personal Favorite!

WRINKLES:

Something other people have, ****

Similar to my character lines.

"Only when the tide goes out do you discover who's been swimming naked." – Warren Buffett

That's my way of thinking!!!

Wisdom

Tom was asked, "At your ripe age, what would you prefer to get -

Parkinson's or Alzheimer's?"

The wise one answered, "Definitely Parkinson's.

Better to spill half an ounce of your beer,

than to forget where you put the damn thing!!

This one is compliments of chuck...

Jack goes to his friend Mike and says, "I'm sleeping with the minister's wife.

Can you hold him in church for an hour after the services for me?"


Mike doesn't like it, but being a friend he agrees.

After the services, Mike starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.


Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to. Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the minister.

"My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."

The minister smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says, "You better hurry home quickly, I'm not married."