Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
My wife hosted a dinner party for all our friends, some of whom we hadn't seen for ages and everyone was encouraged to bring their children along as well.
All throughout dinner my wife's best friend's four-year-old daughter stared at me as I sat opposite her.
The girl could hardly eat her food for staring.
I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food, and patted my hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at me.
Finally I asked her, "Why are you staring at me?"
Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior, and the table went quiet, waiting for her response.
The little girl said, "I'm just waiting to see how you drink like a fish."
These are compliments of mike
A bloke at a horse race whispers to Paddy next to him,
Do you want the winner of the next race?"
Paddy replies "No tanks, oi've only got a small yard."
Paddy and Mick found 3 hand grenades and decided to take them to the police station.
Mick "What if one explodes before we get there?"
Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two!"
A coach load of paddies on a mystery tour decided to run a sweepstake to guess where they were going ... the driver won £52!
Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires stickin out of it.
He phones the police and says "Bejasus I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb."
The operator asks, "is it tickin?
Paddy says "No, oi tink it's beef"
Joe says to Paddy: "Close your curtains the next time you're making love to your wife.
The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."